From: Kirsten Kerkhof <kirstenkerkhof@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2011 11:35:39 +0200
Subject: Apocalyptic Eden 2, by Kirsten Kerkhof
Source: direct

TITLE: "Apocalyptic Eden 2"
AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * 
<kirstenkerkhof@gmail.com>
CLASSIFICATION: MSR, AU
KEYWORDS: S R A H
RATING: NC-17
SPOILERS: Post-colonisation, AU
SUMMARY: Life on the farm goes on.
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. No copyright infringement 
intended.
ARCHIVING: Sure. I'll do Gossamer myself, all others: 
you're welcome when you tell me where it's going, okay?
FEEDBACK: Cherished and worshipped at 
<kirstenkerkhof@gmail.com>
NOTE: Well, what can I say, but that these people are 
fun to follow? ^_^
The story picks up from where Apocalyptic Eden left off.
I think it would help you if you read that first story as 
I don't explain a lot here anymore ...

XxXxX
"Apocalyptic Eden 2"
By Kirsten Kerkhof
XxXxX

Chapter 1

Spring has truly sprung.
	
I'm walking around in the paddock and I smile as I 
see the tender young green leaves that have just 
started to unfold on the trees that line the fence to 
the fields. The branches are still basically bare, but 
the lightest sheen of green is forming, proving to 
everyone who cares to notice it that King Winter has 
really taken His leave. We haven't had a particularly 
harsh winter, but nothing cheers me up like the first 
signs of spring.
	
It's been a few years since we arrived here. We have 
no idea what condition the rest of the world is in, 
and we have no way of finding out. Three years ago 
Scully and I ran for our lives, selfishly abandoning 
the old world and everything we knew of it to save 
ourselves. And against all the odds we survived. The 
2012 Invasion -- well, let's just say that it soon 
became terrifyingly clear that They had no plans to 
wait till 2012. And we figured that if They could 
cheat, we could, too. So there. So we ran, and we 
made it. Actually, we're doing remarkably well, all 
things considered.
	
I smile. I've just returned from the fields where I let 
the cattle out for the first time this spring and I'm on 
my way to our farm.
	
We're thriving in fact. We're healthy, well-fed, and 
living in perfect peace away from the rest of the 
world. I'm a married man and the proud father of 
two gorgeous little girls: Katherine, who is almost 2 
years old, and 8-week-old Julia -- the older of whom 
I'm spotting near the chicken coop. Was I ever 
expecting something like this to happen to me? Hell, 
no. But I'd be hard-pressed to imagine I could ever 
want to turn back time.
	
The first winter we spent on this farm after our 
insane dash for survival was also almost our last. We 
came so close to starving that we were on the brink 
of despair, cursing our decision to run and thereby 
resigning ourselves to the slow agonising death by 
starvation, instead of having stayed in DC and 
gotten killed instantly as just about everyone else 
was. I swear the Grim Reaper was already 
sharpening His scythe, ready to cut the fragile 
threads of our lives and take us down. But once 
again we cheated Him out of His prize and we made 

it to the first signs of spring and fresh food, if only 
by the skin of our teeth. We had been unprepared, 
completely unready for a life of fending for 
ourselves in every sense of the word, and we learnt it 
the hard way. We couldn't be blamed and we did 
the best we could, but trust me, it was a lesson we 
memorised well.
	
The summer that followed we now consider to be 
the true start of our new lives. We had a fine summer 
and a good harvest -- and we got to make a baby, 
although we had no idea of it at the time. At least I 
hadn't; she sprung the news on me at Christmas, and 
what news it was! You see, we weren't supposed to 
have any children in the first place. It's been over 
two years ago now, but just thinking of that 
Christmas still brings out the biggest of smiles in me.
	
And then we thought our luck had run out: last 
spring They came back. If the news of Scully 

expecting Katherine makes me warm inside, the 
memory of our encounter with Them still chills me to 
the bone. They took Katherine, if only for a few 
minutes, and afterwards They did bless us with a 
gift I'm sure They gave to nobody else -- so why to 
us? It doesn't make any sense -- in the shape of little 
Julia, but ...
	
Goddamn ...
	
I take a deep breath at the memory. I've got to get 
rid of that, it's not worth the brainwaves it's carried 
on. It's kind of hard with the kind of memory I was 
born with, but ... banish the thoughts, asshole. Do 

yourselves all a favour ...
	
Anyway, we survived and we thrived. We're still 
thriving.
	
Our animals are doing well, too. We have an 
increasing number of them despite the fact that we 
necessarily slaughter some in the autumn for their 
meat. Three weeks ago we lost our old draft horse, 
we found him dead in his stable one morning. To be 
honest we had been expecting it for some time as he 
was tired and old, but it was a shock nevertheless. It 
is a bit of a pity since we don't have a good working 
horse now. Flora, our young mature mare gave us a 
young male foal last spring and he's grown into a 
beautiful spirited colt, but he's far too young to be 
trained yet. Oh well, I'm sure we'll manage 
somehow. Perhaps we can even use Flora. She's 
carrying a foal again, but won't deliver for quite 
some time yet, so she may still be able to do some 
work for us.
      
We're having the biggest haul of new lambs we have 
had so far, and this year we decided to let Katherine 
look on as the animals were being born. She hasn't 
been able to really help, of course, but from the 
attentive look on her little face I could see that she 
was honestly trying to understand. We had one still-
born lamb and one lamb which died soon after being 
born, but we decided not to hide these two poor 
creatures from her. It did lead to a few awkward 
questions and some crystal baby tears, but that's the 
way it is. She's living on a farm; she will have to 
watch animals die. 
	
But, the other lambs are doing absolutely fine and 
they're jumping around in the fields on their stiff 
little legs, driving the ewes mad no doubt; and every 
day new animals are joining them, much to 
Katherine's inexhaustible delight.
	
"Papa, papa!" I hear as I walk onto the small 
paddock between our house and the stable. I see our 
oldest daughter come running up to me, holding 
something in her hands.

	
I stop and kneel down.
	
"Look, papa, shick!" she says. She opens her small 
chubby hands and reveals a fluffy little chick. Its 
feathers aren't completely dry yet so I don't think 
it's as much as 30 minutes old.
	
"Where did you get that from?" I ask with a smile. I 
wonder why she picked that particular one up to 
show me, we have so many chicks in spring anyway. 
	
"Fwom da pen," she says.
	
I see Scully come up to us and I smile.
	
"Ah, so she found you," she says, smiling as well.
	
"What's up with that little chick?" I ask.
	
"She helped it break free from its shell. Guess she 
now rather thinks of herself as a mommy."
	
I grin, stroking my daughter's hair. "Good girl!"
	
"Mama?"
	
"Yes, sweetheart?"
	
"Mama shick."
	
I frown a little. I wonder what she means with that. 
She has just begun to make longer sentences, but 
grammar is something she only uses when it suits her 
-- and there are times she doesn't seem to want to 
bother -- and occasionally it can be quite hard to 
figure out what she wants.
	
"Do you want me to have that chick?" Scully asks, 
but our daughter shakes her head.

"No! Mama shick!"
	
"You mean the mama of your chick?" I ask, and she 
nods. We smile. "She's in the hen house, 
sweetheart," I go on, getting back to my feet. 
Kneeling down is killing my knees -- guess I really 
am getting old ... "Shall we bring this little guy back 
to his mommy?"
	
Katherine looks at me and then at the fluffy bird 
who is chirping softly. I can tell she'd really rather 
prefer to keep and cuddle the animal and has no 
inclination to share, but this little bird needs to be 
with the other chickens. Scully lowers herself to be 
at eye level with Katherine.
	
"Don't you think the mama chicken misses her little 
baby?" she says softly. Katherine's eyes go quite 
wide at the notion.

	
"Dis bee-bee?"

"That's right, that's mama chicken's little baby. 
Mamas love their babies very much. Just like I love 
you and Julia so very much."
	
"Ahm not bee-bee," she says proudly, making me 
smile widely. 
	

Scully smiles as well. "I know, you're a big girl, 
aren't you? But to me and papa you'll always be our 
baby because we are your mama and papa. Just as 
Julia will always be our baby. And we love our 
babies very much. And I think the mama chicken 
loves her baby very much, too, and right now she 
doesn't know where her baby is."
	
I see a tear in our daughter's eye, and she holds out 

her hands with the chick in them.
	
"Bing back shick ..." she whispers and I have to 
forcefully restrain myself from scooping her up for a 
big hug. It's just so touching and sweet. 
	
Instead I carefully pick her up and settle her in my 
arms, taking care not to squash the little bird she's 
still holding. "Let's go take this little fellah back to 
his mommy, okay?"
	
She nods, leaning her head in the crook of my neck. 
Together the three of us walk on towards the hen 
house.
	
It's spring for sure.

*~*~*

"Mama?"
	
"Yes, darling?"
	
"Ka-run wans bee-bee."
	
We're sitting on the couch in front of the fire. Julia is 
nursing in Scully's arms, drinking her dinner, and 
Katherine is sitting between Scully and me. A cosy 
little group.
	
"Do you want a baby?" Scully asks with a smile, 
meeting my eyes. I'm smiling, too, I can't help it.
	
"Yah."
	
"What about Nana?" I ask. Last Christmas Scully 
gave her a knitted cow to play with and they've 
been inseparable ever since. Nana was made to look 
like our real-life young cow, Nana -- which was 
Katherine's choice of name -- who was born only one 
day before Katherine and with whom she has a bond 
that crosses the boundary between species. Right 
now I'm not sure which cow she means though.
	
"Nana Bessie bee-bee."
	
I smile a little wider. "Well, that's true," I say.
	
"Maybe it's time she gets a doll or something," 
Scully says with a gentle smile, looking at Katherine 
who is holding her cow.
	
"God save us, a girly girl ..." I chuckle.
	
Scully grins. "She doesn't have to be. Girls play with 
dolls, that doesn't mean she'll necessarily grow into 
a little fashion puppet."
	
"Fat chance of that ever happening here," I grin, 
looking around at our utilitarian home. There's 
nothing fancy or overly feminine here.
	
She winks. "Be careful, it could still happen, you 
know."
	
I bend in and we kiss briefly but warmly. "Our 
princess."
	
"I thought she was already your princess."
	
I grin. Busted -- she knows our eldest daughter has a 
very special place in my heart and can hardly do 
wrong. 
	
"Anyway," she goes on as she lifts Julia onto her 
shoulder to burp her. "It is almost her birthday. Let's 
see what we can do."
	
I turn to Katherine. "Do you want a baby doll?" I 
ask and she nods.
	
"Yah."
	
"Well, it is almost your birthday, isn't it?"
	
She grins and nods enthusiastically. "Yah!" 
	
She holds up her hand and struggles a little with her 
fingers, using her other hand to bend them. I spot 
the tip of her tongue between her lips in 
concentration. "Ahm-uh be ..." She finally manages 
to raise her middle finger and thumb -- what a 
combination ... "dis mush!"
	
I grin. "That's right, sweetheart. You're going to be 
two, aren't you?"
	
She grins, too, folding her hands between her legs 
and on the whole looking very pleased with herself. 
"Two. Mm-mm. Ahm two!"
	
I hug her to me as we smile at each other.
	
"Papa?"
	
"What is it, honey?"
	
"Ah hungee."
	
I chuckle. "Of course you are."
	
I get up off the couch and pick her up, and Scully 
follows my example with Julia in her arms. "Then 
let's eat."

*~*~*

"So, where are we going to get her a doll?"
	
Scully smiles. "We'll have to make one. I haven't 
seen any lying around."
	
I shake my head. "No, I think that whoever lived 
here before let their daughters take their dolls with 
them."
	
She nods. "I'm glad they did ..." she says softly.
	
"Yeah, me too. It was probably the only source of 
comfort these kids had."
	
"Yeah ..."
	
We fall silent for a little bit.
	
"I can't imagine being on the run with our babies," 
she then says. "I'd go mad with worry."
	
"I think we would manage if the urgency came. 
We'd have no choice."
	
"Yes, you're probably right though ..."
	
"You know, I don't feel like this is what we should 
be thinking about," I say. "If we run out of luck, I'm 
sure we'll find a way and I have no doubt we'd do 
whatever it took to protect the girls, but it's 
counterproductive to worry about such events."
	
"They said They'd leave us in peace," she whispers. 
"Do you think They meant it?"
	
I bite my lips. "I don't know. I honestly don't. But 
we have to keep hoping or we'll never have a future 
that's worth its salt."
	
"Yeah ..."
	
She lifts her legs sideways up onto the couch and 
leans into me, and I wrap my arm around her 
shoulder, pulling her in. Katherine and Julia are in 
bed, and apart from a late-night feed for Julia in a 
couple of hours or so, we'll have the evening to 
ourselves. The evenings are still chilly so there is a 
fire in the fireplace and the blankets are next to the 
couch if we want to cover up a little more. This 
house has no central heating and it can be damned 
draughty if the wind is blowing the wrong way.
	
"Scully?"
	
"Mmm?"
	
"I ... I've been thinking ..."
	
"What about?"
	
I take a deep breath. "I don't want you to take this 
the wrong way, but ..."
	
She turns her head to look at me, a puzzled and 
slightly worried look in her eyes. "What? What's 
wrong?"
	
"Well ... erm ... I love Julia very much, but ..."
	
"I know you do. What is it?"
	
I sigh. "You know, I'm worried because I don't feel 
the same ... love, if that's the word ... well, you 
know ... I mean, when Katherine was born, I ... I fell 
in love, you know. Hard. And I love Julia so much, 
but it was never the same. And it worries me because 
I don't want to feel that way. I want to love them 
both equally ..."
	
She smiles. "I don't think that's possible. And I 
know there is something special between you and 
Katherine, I've never thought any differently. I saw 
it the moment you first held her, right after she was 
born."
	
"You did?"
	
She smiles wider. "Oh Mulder, you should have seen 
your face when you held her after helping me deliver 
her. I have never even seen you looking at me that 
way."
	
"I never realised that."
	
"Remember that time when you took her out that 
summer day last year when you went out to plant ... 
something, I've forgotten what it was ... and she 

gave you her first smile, and before you left, you 
asked me whether I trusted her with you?"
	
I nod. I'll never forget that day as long as I live.
	
"I told you that you loved her, maybe even more 
than ever you loved me, and really, I was only half-
joking. And I don't mind knowing that you feel that 
way at all."
	
"You don't?"
	
She shakes her head. "No. You can't help your 
feelings."
	
"I don't love her ... like that, you know, like I love 
you. I mean, of course I don't. I just ... I can't bear 
to think of any harm that may come to her and ..." I 
smile a little, shrugging half. "... she just puts a smile 
on my face."
	
"A big smile," she grins, making me grin as well. 

"Yeah ..."
	
She reaches up and kisses me softly. "I know. She's 
a very lucky girl to have a father who cares so much 
about her welfare."
	
"But what about Julia? I don't want her to feel like 
she's not as important. Because she is."

"Well, you know, I rather think I've got her covered. 
I don't know, it's just that ... I just want to hold her. 
All the time. When you placed her in my arms right 
after she was born, as raw and unwashed as she was, 
I just ... God, all I wanted to do was protect her. 
And not just because she was a little smaller than 
maybe we expected her to be, but ... she looked at 
me with those blue eyes that I could already tell 
were going to change to that stunning hazel colour 
she has and ..."
	
I chuckle. "So that's why I never get any playtime 
with her." And I wink, making her chuckle as well.
	
"I think we're doing very well. Katherine is your 
special girl, and I have a major soft spot for little 
Julia. And together we'll keep them safe and loved 
and help them grow into lovely young girls and then 
women." Her voice has lowered to a mere whisper 
by the end and I feel decidedly teary-eyed.
	
I nod. "Yeah ..."
	
"You're doing a great job loving Katherine that 
much, you know."
	
"So you don't mind?"
	
She smiles and shakes her head. "No. Actually, come 
to think of it, I'm kind of glad you bring this up now 
when they're both still so young. Because we will 
have to treat them fairly and equally, even if we both 
have our favourites. We can't let them take 
advantage of us and our personal preferences. I 
cannot allow Julia to get away with things I 
wouldn't allow Katherine to do, and you'll have to 
be as strict with Katherine as you'll be with Julia."
	
I nod. "Yeah, you're absolutely right."
	
"Of course I am," she quips, making me chuckle.
	
Then she sits up and reaches up. I see a fire in her 
eyes that I know very well, but which I haven't been 
able to quench for weeks now.
	
