TITLE: "After Hours"
AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * kirsten_xf@yahoo.com
CLASSIFICATION: MSR
KEYWORDS: S R A 
RATING: PG-13
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. *sigh*
SUMMARY: Scully’s been ditched by her lovely 
partner and she’s not pleased.
ARCHIVING: Anywhere. Keep my name and e-mail addy 
attached and I won’t complain.
FEEDBACK: Oh yes. Hug and a Mulder? Hug from 
Mulder? Anything, just give me some feedback.
NOTE: This was written in 1997 when I didn’t know 
Scully couldn’t have children yet. So forgive 
this continuity-error please.

XxXxX

She sat in her car and looked out of the window. 
Now what the hell was she doing here? It was nine 
p.m. for God's sake! She had just spent over 
eleven hours with him! What was she doing here?
	
She sighed. Maybe it was better to turn around 
and go home. There was nothing for her here. He 
needed his time alone. They both needed some time 
alone. They were together all the time. She 
shouldn't be here now.
	
'Come on, Dana', she thought, 'Go back to your 
apartment, go home. You'll see him tomorrow, then 
you can talk.'
	
Talk? She didn't want to talk! Then she made up 
her mind. She was here anyway, she might as well 
go in and have a cup of coffee. She could always 
pretend she came by because she had some ideas 
about the case they were investigating. Or 
rather, tried to investigate, because it all 
seemed to go terribly wrong. Wrong. Again.
	
Everything seemed to go wrong nowadays. Was that 
the reason she was here? Perhaps. Perhaps not. 
How should she know?
	
She got out of her car and entered the building. 
She climbed the stairs, crossed the corridor and 
knocked on the door of number 42.
	
She heard his footsteps, his all too well-known 
way of walking. Then he opened the door.
	
"Scully?"
	
She merely looked at him.
	
"Scully, what's wrong?"
	
She shrugged. "Why should anything be wrong?" she 
said. Her voice sounded indifferent. Like she 
didn't care. She didn't.
	
"Well, you usually only come here when there's 
something the matter. So I thought ..."
	
"Can I come in, or are you going to let me stand 
here all night?" she snapped.
	
He seemed a little taken aback by her tone.
	
"Yeah, sure, come in", he said and opened the 
door further to let her in. "You want a cup of 
coffee?"
	
"Please"
	
As Mulder busied himself with the coffee, she 
looked around. He was right, she hardly ever came 
here. He didn't come to her place very often 
either. They both had keys to the other's 
apartment, but they rarely used them.
	
Then she saw him entering his living-room, 
carrying two mugs of steaming hot coffee.
	
"You can sit down if you like", he said, trying 
to point to the chairs and the couch, which 
wasn't very easy with mugs filled with coffee. 
"Or you can keep standing there. Decide for 
yourself."
	
He sat down in a chair and looked at her. There 
was something the matter, he felt it. Something 
was really wrong.
	
She sighed, shrugged and went to sit down on the 
couch. She took her coffee and sipped it. Nice 
and warm it made her feel slightly better 
already.
	
"So, why are you here?" he eventually asked.
	
"Dunno", she said.
	
Mulder said nothing. She was going to tell him. 
He knew that. He only had to wait.
	
"Guess I felt lonely ...", she said. Good coffee, 
really.
	
"Lonely?"
	
"Mm-mm"
	
"Well, you live alone. That can happen, I guess", 
he said.
	
"I didn't want to feel lonely" she said.
	
"So you decided to go and see your pal Fox 
Mulder?" he said, sipping his coffee. Damn, it 
was still too hot!
	
"Well, I haven't got anybody else to go to, have 
I?" she said and looked straight ahead of her. 
Then she looked at him.
	
Somehow these simple words struck him as the 
saddest thing he had ever heard. And he saw it 
all in her eyes. She was feeling miserable. She 
wanted something which she couldn't get. But he 
didn't know what it was she wanted.
	
"What's wrong, Scully?"
	
"Nothing. I'm fine, Mulder"
	
"Yes, I know you are. But I want to know what's 
wrong!" he insisted. He wasn't going to let go so 
easily.
	
