TITLE: "The Minne Cycle - Part 5" AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * CLASSIFICATION: MSR KEYWORDS: V R A RATING: PG SPOILERS: "Salvage" SUMMARY: See part 1 DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Why would I be the lucky one, huh? They belong to CC, DD, GA, 1013 and Fox and no infringement is intended. ARCHIVING: Sure. I'll do Gossamer myself, all others: you're welcome when you tell me where it's going, 'kay? FEEDBACK: Cherished and worshipped at XxXxX Saturday, 7:03 pm Hello sweetheart, I don't have much time right now, but I just had to write. I figured you wouldn't mind and besides I can be as stubborn as you can at times, so what the heck, right? First some truly awesome news: we're having a boy! You're going to have a son, Mulder, a little boy! Officially I am not to know yet, of course, but I know my way around a couple of labs and I figured that, having so very little now that you're gone, I had absolutely nothing to lose by finding out. The funny thing is that I always pictured you having a daughter, it seemed natural. But the moment I received the test results, showing me without a shadow of a doubt the baby's gender, all thoughts of that nature fled my mind and I could just see you pitch a couple of balls with our son. Weird, isn't it? But you're going to be fantastic, I know it. I'm beginning to quite like Agent Doggett, by the way. We had rather an amusing case to investigate, quite extraordinary, about this guy Ray Pearce who was essentially made of metal. You know, like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator. He was dead, too, which complicated matters nicely. I enjoyed the investigation, it went smoothly and I had a good time. This may also have a lot to do with how I'm feeling in general now, I've reached a decision that has made rather a bit of impact: I've stopped being depressed and moping over your disappearance, seeking everyone's pity and generally looking pathetic. Mulder, I love you to bits and I am absolutely determined to find you and bring you back to me, but I'm not helping you by just breaking down every other minute, feeling sorry for myself. Don't be fooled by my words too much, I am still quite a mess inside, but life is better now. I'm not as sick as I used to be which is such a relief. The past week has gone absolutely smoothly and if this should continue I will definitely enjoy my pregnancy. By the way, it's incredible how many women around me are pregnant as well, I never noticed! But then again, being pregnant was never quite on my mind, was it? It's beginning to really show, I feel 100% woman, I've never felt this way before. It feels almighty somehow, knowing that I am carrying a new life inside of me, and at the same time I feel humbled by the idea that I'm allowed this responsibility. That God deemed me capable of fulfilling the task of raising a child. I think you'd be very proud of me, seeing me now. Of course, as I can no longer hide it – which I would never do – I have already bid a few suits of mine a temporary farewell. Your favourite suit, the navy one, still fits, though that isn't going to last very long either. It doesn't matter, it's all for a very good cause. Last night I spent some time looking at myself in the mirror, getting acquainted with my changing body. I may only have imagined it, but I swear I could feel you in the room, behind me, looking over my shoulder, seeing what I was seeing. I hope you were as touched and proud as I was. I realise all too well that you don't actually know about my pregnancy. I keep writing these letters and placing them under our bench, but if you are as far away as I know you are, I cannot reach you. So I don't even know for sure whether you even want this child. And if you do, if it isn't just because it was me who wanted children so much. I sound distant and selfish in this letter, don't I? Like I don't care about what you might feel or think, as if your feelings and emotions mean nothing to me, but they do, Mulder, more than anything. It's just that it was time for me to leave behind the sobbing, weak Scully you'd be so ashamed of seeing and rediscover the woman I really am. A woman who can pull her weight, even – especially – when things aren't going the way we'd like them. Yesterday I got word that the X-Files were under threat of being closed down, so I immediately went to see Skinner. He knew nothing of the news so it is probably only a false rumour, but he promised he'd look into the matter. He is such an incredible support, I doubt you'd even recognise him from his actions. He's my strongest support within the Bureau. Mulder, I'm going to leave you now. Doggett just called, he's going to pick me up in five minutes. He offered to take me out to dinner and I accepted. Please don't feel bad about this, I'm just so determined to live my life to the max. And if only I could do that with you ... I feel such intense love for you, it grows with each second that passes. Sometimes I wryly think that, when we are finally together again, I will be sorely disappointed because you are far from perfect, but who needs perfection anyway, right? Not me! All I need is you and I am going to find you! Stick to life with all your might, Mulder, I will make it worth your while! I just let Doggett in, he's getting a glass of wine for both of us from the kitchen while I finish this letter. I don't know what we'll be toasting to, probably the X-Files, I'll toast to your return. I'm so happy now. I'm off now, giving you my heart as a keepsake. Keep it safe, draw comfort from it, feel the love that belongs only to you. Forever yours, Scully XxXxX THE END Kirsten Kerkhof The Netherlands, 10 November 2001 ?