"What?" I whisper, not wanting to push her in case 
she isn't ready. Julia is only 8 weeks old after all, 
and I know Scully's body is still recuperating.
	
"So we love the girls ..."
	
"Yes, we do. Very much."
	
"And we can only hope they won't grow up to hate 
each other too much."
	
I chuckle. "So far Katherine seems to find Julia 
decidedly boring, though tolerable."
	
She chuckles too. "Well, that's true."
	
She smiles seductively and I gulp. "What?" I 
whisper.
	
"And we love each other."
	
"You have no idea how much."
	
I draw her in and she straddles my hips. "It'll be 
another hour or so before Julia needs me again," she 
says in a low voice.
	
I smile a little. "Is that so?"
	
"Yeah. And I want you so much right now."
	
I frown. "Are you sure? I mean, are you ready?"
	
She nods, bending in to brush her lips across mine. 
"Yeah. I mean, I may not be as tight yet as you'd 
like me to be, but I need you. I can't hold back, I 

miss it so much."
	
I kiss her for long lingering moments. "I'm sure 
you'll feel just as good as you always do."
	
"I can't wait for as long as it'll take for my body to 
get back to normal, Mulder, it would kill me."
	
"Dana, you gave birth to another beautifully perfect 
little girl only eight weeks ago. Apart from the fact 
that of course your body will never be as it was 
before you had any children, who am I to complain 
about anything? And, like I said, you'll feel 
amazing. I will feel great making love with you, 
because I'm doing it with you."
	
"Even with stretch marks?"
	
"Even then. Trust me, when a man gets in the mood, 
so much blood goes south that his eyes don't even 
function properly anymore. Lack of blood and 
oxygen and stuff, you know. Men can't even 
physically see any defects when they're turned on." 
And I grin.
	
She laughs out loud at this. "Please tell me you just 
made that up!"
	
I nod, laughing too. "I just made that up," I confess. 
"It's true though. Hideously so in fact."
	
"Well, it's good to know you won't notice my 
defects."
	
I huff softly. "I can't notice what isn't there, 
beautiful."
	
"Oh, cut it out, you know I have marks!"
	
"Badges of honour. Battle scars. Medals of valour. 
Wear them with pride."
	
She cuts me a look, defying me and I meet her gaze 
head-on. Then I decide enough is enough. She wants 
me; I go crazy with desire for her. It's time to get 
some action going.
	
"Come with me," I say in a low voice, dropping a 
few heated kisses on her neck. "And I will make you 

feel absolutely gorgeous."

XxXxX

Chapter 2

I enter the kitchen to an idyllic scene if I ever saw 
one: Scully is bathing Julia and Katherine is looking 
on.
	
It's late March and an unseasonably warm day. The 
windows are open and warm spring air is blowing 
away the stuffy winter air that we inevitably have 
after several months of a shut-up house. With no 
central heating we need to preserve as much warmth 
in the house as we possibly can, but that means we 
can't ventilate as much as we perhaps would like and 
in late winter it really starts to smell.
	
I've been out with the sheep. The first signs of our 
ewes being on the verge of lambing are showing, and 
I've been preparing the pens for the ewes that are 
expected to give birth within the next few days or 
weeks. It's about midday now and lunch time, so 
I've returned to the house to grab a bite to eat before 
I'm going out again to do more work.
	
Scully is bathing Julia in the kitchen sink as she often 
does and Katherine is sitting on the kitchen counter, 
watching her mother and younger sister. She looks 
up as I enter the room and smiles widely, holding 
out her little arms.
	
"Papa!"
	
I smile and walk over to them. I kiss Katherine on 
her cheek, making her giggle, then wrap my arms 
around my wife's waist and press a lingering kiss on 
the side of her neck.
	
"Hey, gorgeous," I say in a low voice.
	
She turns and smiles at me, giving me a quick kiss on 
the lips in return. "Hello, handsome," she says.
	
I look at my youngest daughter who is clearly 
enjoying her bath. She's so little still, and yet so 
perfect.
	
"Did you wash your hands, by the way?" Scully 
then asks.
	
I nod. "Yes, I drew up water from the well to wash 
them. I'm all nice and clean."
	
She smiles. "Okay then." Then she turns to 
Katherine. "Do you want to wash Julia's hair, 
Katherine?"
	
Katherine smiles widely and sits up. "Kay!"
	
Scully wets Katherine's hands and puts a tiny 
amount of soap on her fingers. Julia barely has any 
hair to wash yet, but it's cute, the way Katherine 
wants to help. Then Scully turns Julia around so her 
head is pointing the right way and Katherine very 
carefully puts the soap onto the baby's head. 
Together with her mother to guide her movements, 
she works up a little lather.
	
"Well done, sweetheart," Scully smiles. She rinses 
the excess lather from Katherine's hands who then 
sits up, a proud expression on her face.
	
"Did good, huh mama?"
	
"You did very well, thank you very much," Scully 
replies with a smile. Katherine looks at me, 
apparently for confirmation and I smile widely, 
giving her a nod. She giggles, looking very pleased 
with herself.
	
Meanwhile Scully has rinsed all the soap away from 
Julia's head and body.
	
"Katherine," she says.
	
"Mmm?"
	
Scully takes Katherine's hand and places it onto the 
baby's head over the fontanel. "Can you feel 
anything?"
	
I know you can feel a faint heartbeat there -- it 
thoroughly freaked me out the first time I felt it on 
Katherine, I can assure you! -- and I'm curious to see 
Katherine's reaction, and whether she even picks it 
up.
	
Judging by the surprise on her face she clearly does. 
Her eyes go wide and her mouth forms that perfect 
O it always gets when something astonishes her.
	
"Wassit, mama?"
	
"That's Julia's little heart beating."
	
Katherine stares at her mother. "Haht's in head?"
	
I laugh and Scully grins. "No, sweetheart, her heart 
is in her chest, right here." And she places 
Katherine's hand on her sister's chest. "But you can 
feel her heart beat in other places, too."
	
"Oh ..."
	
Then she claps her hand onto her own head and 
starts to feel around for her heartbeat. A look of 
panic shows. "Not haht, mama!"
	
Oh baby ... The panicked look is quite touching even 
when I can't help a smile.
	
"You can't feel it there anymore, sweetheart," I say 
and she looks at me.
	
"No?" she whispers.
	
"You can only feel it there when a baby is really 
small. Look:" I bend over and place her hand on my 
head. "Can you feel it on papa's head?"
	
I feel her little hand rummage around through my 
hair and I feel a smile appear at the sensation. Then 
she removes it and I look up at her.
	
She shakes her head. "No." Then she looks at her 
mother. "En mama?"
	
Scully dutifully lowers her head to let her daughter 
feel her head.
	
"Nope," she concludes.
	
I nod. "That's because we're not babies anymore. 
Only Julia is still small enough."
	
"Oh ..."
	
Scully lifts Julia out of the sink and starts to dry her 
off. Katherine watches the whole procedure 
carefully. Then she starts to giggle and turns to me.
	
"Papa?"
	
"Yes, darling?"
	
She points at Julia. "Bee-bee bewwie-buddon!"
	
I grin and Scully laughs softly as she puts Julia in a 
clean diaper and then her dress. "Yes, she has," I 
say. "We all have belly-buttons."
	
Her eyes go wide again. "You too?"
	
I laugh out loud now, I can't help it. "Yes, 
sweetheart, I have a belly-button, too. And so does 
mama."
	
In that totally shameless way that only toddlers are 
allowed to have, Katherine promptly lifts up her 
dress to inspect her tummy. She comes up with a 
grin. "Ah bewwie-buddon, papa!"
	
"Yes, you do. You have a very cute belly-button."
	
"Why?"
	
"Well, when you were still in mama's tummy, there 
was a little tube that went from your belly to mama's 
belly. And that's how mama could give you food to 
grow when you were still inside her."
	
"Oh."
	
"And when you were born, the little tube fell off 
because you didn't need it anymore."
	
"Why?"
	
"Because mama could give you milk now."
	
"Yah! Papa? Whas bewwie-buddon?"
	
"Well, that's where the little tube was when you 
were in mama's tummy."
	
"Oh." Then she holds out her arms. "Down peez."
	
Scully picks Julia up and I take Katherine and set her 
on her feet on the kitchen floor. "Are you going to 
feed her?" I ask of Scully.
	
She nods. "Yes, I am. Can you make something to 
eat for Katherine? And you should probably get 
some lunch for yourself, too."
	
I feel my stomach rumble and we grin. "Yes, you're 
right. Would you like me to get you something?"
	
She shakes her head. "I'm fine, I'll eat after Julia's 
been fed."
	
"Are you sure?"
	
She nods. "I'm sure. I had a sandwich a little while 
ago, so I'm just fine."
	
"Okay then." I look at Katherine who is still holding 
my hand. "Are you hungry, Katherine?"
	
She looks up and nods. "Ah hungee."
	
I pick her up under her arms and lift her into her high 
chair. "Then I'll get you something to eat."
	
"Podge!"
	
I smile. "You want porridge?"
	
She nods. "Yah!"
	
"Well, aren't you a lucky young lady, because mama 
has made you some porridge!"
	
Scully smiles as we share looks. Katherine always 
has porridge for lunch so it's not that much of a 
surprise. Still, no need to spoil the magic.
	
"And what do you think papa should eat?" I then 
ask Katherine.
	
"Podge!"
	
I grin. "Papa should have porridge, too?"
	
"Yah!"
	
"Well, papa doesn't really like porridge very much, 
because he's not little anymore, but- ..."
	
"Ahm nod widdel!" she protests. "Ahm big gurl!"
	
Touch?! 
	
Scully grins at me. "Talk your way out of that one, 
handsome," she comments and I smile widely, 
admitting my defeat.
	
"Well, yes, you are," I tell my oldest girl. "But papa 
is still a bit bigger than you are, isn't he?"
	
She nods. "Yah."
	
"So that's why papa doesn't need to eat porridge 
anymore. Do you think I can have some bread 
instead?"
	
She seems to ponder the idea for a few moments 
before she nods. "Kay."
	
I kiss her on her cheek. "Thank you."
	
"Tanku," she replies. It's her version of 'thank you' 
and the best she can manage for the moment.
	
"You're welcome, sweetheart," I grin and Scully 
laughs softly. I move over to the stove where some 
porridge is waiting for her and I scoop it into a small 
bowl and add some honey.
	
"Well, then, let's eat."

XxXxX

Chapter 3

I'm sitting under the oak tree; just overlooking the 
fields where our animals are grazing, both the young 
and the old, and where our crops are growing with 
such vigour it's almost unsettling. 
	
It's May and it's well and truly early summer. 
Winter has been gentle though a little rainier than I 
would have liked, but I don't think our crops 
suffered too much from the wetness. Although, if 
this had been our first winter I'm still not too sure 
we would have been as lucky. But with the 
knowledge we have now -- I'm by no means 
convinced I've got this farming lark down to an art, 
but I kind of think I am getting there -- and the 

completely undeserved amounts of luck, we are 
building a pretty damn good life.
	
We celebrated Katherine's second birthday a few 
days ago. Scully and I had worked hard to get her 
that doll she wanted, with me carving and then 
painting a head for it, and she making the body and 
the clothes. It definitely wasn't sophisticated, but 
our daughter loved it anyway. She finally has her 
'bee-bee'.
	
I pull up my knees and wrap my arms around them. 
I'm feeling a little confused, though I'd be hard-
pressed to tell you what's caused it.
	
Come on, I tell myself, you used to be a 
psychologist. Actually, you still are. Surely you can 
figure out what's wrong with you?
	
And the frightening thing is that I do know. I know 
what the matter with me is and it's so unnerving that 
I don't want to know: I'm not satisfied. Yes, that's 
true, I'm feeling unhappy and as though I'm lacking 
something. Amidst all I have, and God knows it's a 
lot more than I should ever have hoped for, 
especially in the current situation, all I've been 
blessed with, I'm not content.
	
And I hate that feeling because I know rationally I 
have no reason for it.
	
I remember an afternoon last year, when Scully was 
ill and I was sitting on the porch with Katherine by 
my side, and I felt lost and alone. I hated myself 
then -- and I wasn't even dissatisfied then. Just 
alone. And now ...
	
I frown.
	
Shit ...
	
I take a deep breath and I randomly pick up a twig I 
spot about a foot away. Not caring much, I twiddle 
it in my hands as I let my mind run rampant. Maybe 
it's time, and out here at least I'm alone. If I decide 
to do something characteristically stupid at least 
nobody will have to suffer the consequences but me.
	
I miss the thrill of the chase.
	
I miss seeing new faces.
	
I let out a short huff at that last thought. I've always 
been such a loner, always been decidedly anti-social. 
I never missed having no people around ever in my 
life. But it's been nearly four years now since we ran 
-- and four years since I last saw people other than 
Scully or my daughters.
	
And quite frankly, I miss it. The underdeveloped 
social side of me craves human contact.
	
Don't get me wrong, this family life is great, I 
absolutely love it, way more than I ever thought I 
could, but still ...
	
I wonder if I should tell her. We don't really have 
secrets for each other, and besides I'm a terrible liar 
and she never fails to catch me on a lie, but I'm not 
sure I can tell her this. Because I don't want to 
sound ungrateful, even if my thoughts most 
definitely are.
	
The twig snaps between my fingers and I'm pulled 
back to the here and now. Throwing the fragments 
away I take a deep breath and once again survey the 
lands I now call my own.
	
Ungrateful ...
	
That's what I am. I might as well call the beast by its 
ugly name.
	
I'm an ungrateful son of a bitch.
	
Then I hear the familiar high tones of Katherine's 
voice and I sigh softly. For a moment I'm not quite 
sure whether I even want to see her now, feeling 
rather content as I choose to wallow in generous 
amounts of self-pity, but it doesn't matter. She 
knows I'm here, and she won't leave me alone.
	
Oh well. Maybe it's even better that way.
	
"Papa!" I hear her shout and in spite of everything I 
feel a smile curving my mouth. I'm weak, I'm not 
even going to deny it. I'm weak for her honest 
childlike affection, like I'm weak for her mother's 
love and passion.
	
I turn my head and smile at her as I see her come 
running up to me, her doll in one hand, and her 
knitted cow in the other. I reach out my hand in 
invitation, unable to resist. Maybe she'll even make 

me feel better; I might as well give her the benefit of 
the doubt.
	
"Hey, sweetheart," I say when she's almost reached 
me.
	
With a squeal she quite literally throws herself into 
my embrace, nearly knocking the wind out of me.
	
"Oomph, be careful, darling," I manage to say. I 
wrap my arms around her and settle her more 
comfortably in my lap.
	
"What ya doin', papa?" she asks.
	
I smile. "I was just sitting here, looking at the 
animals and the fields." No way am I going to tell 
her the true reason of my sitting here. There is 
nothing to be gained from doing so.
	
"Oh," she says. Then she points at the cows. "Das 
Nana."
	
"That's right, there is Nana. You love Nana, don't 
you?"
	
She nods emphatically. "Yah!"
	
"Where's mama?"
	
"Wif da bee-bee."

	
"Don't say bee-bee, sweetheart. She's called Julia," I 
tell her. I'm getting a little worried to be honest, 
because she hasn't even tried to say Julia's name 
once, in whatever shape or form, since her younger 
sister was born. Scully keeps telling me I just need to 
be patient and that she'll get there, but I just wish 
she'd at least try.
	
"Ah know."
	
"Can you say Julia?"
	
"Yah."
	
I smile. "I know you can, so will you say it for me?"
	
"No."
	
I chuckle. Well, maybe another time then. "Okay."
	
"Papa?"
	
"Yes?"
	
"Wha's Nana's bee-bee?"
	
I raise my eyebrows. I know Nana has been mated 
and is expecting her first calf, but how can she 
know? 
	
"Nana's baby?"
	
She nods. "Nana has bee-bee. In-ner tummy." And 
she pats her own tummy. "Huh, papa?"
	
I nod, unable to deny it. "Yes, she has a baby in her 
tummy. How do you know?"
	
"Ah know," she says again, enigmatically this time.
	
I look at her, but her face shows nothing out of the 
ordinary. No signs of hidden knowledge or anything 
weird and unexplained like that. I smile wryly. Of 
course not, asshole, this is not some kind of fictional 
situation, this is reality and this is your daughter. 
Only in books do children have weird powers, she 
just guessed right no doubt.
	