She said nothing. He waited. She would tell him 
what was wrong.
	
"Who am I, Mulder?"
	
He had been looking down at his coffee, but now 
he looked up. This question was some sort of a 
surprise to him. But then again it wasn't. At the 
same time it didn't come as a surprise.
	
She looked at him, waiting for him to make the 
obvious mistake of telling her who she was. She 
would be seriously disappointed in him if he'd 
try that. But he didn't. He said nothing, but got 
up and sat down beside her on the couch.
	
"It all started some time ago, Mulder. I began to 
wonder why I was doing the things I was doing and 
I realised I didn't know. That I didn't 
understand. I don't understand myself. I don't 
know who I am. What am I doing here? Why am I 
here? Why am I alive? For what purpose? Who am I? 
What do I want?" she shook her head. Her voice 
sounded filled with tears and frustration.
	
He still said nothing. He didn't want to. She'd 
be able to get to grips with it just fine, he 
knew. He only had to listen, let her air her 
emotions.
	
"When it all started ... when I realised I ... 
sort of lost contact with myself ... I began to 
wonder what it was that I wanted in my life. And 
I was shocked when I found out that I didn't 
know", she looked at him. "I don't know what I 
want, Mulder. I often joked about 'getting a 
life', but I knew I really didn't have a life. I 
don't have any friends except you. I'm so utterly 
alone. I feel so utterly alone ..."
	
She felt a tear rolling down her face and she 
quickly wiped it away.
	
"Oh God, I'm crying! This is so ridiculous!"
	
"What is?" Mulder suddenly asked.
	
"Crying is! I'm not a bloody kid anymore!" she 
said angrily and tried to control herself. She 
couldn't. The harder she tried, the more she felt 
the urgence to bury her face in the soft fabric 
of the couch and cry her eyes out. But of course 
she couldn't! Dana Scully never cried...
	
"No", he said, his voice soft and a little sad. 
"You're not a kid anymore, ..."
	
Then his voice became unexpectedly hard as he 
continued:
	
" ... which is a pity really, because you 
obviously had more sense in your head then, than 
you have right now!"
	
"What?"
	
"Well, as a kid you clearly allowed yourself to 
cry! Something you refuse to do as an adult!"
	
"What do you mean?"
	
"Dana", he began, his voice soft again. "Why 
don't you allow yourself to show your emotions? 
You're sabotaging yourself, you're going to get 
in serious trouble with this ..."
	
He saw her looking at him, her expression not 
quite readable.
	
"What is it, Scully? Why don't you let me know 
how you feel? I understand you want to remain 
cool and strong when we are at work, when we're 
dealing with a case. But you're a human being, 
Scully. You're not a robot. Why don't you share 
your feelings, your troubles with me? Are you 
afraid of me? Are you afraid of what I might say 
or do? That I'd let you down, think less of you?"
	
She slowly shook her head. No. If there was 
anybody in the world she would turn to with her 
problems, it must be him. But at the same time 
she'd never do that.
	
"I don't know, Mulder", she said. She was on the 
verge of breaking down.
	
Her blue eyes shiny with tears, her beautiful 
face looking so vulnerable. It made him decide to 
throw all precautions over-board and in a very 
Mulder-esque act of recklessness, he put his arms 
around her and pulled her close. Then he decided 
he wanted to have her even closer and lifted her 
onto his lap. It felt so good.
	
She didn't protest. In fact, the feeling of his 
warm body, the comforting, soothing emotion of 
his strong arms around her, his head on top of 
hers, it made her feel like she never wanted to 
let go of him again.
	
"I know you'd never let me down, Mulder. You 
never have. It's just that ..."
	
He felt a lock of her hair falling on his hand. 
It was soft as he ran his fingers through it.
	
"I've recently been thinking about my life, 
Mulder. And the more I think about it, the more I 
feel that all I ever wanted is never going to 
happen."
	
"You don't feel good about the life you lead 
now?"
	
