TITLE: "Dana's Angel" AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * CLASSIFICATION: MS UST KEYWORDS: V R RATING: G SPOILERS: None SUMMARY: A good talk with someone very close to her makes Scully realise it's about time she did something about her feelings for her partner DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Why would I be the lucky one, huh? They belong to CC, DD, GA, 1013 and Fox and no infringement is intended. ARCHIVING: Sure. I'll do Gossamer myself, all others: you're welcome when you tell me where it's going, 'kay? FEEDBACK: Cherished and worshipped at . Mulders on offer for those who write! WEBSITE: http://www.cluich.net/X-Files.htm NOTE: Super-religious people may (or may not) take offense at some parts. I don't mean to offend anyone, but if you can't bear any critique or fun regarding Christian faith at all, I suggest you steer away from this one. XxXxX The sound was barely audible – you could have sworn it was never there in the first place – but Scully's ears picked it up anyway. Years of training and in-the-field experience didn't betray her. Not even in sleep. In a flash she'd turned round, grabbed her gun, pulled it out of the holster and had it pointed in the direction of the sound. She wasn't sure whether there was actually anything wrong, but a single woman in a big city couldn't afford to take chances. "Hey hey! Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!" a slightly indignant voice sounded from the dark corner of her bedroom. A woman's voice. "Is this the way you welcome guests, Dana?" She squinted, trying to make out the person to whom the voice belonged from the dark shadows of the room. "Ahem, it might help if you switched the lamp on," the voice went on. With her gun still at the ready, Scully reached over and flicked the light switch of her bedside lamp. In the corner she saw a woman sitting in the chair, apparently totally at ease and not in the least phased by the notion of having a gun trained at her. "You look surprised to see me," the woman said, studying a carefully manicured fingernail. She looked exquisitely dressed. "Which, in way, is understandable, seeing that it is three in the morning." She smiled at that comment. "Who are you?" Scully asked. "You don't know me?" the woman asked. "You must've seen me hundreds of times before. Though never so upclose and personal," she added. "I have no idea who you are," Scully replied coldly, "and if you don't leave this place instantly, I will inform the police." "Oh ... Well, in that case ... could you put the gun down, please, it unnerves me for some reason ... in that case, I'd better identify myself: I'm your guardian angel." Scully frowned. "You're my what?" "Your guardian angel. I know you don't believe in such things, but still ..." Scully got up and grabbed her cordless. "Madam, I don't know who you believe you are, but you will leave this instant, before I call the police to report a break-in." "All right, all right!" the woman said, getting up from the chair. "Here, you need evidence?" And with these words a pair of magnificent wings unfolded from behind the woman's back. "That's just one way, but I've got identification as well, seeing that I know how sceptical you can be." Scully found herself gaping at the sight, the phone quite forgotten. "You're ... you're my ... guardian angel?" she asked, amazed by the sight and the notion. "But you don't look like an angel! Well, except for the wings. Are those wings real?" "Yeah, and a real pain in the ass they are too. You just try and slip through a narrow passage way with them and they get real annoying if the elevator fills up with people and you have nowhere to go." Scully couldn't help a smile. "Don't they fold up or something?" The angel shook her head "No, they're not like bird's wings, you know, they're more like an extra pair of arms where you were never supposed to have some anyway." She gave a little cough. "Would you mind putting that gun down? It's not like I could get anymore dead than I already am, but they're still not my favourite choice of toys ..." "Oh, I'm sorry," Scully said, putting the weapon back in its holster and putting it back in the drawer. Then she studied the angel. "The way you're dressed, you don't look like an angel to me. Well, apart from the wings that is." The angel raised an eyebrow. "What were you expecting then?" Scully shrugged. "Well ..." "Yeah yeah, I know, white dresses and golden curls and all that stuff," the angel supplied for her, sounding slightly exasperated. "That, my love, went out of fashion roughly the year St Paul's Cathedral in London was completed. Which is a long time ago. These days we try to keep up with current fashions. We tried to ditch the halos as well, but St Peter vetoed that." Scully couldn't believe her ears. "Ditch the halos?" The angel nodded. "I never liked those, they make me feel like a candle." "How about the wings?" The angel grinned. "Yeah, those are annoying too, but at least they come in handy every now and then. Especially if you're being held at gunpoint." Scully smiled. "So, to what do I owe the honour of your visit then?" "Whoa whoa, quit the grovelling!" the angel said, looking disgusted. "Save that for the