And let's face it, we certainly tried hard enough to 
have every adult female animal on our farm pregnant 
over the course of winter so we'd have plenty of 
young this spring, so it would actually have been 
unusual if Nana hadn't been expecting. Katherine is 
a smart little girl and she no doubt just deduced it.
	
Don't go all supernatural, dumb-ass, I scold myself. 
Drag your ass out of the quagmire that used to be 
your life when you still thought nonsense like that 
mattered. And for the love of God, don't turn your 
own innocent little daughter into an X-File. She 
deserves so much better than that, do yourselves all a 
favour.
	
"Papa?"
	
"Yes, sweetheart?"
	
"Ahm hungee."	
	
I grin. This girl has an appetite to match her energy 
levels, and we give in to it as much as we can. She's 
a little chubby, though not fat by any means, and we 
try to keep her that way so she has some reserves for 
harder times. I'm not na?ve enough to think those 
hard times will never come, you see.
	
I get to my feet and Katherine follows my example. 
"Then I think we'd better go home and see if mama 
has dinner ready."
	
She grins. "Yah!"
	
I watch how she takes her cow and I pick up her 
doll. Her doll is a beloved toy, but nothing beats that 
simple by-now-much-patched-up brown knitted 
cow. Then I hold out my hand and she takes it, and 
together we head for home.
	
I'm not sure my feelings of dissatisfaction have gone 
entirely, but she definitely has rubbed my priorities 
in my face again. And that's all that matters in the 
end.

*~*~*

We're at the kitchen table, eating our dinner. Julia 
has already been fed and is now in the play pen that 
used to be Katherine's, making contented little baby-
noises. Katherine is in her high chair, dressed in a 
sleeved apron to protect her clothes from the mess 
she always makes with her dinner. I swear, if she 
had it her way, only about 10% of her food would 
actually make it to her mouth, and she'd gladly keep 
it that way, too! By now Katherine is eating normal 
food, and she's quite a good eater. She doesn't like 
boiled carrots, or any vegetables that have a slightly 
bitter taste, but on the whole she will eat whatever 
we give her. 
	
"Do you want another bite?" I ask of Katherine and 
she readily opens her mouth. "Here you go!" And I 
pop the small bite into her mouth. 
	
We're having peas, potatoes, and the meat from a 
chicken we found dead this morning. We knew this 
bird wasn't very young, but it was still a bit of an 

unpleasant surprise to find her dead in the coop. Oh 
well, that solved the issue of where we'd get our 
protein from today. We don't have meat every day, 
it's just not a food source that we have access to all 
the time, but it's great when we can have it.
	
There's potato mash on Katherine's chin and I wipe 
it away before I give her another bite. In-between 
feeding her I usually try to eat my own dinner, but 
today I'm not making much progress.
	
"Is your food still warm?" Scully asks and I give her 
a wry smile.
	
"I doubt it. It's okay; I'll reheat it after she's eaten."
	
"Would you like me to feed her so you can eat?"
	
"Nah, I'm fine."
	
She smiles, knowing better than to contradict. 
"Okay. Just don't be afraid to tell me if you'd like a 
little help."
	
I wink, scooping up some mushy peas to give to 
Katherine. "I won't."
	
We're silent for a bit, the silence only broken by 
Julia's soft chattering and Katherine's rather messy 
eating.
	
"Scully?"
	
"Mm-mm?"
	
"Do you sometimes miss it?"
	
She looks at me, a quizzical look in her eyes. "I don't 
understand."
	
I sigh silently. "This afternoon I was ... well, not 
feeling very good ..."
	
"Why? Is something wrong?"
	
I shake my head, but I can't help a self-pitying half-
smile. "Not technically, no, but ..."
	
"But what?" she whispers, putting down her knife 
and fork, focussing on me completely now.
	
"It's going to sound really weird, I guess, seeing that 
I've never been much of a people-person, but ... this 
afternoon, while I was in the fields after I was done 
looking after the sheep, I was sitting under the oak 
and ..." I sigh. "... I just felt lonely."
	
She doesn't speak, but her eyes are soft and 
understanding, giving me both comfort and the 
confidence to tell her more. Believe it or not, but I 
was kind of hesitant to bring my feelings up because 
they're so unrealistic.
	
"I mean, I don't know why I'm feeling that way, but 
sometimes I just ... miss seeing other people. And I 
don't want to sound ungrateful because I know we 
are so lucky, but ..." I shrug a little helplessly.
	
"Papa, ahm done," Katherine interrupts me. I smile. 
Maybe it's just what I need, too, a little respite.
	
I pull her plate away and get up to lift her out of her 
chair. Then I take off her apron and she runs off to 
wherever she feels like going. Thank God for no 
traffic for us to worry about and we can just let her 
run around. 
	
I sit back down.
	
"Would you like me to reheat your food?" she asks.
	
I shake my head. "Nah, I'm not really hungry right 
now."
	
"Okay."
	
I look at her and I can't help a knowing half-smile. 
The fact that she doesn't protest means she knows 
there's more to this than just a lack of appetite on my 
part.
	
She takes my hand in both her own and suddenly I 
feel my throat choke up and I take a deep 
shuddering breath.
	
"It makes no sense ..." I whisper.
	
She smiles gently. "It doesn't have to."
	
"I feel so incredibly ungrateful."
	
"But are you?"
	
In spite of myself I smile bit and I shake my head. 
"No. I'm not that stupid."
	
"I never said you were," she smiles. She lifts my 
hand to her lips and kisses my fingers very softly. 
Then she places it back on the table, but she keeps 
holding it. "What is it?"
	
I take a deep breath, letting it out on a long 
shuddery sigh. "It's so irrational ..."
	
"That's okay, you can be as irrational as you like." 
Her thumb is stroking my hand. "Tell me what's 
bothering you."
	
"It's not you or the girls."
	
She smiles. "Well, that's a relief," she quips very 
gently, making me chuckle a bit.
	
I take another deep breath and decide to tell her all, 
no holds barred. "I was sitting under the tree this 
afternoon and a feeling of dissatisfaction just swept 
over me. And I really don't know why, but I was ... 
missing people. Other people. I mean, don't get me 
wrong, I am grateful for what I have, and I'm such a 
lucky man to have you and to have our babies -- but 
today it ..." I swallow heavily. Can I really say this? 
Then I decide I should, because if I don't, I'll be 
guilty of something a lot worse than shocking her: 
lying to her. Lying by omission. "... it wasn't 
enough. And it makes no sense, but I was just ... not 
happy."
	
"What were you missing?"
	
I let out a self-depreciating laugh. "Believe it or not, 
I missed our old life and the interaction we had with 
other people! Isn't that insane? There I once was, 
burying myself in our office in order to avoid all 
contact with other people at any cost -- and now I'm 
longing for that life because we got to meet other 
people back then! What's wrong with me?!"
	
"Cabin fever?" she smiles with a half-smile.
	
I smile as well, realising she probably hit the nail 
right on the head. "Perhaps."
	
"You're not the only one," she then says, making me 
look up in surprise.
	
Just then Julia starts to cry and our conversation is 
momentarily interrupted again as Scully picks her up 
from her play pen to calm her down.
	
"Dirty diaper," she comments and we rise from the 
table and walk up the stairs to the baby room.
	
As she change's Julia diaper, she continues where 
our conversation left off. "I sometimes miss seeing 
other people, too. Not because I'm not content with 
you or our daughters, but there are times that ... I 
miss the interaction with other people. Because I 
know you so well, there is ... little surprise left. And, 
like you, I don't want to feel that way, but ... I don't 
think we can help what we feel." Her voice drops 
down to a whisper as she picks Julia up from the 
commode and she turns to face me, then walks into 
my embrace, our baby girl between us. "I only wish 
I'd been as brave as you were and just told you ..."
	
"I wasn't brave," I whisper, dropping a kiss in her 
hair, curving my hand to follow the delicate back of 
our baby. I feel the tiny notches of her little spine 
and her body warmth under the terry-cloth of her 
onesie. "I was ..." 
	
Jesus, I don't even know what I was ... 
	
I take Julia from her arms and cradle our youngest 
girl to me, feeling the soft warmth of this young 
child. It grounds me like nothing else. I think I just 
realised once more where I truly belong.
	
She reaches up and we share a long kiss. "No more 
secrets," she then says. "We'll ruin everything we 
have if we keep things from each other. Because 
each other is all we have."
	
I nod. "You're right. Thank you for opening my 
eyes."
	
"Same here, partner," she smiles, making me smile, 
too. "Come, let's go downstairs and see what 
Katherine's up to."

XxXxX	

Chapter 4

"Katherine?"
	
I walk into the kitchen to find my oldest girl playing 
on the floor in front of the softly burning stove. It's 
June, but we're having a bit of a chilly spell and I 
think she went in search of some warmth. The stove 
is never extinguished, as it takes literally days for it 
to go from completely cold to fully functional, and 
it's a constant source of heat in the large farm 
kitchen where we basically live. 
	
Hearing her name she looks up from her game. 
"Papa?"
	
I walk over to her and kneel down, smiling widely. 
"Hey sweetie, I have a surprise for you."
	
A wide smile forms on her face. "Pise?"
	
I nod and hold out my hand as I get back up. 
"That's right. Do you want to know what it is?"
	

She jumps up. "Yah!"
	
"Come with me then!" I grin, equally 
enthusiastically.
	
"Wissit, papa?"
	
"I'm not going to tell you, because then it wouldn't 
be a surprise, would it?"
	
"Tell meh, papa!"
	
"No no, you'll have to come and see!"
	
"Peez?" she says and I swear she's giving me doe-
eyes. Little miss charming.
	
I shake my head, still grinning like a madman. 
"Nope." I take her hand in mine and together we 
walk out of the kitchen to the stable.
	
"Ohh, is Nana!" she then says.
	
Dang, there goes the surprise ... "That's right, 
sweetheart. Do you know what Nana has?"
	
She does a few skips. "Bee-bee!"
	
"You're right, Nana has a baby! Shall we go and see 
them?"
	
"Yah!" she starts running, pulling me with her. 
"Come on, papa!"
	
Inside Scully is with the cows, more precisely with 
Nana who is by now munching her food again. Her 
little calf is by her side, and it's still a little wobbly 
as it tries to stay on its feet.
	
"Ohh ..." Katherine says, her eyes big. Then she 
looks at me as she points at the little cow-calf. "Is 
Nana bee-bee, huh, papa?"
	
"That's right, that's Nana's baby. Isn't she pretty?"
	
"Come in, sweetheart," Scully says and I lift our 
daughter over the stone wall that separates the pens.
	
Normally Katherine would just walk up to Nana, but 
she's a little apprehensive now. Maybe that's a good 
thing, too, seeing that Nana is now a brand-new 
mom.
	
"You want to come and say hello?" Scully asks. 
Katherine nods, but walks over to her mother 
instead. "Isn't this a pretty baby?"
	
"Is big bee-bee," she comments, making us both 
smile.
	
"Well, cows have big babies, because they're big 
animals, aren't they?" I say as I, too, climb into the 
pen. I spot Julia in a small make-shift crib in the 
empty pen behind us, sleeping soundly. Good.
	
Nana moos softly and Katherine slowly approaches 
her. "Hi, Nana," she says softly. She reaches out and 
touches Nana's big head, stroking the hide. The cow 
makes a little noise, like half a moo, and Katherine 
turns to grin at us. "Nana happy!"
	
I raise my eyebrows and look at Scully who seems 
equally surprised. "Is she?"
	
Katherine nods, giving Nana a hug. "Uh-huh, Nana 
has bee-bee." Then she turns to the cow. "Ah yike yo 
bee-bee, Nana."
	
Another strange little sound from the cow and 
Katherine giggles. Scully and I look at each other.
	
"Are they talking to each other?" she asks and I raise 
my eyebrows in confusion.
	
"If I didn't know better I'd say they are, but ..."
	
The calf wobbles her way to her mother's udders 
and after a little inexperienced prodding she latches 
on and starts to suck.
	
Katherine looks at us, smiling widely, pointing at the 
calf. "Da bee-bee is hungee, papa!"
	
I smile, too. "That's right, honey. She wants to drink 
because she wants to grow even bigger."
	
"Papa?"
	
"Yes, sweetheart?"
	
"Is all for da bee-bee now?"
	
"What is?"
	
"Da milk. Ah yike milk, too."
	
We smile. "Well, I think that, if you ask Nana very 
nicely, she'll let you have some milk, too."
	
"Now?"
	
"Maybe not right now," I reply, "because her baby is 
drinking. Her baby needs it more now."
	
She nods, her attention still riveted on Nana. "Mm-
mm. Nana milk for da bee-bee, huh, papa?"
	
"That's right."
	
"Mama has milk," she then says slyly and I grin.
	
"That's for Julia, sweetheart. Julia still needs her 
milk; she's not old enough to eat big girl's food."
	
"Yah." Katherine nods, giving us both a grin. "Ahm 
big gurl!" she exclaims, pointing her thumb at 
herself.
	
We laugh. "Yes, you are," I reply. I sit back down 
next to Scully who leans her head on my shoulder.
	
"Katherine?" she says.
	
"Yah, mama?" our daughter replies.
	
"What is Nana's baby called?"
	
She looks at us. "Huh?"
	
"What is her name?" Scully clarifies, and the 
confused expression on our girl's face vanishes. She 
shrugs.
	
"Dunno. Nana not say."
	
We share another surprised look. "You mean you 
haven't got a name for her yet?" I ask.
	
"Nope. S-good, she tell me la-er."
	
"She will tell you the name later?"
	
Katherine nods. "Yah." 
	
Scully turns to me. "Do you think she's telling the 
truth? Do you think Nana really talks to her?" she 
asks and I shrug.
	
"I really don't know. I mean, it's not possible, but ... 
what do we know, right?"
	
She nods. "Yeah ..." Then she chuckles. "Actually, I 
don't think it really matters. I mean, even if it's all 
just in her head, if it makes her happy I don't see 
why we should tell her otherwise. She has years of 
logical thinking to look forward to, let her have a 
little magic while it lasts."
	
I grin. "Yeah, you're right."
	
Then our daughter walks up to us and I pick her up 
to sit her down between her mother and myself on 
the stone wall. She leans into her mother who starts 
to stroke her hair. A comfortable silence falls 
between us and we just sit, enjoying the peaceful 
scene before us.

XxXxX

Chapter 5

	
"Mulder, can you watch Julia for me for a while? I 

really need to get the laundry done."
	
I've just walked into the kitchen from the fields 
where I'd been cutting grass for haymaking when 
Scully approaches me.
	
"Sure," I answer. "But are you sure you don't need 
my help with that?"
	
She smiles and kisses me gently. "I'm fine. I'll give 
you a shout when I need to put the washing through 
the wringer, but before that I'm going to be okay by 
myself."
	
I smile. "All right. Where is Katherine, by the way?"
	
"In the living room. You can take Julia there if you 
like, too."
	
I pick my youngest girl up and settle her into my 
arms. "Nah, I think I'll take her outside, give her a 
bit of a guided tour or something like that, spend 
some quality time with her."
	
Scully smiles. "Sounds like I'm about to lose another 
daughter."
	
I laugh, knowing exactly what she means. I draw her 
in and kiss her again, more hotly this time. "No, 
you're not. Julia is your special little girl and I can't 
see that changing anytime soon. But I want to spend 
a little time with her."
	
"I was only joking, you know."
	
I smile. "Trust me, I know." Then I look at the little 
girl on my arm. "Come on, gorgeous, let's go 
outside!"

*~*~*

Julia and I are sitting in the small meadow near the 
stable. There are no animals in this field so there are 
no cow pads or similar obstacles for us to worry 
about. The sun is shining, but it's not a hot day so I 
don't see any need to seek shade for the two of us.
	
My baby girl is currently sitting in front of me and 
she has a cornflower in her little fist, examining it 
with all the intensity a 7-month-old baby can muster. 
I've drawn my knees up and my arms are around my 
legs as I watch my daughter go about her business.
	
"Da!" she says, holding out to me the remains of the 
flower and I take it from her.
	
"Why, thank you," I smile and she smiles back 
widely.
	
She starts to crawl around the small field and I sit 
back relaxed, watching her simple joy in another 
cornflower when she comes across it. She picks it 
rather clumsily and crawls back towards me and then 
she sits right in front of me.
	
"Pa-pa," she then says and my breath catches in my 
throat.
	
Oh baby ... 
	
