TITLE: "The Minne Cycle - Part 2" AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * CLASSIFICATION: MSR KEYWORDS: V R A RATING: PG SPOILERS: Roadrunners SUMMARY: See part 1 DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Why would I be the lucky one, huh? They belong to CC, DD, GA, 1013 and Fox and no infringement is intended. ARCHIVING: Sure. I'll do Gossamer myself, all others: you're welcome when you tell me where it's going, 'kay? FEEDBACK: Cherished and worshipped at XxXxX Tuesday night, too late ... Hello sweetheart, I promised you I'd keep you updated on what has been going on in my life and I'm trying to stick to that promise. These letters are meant for that purpose after all. I'm sorry I haven't been in touch for the past two weeks, but I've been on a case and ended up in hospital as a result. It is possibly the most dreadful horrifying case I can remember, although I must admit you and I have had our fair share of horrific experiences. I won't bore you with the case details, I think you know every last gory detail. In fact originally I wasn't even going to write about the case at all, but I have to do it. It's too heavy on my mind to ignore. Mulder, I was so scared! Who would have thought that one could get this lost, this untraceable anywhere in America nowadays? My car had broken down, my phone was out of reach and the place was in the middle of nowhere. Actually, it was in the middle of the desert, which made things even worse. I was so incredibly scared. Had you been with me, in the field or in the office, I would've trusted you to find me before these people put that monster inside of me, but I didn't trust Doggett enough yet to do the same. However, he did find me in time, and for that I am so grateful. He saved my life and that of our baby. My neck still hurts like a bitch and my spine feels like someone Riverdanced their way across each and every vertebra, but I'll live. The baby's fine and I'll be okay soon, too. I went to church day before yesterday. It had been a long time since I'd gone to church and I felt a need in me. Maybe it was to seek reassurance. To believe that what this cult was doing in the name of Christianity was just one way of believing and practicing the faith. A way that almost got me killed, too, and I felt such anger and hatred towards them it scared me. I needed the reassurance that my feelings were justified, but shouldn't be blinding. But the real motivation was much more personal. Mulder, I've changed so much since I lost you! I'm scared of what I've become, of what I'm turning into! I can't even smile anymore! The only times I smile is when I think of you - and then it's only to keep the tears at bay! Did our time together make me into this? It can't have, can it? Oh Mulder, I don't know where you are right now. I only hope that they're not making you suffer too much. They do dreadful things, I know, and I wish I could take upon me some of the pain, you know I would do it, but I can't. I can only hope and pray you'll be returned to me soon. Pray that you'll still be the man I knew. I can't bear the idea that you may be returned to me a different person ... I'll place this letter under the bench, okay? That way I know you'll find it. By the way, I talked to Susie today. That is, Special Agent Susan Hollywell. You know her: tall, leggy, blonde. Anyway, she claimed I'd definitely made an improvement as far as partners go. I suppose she's right in one sense, John Doggett is a very good-looking man. I bet he turns more heads in a day than you would in a month. Susie thought he was really "cute". Well, she can have him. Actually, I'm being unfair to Doggett. He's a good partner, as good as I could have hoped for. I think he really cares about me, but whether that is because he likes me or whether it is because I'm pregnant and he thinks I've suddenly turned into some kind of fragile porcelain doll, I don't know. I haven't been teamed up with him long enough yet. I can't help but hope I will never get to know him that well ... The baby is fine. It's still too early to tell the gender and perhaps I don't even want to know. Do you want to know? Let me know if you do, okay? Mom bought a tiny little jumper for the baby, she gave it to me last Saturday. It's gorgeous - and I tore up right when I saw what it was. I just couldn't believe that this time this little garment was meant for what you and I created and what I'm now carrying inside me. I'm sick all the time, so I'm pregnant all right, but that gift made it all suddenly so real. I'm experiencing very ambivalent feelings about it, feeling totally unreal and on top of the world all at the same time. Do you think that could be the result of hormones on the rampage? Oh, if only you were here to experience it with me, it's such a wonderful thing ... Mom asked me if I'd thought of names yet. I told her I hadn't, but that's a lie. I haven't thought of any girl's names I particularly like, but when it's a boy I'd like to call him William. Well, it is quite an obvious choice, the name William being the predominant name in both our families. I want to call him after your father, but if you feel uncomfortable with that, we can call him after my father, and no one needs to be any the wiser, right? Of course we could call him Fox. What do you think, should we call our son Fox? Your badge is lying next to me. I'm in bed now, the badge is on the night stand. It goes with me wherever I go. Whenever I feel really lonely I take it out and look at it, feel it. It's as if you're close then, it comforts me. It's sad, I know, but it helps me survive. Mulder, I'm going to sleep now. Last week I read that pregnant women need at least eight hours of sleep a night. I'm not even getting that in a whole week. I also read that stress is a very bad thing when pregnant. I wonder how nearly being murdered in a religious cult sacrifice rates on that particular stress scale. I'm definitely not in the right profession for a relaxed pregnancy. Then again, we would never have met otherwise, would we? And that would certainly have been a shame. I'm going to copy this in the morning. I'm so tired my handwriting is hardly legible. Maybe I'll add something, I don't yet know. I hope you are fine. I'll light a candle for you and pray for you. Sweetheart, I miss you more than you could ever know. I hope with all my heart we'll be reunited soon. I'll keep looking for you, don't be afraid, I won't give you up! Goodnight, my love, Yours forever, Scully XxXxX THE END Kirsten Kerkhof The Netherlands, 24 September 2001