"Yes and no. I love this job, I'm so glad I have 
it. I'm also very thankful for being your 
partner, Mulder. You've got to believe me when I 
say that despite the odd misunderstandings ..." 
He chuckled. Yeah right! They hardly ever agreed! 
He saw a vague smile on her face and he smiled. 
"... I don't think I'll ever have a better 
partner. I don't want another partner. But ..."
	
"But what?"
	
"It's not just work, Mulder. Work is the part of 
my life I do understand. It's my private life I 
don't understand."
	
She fell silent for a moment.
	
"You know, Mulder, sometimes, when I look around 
and look at other people, I see people in love, 
people who are married, women who are pregnant, 
women with children. And then I realise that I 
want just that. That that is all I really want. 
It makes me feel so sad sometimes. And of 
recently I thought about it and figured out I'd 
probably never be fortunate enough to have kids 
myself. I haven't had a good relationship in 
years and actually, I don't know what man would 
want to put up with me ... What man would take me 
for what I am ..."
	
She leaned her head against his chest and closed 
her eyes as she let the tears trickle down her 
face. She didn't bother to wipe them away 
anymore. She felt his hand softly caress her hair 
and her cheek. It only made her want to cry even 
more, but this feeling was so good, she didn't 
want to protest, she didn't want him to stop. 
This little gesture was something she admired in 
him. He didn't pity her, he only listened and 
lent her his own strength, letting her know that 
all would be okay, that she would be able to get 
to grips with it and that she could always turn 
to him for support.
	
"Is that what you want, Scully? A husband and 
children?"
	
"Yes. When I was younger I never thought about 
it. I was too busy studying, working, having fun, 
enjoying life. I wanted to be successful. I 
wanted to have a good job and I succeeded in 
that. I have a fabulous job. I always thought 
that getting married and having children was 
something other people wanted, but it was not for 
me. But now ... now I feel something's missing in 
my life. And I figured out that I want the exact 
same thing I looked down upon only a couple of 
years ago. I want to get married, have children 
of my own, be happy. All my friends are married 
and have children and when I visit them and hold 
the baby I ... I feel so sad about the fact that 
maybe I'll never experience this little wonder 
myself. I want to get married, Mulder. I want to 
marry a man I really love, a man I can trust 
without a doubt, a man with whom I can happily 
share the rest of my life, because he accepts me 
the way I am. But all the men I've met so far 
have turned out to be complete jerks. Well, 
except for you, Mulder. Right now I'm talking 
about the time before I became your partner."
	
His *phew* sounded rather stagy and it made her 
chuckle.
	
"But these men, they all used me. They all 
utterly disappointed me. And sometimes I wondered 
whether it was my fault or their's. Was I looking 
for too perfect a man? Or was it just that a man 
who would love me, who'd never let me down, who'd 
trust me, whom I could trust, just didn't exist? 
That there were no such men around? That I'd just 
have adjust my wishes, forget about my dreams, 
and try to be happy with a man who at least came 
close to what I had been looking for? And then I 
knew I would rather remain unmarried. I wouldn't 
be happy with him ..."
	
She was silent.
	
Mulder looked at her. He thought about what she'd 
just told him. He had never known she felt this 
way. But at the same time he could understand it 
so well. He wanted the same, he realised. He had 
been chasing shadows for so long, he felt he 
needed some security. Something or someone he 
could turn to when he was once more in danger of 
losing contact with the world. A wife. Children.
	
"I feel the same, Scully", he said softly. "I've 
always been doubtful about marriage as an 
institution. And after considering the mess my 
parent's marriage had become, I thought I'd 
rather remain single. I didn't want to find 
myself trapped in the same situation. But I found 
out I needed to love. I needed, and still need, a 
person I really, truly care about. I've had my 
share of relationships, you met a few of those 
women, but they didn't make me happy. And I know 
now why they didn't. It wasn't trust. It wasn't 
love. It was nothing. It could never work, 
because those women and I didn't belong together.
	
I sort of gave up looking for the ideal woman 
when ... why, yes ... when you became my partner 
..." he looked at her as she raised her eyebrows. 
They smiled. "... but now I know I want that one 
special woman. I want a woman who's able to help 
me through my black moods, who takes me for what 
I am, who makes me happy and who can be happy 
herself at the same time. Who makes me complete, 
whole. The perfect woman."
	