This is the first time she's ever said 'papa' properly -- 
I'm not unrealistic enough to imagine it wasn't 
entirely a matter of chance, but that doesn't matter 
at all -- and it's touched something very deep in me. 
And it doesn't make one shit bit of a difference 
either that I heard it before from Katherine, because 
this little girl here, my baby girl, is every bit as 
unique as I knew she would be. And those two 
simple syllables were all she needed to utter to 

absolutely shatter my heart with adoration.
	
Looks like Scully is indeed about to lose another 
favourite after all ...
	
She crawls into my lap and I hug her to me.
	
"Hey, sweetheart, you like your flowers, don't you?" 
I say softly.
	
She looks up at me and smiles widely. She has four 
little teeth to show with the next couple well on their 
way as I found out the painful way when I fed her 
last night and she decided to bite my finger.
	
I turn her around so she sits with her back against me 
and I reach out and pick another cornflower for her.
	
I'm not surprised by her interest in the flowers. Julia 
is much more gentle and quiet than Katherine, whose 
energy is just bubbling over all the time. I'm not 

convinced our eldest girl is hyperactive, since she has 
equally as many quiet times, but she's just a bundle 
of enthusiasm. Julia, on the other hand, seems to 
have a more quiet nature; and even when she's 
happy -- which she is almost all the time -- it's a 
gentle, very girly kind of happy.
	
Julia is just more of a lady, I suppose, and that one 
thing I always thought no daughter of mine could 
ever be: a girly girl. Oh boy ...
	
Katherine never showed much interest in flowers or 
plants, she has always been far more interested in the 
animals, including the dirty parts of the job like 
cleaning. Of course at her age she has no job to do 
yet, but I often get her company in the stables and I 
sometimes give her a trowel which she uses to scoop 
some dirt -- usually to a place it has no business of 
going -- to help me. It's pointless and absolutely 
adorable.
	
Julia on the other hand loves flowers. Even at a mere 
7 months old nothing pleases her more than a 
brightly coloured flower. It doesn't matter whether 
it's a weed or a rose; if it's tender and colourful, our 
girl is interested.
	
I wish I knew how to make a daisy-chain, something 
in me thinks she'd look absolutely adorable with a 
little garland of daisies on her head.
	
A sparrow lands a few feet away from us and she 
looks up at me as she points at the little bird.
	
I smile. "That's a sparrow, sweetie. Isn't it a cute 
little bird?"
	
The bird hops a bit closer and it cocks its little head.
	
"Da!" she says. "Buh!"
	
I grin. "That's right; it's a bird, well done!"
	
If this was a fairy tale I'm sure the bird would just 
hop on closer and eventually land on our daughter's 
finger, but of course right now I should be pleased 
by just seeing it at fairly close quarters. Then, with a 

tweet and a hop, it takes off and disappears into the 
distance.
	
Pity.
	
The cornflower Julia is holding is by now rather a 
crumpled mess so I hold out my hand and she 
carefully places it in there, making me smile.
	
"Thanks, darling," I say and I put it in the grass. 
Then I pick a nice plump daisy.
	
"Do you love me?" I ask and she looks up at me 
with those large guileless baby eyes. Katherine has 
bright blue eyes like her mother, but Julia has 
inherited my hazel eyes and they look a lot more 
stunning in her than I ever considered them to be in 
me.
	
I begin to pick off the petals.
	
"Julia loves me. Julia loves me not. Julia-..."
	
I'm interrupted by her sniffles and I look at her. 
Then she starts to cry and I stop.
	
"Oh baby, are you sad because I'm hurting your 
flower?" I say softly and I pick her up and hug her 
close as she cries. "I'm sorry, darling, I should have 
known ..." I pat her back softly, trying to calm her 
down. "There, there, sweetie, I'm sorry ... Shhh ... 
It's all right, shhh ..."
	
I'm touched by the way my torturing this flower 
affected her. It's such a thoughtless thing normally, 
but she does love her flowers and I really ought to 
have known better. It doesn't matter one bit that she 
can't keep flowers intact herself yet, because she 
doesn't wreck the blooms on purpose. And I just 
did.
	
My little sweetheart.
	
She's calmed down again and I hug her a little 
closer, stroking her head and back as I rock her very 
gently.
	
"Are you okay? I'm sorry, baby."
	
"Da?"
	
"Yes, sweetheart?"
	
"Muh."
	
I smile. "Are you hungry, sweetie?" I look up at the 
sky and figure it's about time for a meal for her 
anyway. I kiss her rosy cheek and get to my feet. 
"All right then, let's go home." I set her down on my 
arm and we make our way back to the farm.
	
I made her cry, something for which I can barely 
forgive myself, but I think she's over it already, and 
I feel a bit better now. No matter what, you've got 
to love this way of spending an afternoon.

XxXxX

Chapter 6

I wake up to the sight of the three most important 
people in my life sitting around me. Scully has Julia 
on her lap and Katherine is sitting next to her. All of 
them are smiling, some more exuberantly so than 
others, and it's definitely a fantastic sight to wake 
up to.
	

"Happy birthday, Mulder," Scully smiles and 
Katherine smiles widely, bouncing on the bed with 
tangible excitement.
	
"Happy buvday, papa!" she exclaims, making me 

smile even wider.
	
"Pa-pa!" Julia cries, almost reducing me to tears with 
happiness now. God, this a good place to be in ...
	
There was a time when my birthday was an occasion 
that couldn't pass quickly enough, but I'm definitely 
getting used to it these days. With our current life, 
which is more normal than I could ever have 
imagined, we celebrate the milestones in our lives 
more normally, too, and those milestones do include 
birthdays. And, guess what, I don't mind at all. 
How about that, huh?
	
I bend in and kiss Katherine on her cheek, "thanks, 
sweetheart", making her giggle, and then I kiss 
Julia's cheek, "thanks, sweetie", and she gives me 

that nearly toothless smile that's so cute in babies. 
Then I lean in, and Scully and I kiss.
	
"Thank you," I say softly when we part and we 
share a gentle, loving look. I know I didn't add any 
term of endearment this time, but that's only because 
I really don't know any words that could adequately 
convey my feelings for her. Besides, we don't need 
any and we both know it. She smiles and I feel my 
own mouth curve until I must be grinning like a loon. 
I gently cup the back of her head in my hand to 
draw her in again and we kiss some more, deeply 
and slowly this time.
	
"Papa, ahm hungee," I hear Katherine say and I 
reluctantly break our kiss.
	
"Just a moment, Katherine, I'm not done kissing 
your mother," I say as I lean in for another kiss and 
Katherine lets out a dramatic sigh, throwing her little 
hands in the air in an adorable show of desperation.
	
"But you kiss hew all da time!" 
	
Scully and I burst out laughing and with one last 
quick kiss we sit back up.
	
"I'm sorry, darling, but I just love mama so much."
	
"Ah know. But papa?"
	
"Yes?"
	
"You luv me, huh?"
	
I nod. "I do. I love you very much."
	
She grins. "Ahm spes-sal gurl, huh?"
	
I hear Scully chuckle and I grin. "Yes, you are my 
special girl."
	
"Papa?"
	
"What is it, sweetheart?"
	
"You kiss mama on hew lips. Why you kiss me on 
mah cheek?"
	
I feel my eyebrows shoot up and I quickly look at 
Scully who has a surprised smile on her face. 
	
Excuse me?
	
I clear my throat and think fast. How can I explain 
this in terms that a precocious 2-year-old can 
understand, but still keep it age-appropriate? I don't 
want to lie to her, but I definitely don't feel like 
telling her too much. We will have plenty of time for 
that kind of conversation when she's a good ten 
years older, thank you very much.
	
"Well," I say, deciding to take a very simplistic 
route, "that's because a kiss on the lips is for mamas 
and papas."
	
"You mah papa."

"Yes, but I mean that when mamas and papas love 
each other very much, they kiss each other on the 
lips. It's very special."
	
"Ahm spes-sal!"
	
"I think she's kind of got you cornered, Mulder. Do 
you really want to talk about this now?" I hear 
Scully ask and I chuckle.
	
"I might as well. She's right, she does see us kissing 
'all da time', so I guess it was bound to pop up some 
day."
	
She smiles. "All right. Shall I get breakfast on the 
way or would you like me to stay?"
	
"Mmm, I think you'd better stay. I may need your 
help in case our little professor here gets me cornered 
for real."
	
Katherine tugs on the sleeve of my shirt to get my 
attention again. In summer we sleep naked, but 
October has been viciously cold already and I'm 
wearing a shirt to bed these days.
	
"Papa?"
	
"I'm sorry, darling." I pick her up and sit her on my 
lap. "Well," I continue, "you are very special, but 
you're also my daughter. And papas don't kiss their 
daughters on the lips, you know. That's for mama. 
But I love you very much, so I kiss you on the 
cheek. Like so." And I press a soft kiss on her cheek, 
making her giggle.
	
"When Ahm mama, Ah get kiss on mah lips?"
	
I nod. "That's right. When you are older and you are 
a mama and you have a baby, you will get a kiss on 
the lips."
	
"Is you, papa?"
	
I shake my head. "No, you'll have someone of your 
own. Mama chose me to have babies with, to have 
you and Julia. When you're older, you can choose 
someone too to have babies with, and he can kiss 
you on the lips." I look at her and I can see in her 
eyes that she's really trying to understand what I'm 
trying to tell her. Boy, what a conversation to have 
with a toddler ...
	
"Oh ... But papa?"
	
I wonder what else she wants to know now. "Yes, 
darling?"
	
"Ahm hungee!"

	
I laugh, not expecting this sudden change of subject 
at all. I lift her off my lap and she slides off the bed. 
"Then we should eat," I say, smiling at Scully, who 
is smiling widely in return.
	
"I'll take the girls downstairs and get them settled 
for breakfast while you dress, okay?" she says and I 
nod.
	
"That sounds great. Oh, Scully?"
	
She looks at me. "What?"
	
I crook my finger to beckon her closer, letting a little 
fire flicker in my eyes. She smiles, picking it up 
unerringly. "Come here. You I can kiss on the lips, 
you know."
	
"Katherine will complain," she says with a grin as 
she willingly comes closer. She sits Julia down on 
the bed, then moves into my arms, and I cover her 
mouth with mine, kissing her long and deep again.
	
"You doin' it agin!" we hear Katherine complain and 
I smile into the kiss, feeling Scully chuckle as well.
	
That's right, darling, we're doing it again.
	
When we part I find I've pulled her right into me 
and to my embarrassment I'm now completely hard. 
Damn, this is not a good situation to be in with two 
small kids in the room -- and I'm not even talking 
about the fact that we can't take it any further right 
now.
	
"Got carried away, lover?" she grins, realising my 
predicament all too well, and I chuckle.
	
"Cover for me, will you?"
	
"Mmm, will it be worth my while?"
	
I trail a finger over her cheek as I let every bit of 
desire I feel for her shine in my eyes unchecked. 
"Oh, it will be."
	
She surprises me when she takes my hand and I feel 
my breath catch in my throat as she takes the finger I 
just trailed across her cheek into her mouth and very 
slowly, just once, sucks on it, her eyes never leaving 
mine. Jesus ...
	
She releases my hand and smiles seductively. Then 
she picks Julia up from the bed, and takes 
Katherine's little hand. "Come on, girls, let's go 
downstairs and eat."
	
"Yay!" Katherine cheers.
	
"Yay," Julia mimics her big sister, clearly not really 
understanding why, but not caring anyway.
	
With one last heated look at me and a knowing smile 
on her face, Scully leaves the room for the kitchen, 
leaving me wondering whether all this just really 
happened.

*~*~*

I come down into the kitchen where Katherine and 
Julia are at the table, having their breakfast. 
	
"Papa, look!" Katherine exclaims, pointing at her 
plate. "Pan-gayg!"
	
"Payk!" Julia says, smiling widely.
	
"Ooh, mama made pancakes for you! Aren't you 
two lucky girls!" I say, smiling widely. I cross to my 
wife who is at the stove, busy making more 
pancakes. I lean in and we share a kiss. "Got any 
pancakes for me?"
	
She smiles and nods. "Of course. Take a seat!"
	
I happily sit down at the table between Katherine, 
who has by now half her face covered in honey, and 
Julia, who I swear has pieces of pancake stuck to the 
back of her head. It's amazing how young children 
seem to be able to eat using their entire faces ...
	
Scully sets a plate with two large pancakes down in 
front of me. Our bread and therefore also our 
pancakes are made of coarsely-ground flour, and the 
pancakes benefit from being a little larger and 
thicker than I was used to back in our old lives. I 
take the honey jar and drizzle the golden liquid over 
the steaming pancakes, and dig in.
	
"Ooo, this is good!" I say around the bite in my 
mouth.
	
I see her smile. "Thank you," she says as she flips 
another pancake over in the pan.
	
"Come, sit down and have some breakfast yourself."
	
She nods. "I will. Just let me take this pancake out 
of the pan and I'll be right there." She slides it onto 
a plate and takes it to the table where she sits down 
opposite me between Katherine and Julia.
	
There is a plate with a few pancakes in the middle of 
the table, a little stack she must have made in 
between feeding our daughters. She takes the honey 
and pours some over her pancake and starts to eat 
too.
	
I take a dishcloth and start wiping the honey and 
bits of pancake off our daughters. "Boy oh boy, how 
do they do it?" I mutter with a grin, making her 
chuckle.
	
"It's an art form," she says, making me chuckle as 
well.
	
"Yeah, it must be."
	
"Mama?" Katherine says when I've wiped the worst 
of the breakfast from her face.
	
"Yes, sweetheart?"
	
She holds out her arms to me. "Papa, down, peez."
	
"Okay." I take her under her arms and lift her out of 
her chair. Then she runs up to her mother.
	
"Mama," she says as she reaches her. From the tone 
of her voice I realise she's trying to keep it a secret, 
but whispering is simply not one of her abilities yet. 
"Ah have pessent for papa!"
	
Scully cuts me a grin and I feel a similar grin appear 
on my face. Then she looks at our daughter. "I know 
you do. Do you know where we keep it?"
	
"Yah! Ah get it?"
	
Scully smiles. "All right. Run upstairs and go get 
papa's present!"
	
"Yay!" And she's off, her little clogs clattering on 
the rough tiles of our kitchen.

	
"Do you want your presents now?" Scully asks and I 
smile.
	
"Well, I certainly wouldn't mind. And to be fair I 
don't think Katherine can bear to wait another 
moment," I say with a grin.
	
She nods. "It's been hell for her this past week. She 
simply couldn't understand why she couldn't just 
give you her gift. She must be so relieved now."
	
We hear her come down the stairs and then she 
appears, her face flushed with excitement, a tiny 
fabric bag in her hand.
	
"Give now, mama?"
	
"Bring it into the living room, sweetheart, and Julia 
and I will give our presents too, okay?"
	
"Kay." She runs up to me and takes my hand, 
pulling me up out of my chair. "Come on, papa!"
	
I wonder if it's at all possible to smile more as I 
realised just how touched I am by her contagious 
enthusiasm.
	
Together the four of us walk into the living room 
and we sit down on the couch. I see two more 
wrapped gifts on the table and I must admit I'm 
actually getting quite excited.
	
"What about the animals?" I ask, tempering my 
enthusiasm by thinking of our day-to-day duties that 
I shouldn't forget about. It's all right to be excited 
about having presents, but we have a lot of lives 
depending on us, and I cannot afford to take my 
mind off them, or we'll suffer the consequences 
later.
	
"It's okay. I milked the cows this morning before I 
woke up the girls, and I gave the animals some food. 
We do need to clean the pens though, I didn't have 
time for that, so we'll have to see to that after we've 
finished here."
	
I frown. "Why didn't you wake me up then? I could 
have helped."
	
She smiles. "Nah, the least I could do on your 
birthday was to let you sleep in a little."
	
I lean in and kiss her briefly, causing an exasperated 
"Not agin!" from Katherine and making us grin. 
Then I look at my oldest girl.
	
"All right, sweetheart. You said you had a present 
for me?"
	
She jumps up onto the couch and sits on her knees, 
the little draw-string bag held out for me. I open my 
hand and she gives it to me.
	
"Open it, papa!"
	
I carefully pull the bag open and let its contents drop 
in my hand. It's a small shiny acorn on a string.
	
"Ah finded nut, papa!"
	
I smile widely. It's a simple, run of the mill, brown 
acorn, but she's so proud of it that it could have 
been made of gold for all I care and it wouldn't be 
more precious. "Did you find this acorn all by 
yourself, sweetheart?"
	