big brass!" "Okay, I got it. Then, why are you here?" "It's that time of the year again to take stock, that's why I'm here. I usually do that from a distance, but this year I thought I come down and ask you in person." "Ask me what?" Scully said. "Do you have a name, by the way?" "Sure I do, you can call me Anna," the angel said, smiling. "And I'm here to ask you about priorities." "Priorities?" "Of the personal kind. I know your thoughts and feelings, I can see them all, but mind reading gets really boring after a while, and I always wanted to become a journalist, so I thought I drop in and have a chat and do it that way." "You wanted to be a journalist?" Scully asked. "When was that?" "About 1935," Anna said nonchalantly. "1935?" "I think. I've forgotten when it was exactly. But, yeah, about 1935 it must have been." "So why didn't you become a journalist then?" Scully asked, taking a sip from the glass of water she kept on the bedstand. "Death has this annoying tendency to mess with dreams. Only two cars in the whole of the podunk town where I live, and I manage to get run over by one of them. It would be hilarious if it weren't so dumb. One 'splat' and I could kiss my dream good-bye. Which brings me neatly to you and why I am here: what's this with you and that hunky partner o'yours?" Scully choked on her water. "What do you mean? There is nothing with me and Mulder." "Yes, I know that. The question is, how much longer are you going to deny the obvious and how certain are you that you could live with the consequences of your denial?" "I have no idea what you're talking about." "Hon," Anna said with a sigh, "I can read minds, I know your thoughts. I'm with you 24/7, no matter where you are or what you do, and I know what you're thinking. Don't try to hide anything from me, it won't work." "Then why come and ask me if you already know?" "Because it's about time that *you* knew. Your partner's angel is with him right now, hopefully having the same conversation – though he's not nearly as stable as I am. Your partner's wearing his angel out." Scully couldn't help a smile. "So what do you want to talk about then?" Anna sat down on the bed, seemingly thoughtlessly fingering some of the primary feathers of her left wing. "What would you do for him?" she asked, letting go of her wing and resting her hands in her lap. "What do you mean?" "Just what I said: what would you do or not do for him?" "Well ..." Scully began, thinking, "I think I'd do just about everything, if it's in my power to do so. I mean, I can't really specify it, but I'm willing to go pretty far for his sake." "Would you mind being more precise?" Scully smiled. "Don't you already know?" It made Anna smile. "Yes, sweetheart, I do. But do you?" "I ... I have never really thought about it, apart from the general idea that I wouldn't hesitate easily ..." "I know that, you've proven that before," Anna said. "Do you mind if I take off my shoes? We don't get much of an opportunity to dress up – which is, by the way, one of the reasons why I came down and ask you personally – and these heels are killing me." "Go right ahead," Scully answered, and with a relieved sigh the angel kicked off her three-inch heels. They were silent for a bit. "Perhaps it would help if I made some suggestions?" Anna said and Scully nodded. "Please do. I'm having a hard time thinking about this." "Okay, we'll start easy: would you defend him even if it cost you your job?" "Absolutely," Scully answered. "You've come a long way, you've made a lot of allies, even if that's not always apparent. Would you give all that up for him?" the angel asked. "Without a moment's hesitation." "But that's the professional you, and no doubt you'd find another job easily. How about personally: would you estrange your friends for him?" Scully smiled a bit wanly. "I can't say I have a lot of friends really. But he's worth more than them, no doubt about it." "How about your family?" Scully sighed. "I don't see much of them these days, apart from my mother. So in a way, I already have. Bill, for one, will never forgive the fact that I'm staying with Mulder ..." "So you'd choose your partner over your family?" "He's about as close as I get to a family nowadays. He's listed as my next of kin, which says a lot." Anna smiled. "It does." "It's sad in a way, isn't it?" Scully then said. "He's supposed to be just my partner at work and yet we've become as close as lovers." "Which you are not," the angel added. Scully shook her head. "Which we are not." They were silent for a bit. Then the angel spoke again. "Dana, how much time do you think you have left?" Scully's head snapped up. "What? What do you mean by that?" Anna smiled. "Relax, darling, I'm not here to tell you that you're dying, either one of you. In fact both of you have never been in better health." She could see Scully relaxing. "But what isn't the case now, can still happen soon. I thought I had plenty of time, and I never lived past 24 ..." "I'm sorry." "Hey, don't worry about it, you're not the worst person I could've gotten to be the guardian angel of. It's your partner's angel you should be sorry for," Anna grinned. "Really?" "Oh man, that hunky partner of yours is, like I said, wearing his