TITLE: "My life: day two" AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * kirsten_xf@yahoo.com RATING: G CLASSIFICATION: Mulder/Scully married CATEGORY: S H DISCLAIMER: Not mine at all. Though the girl herself probably is ... SPOILERS: None FEEDBACK: Mm-mm. You know where to find me! A Mulder in Speedos for those who write. SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully have a daughter. And this is her view of the world around her ... NOTE: It's not really XF-fan fic I suppose. It's not really a good story either. I just felt like it after going over to a friend who'd just had a baby and then watching Clueless again. Whatever ... XxXxX "My life: day two" XxXxX Hello world! So, I guess this is it then. Mmm, not at all bad. This is life and this is planet Earth. Suppose I'd better take a good look around, because something's telling me I'm gonna be around for a pretty long time and a girl wouldn't want to be caught in a place she doesn't know, whaddya say? Okay, so I'm only two days old, what's the problem? I'm emanciwhatevered, I have the right to know! Let's see now, what are those little worm-like things about fifteen centimetres down? Geez, they move! They move and bend and ... well, at least they seem to do what I'd like them to do. They look pretty good for squeezing things a person isn't supposed to squeeze. I better keep them in mind, they could come in handy. Suppose they're not leaving anyway. Let's take a look around, shall we? Pretty hard I have to say, I wonder if this is gonna stay this way for the rest of my life, 'cuz if it is, I think I'm taking the line for another animal next time! Ah, there we are, the left. Wow, great job! Only two days old and I'm already behind bars. Okay, so I can imagine my getting born wasn't the easiest thing in the world and perhaps it hurt a bit, too, but you guys cannot possibly blame me! I never asked to be born, it was nice and warm inside, it wasn't my idea to leave the place ... Wonder if there's any chance for freedom on the right. Nope. Okay, watch it folks, 'cause I'm gonna break free the first chance I get! Oh wait, there's someone I remember. He smiles at me. Poor guy, let's give him a smile as well. There, now he's pleased. It's so easy to please older people, it almost makes you pity them, doesn't it? He's quite handsome by the way. Hey, so he's my daddy and he's old, but a girl can dream, huh? What's his name again? I forgot, I'm lousy at remembering names. He has this really weird first name. Fox. Poor man. I like mommy's name much better. Dana. Sounds rather sweet, doesn't it? Uh-oh, he's picking me up. Hey! I don't wanna go! I was perfectly all right here! Okay, buddy, you asked for it! These grown-ups are really not very smart, are they? I'm mean, let's face it: I'm in bed, keeping my mouth shut. They think that's cute. They get me out of bed while I don't want to and I start to cry. They think that's cute. Then they try to make me shut up, uttering these really embarrassing sounds which inevitably make me feel sorry for them, so I do shut up. They think that's cute. And those things aren't really my problems, but then they rock me to make me stop crying. Hello-ow, you're about to make me seriously seasick! Of course I'm keeping quiet! I'm trying to keep my breakfast inside ... Not that there's much variation on the menu anyway, though it tastes good, so I suppose I shouldn't complain. Oh look, there's mommy. Hi mommy. Let's give them some sounds, shall we? Ah, look at them being proud. Just give them these silly sounds and pretend it's all you can do and they're absolutely charmed. Well, that is, until they start to repeat those ridiculous sounds and you consider keeping your mouth shut for the rest of your life. Shut up! Thank you ... We're on the couch now. Mommy's holding me in her arms whilst daddy's sitting next to her. They look great together. *We* look great together. Let's not have any more kids, shall we? Mark my words, one daughter is exactly what you need! Shit, they're discussing having more babies. Hey, don't you folks remember? Mommy was told she couldn't have babies and here I am. What are the chances of you people having any more kids? Zero, just admit it! Never mind, they're not listening to me anyway ... Oh, someone's at the door. Wonder who it is this time. You know, somehow people think that when you're first born you're very beautiful and sweet and cute and yadda, yadda, yadda. Well, let me tell you one thing, I'm not yet Claudia Schiffer, so quit taking all those pictures! They do not and I repeat do not look good in my portfolio! And when I'm gonna be famous in a couple of years, I'm gonna make you pay for humiliating me like that, okay? Well, not mommy and daddy of course, but I'm certainly gonna sue the rest if they dare to sell those pictures to the press! So, who is it this time? Oh, it's grandma Maggie. With some guy I don't know. Good-looking man, even though he lacks hair. Don't worry, buddy, you can always come and talk with me if it starts to depress you, I have hardly any hair either. You think that's their boss? Think so, they're really way too formal towards him. And he seems to be in the same kind of business mommy and daddy are in. They appear to be FBI-agents, whatever that may be. Oh well, doesn't matter, as long as they're not cops. You see, I spoke to my neighbour yesterday. He was born three days ago so he's one day older than I am. That's no problem, it's my opinion the man should be older than the woman. Anyway, I talked to him and he told me his parents were lawyers. Well, let me tell you one thing: cops and lawyers, you can't trust them. But my parents seem all right, so I guess there's nothing to worry about. And in case FBI does mean police or something, I'm sure they're different from the rest. Hi grandma. Yes, you've got permission to pick me up. You smell funny and your lips come off, but for the rest you're quite okay. I've decided to allow her to pick me up. She gives great presents, though last time she really goofed. Problem was, due to my inability to express myself properly, my sounds of irritation were interpreted as being sounds of contentment and happiness, so they supposed I liked the toy. I gave up. Guess I'll eventually go through a stage where I throw things around the house and people think that's just part of my process of development. Let them think. But that horrible thing is definitely the first thing to go. Absolutely. Another present. How sweet. How predictable ... I wonder what's inside. Can I open it? They're not letting me. Well, now they really asked for a concerto and ... I knew you'd come to your senses, daddy, thank you. Hey, I'm not finished yet! Damn, they're taking the present away from me and ... uh-oh, I'm being carried to my room. I smell a foul plot afoot. Danger's lurking in every corner. And in that gift ... Clothes! She bought me clothes! I adore clothes. When I'm older I'm gonna spend my dad's salary on clothes. Well, I am a girl, it's in a girl's nature to want clothes. And they said I've got a cute smile as well. Great! They've finished dressing me. I'm sorry, I was so lost in thoughts that I completely forgot my duties as a baby: I didn't fight during the process of being dressed. I'm sorry, this won't happen again, I promise. The mirror. What would a girl do without a mirror. Let's see how-- ... AAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!! It's pink!! It's pink with lacy frills!! Oh my God, she bought me a pink dress! I can't believe it, there goes my reputation!! Don't you know, pink is so ten days ago! God, this really makes me ... Yes, that's what I should do. Puke. That usually does the trick pretty thoroughly. There. Ah, how sweet, they're not even angry with me. But I ruined the dress. Yes sir, I did!! They're taking me to my bedroom to clean me up and then they're putting me back to bed. Where I was in the first place ... What a way to waste a perfectly good day ... The End