She nods. "Yah!"
	
"She came in with that acorn about a week ago," 

Scully says with a smile. "I have no idea why she 
picked it up, she hasn't been able to tell me the 
reason, but she did say it was for you. So I braided 
some string and pierced the top of the acorn for her 
so we could attach the acorn to the string."
	
I smile at her, and then stroke my daughter's hair. 
"Thank you, sweetheart, I love it, it's a very pretty 
acorn. Do you want me to wear it?"
	
Katherine nods. "Yah!"
	
"Okay then." I tie the string around my neck. The 
string is fairly long so at least it doesn't choke me. 
Then, when the acorn is resting in the hollow of my 
throat, I show it to her. "So, what do you think, 
Katherine? Am I doing good?"

	
She cocks her head and seems to study it. Then she 
smiles and nods. "Yah. Is good!"
	
I wink at Scully who chuckles. Then I pick 
Katherine up and sit her on my lap, giving her a kiss 
on the cheek. "Thank you, sweetheart, this is really 
lovely."
	
She grins. "Tanku!"
	
We've really got to teach her to say 'you're 
welcome' or something like that, but at least she 
does try her best. She'll learn, I have no doubt about 
that.
	
"Papa?"
	
"Yes, sweetie?
	
"Mama has pessent, too."
	
"Does she?"
	
Katherine nods enthusiastically. Then she turns to 
her mother. "Mama, you have pessent for papa, 
huh?"
	
Scully smiles, picking up the two gifts on the table.
	
"Can I give papa a kiss for his birthday?" she asks of 
Katherine.
	
Katherine sighs dramatically, making us both laugh. 
	
"Da's not pessent!" she protests, but I lean in 
anyway and Scully and I share a soft, lingering kiss, 
ignoring our oldest daughter's disgusted expression. 
Then, when we've parted and we're sitting back, I 
open the gifts.
	
The first one is a drawing, clearly done by Julia. I 
still have the drawing Katherine made for Christmas 
two years ago, and every single drawing she's made 
for us since then. And now I have one by my baby 
girl to add to the collection. To be perfectly honest, I 
really don't care that they're just scratches or, in 
Katherine's case, primitive tadpole-like human or 
animal figures; they're more precious to me than the 
finest Van Gogh or Picasso could ever be.
	

I lean in and kiss Julia on her soft little cheek, taking 
her by surprise. Her cheek is a little warm, but that's 
probably just because of the fire in the fireplace. 
"Thank you, sweetheart."
	
Then I take the third gift and, with a smile at my 
wife, I open it. Inside is a small note-book, clearly 
hand-made.
	
"It's for our animals," Scully says with a smile. "Our 
stock is growing fast and I think we really ought to 
start keeping note of our animals and their offspring. 
I'm afraid we'll get inbreeding if we don't keep 
track of them."
	
I nod as I leaf through the little notebook. She's cut 
sheets of paper into small rectangles and sewn them 
together with some cardboard for the front and 
back. It's nothing fancy, nothing elaborate or 
elegant, but it's a fantastic little gift which she 
obviously spent time on, and will come in very 
handy.
	
"Yes, you're right," I reply and I smile. "Thank you 
very much, this will be really useful!"
	
I lean in for another quick kiss, and then we get up 
from the couch.
	
"Thank you all very much," I say and I see them 
smile.
	
"You're welcome," Scully says. Then she turns to 
the girls. "Isn't this nice?"
	
Julia doesn't react, most likely because she doesn't 
understand yet, but Katherine nods. "Yah."
	
"Come," I then say. "I think it's time to get some 
work done. I'll go and muck out the pens and feeds 
the cows and horses, have that over and done with."
	
"Are you sure? I mean, I can do it too, it is your 
birthday after all," Scully says but I shake my head.
	
"No, that job is mine and I don't mind." I turn to 
Katherine. "I'm going to the animals, Katherine. Do 
you want to come with me?"
	
She jumps up, smiling widely. "Yah! Go see Nana 
en-ner bee-bee!"
	
I grin. "All right then! Come with me!" I smile at 
Scully who smiles back at me. "We'll be back in a 
little while."
	
"That's fine," she smiles. "I think I'm going to do 
the laundry. I'm running out of diapers again."

*~*~*

"Mulder?"
	
I look up from the feeding trough where I've just 
deposited the last load of hay for the cows, and see 
Scully behind me, a very worried expression on her 
face.
	
I frown and set the wheelbarrow down. "What's 
wrong?"
	
"It's Julia. I think she's sick," she says and all 
thoughts of the daily chores immediately leave my 
mind.
	
"Sick? Is it serious?"
	
"I don't know. Can you come?"
	
I'm already on my way, I think. "Of course. Where 
is Katherine? I sent her in a little while ago, is she in 
the house?"
	
She nods. "Yes, I left her in the living room where 
she was playing with her cow and her doll."
	
Together we quickly walk back to the house. After a 
quick check on Katherine who is still playing quietly 
on the rug in the living room, we go straight upstairs 
to the baby room and we cross over to Julia's crib.
	
I frown. She's indeed not looking well at all, with an 
angry flush on her little cheeks -- so that was why her 
cheeks felt a little hot this morning -- and a light 
sheen of sweat on her otherwise pale face. When I 
touch her I feel that her little onesie is damp.
	
"Do you think it's serious?" Scully whispers.
	
I shake my head. "I don't know. I really hope it's 
just a little fever or something." I know she's 
supposed to be the doctor, but she's also a mom and 
I don't think her professional training is enough to 
make her worry any less or think any more clinically 
right now.
	
"What can we do? She looks awful," she says softly.
	
"Did she drink?"
	
"She did this morning, but she threw up just before I 
went to get you. That's when I realised she was so 
poorly." I meet her eyes and I'm surprised by the 
look of panic that matches her voice. Oh sweetheart 
...
	
I draw her in. "Poor little thing," I whisper, looking 
at our daughter. "What do you think we should do?"
	
She shakes her head. "I don't know," she whispers 
back. "Do you think we should try and get her to 
drink something?"
	
"Don't you think milk might be a little heavy for her 
now?"
	
"Maybe she'll take some water. I'm scared she'll get 
dehydrated, babies dehydrate so fast."
	
I nod. "If you stay here and look after her, I'll go 
downstairs and boil some water, okay?"
	
She nods wearily and picks the baby up from the 
crib and into her arms. "Okay."
	
Frowning with worry I walk down the stairs back 
into the kitchen where I pour some well-water into a 
pan and put it on the stove. I wish we'd have access 
to a doctor now, I'm really worried now, but of 
course there is no professional help to be had. We're 
on our own in the same way as we are in every other 
aspect of our lives these days.
	
I hear the familiar light clatter of Katherine's clogs 
and I turn around to see our oldest girl enter the 
kitchen.
	
"Papa? Wassit?"
	
I sigh and smile a little. "It's Julia, sweetheart. She's 
sick."
	
She frowns. "Bee-bee sick?"
	
Maybe it's the worry that makes me this short-
tempered, but all of a sudden I get really annoyed at 
her continued use of 'bee-bee' instead of Julia's 
proper name. "Katherine, for God's sake, stop saying 
'bee-bee'! Her name is Julia and you know it! Use 
her name!"
	
I see her shocked expression and then a few tears, 
and I realise this is the first time I've really lost my 
temper with her, and I immediately regret it.
	
I sigh at the sight of her starting to cry and I kneel 
down, holding out my arms. "Oh, sweetheart, I am 
sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you, you didn't 
deserve that." She look at me and swipes her tears 
away with her sleeve as she cries.
	
"Papa, you an-gy?" she says between sobs.
	
I feel my heart break for real now. "Oh, baby, of 
course I'm not angry with you. I could never be 
angry with you." I beckon her closer and very slowly 
she approaches me. "Come here, sweetheart, I'm 
sorry. I'm so sorry."
	
She walks into my arms and I pick her up as she 
cries. "Ah sowwie, papa!"
	
"Shhh, don't be, sweetheart, you did nothing wrong, 
it was all my fault. Shhh ..." I get up and hug her 
some more. "Come, we'll go and see mama and 
Julia, okay?"
	
"Kay," she whispers, still sniffling a little. I lift her 
up properly into my arms and together we walk up 
the stairs. The water will take a little longer yet 
before it's properly boiled, so I have time. Besides, 
this is way more important.
	
"What's wrong? What happened?" Scully asks when 
she sees the traces of the tears on Katherine's face. 
	
I sigh deeply. "I got angry with her," I say, shaking 
my head. "It was uncalled-for and I shouldn't have 
done it."
	
"So what happened?"
	
I stroke a lock of hair from Katherine's face as she 
lies against me, sucking her fist as per usual. "I told 
her that Julia was sick and she used the term 'bee-
bee'. And for some idiotic reason it just got to me 
and I told her to use Julia's proper name. And that 
probably wasn't so bad, but I really snapped at her, 
and she didn't deserve that."
	
Scully looks at me and Katherine. Then she nods. "It 
was more than likely just the worry on your part. I 
think she's already forgiven you."
	
I look at my oldest girl as she's resting her head in 
the crook of my neck, her trust in me implicit as 
always. "Yeah. I am sorry, though."
	
She nods. "I know you are." She smiles. "You and I 
both know you could never stay angry with her. 
Anyway, is the water ready?"
	
"It's probably boiling by now. Shall I go down for 
it?"
	
She nods again. "If you can. I think I'll just run over 

to our room and get some clean sheets for her. She's 
so hot she's sweating."
	
"Katherine, can you stay here for just a second? 
Mama and I will be right back. You look after your 
little sister, okay?" I say as I set Katherine on the 
floor. I kneel down and take her little hands. 
"Katherine, are we friends again?"
	
She smiles and nods. Then she wraps her arms 
around my neck and I hug her to me. "Papa and 
Kaf-rin are fwends," she says and I smile, even 
though I have to gulp down quite a lump. "Ahm 
spes-sal gurl agin, huh, papa?"
	
I smile, kissing her on the cheek. "Yes, you are, 
sweetheart, you will always be my special girl." Then 
I get to my feet. "We'll be right back, okay?"
	
She nods. "Kay."
	
Scully nods at me. "All right, you go and fetch the 
water and I'll run down for a change of bedding. 
Maybe you can steep some elderberry flowers in the 
hot water and make tea, it'll help her get rid of the 
flu faster."
	
I nod. "Good idea, I think we still have some. I'll be 
back in a few minutes."
	
"Okay."

*~*~*

When I return to the room with the mug of cooling 
tea, I spot Scully in the doorway, the sheets still in 
her hands.

	
"What is it?" I ask, but she gestures me to be quiet.
	
"Shhh, look," she whispers and I stand next to her. I 
feel my eyebrows rise as I survey the scene in front 
of us.
	
Katherine has drawn up a chair and she's on her 
knees on the chair, looking into the crib. She has one 
little hand on Julia's forehead, her other hand on her 
little sister's chest.
	
"What is she doing?" I whisper. "Shouldn't we stop 
her? Julia might still be contagious."
	
Scully shakes her head. "If she is, Katherine's 
already got it anyway. You know, I think ... I think 
she might be healing her. Or something like that."

	
I frown. "Healing?"
	
She nods. "Do you remember that They said she was 
not like others? And that she was very special? I 
think she really might have powers or abilities we 
never thought she had."
	
I nod, too, as I look at our oldest girl. I have rarely 
seen her this concentrated on her task and the energy 
she emits is almost tangible.
	
I set the mug down on the chair by the door. Then I 
wrap my arms around my wife's waist and slowly 
pull her in closer as we watch our two girls.
	

I have no idea how long we remain like this, but 
after a while Katherine moves, taking her hands 
away from her little sister's body, and wiping them 
on her dress. She looks up at us and smiles gently, 
her expression far more mature than I have ever seen 
in her. I smile back and I'm glad to see that the 
gentle smile -- which was just a tad too wise for 
comfort for me -- changes into her normal 
enthusiastic smile. She climbs off the chair and 
quickly walks up to us. I hold out my arms and I 
pick her up, hugging her close. Meanwhile, Scully 
crosses over to Julia's crib, checking out our little 
girl. With Katherine in my arms I join her.
	
"How is she?" I ask.
	
Scully is feeling Julia's forehead and she nods. 
"Feels like her temperature is down a little. She's not 
as sweaty either, although I think I'm still going to 
change her sheets."
	
"Katherine?" I address our daughter, "what did you 
do?"
	
"Bee-bee sick, papa, I make her bedder."
	
"How did you do that?"
	
"Is easy, huh?" she just says and she looks at me as 
though she truly can't imagine I could ever think any 
differently. I decide to let it drop. I don't think she 
could explain it to me anyway, and it's not 
important. As long as it doesn't bother her, and 
people benefit, I'm fine with it. No need to seek out 
trouble.
	
I stroke her hair. "All right then. Is Julia feeling 
better a bit?"
	

She nods. "Yah. Is okay."
	
I smile. "Thank you, sweetheart."
	
"Mulder, can you hold Julia for a moment while I 
change the sheets?"
	
I set Katherine down and pick Julia up from her crib. 
Her onesie is damp, but her little body doesn't feel 
quite as feverish as it did only 30 minutes ago, and 
her colour is a lot better too. Whether Katherine 
really has healed her or not, I think that the worst is 
over at least, thank God. I cradle her to me and give 
her cheek a kiss as I watch how her mother quickly 
and routinely changes the sheets of her little wicker 
crib. 
	
"There, all done."
	
"I think the tea has cooled enough for her to have 
some," I comment and Scully nods.
	
"Yes, I think we should give her that tea. I rather 
think the worst of her fever is over now, but it won't 
hurt her and at least she'll take in some fluids."
	
"Do you want to feed her?" I ask.
	
"Papa?" Katherine interrupts me, softly tugging me 
on the leg of my pants.
	
I look at her. "What is it, sweetheart?"
	
"Ahm hungee."
	
I grin. Of course she is, it's getting quite late for 
lunch already. "All right, let's go and get you 
something to eat then."
	
"Papa?"
	
"Yes?"
	
"Ah wanna go potty, too."
	
"I think you have an emergency on your hands," 
Scully smiles and I nod, handing Julia to her mother. 
Then I take Katherine's hand.
	
"Okay, sweetheart, let's go and get you sorted out 
then." Then I turn to Scully. "Will you be okay?"
	
She nods. "I'll be fine. I'm going to try and get her 
to drink some of this tea, and I think I might stay in 
here for a little longer, keep an eye on her so she 
doesn't get worse after all."
	
I frown. "Do you think she's still in danger?"
	
She shakes her head slightly. "I don't know. But I'm 
not prepared to just sit and wait either."
	
I nod. "Yes, you're right." I look at my oldest girl 
who is looking up at me expectantly. "Come, 
Katherine, let's go downstairs and eat."
	
"Yay!"

*~*~*

I'm just polishing out the bowl of porridge I made 
for Katherine's late lunch, when I see Scully coming 
down the stairs, Julia in her arms.
	
"How is she doing?" I ask.
	
"Fine for now, I think," she says and I'm pleased to 
see she's smiling. "She had some tea, but I don't 
think she liked it very much because after a few sips 
she refused to drink more. So I decided to try and 
nurse her a bit and she took that quite happily. And 
so far she hasn't thrown up again."
	
I give Katherine the last bite of porridge. "There, all 
done. Do you want some more?"
	
She shakes her head. "Ahm done," she answers. 
	
"All right then." I remove her apron and set her on 
her feet.
	
With Katherine taking off in whatever direction she 
feels like going, I turn to Scully. "Can I make you 
some lunch, too?" 
	
She sits down with Julia on her lap. "Actually, yes, I 
would love some. But I can fix it myself, you don't 
need to -- ..."
	
I wave her protests away. "Don't worry about it."
	
"Don't be ridiculous, it's your birthday!"
	
I shake my head and smile. "So what if it is. You've 
had a few very stressful hours, and I'm already so 
glad to see she's on the mend this soon. No, you can 
stay right there and I'll fix you something to eat." 
	
"Are you su -- ..."
	
"I'm sure," I say and wink.
	
She smiles, looking down at our baby girl. "Thank 
you."
	
"Shall I fry an egg for you?"
	
She smiles some more. "Yes, please. How did you 
guess I was thinking of making one for myself 
anyway?"
	
I smile as I take a couple of eggs from the small 
basket by the window. "Well, I could claim I was 
psychic, but to be honest I don't think my mind-
reading powers lasted for very long after all and we 
might as well call it a lucky guess." And I give her 
another wink.
	