angel to the bone. Now I know, and we all know, that he's accident-prone, and that is nothing to be blamed for, but your partner is making a right mess of things." "Sometimes I think he's made a list of all the hospitals in the country and ticks off each one as he gets admitted. It's a good thing he's a quick healer, or he'd move from one ICU to another," Scully smiled. Then she sighed. "It gets on my nerves though. Sometimes." "Why is that?" "Because every time I have to take into account that he might not make it. That he went too far, and it's very stressful. I don't think he even realises it, just how badly it affects me." Scully sighed. "It's stupid, I know, since it shouldn't affect me like that at all, but it does. And I can't change it." "You should not even try to change that. He depends on knowing you'll be there to catch him," Anna said softly. "And you know all too well he'd do just the same for you." Scully smiled. "I do actually. It's ... it's not a bad feeling at all really ..." "Of course it isn't." They were silent for a little while, the angel studying her charge comfortably. "What feelings do you have for him, Dana?" she then asked. Scully bit her lip. "Erm ... Everything that's good, really ... Friendship, trust, loyalty. Love. I think." "You think?" "He's so close. In a way I'd say he's precious to me, to my heart. I don't have anyone I can be as comfortable and relaxed with. He lets me be myself without compromising his own needs or personality. I find that very important." "Why is that?" "Because it puts less of a strain on me. I know without a doubt that he accepts me the way I am, I don't have to pretend I'm better or different than what I really am, and he accepts it as what I am. It makes it a lot easier for me." "Does that mean you accept him like he is as well, Dana?" "I don't know," Scully said softly. "I'd like to think I do, but I really don't know. He once told me I made him a better person though, which touched me deeply ..." Anna looked at her. Then she sighed softly. "Honey, I will be perfectly frank with you now and I don't even know if you want to hear this, but you need to think this thing between you and Mulder over, you know." "What do you mean? I'm not giving this up, this friendship is the best I've ever had!" Scully said. "I'm not talking about giving up on anything," the angel replied. "For years now you have been tip-toeing around each other, pretending you're both happy the way it has been for so long, but you both know you've been lying. To yourself and to each other. If you want more, now is the time to go for it. Both of you have never been more ready for it." Scully ducked her head. "I don't know, Anna ..." The angel moved closer, and tipped Scully's face up so she could look at her. "Do you love him?" she asked. Scully nodded. "I do. I'd be lying if I said I don't." "Are you in love with him?" She took a deep breath. "Yes. Yes, I am." Anna smiled widely. "Good girl! I didn't think I'd ever hear you say it. Now that wasn't too hard, was it?" Scully smiled a bit shyly. "No, it wasn't." Then her smile vanished. "But what now? I don't even know if he feels that way too – and I definitely don't want to spook him." "Like I said, I'm not here to ask you what you're feeling," Anna smiled. "I know your feelings, and your partner's as well. His angel and I have had a couple of good conversations about this and just how we were going to go about this. Trust me, he feels the same about you as you do about him." "Really?" "Of course, how can he not? He's not the kind of person who sticks with someone out of pure loyalty, he needs something in return. You give that to him. He only let you stay in the first place because he was intrigued by you, and by now he's totally smitten. You make sense to his heart, Dana, and how many people can say that about their best friend?" Scully smiled weakly. "You're making me cry." "Oh, honey ..." Anna wrapped her arms around her charge. "I don't mean to make you cry, but you would have made me cry if you hadn't accepted these feelings. I want to see you happy, that's all." "You know, you sound like my mom." "That's because it just so happens that your mom and I are in agreement on this issue. She can see what's going on between you and Mulder just as clearly as I can, and she too knows you're running out of time ..." Scully sighed. "Now what do I do? It's the middle of the night, I can't go to him now." "No you can't, but I want you to do it in the morning. I want you to go to sleep, and forget about the alarm, and when you're rested, I want you to go to him. He's ready for this, Dana, don't make him wait." "Thanks for telling me this, Anna," Scully smiled. "Hey, isn't that what we're here for? To bring you 'tidings of comfort and joy'? If I can't play a little match-maker, what fun is there to be had anyway?" The angel got up from the bed. "Good night, honey. You deserve this." She closed her hand over Scully's forehead, making her fall asleep. "Next time you're coming along I'll have my partner shoot you ..." she could just say, before sleep overtook her. She failed to see Anna's delighted smile. "I'm counting on that." THE END Kirsten Kerkhof The Netherlands, (c) 14 April 2004 1