"Perfect women don't exist, Mulder. You shouldn't 
even have tried to find those. I could've told a 
long time ago."
	
"Yes, but you weren't there to tell me."
	
"I wish I had been."
	
"You do?"
	
"Yes. I wish I had met you long ago."
	
"I don't know, Scully. I don't think we should 
have. I guess this is the best way. I don't think 
I'd ever have let you come so near to me and 
everything I am, if you hadn't earned it through 
a trial of fire. Because our partnership is. You 
proved to be the best friend I've ever had. You 
always supported me, helped me, trusted me. You 
never gave up, let go of me, when you letting go 
of me was all I deserved. And that's what makes 
you so special and precious to me."
	
He looked her straight in the eyes. She chuckled. 
It sounded a little nervous.
	
"Why, Mulder, you almost sound like you're in 
love with me!"
	
"Maybe I am"
	
She said nothing. She looked at him, trying to 
read his face. His eyes were dark, he was 
absolutely sincere.
	
"I'm afraid I am in love with you, Scully", he 
said. "And perhaps it's just an emotion that will 
drift away once you go home again tonight, but I 
don't think it is. I think my love for you has 
always been there, but I couldn't allow myself to 
fall in love. Not with you. I've never realised 
it, but as we were talking about our dreams for 
the future just now, I realised that the reason 
why I stopped having affairs once you had become 
my partner, was because you're everything I've 
always been looking for. You're the woman sent to 
save me."
	
He was serious!
	
And so was she. She realised something deep 
inside her. She knew she not only respected and 
trusted him, she was truly, deeply in love with 
him. She realised that all they had just been 
saying about 'the perfect man' and 'the perfect 
woman' were exactly the things they had come to 
find in each other over the years.
	
Good God, she was in love with him! She couldn't 
believe it!
	
She smiled as she thought about it. She didn't 
need to believe it. She just needed to enjoy it. 
Oh, and she was! She was going to enjoy every 
second of it!
	
"What, Scully?"
	
"Mm", she began and she ran her finger slowly, 
teasingly over his jaw and his lips. "Well, you 
know ... could be I ..." Then she realised she 
was getting way too long-winded. This could be so 
much easier!
	
She looked at him.
	
"What?" he said.
	
"Shut up, Mulder", she murmured and bent forward 
a little. Their lips almost touched.
	
"Are you going to kiss me, Scully?"
	
"Yes"
	
"Good ..."
	
This was absolutely the last thing he managed to 
say before their lips locked. And there was 
nothing he could, or wanted to say anymore. The 
kiss effectively wiped out every bit of sensible 
things he could think of to protest against this 
very un-partnerlike action. By the way, did he 
want to protest? No way ...
	
'So this must be that lightning-bolt effect', 
Scully thought. Well, at least it seemed awfully 
close to being that. Why? The kiss wasn't hot or 
passionate. It was soft, slow, tender. They had 
never kissed, it was something new. But still it 
made her shake all over. It was unbelievable.
	
Then their lips parted and they slowly let go of 
each other. Scully opened her eyes and saw him 
looking at her, a beautiful smile curving his 
lips. She smiled as she saw the love shining in 
his eyes. And it was all for her!
	
"Wow, Mulder! That was incredible!"
	
"Yeah, wasn't it?" His smile took a decidely 
wicked turn. "Want to try it again?"
	
"In a moment, Mulder", she said. She untangled 
herself from his embrace and got up. She caught 
his puzzled expression.
	
"What are you doing, Scully?"
	
She closed the blinds and locked the door which 
he had left open. Then she walked back to the 
couch and as her eyes darkened with need and 
passionate love she said:
	
"You don't honestly believe I'm going to share 
this with anybody else, do you? I want you for 
myself!" And she immediately cut off all his 
possible answers by slanting her mouth over his, 
kissing him hard and demanding.
	
"You'd better be prepared for a long night, Fox 
Mulder!" she said and smiled.
	
"No problem, Dana Scully, I'm ready for a whole 
life of long nights with you!" 

FINIS

Kirsten Kerkhof
The Netherlands, 1997