She chuckles softly, but doesn't comment.
	
We're silent for a little while as I fry the eggs, letting 
the silence settle as it may.
	
What a day it's turned out to be already -- and we're 
barely even past lunchtime. I feel the little acorn on 
its string around my neck and I smile. It's such a 
little thing, such a humble present, but it's warming 
my heart like very few things can. I truly think that 
only a very young child could think of an acorn as a 
jewel worth keeping. Let's hope Katherine doesn't 
lose that ability to see beauty in such humble objects 
for a long time yet.
	
I cut two slices of bread. Then I put the bread and 
the fried eggs on two plates and take them to the 
kitchen table.
	
"Here you go."
	
She smiles. "Thanks."
	
"How is she doing?" I ask, looking at our baby.
	
"Not too badly, I think. Do you think you could 
move the play pen a little closer? I need to have my 
hands free to eat, but I don't want her out of my 
sight."
	
I'm already up. "No problem." I pull the play pen 
towards the table and she lies Julia inside, covering 
her with the blanket we keep in the play pen. The 
baby is still rather quiet, proof beyond doubt that 
she's not at all well yet, but I'm not as concerned as 
I was anymore. I think we have once again proven 
how unbelievably fortunate we are. 
	
"You're not having such a great birthday, are you?" 
Scully then says.
	
I feel my eyebrows shoot up. "What do you mean? 
I'm having a great day so far."
	

"No, I mean, with Julia sick and the consequent 
worrying. That's something you don't wish upon 
anyone and certainly not on their birthday."
	
I smile. "She looks like she's going to be fine. I 
mean, of course I was worried, and of course that's a 
part of today I'd rather have done without, but it's 
only been for a few hours. We've been very lucky in 
that respect. And if anything there is still most of the 
afternoon and all of tonight left." I wiggle my 
eyebrows, making her chuckle. "I was woken up by 
the three most important women in my life, I got the 
gifts of literature, art, and jewellery -- " I lift up the 
acorn around my neck and she immediately knows 
what else I'm talking about and she smiles widely. " 
-- I got to see a miracle in action between our two 

children and ..." I get to my feet and cross over to 
where she's sitting. I hold out my hands and she 
takes them, getting to her feet as well. "... I'm kind 
of planning on ending today's celebrations with the 
single most important person in my life."
	
"With fireworks and all-round excitement?" she 
smiles and I feel my face split into a grin.
	
"Well, I certainly wouldn't mind that."
	
She looks at Julia. "I just hope I won't be too tired 
tonight," she says softly. "I mean, you know I really 
like making love with you, but Julia still needs so 
much care with her feeds and everything, and now 
that she's sick ... I mean ..."
	
 I smile. "My plans are no obligations, you know. 
Just plans. Please don't worry about it anymore than 
I do."
	
"But I want to make you feel good. It's just that ... 
sometimes I'm just so very tired and ..."
	
 "I know and I understand. Really." I kiss her softly. 
"Come, let's worry about that tonight, okay? We'll 
get on with the daily work for now, you take care of 
this little one, make her better, and I'll see about the 
other jobs that need doing. And then, if we're both 
still in the mood for some fun tonight, I'm sure we'll 
be able to remember how to go about it, won't we?"
	
She chuckles, a warm look in her eyes. "I have no 
doubt we will." She reaches up and, with her arms 
around my neck, we kiss properly, pretty much 
oblivious to the small girl entering the kitchen at that 
exact moment.
	
"Oh no, yo doin' it agin!"

XxXxX

Chapter 7

"Good morning, sweetheart," I say as I enter 

Katherine's bedroom. She's already awake as I 
expected her to be and she welcomes me with a 
wide smile.
	
"Hi papa! Where's mama?"
	
It's usually her mother who takes care of her in the 
morning, so her surprise it not unexpected. I pick her 
up and lift her out of her bed, wrapping her in the 
blanket we keep in the wicker chair in the corner. It's 
late February and the air is freezing cold. Two years 
ago she slept in our room because of the winter 
freeze, but she's almost three now and she can, with 
enough blankets of course, stand the low 
temperatures. Julia has her own room, too, and I 
woke her up before Katherine and took her to her 
mother for her breakfast. Julia eats solids now, being 
just over a year old, but for breakfast she's still being 
nursed.
	
"Mama's in bed still," I answer as I dress her in her 
long skirt and warm sweater.
	
"Mama sick?"
	
I smile as I put on her woollen knee-high socks. "No, 
but it's her birthday and I thought that perhaps you 
and I could make her some breakfast and take it up 
to her as a surprise."
	
"S-pize!" she grins. "Ah like s-pizes!" 
	
"You like surprises, don't you?" I say, smiling, and 

she nods.
	
"Yah!" She hops off the chair and steps into her 
clogs. I made her a new pair last week because she'd 
grown out of her old pair and she's extremely proud 
of her brand-new shining clogs. I should try and find 
out how to tan leather, though. We have hides 
whenever we slaughter an animal, but for now they 
go to waste. And I'd love to make her a pair of 
shoes, even if only for indoors for now. You know, 
kind of like moccasins. 
	
She grabs my hand. "Come, papa! We make s-pize 
for mama!"

"Shhh, take off your clogs, and we'll have to speak 
very quietly, too," I say, "or she will hear us! And 
then it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"
	
She quickly slips her clogs back off, giving me a 
conspiratory grin. "Kay, papa," she whispers. 
Together we slink down the stairs into the kitchen, 
exchanging knowing looks and smiles. We seem to 
share a special little secret, and it's just between the 
two of us. I absolutely love it.  
	
"Ah can have mah clogs agin?" she whispers when 
we're in the kitchen, and I nod.
	
"Of course you can," I say. "We can talk normally 
now too, you know, you don't have to whisper 
anymore. Mama can't hear us here."
	
"Kay," she whispers, stepping in her clogs, "is 
good." Then she giggles. "Oh no, Ah wipsert agin!" 

she adds in a normal voice, smiling widely.
	
I grin at her adorable mispronunciation of the word, 
but I don't comment. There's no need, she'll get it 
right in her own time. I take a small wicker basket 
from the counter. "Can you go into the pantry and 
get two eggs, sweetheart? They're in the brown pot 
under the big shelf." 
	
This time of the year the chickens aren't laying any 
eggs, but we've found that when we get the eggs 
from the hens and store them immediately, there 
seems to be a kind of gloopy layer on the egg that 
allows us to keep the eggs for months as long as it's 
still cold. It's a great way to get extra nutrients in 
winter when our diet is by necessity a lot less 
nutritious. We keep dried fruit as well and last 
autumn we made tomato and apple juice for the girls 
to drink in winter, but I cannot wait for spring to 
come again and we can have fresh vegetables again.
	
I watch Katherine disappear into the pantry and I 
put a pan of water onto the stove for the eggs. Then 
I slice some bread for our breakfast. Like I said, 
Scully is already awake, in spite of what I just told 
Katherine, and I told her we'd bring her breakfast in 
bed, so I can take my time.
	
"Ahv eggs, papa," Katherine tells me when she's 
returned from the pantry and I take the basket. A 
couple of eggs are cosily nestled inside, just like I 
asked.
	
"Thank you very much, sweetheart, you did great," I 
say with a smile as I pop the two eggs into the 
boiling water.
	
She grins. "Ah did good, huh, papa?"
	
I bend down and kiss her cheek. "Yes, you did. You 
are a great help."
	
"Ah help some more?"
	
"All right then." I pick her up and sit her down on 
the kitchen counter. Last night I took down some 
fresh apples from the attic where we keep apples, 
pears, and potatoes in straw. I take two of the apples 
and give them to her, along with the shallow bowl 
filled with water. "Can you wash these apples for 
me?"
	
"Kay."
	
In companionable silence we go about our business. 
She rather messily washes the apples while I make 

sandwiches and brew tea. A quick glance at the hour 
glass tells me the eggs should be about soft boiled 
now, so I take them out of the pan and into some 
cold water.
	
"Is good, papa?" she asks, showing me one of the 
apples. I smile and nod.
	
"You did a great job. Thank you."
	
She holds out her arms. "Down, please."
	
I lift her off the counter.
	
"Fank you," she says and I stroke the top of her 
head affectionately.
	
"You're welcome, darling."
	
"Ah help some more?"
	
I think for a moment. "I think there is a tray in the 
pantry. Can you get it?"
	
"Wha's tray?" she asks, looking puzzled. 
	
I smile, remembering we've never used one before, 

and she doesn't have a clue what trays look like. 
"You know what the cookie sheet looks like?"
	
She nods and walks towards the stove. "Ah get it?"
	
"No!" I say, quickly stopping her from touching the 
hot stove. She has burnt her fingers before and it's a 
good deterrent, but I'm not naive enough to think 
she's not going to make the same mistake again at 
some point. Just not today if I can help it. I kneel 
down. "When you go into the pantry, it's next to the 
bag of walnuts. You know where the walnuts are?"
	
She nods again.
	
"All right. So can you go to the walnuts and take the 
cookie sheet you see there?"
	
"Kay," she says and she's off again. I really hope she 
understood me. She's so smart that sometimes I 
seem to forget she's not yet three years old and that 
I shouldn't expect her to understand everything. 
Well, we'll see what she comes back with.
	
"Papa, dis is good?" she asks when she returns and I 
smile. It's not the tray I was expecting, but she did 
bring a cookie sheet. I didn't even know there was 
another cookie sheet there. And, well, I did say she 
should bring the cookie sheet that was next to the 
walnuts. I can't blame her for in fact doing exactly 
what I asked of her. 
	
"That's great, honey, thank you very much."
	
"Fank you," she says, offering up the cookie sheet 
and I take it with a smile. I quickly place two 
breakfast plates with the fried egg sandwiches on 
them, and add two cups of tea, the apples and 
Katherine's bowl of porridge with honey. 
	
"All right, Katherine, I think we're ready. Shall we 
go upstairs and surprise mama?"
	
She smiles widely, clapping her hands with 
excitement.
	
"Can you hold open the doors for me?" I ask and 
she runs to the kitchen door that leads to the 
staircase.
	
"Is open, papa."
	
Together we walk up the stairs and she opens the 
door to our bedroom, too.
	
"Mama?"
	
I smile. I know Scully's awake, she's already nursed 
Julia and probably changed her diaper as well, but I 
also know she agreed to play along and give 
Katherine the pleasure of surprising her mother with 
a breakfast in bed.
	
"Oh, hello sweetheart," she says, giving me a wink. 
"Did papa wake you up?"
	
"Pa-pa!" Julia cries from her mother's lap and I smile 
at her. I may have a major soft spot for Katherine, 
and I do spend a lot of time with her, but that 
doesn't mean Julia isn't just as dear to me. It's just 
that Julia is Scully's special little girl. And I think 
we're doing just fine like that for now.
	
Katherine nods excitedly. "We have s-pize!"
	
"You have a surprise?"
	
"Yah! We have, huh, papa?" And she looks up at 
me.
	
I grin. "Yes, we do." I look at her. "What did we 
make for mama?"
	
"Make bweakfast!"

	
"Did you make breakfast for me?"
	
She nods. "Yah!"
	
"And did you help papa to make it?"
	
She nods. "Yah. Ah got eggs! En wash apples!"
	
I sit down on the bed next to my wife and I place 
the cookie sheet with our breakfast on the bed.
	
"Is that a cookie sheet?" she asks, looking at me, and 
I chuckle.
	
"It is. I asked her to get the tray, but of course she 
had no idea what a tray was, so I said it looked like 
a cookie sheet. And she came back with the cookie 
sheet." I grin. "I didn't have the heart to tell her I 
wanted something else."
	
She smiles. Then she pats the bed next to her. 
"Katherine, do you want to come and sit down next 
to me?"
	
Katherine eagerly climbs up onto the bed and sits 
down right next to her mother, who wraps her arm 
around her and pulls her closer.
	
"Are you hungry, sweetheart?"
	
"Yah. Ah want podge!"
	
We smile at each other. I sit down as well and I take 
her bowl of porridge. "All right then," I say, and I 
start feeding her as Scully eats her breakfast, and I 
take advantage of Katherine's momentary lapses 
during eating to grab a bite for myself every now 
and then as well.
	
Julia reaches for her mother's breakfast and Scully 
dips a small bit of bread in her tea and gives it to 
Julia to chew on. I move to sit down next to my 
wife, and Katherine crawls into my lap and I hug her 
to me.
	
"Don't we make a cute little family?" Scully says 
and I chuckle.
	
"Yes, we do. Who would've thought it, huh?"
	
"Well, when we first met, definitely not me."
	
I grin and shake my head. "No, nor me." 
	
I lean in and kiss her on the lips, briefly but warmly. 
Then I set the cookie sheet with the remains of our 
breakfast on the bedside table and out of the way. 
Time to relax.
	
"Papa?"
	
I look at my oldest girl. "Yes?"
	
"I wanna go potty."
	
Scully chuckles and I get up. "All right then. Come 
with me, sweetheart."
	
So much then for my plans to spend some quiet time 
here together ...

*~*~*

I walk into the kitchen after checking up on our 
animals and our supplies for this winter, taking off 
my overcoat and the navy sweater Scully knitted for 
me a couple of years ago. As I expected, the sweater 
never really shrank and it's so big I use it as a kind 
of over-garment, but in February any layer to add is 
a bonus.
	
Scully is washing up in the sink and she smiles in 
welcome.
	
"How are the animals?" she asks.
	
I blow in my hands to warm them up again. It's 
freezing and there is some light drizzle, which has 
done a great job of soaking my clothes and making 
me feel cold right to the bone. "Fine. The chickens 
are quiet, but I think the rooster is starting to get in 
the mood again. The ewes are definitely pregnant 
and I think Bessie has another calf on the way, too."
	
"How about Nana?"
	
I shake my head. "If she's pregnant it isn't showing 
as yet. But we'll see."
	

"Yeah." Then she smiles and reaches up, pulling 
some straw out of my hair. I chuckle.
	
"I'm a mess again, huh?"
	
"You're a bad boy," she says with a cheeky smile 
and I grin, pulling her into me.
	
"Aren't I now?" I say in a low voice.
	
She wipes her hands on her trousers, then wraps her 
arms around my neck and I pull her in against me, 
holding her close. "Yes, you are." 
	
"The kind that comes with parental warnings?" I 
comment, my lips over the pulse in her neck.
	
She shivers and nods. "The worst. My mother would 
have gone ballistic if I'd fallen in love with you in 
high school or college. I'm not even going to talk 
about what Ahab would have done to that fine ass 
of yours if you'd been my boyfriend back then."
	
"Thank God we met later then, when you could date 
whoever you liked," I say with a smile, nipping at 
the warm tender flesh.
	
"Yes, thank God. You know, I always liked bad 
boys."
	
"Did you?"
	
"Yeah."
	
"Did you date them, too?"
	
She shakes her head. "No. Like I said, my parents 
wouldn't let me. I dated mostly good but thoroughly 
boring guys. Besides, Melissa usually grabbed the 
really handsome ones." She grins. "You have no idea 
what she said to me when she first met you."
	
"Was she jealous?"
	
She nods. "Yeah. God, that made me feel good. To 
have nabbed the gorgeous guy before she had, even 
if you and I weren't supposed to become lovers. Not 
exactly a noble sentiment, but it felt pretty damn 
good nonetheless."
	
I smile. "Where are our girls by the way?"
	
"Upstairs, taking their afternoon naps."
	
"They're in bed?"
	
"They are. They went to bed about 15 minutes ago."
	
I grin and I bend in, kissing the side of her neck. 
"You know, that's the best news I've had all day."
	
I feel how she shivers a bit, but I hear her chuckle. 
"Is it really?"
	
I look at her again and I'm pleased to see the dark, 
heated look in her eyes. "Oh yeah. Because I haven't 
even had the opportunity to wish you a happy 
birthday yet."

	
"You brought me breakfast in bed and you let me 
sleep in. I'd say you've already outdone yourself."
	
I huff incredulously. "I'll bet. But I have additional 
plans." I pull her to me as I kiss her deeply and she 
moulds herself to me, kissing me back with equal 
fervour. "Come with me," I say, when we part. My 
voice is decidedly breathless. I always prided myself 
on being able to hide my feelings quite well, but 
where she's concerned I'm an open book, it's utterly 
hopeless.
	
Still kissing, we stumble into the living room, 
somehow finding our way onto the couch where we 
collapse, grateful we found our final destination 
without doing too much damage to ourselves. I lean 
in and we kiss some more as I start to take her 
clothes off. There's a fire in the fireplace, giving off 
just enough heat to make it comfortable, not to 
mention of course that I'm planning on producing a 
good amount of body heat ourselves.
	
Between heated kisses we undress each other until 
we're skin to skin with no barriers between us.
	
"God, I love you," I pant, "I just cannot get enough 
of you."
	
She smiles. "I know, neither can I." She wraps her 
legs around my hips and kisses me deeply. I'm under 
her -- though how I got in this position I cannot 
recall for the life of me -- and her body keeps me 
firmly in place. "I'd love to make this last," she then 
says, her voice betraying her desire, "but the girls 
may wake up at any time and I really don't want 
them to catch us like this."
	
I nod. "Yeah, you're right. Do you want to stop 
now?" 
	
Please say no, I think. For the love of all I hold dear, 
please don't say you want to stop ...
	
"No, I don't want to stop, I want to make love," she 
says, and I can't believe the relief I feel. "But let's 
leave the playtime till tonight, okay?" And she 
smiles, making me smile as well.
	
"Okay," I reply. Let's get down to business then.  
"Are you ready for me?"
	
She nods. "Oh yeah, I'm more than ready for you. 
Don't hold back, I want you so badly."
	
I lean in and I kiss her deeply, thrusting my hips up 
to enter her in a long, strong stroke.
	
Jesus, this just feels so absolutely amazing, and the 
sensation is enhanced by the sight of Scully smiling 
as she closes her eyes at the feeling.
	
"Oh God, this feels so good ..." she says on a soft 
moan and I nod, unable to speak for the moment. 
Jesus, I love this feeling, there's nothing quite like it. 
Nothing at all.

	
"I thought quickies would be a thing of the past 
once we had our children," she then says and I grin.
	
"I always thought quickies would be all we'd have 
left after we had kids," I counter, making her laugh.
	
We kiss some more as we make love, enjoying this 
impromptu act of selfish pleasure. We have so much 
work to do and there are so many lives -- human, 
animal, and vegetable -- depending on our care, but 
for the moment we're deliberately choosing to ignore 
this duty. We can't afford to do it often, but it's a 
pretty damn decadent feeling when we decide that 
we can.
	
"Are you getting close?" I ask, my voice rough. 
Because I most definitely am, but it's her birthday 
and I so want this to be good for her, too.
	
"Yeah, I'm getting there," she answers. "Can we 
turn over? I just love it when you're on top."
	

Anything for you, I think, and I thank whoever lived 
here before us for the wide couch they left behind, 
because it now helps us to swap places fairly easily 
without having to give up our passion.
	
"Mmm, I love this position," she says when I'm on 
top of her, making me smile as I pick up the pace 
again.
	
"I'm not too heavy for you?" I ask, but she shakes 
her head.
	
"No, you feel good. Oh God, you feel so good ..."
	
So do you, I think as I feel my arousal soar. "Oh 
Jesus, Dana, I'm getting close ... Are you?"
	
She lets out a soft moan on a long sigh and it fuels 
my need like nothing else. "Oh yeah ... Go a little 
faster, just do it harder ... please ... God oh God, I'm 
almost there!"
	
"Oh fuck, Scully, come with me, please, I love it 
when you ... finish with me," I says with clenched 
teeth, trying to stave off my own climax in 
anticipation of hers.
	
"I know, I want to ... Ahh ... I'm there, oh God, I'm 
coming ... oh Gooood!"
	
Her climax is all I need to see and hear and I give in 
to my own needs, grunting loudly as I spend myself 
deep within her, relishing that pleasure/pain 
sensation that seems inevitable and which just makes 
this so incredibly good.
	
When I've recovered a little bit, I roll off her and 
against the backrest of the couch. I know she said I 
felt good, but I also know I outweigh her by quite a 
bit and I don't want to crush her.
	
She's buried her face in my neck. Then she wraps her 
legs and arms around me and chuckles. "God, I love 
this. I wish we'd never have to leave."
	
I grin. "Yeah, I know." I gently lift her face up so 
we can look at each other and I smile, almost unable 
to believe this situation is actually real. Yes, I know 
we've been lovers for many years and I know we 
have children, but ... well, I just never thought that 
this amount of happiness could be anywhere near 
what I was entitled to. I always figured I just wasn't 
meant to be this happy.

	
She reaches up and we kiss long and deep, a proper 
lover's kiss.
	
"Happy birthday," I say in a low voice when we part 
and she smiles widely.
	
"Well, that's true," she replies, making me grin. "Oh 
boy, the opportunity to sleep in, breakfast in bed and 
an orgasm. What more could I wish for?"
	
I laugh, loving the easy humour we share. "I think 
Katherine has a present for you, too," I say, giving 
her a wink.
	
She grins. "This just keeps on getting better and 
better." Then she stretches and lets out a satisfied 
little groan. "Come, let's get up and get dressed 
again."
	
I nod. "Yeah, you're right." We sit up, cuddling 
some more. "You know, I think I could learn to love 
quickies."
	
She laughs. "I'm not sure this was even a proper 
quickie, we rather took our time after all."
	
"Shhh, don't spoil it for me!" I say with a grin, 
reaching for her again. "I'm calling this a quickie, 
because it felt like one: clandestine and absolutely 
delicious."
	
"Oh, all right then," she smiles, leaning in closer to 
my face. "Here's to more quickies."
	
"Yeah. Kiss me," I order gently and she doesn't 
seem at all hesitant. Not that I expected her to be of 
course. She smiles, covering my mouth with hers and 
kissing me some more. I feel myself harden again 
and I smile into the kiss.
	
"You're incorrigible," she chuckles when she notices 
it. Then she shoots me a look full of aroused fire. "I 
don't think we could take care of that now, with the 
girls about to wake up, but we can definitely take 
our time tonight if you like."
	
"I'm going to hold you to that," I say with a smile 
and she nods.
	
"And I'm holding you to that!"

*~*~*

We're long back in our clothes when I see a still 

rather sleepy Katherine enter the living room. The 
girls take their afternoon naps fully clothed in 
winter, so all she had to do was put on her clogs 
again and come downstairs.
	
"Hey, sweetheart, did you sleep well?" I ask.
	
She rubs her eyes, then reaches for me. "Yah. Up, 
please."
	
I pick her up, hugging her close as she wraps her 
arms around my neck, burying her face against my 
shoulder, snoozing a little more. She always needs a 
bit of time to fully wake up after her afternoon nap.
	
"Where's mama?" she asks softly.
	
"She's with Julia. Julia can't come downstairs by 
herself yet, can she?"
	
She nods. "Kay."
	
"We haven't given mama her presents yet, have 
we?"
	
She looks up, instantly awake. "Ah get mah 
present?"
	
I nod, setting her down. "Go up to your room, 
honey, and get your present for mama!"
	
"Kay!" And she's off.
	
I smile at her boundless enthusiasm and I walk into 
the kitchen where I keep my gifts in a little box. I 
have rather mixed feelings about my gifts to her, but 
on the other hand, no matter what emotions they 
may provoke in her, I feel they are appropriate. I just 
hope I guessed right ...
	
The door to the kitchen opens and Scully enters, 
Julia in her arms. I walk up to them and kiss Julia on 
her cheek, then give Scully a lingering kiss on her 
lips.
	
"Katherine has a gift for you," I say and she smiles.
	
"Oh yes, that's what you told me. Where is she 
anyway?"
	

"Upstairs," I answer. "I told her to run up to her 
room to go get her present, so I think that's  what 
she's doing right now."
	
The door opens and Katherine walks back into the 
room, her cheeks flushed with childlike excitement. 
"Ah have mah present, papa!"
	
"Well done, sweetheart," I say, making her smile. I 
take her hand and together the four of us go into the 
living room.
	
When we're on the couch, Julia on Scully's lap, 
Katherine sitting between Scully and me, I turn to 
our oldest girl. "Do you want to give mama your 
present?"
	
She nods. "Yah! But papa?"
	
"What is it?"
	
She leans in. "We not sing 'happy burvday' for 
mama?"
	
"Of course," I say, giving Scully a wink. "How 
could I have forgotten?"
	
Katherine giggles, looking at her mother. "Papa's bit 
silly, huh, mama?"
	
I raise my eyebrows in surprise, but I cannot help a 
smile. Scully smiles widely, giving me an amused 
look.
	
Together Katherine and I sing 'Happy birthday', 
making Scully smile and Julia look surprised.
	
"Was that good enough, you think?" I ask Katherine 
when we're finished and she nods.
	

"Yah. I give mama present now?"
	
"All right, you can give mama your present."
	
She hands the gift to her mother. "Is from Ju-ya and 
me, mama. We make present togevver."
	
About two months ago she finally began to refer to 
Julia by her proper name instead of the moniker 'bee-
bee', and, although I'd always known that of course 
she would one day give up that 'bee-bee' thing, I 
couldn't help but feel relieved when I heard her use 
Julia's proper name for the first time.
	
"Thank you very much, sweetheart," Scully says 
with a smile. She leans over to kiss Katherine on her 
cheek, then leans in to kiss Julia's cheek. Then she 
opens the wrapping.
	
"Oh, sweetheart, it's beautiful!"
	
I made a small 10 by 10 inch wooden frame and 
stretched some canvas over it. Then I let the girls 
make a painting with paint I made of the natural 
pigments I use in the upkeep of our house. It's 
actually quite pretty in a post-modern kind of way ... 
Plus it was a good method of teaching especially 
Katherine how to be patient and work together 
instead of expecting her every self-centred whim 
catered for. We try not to spoil her, but she's still a 
toddler and as far as she's concerned she's the 
absolute centre of the universe.
	
"Papa says you hang it on da wall," Katherine 
comments and Scully nods. 
	
"Of course I will. Where do you think it would look 
good?"
	
"Ah dunno, mama," she answers a bit shyly, clearly 
caught by surprise by the question, and she looks at 
me for help.
	
"Shall we decide on where to hang your painting 
later today? We can try out a few different places 
and see where it looks best. Do you like that?"
	
She nods. "Yah."
	
I pick up the small box from the table. "I've got 
something for you, too," I say and she smiles.
	
"Really?"
	
I nod with a smile. "It's kind of unusual though, but 
I hope you'll like it. And that you can see the idea 
behind it."
	
She raises her eyebrows. "That sounds very 
enigmatic," she comments, making me chuckle.
	
"Wha's your present, papa?" Katherine says. She's 
clearly even more curious than her mother.
	
I open the box and take out two small objects 
wrapped in fabric. We still do not have proper 
wrapping paper, so I used some handkerchiefs. I 
give them to Scully who looks at me.
	
"Can I open them?" she asks and I nod.
	
"Yes, you can."
	
"Okay."
	
The first one she opens contains a small wooden 
flower. She looks at me with a puzzled look, but I 
just gesture she should open the other one, too, 
before I tell her what I meant by it. The second gift 
is a small wooden cow figurine. She looks at me 
again, her look now less puzzled.
	
"Are these supposed to represent our daughters?" 
she asks and I nod.
	
"Yes, they are. I suppose the cow sort of gave it 
away, didn't it?"
	
She chuckles. "Well, it is rather obvious. And then 
the flower made more sense, too, of course." She 
reaches over and kisses me softly. "Thank you very 

much."
	
I take the remaining two gifts from the box and 
place the container itself on the floor. I look at the 
gifts for a moment, then offer them to her, my smile 
now pretty much gone. These aren't going to be 
nearly as happy as the first two and I'm not quite 
sure how she'll react. "I have two more."
	
She accepts them, a questioning look in her eyes. 
Inside are the wooden figurines of a bird and a fish. 
	
"Are these supposed to be us? Because then I don't 
get it, to be honest," she says, checking out the 
wooden animals.
	
"No, they're not us." I bite my lips and take a deep 
breath. "Katherine and Julia -- well, they're not our 
only children ... are they?"
	
She looks at me, her gaze intense and serious. Then I 
see tears pool in the corner of her eyes, and I nod, 
feeling equally emotional.
	
"Emily and William," she whispers, stroking her 
fingers over the little figurines.
	
"We never found out who was Emily's father, 
although I sometimes think I'd like to think it was 
me, but I know that William was ours," I whisper. 

"And I know we lost them, but ... they ..." I take a 
deep breath when I see the tears roll down her 
cheeks. "I don't want to forget them ... And I don't 
want to upset you with this, but ..."
	
She smiles a little through her tears. "I don't think 
either of us could ever forget them," she replies in a 
soft voice.
	
I nod. "I know, and I don't want to imply we ever 
would." Then I take another deep breath. "Anyway, 
I chose a bird for Emily, because, well, after all 
she'd been through, I felt her spirit finally got its 
freedom in death. I wanted her to have, well, 
wings." I brush away a speck of dust that was 
probably not even there, but my hands need to be 
occupied. "I guess a butterfly would have worked 

too ..."
	
She's looking at me, smiling ever so slightly in spite 
of her tears.
	
I nod. "And the fish is for William. It's ... I read 
somewhere that the fish, it's ... well, it's a kind of 
animal totem that represents forgiveness and the 
strength to carry on in life ..." I wipe away a tear and 
take a few more breaths before I go on. "... and we 
need that. Because I ... well, if it's mine to do so ... I 
forgive you for ... for giving him up ..."
	
With pain in my heart I watch how she buries her 
face in her hands as she breaks down and I gather 
her to me, letting her cry. 
	
"Oh Jesus, Scully, I didn't mean to hurt you like 
this, I just thought that ..."
	
<Well, what did you think, asshole?> I scold myself. 
<That she wouldn't hurt as badly as she does? 

Because it was thanks to you and your utterly selfish 
acts that she did have to give your baby boy up for 
adoption, wasn't it? If you hadn't had the ludicrous 
idea that by pulling that idiotic disappearing act you 
could keep her safe, you'd probably have him here 
now. Did you really think she needed any 
reminders? Did you honestly believe that her heart 
wasn't bleeding daily in memory of that little boy 
she was forced to part with?>
	
"Oh God, Dana, I'm so sorry ... I'm so so sorry ..."
	
From the corner of my eyes I see our two girls, their 

eyes wide with astonishment. Katherine has her arms 
around Julia, and they're both staring at us. I smile a 
little at them, encouraging them to speak. They are 
so silent it's almost scary and I want to include 
them, make them feel part of this.
	
I beckon them to come closer and they both crawl 
towards us. I open my arms and let them hug their 
mother and me. They cannot possibly understand 
why their mother is so sad, but they do see her grief 
and I can tell they're anxious to help.
	
"Mama? Wha's wrong?" Katherine asks softly and 
Scully looks at her. Then she looks at me, her eyes 
begging me to help her out and I nod. I don't think 
Scully has it in her right now to tell the story. And 
seeing that I started this, the least I can do is take 
care of that. This needs to be told.
	
"Come here, sweethearts, there's something we need 
to tell you," I say and I hug my girls. When they're 
sitting on my lap, I decide it's time to tell them. Julia 
probably won't understand or remember any of this, 
but I have a feeling Katherine will never forget it. 
"You two are not our only children, you know. 
Mama and I had two other children before we had 
you. You have an older sister and an older brother, 
too."
	
"Where are dey, papa?"
	
"They are dead, darling. We had to say good-bye to 
them and we are still very sad about that."
	
"What happened?" Katherine asks, her eyes large 
and wondering.
	
"Well, a long time ago there was a little girl called 
Emily. She was mama's first baby, but she was a 
very sick little girl, and she died."
	
"Mama cried?" Katherine whispers and I nod, 
smiling a bit in spite of the awful memories.
	
"We both cried a lot. We loved her very much, and 
we were very sad that we had to let her go to God. 
But she was very sick, and I think that when she 
died, she turned into a little bird, and that she was 
very happy to be free at last."
	
"She want to go away?"
	
I shake my head. "I think she wanted to stay with 
mama and me, but she couldn't. God wanted her to 
be a little angel, so He gave her wings."
	
"Yike buhr," Julia says softly and I smile.
	
"That's right, sweetie. Just like a bird."
	
"Oh ..." Katherine whispers.
	
"And then a few years later mama and I had a little 
boy called William."
	
"He was sick, too, papa?"
	
I shake my head again. Oh boy, how am I going to 
explain this situation to her? "No, but mama and I 
couldn't take care of him. We loved him very much, 
but there were very bad men who wanted to hurt 
him and us and ..." I look at Scully who has calmed 
down and is smiling ever so slightly. She nods 
encouragingly and I smile too. I turn back to 
Katherine. "... and we had to say good-bye to him."
	
"He went to God, too?"
	
I smile a bit. "Not at the time, he had to go to 
another papa and mama so those bad men couldn't 
hurt him. We really wanted him to stay with us, but 
if we hadn't given him to that other mama and papa, 
those bad men would have come for him. And we 
wanted him to be happy and safe."
	
"Papa, dose bad men, they come get Ju-ya en me?" 
she asks, her voice scared. "Ah don't wanna go, 
papa, Ah wanna stay wiv you!"
	
Oh, great, now I've frightened her, too. <You seem 
to be on quite a roll today, you bastard>, I think, 
frowning internally. 
	

I hug her close and she wraps her little arms around 
my neck, just a little more frantic than normally. 
"Shhh, mama and I are not going to let you and Julia 
go. Those bad men cannot hurt us anymore, and they 
are not going to come for you or Julia. And we will 
keep you safe, I promise."
	
"You pwomise?"
	
Can I really promise her we'll keep her and her little 
sister safe? I mean, there's not much we have by 
way of protecting them, is there? Then I decide that, 
hell yes, I can promise her that. Because I know I 
will give my life to protect my family from whoever 
comes for them. If someone really does hurt them, it 
will only be because Scully and I are no longer 
around to protect them.
	
"I promise, sweetheart. Julia and you will always be 
with mama and me."
	
"Really?"
	
I nod. "Really."
	
"Kay ..." she whispers.
	
Scully has picked Julia up and is hugging her. I smile 
at my wife and I'm glad to see her smiling back at 
me.
	
"I'm sorry, Scully. If I had given this any thought at 
all I would've known it would be this painful," I say 
softly, feeling extremely bad for upsetting my whole 
family like this. What the fuck was I thinking when I 
thought she needed any reminder at all?
	
"Well, it was painful, but I don't think you should 
be beating yourself up the way you're doing right 
now," she replies. "In a strange way I'm glad you 
brought it up."
	
"How can you be glad? You should be angry!"
	
She shakes her head. "No, Mulder, I shouldn't. 
Emily and William are in our past, we cannot ignore 
that part of our lives. In fact, I think the worst insult 
to their short lives would be to ignore their existence. 
They had so very few chances, and by denying they 
ever even existed ... what justice would we be doing 
them? They need to be remembered, their names 
need to live on in our hearts and in our memories. 
Otherwise they really never had a chance at all."
	
She carefully lifts Julia off her lap, giving her a kiss 
on her cheek as she does so, and I let Katherine go. 
Then I move to sit next to Scully and we share a 
long look, filled with emotions only we can 
understand. She cups my face in her hand as she 
takes one of my hands in her other one.
	
"Thank you very much for your presents," she 
whispers with the smallest of smiles.
	
I nearly break down over these words and I have to 
forcefully swallow the tears that threaten to fall, 
biting my bottom lip hard. "I should have chosen 
something else," I say with a pained frown, but she 
shakes her head.
	
"No, these are perfect. Honestly." She leans in and I 
gently cover her lips with mine and we kiss. God, I 
love this woman ...
	
"Papa?" I hear Katherine say and I feel a small hand 
softly tugging the sleeve of my shirt. Reluctantly we 
end our kiss.
	
"Yes, sweetheart? Are you hungry?"
	
"Yah. But papa?"
	
"Yes?"
	
She smiles. "Ah can have kiss too?"
	
I smile widely and I pull her back onto my lap.
	
"Of course you can."
	
 I lean in and kiss her on her cheek. Then I hug her to 
me, feeling her arms come around my chest. Well, as 
far as those little arms can reach anyway.
	
"Ah love you, papa."
	
"I know. Do you love mama, too?"
	
She lets go of me and quickly crawls onto her 
mother's lap, who hugs her to her. Then she kisses 
her mother on her cheek, earning her a kiss in return. 
"Ah love you too, mama."
	
"I know you do," Scully says with a smile. "I love 
you very much, too."
	
I smile when I see my wife with our two children on 
her lap. "Shall I go and get some tea?"
	
Scully nods. "That would be great, thank you. I 
think I'm going to sit here for a moment and let 
these two little treasures drive away some of the 
nightmares of the past."
	
I smile a little wryly. Then I get up from the couch. 
"I'll be right back," I say.
	
What a day ...

XxXxX

Chapter 8

The night is just beginning to fall on this beautiful 

April day when I walk into the house. I've left my 
clogs in the outhouse and I'm padding into the 
kitchen on socked feet. We had dinner about an hour 
ago, and I went back out to take care of the animals 
and get them ready for the night. The sheep and the 
cows are already in the fields and they need very 
little looking-after at this time of year, but the 
chickens need to be cooped up every night, and the 
pigs want some care too, especially the sows with 
piglets.
	
Tomorrow we're celebrating Easter. To be perfectly 
honest I have no idea whether tomorrow is really 
Easter -- I never understood quite how to calculate 
the exact date of Easter --, but kids need their Easter 
egg experience, and I'm not about to let Katherine 
and Julia grow up without that childhood classic. 
Scully hard boiled about a dozen eggs that we 

carefully saved up over the past week or so and I 
coloured them red with beetroot, and right now 
they're patiently waiting for us to be hidden in the 
morning.
	
The kitchen and living room are silent right now so I 
walk up the stairs. I think Scully is busy putting our 
daughters to bed and I guess I might as well offer to 
help her if she needs any. I find her in Julia's room 
where she's just giving our youngest girl a sponge 
bath. She smiles at me in welcome and I cross over 
to her side and steal a kiss.
	
"Can I help you?" I ask.
	
She nods. "I'm fine here, but could you help 
Katherine get into her nightdress? I'm going to give 
her a bath in the morning."
	
I smile. "No problem. Shall I put her in bed, too?"
	
She looks at me. "Actually, I want to ..."
	
I raise my eyebrows. "What?"
	
She looks a little shy. "I want to teach her to pray. If 
you don't object, that is."
	
I let out a bark of laughter. "Object? Scully, really?" 
I stroke her cheek. "Of course I don't object. In fact 
I think it's a really good idea."
	
"Really?"
	
"Yes, really. Apart from the fact of course that you 
don't need to ask me for permission for anything."
	
She smiles, lifting up Julia to dry her off. "Well, I 
know, but religion is just ... well, it's something we 
sometimes disagree on and ... I'm not sure my 
convictions and beliefs are always worth pushing 
them through. I mean, I want to know how you feel 
about this and if you're not comfortable with it I 
don't want you to feel you don't have a voice in the 
matter. I just, well ..."
	
I smile, wrapping my arms around her waist from 

behind. I rest my head on her shoulder, watching her 
take care of our child. I kiss the side of her neck 
before I speak again. "I'm glad you feel that way, 
but to be perfectly honest I don't think my ideas 
hold any water in this respect. No, I think you're 
doing the right thing."
	
"Yeah?"
	
I nod. "Yes. I do."
	
She reaches back to kiss me. "Thank you."
	
"Can I stay and watch though?"
	
"Of course you can." She puts Julia's nightdress on 
and lifts her up into her arms.
	
"Mama kiss," Julia says and Scully kisses her cheek, 
smiling.
	

"Do you want a kiss from papa, too?" she asks and 
Julia nods.
	
"Yeh, papa kiss!"
	
I smile widely and I wrap my arms around Scully 
who still has Julia in her arms, and I press a soft kiss 
on Julia's even softer forehead. "Goodnight, 
sweetheart," I say gently and she gives me a wide 
smile.
	
"Nigh, papa."
	
Scully lies her down in her bed -- she moved from 
her crib to a proper child's bed a few months ago -- 
and pulls the sheets and blanket over her, tucking her 
in for the night. Julia has a soft toy rabbit to keep her 
company and Scully tucks the stuffed toy in next to 
her. With her rabbit in her arms and her thumb in her 
mouth she settles down for the night. I'm not too 
worried about the fact that she sucks her thumb at 
night, I'm sure she'll outgrow that habit eventually. 
Besides, she has got to have something for instant 
DIY comfort, seeing that Katherine still sucks her 
fist on those occasions when she feels particularly 
insecure or sad.
	
"Sleep well, darling," Scully whispers and together 
we quietly leave her room.

	
"Let's see what Katherine is up to," I say and Scully 
smiles.
	
"God knows ..." she replies, making me chuckle.
	
We cross the landing and I carefully open the door 
to Katherine's room. She's on the floor, playing with 
her wooden animals. Her doll and her toy cow are in 
her lap, overseeing the game as it were.
	
When we enter she looks up from her game and 
smiles widely.
	
"Hi mama, hi papa!"
	
Scully walks into her room and sits down on the 
edge of her bed. I, meanwhile, remain in the door 
opening, leaning against the doorpost, content with 
just watching the proceedings. I have nothing to add 
and I definitely don't want to disturb them.
	
Scully beckons me to come closer, but I smile and 
shake my head. "I'm fine here," I say softly, and she 
nods with a slight smile, mouthing 'okay'. Then she 
turns to Katherine.
	
"Are you ready to go to bed, sweetheart?" she asks 
and our oldest girl looks up. She picks up her cow.
	
"Nana wanna go to bed, too."
	
Scully smiles widely, exchanging an amused look 
with me.
	
"Is Nana sleepy, too?"
	
Katherine nods. "Yah! Is bedtime, huh, mama?"
	
"That's right, sweetheart. And do you know what 
tomorrow is?"
	
"Is -- " she begins, but then she hesitates. She smiles, 
looking a bit embarrassed. "Ah fohget, mama ..."
	
"It's Easter, isn't it?"
	
"Oh, yah. Eas-ser. We find Eas-ser eggs!"
	
"Yes, we will. But do you also remember what I told 
you about baby Jesus?"
	
She thinks for a moment. Then she slowly nods her 
head. "Is Kwissmas burvday, huh, mama?"
	
"That's right, He was born at Christmas. But at 
Easter we remember Him because that's when He 
died."
	
Her eyes grow big. "He dead?"
	
I smile and I watch Scully chuckle softly. The 
genuine amazement on this little girl's part is just too 
precious. "Well, He lived a really long time ago, 
sweetheart. That's why He is dead now."
	
"Oh."
	
"But when He died, He went to God, and He told 
God that He wanted the other people to be good 
again. Because you know that sometimes people are 
not very good, are they?"
	
"Like bad men dat took Will-yum, huh, mama?" she 
says softly, and I watch Scully gulp.
	
"That's right, sweetheart," Scully answers, her voice 
equally soft. "Like the people who wanted to hurt 
William."
	
"They's bad people, huh?"
	
"Yes, they were very bad. I'm glad we don't have to 
worry about them anymore."
	
"Yah. But mama, what Yesus do?"
	
"Well," Scully continues, and I see how she quickly 
pulls herself together. We can talk about it tonight if 
we feel a need to do so, but this is not the moment. 
"Jesus went to God and He asked that all people 
should have a little angel to look after them. To 
make sure those people wouldn't do bad things."
	
"You have angel, too?"
	
Scully nods. "I think so. And you and Julia have 
angels, too." Then she looks at me and gives me a 
wink.  "And papa has probably gone through a 
whole platoon of angels over the past forty years, 
just to keep him alive," she adds, making me chuckle 
self-consciously. She's so right it's almost not funny 
anymore. The joke, meanwhile, goes right over 
Katherine's head.
	
"Ahv angel," Katherine then says, sounding quite 
determined. "She here."
	
"Is she?" Scully asks and I raise my eyebrows.
	
Katherine nods and smiles. "Yah. She purdy, 
mama."
	
"Do you see her sometimes?"
	
"Yah. Ah like her."
	
"Maybe we can ask her to look after you tonight. 
Would you like that?"
	
"Mm-mm. Ah would."
	
"All right then. Shall I teach you how you can talk to 
her?"
	
"But ah talk to her."
	
"Does she talk to you too?"
	
Katherine shakes her head. "No. But she lissen."
	
Scully smiles. "I'm happy she does. So, do you want 
to know how to talk to God then?"
	
"Kay."
	
Scully kneels down beside the bed, gesturing that 
Katherine should follow her example. After a few 
seconds of confusion, our daughter kneels down 
next to her. "Can you fold yours hands, 
sweetheart?"
	
Scully folds her hands and with a smile we watch 
Katherine struggle to get every one of her little 
fingers in the right place. It's such a simple move, 
but for a three-year-old it's one heck of a task. 
Eventually, however, she gets it right.
	
"This good, mama?"
	
"That's perfect, sweetheart. Well done. Well, when 
children go to bed they often pray, you know," 
Scully says and Katherine stares at her.
	
"Pway?"
	
"That's right. That's what we call it when we talk to 
God."
	
"En mah angel?"
	
"Yes, and when we talk to our angel. Angels are the 
messengers of God. Because God wants to look 

after all the good people in the world, but he's very 
busy of course -- ..."
	
"Is many people, huh, mama?" Katherine asks and 
Scully nods.
	
"That's right, there are a lot of people. So every 
evening, when we go to bed, our angel takes our 
wishes and our dreams and takes them to God. So 
God can see which ones He can give us."
	
"Oh ..."
	
Scully smiles at me and I smile back, nodding once. 
I find myself wishing someone had explained it all 
to me like that when I was a kid. I'm pretty sure I'd 
have ended up with quite a different view on 
religion.
	
"Shall we say a little prayer, sweetheart?" Scully 
then asks.
	
"Wha's pwayer, mama?"
	
"That's what we call it when we pray. When we talk 
to our angel and to God."
	
"Oh." She holds up her folded hands. "Is good, 
mama?"
	
"That is great, sweetheart, you are doing very well."
	
Katherine grins. "Yah. Ahm good."
	
We both chuckle. You gotta love this stage in her 
life when she simply doesn't do modesty yet. It's 
very cute because it's so damn honest.
	
"Yes, you are," Scully answers with a smile. "Shall 
we try the prayer?"
	
"Kay."
	
"Can you say it after me?"
	
"What?" Katherine asks.
	
"The prayer," Scully answers, smiling a little.
	
"Oh. Kay."

<"Now I lay me down to sleep.">
<"Now ah lay -- >
	
"Wha's 'lay meh down', mama?"
	
Scully smiles and I grin. Oh boy, we could be in for 
the long haul here ...
	
"That's when you lie down in bed so you can go to 
sleep," Scully answers.
	
"Oh, when you give me kiss?"
	
Scully nods. "That's right, when papa and I give you 
a good-night kiss."
	
"Oh. Kay."
	
"Shall we try some more?"
	
Katherine nods. "Yah."
	
<"Now I lay me down to sleep.">
<"Now ah lay meh down seep.">

<"I pray the Lord my soul to keep.">
	
"Wha's soul, mama?"
	
"That's who you are, sweetheart," Scully says, and 
she places her hand on our daughter's chest over her 
heart. "It's a little voice in you who decides what is 
good and what is bad."
	
Katherine frowns. "Dunno, mama ..." she says 
softly, clearly confused.
	
"I'll tell you all about your soul tomorrow, okay?" 
Scully says, smiling, as she folds her hands again.
	
Our daughter nods. "Kay. But mama?"
	
"Yes?"
	
"Mama, I don' need mah ... uh ... soul?"
	
Scully frowns. "What  do you mean?"
	
"Well, you say 'Lord keep mah soul'. So Ah don' 
need it then?"
	
We smile. It's adorable, the way she takes it all so 
literally.
	
"This means that the Lord will keep your soul safe. 
You have a very beautiful soul and I'm sure God 
would like you to have it. He just keeps it safe while 
you sleep."
	
"Dunno, mama ..." she says, confused once more. 
Well, I'm not surprised, this is heavy stuff when 
you're only three years old.
	
Scully smiles. "I'll explain it all to you tomorrow, 
okay?"
	
"Kay ..."
		
<"I pray the Lord my soul to keep.">
<"Ah pway Lord mah soul uh keep.">

"Ahm doing good, huh, mama?"
	
Scully smiles and nods. "You are doing very well, 
darling."
	
Katherine looks at me and grins. "Ahm doing good, 
papa!"
	
I smile. "I know, I'm very proud of you."
	
She giggles at the compliment. "Want more 
pwaying, mama!"
	
"All right," Scully says with a smile.
		
<"May my angel watch me through the night.">
	
"Oh, is mah angel!"
	
"That's right, your angel will watch you while you 
sleep and keep you safe," Scully answers.
	
"But when she talk to God?"
	
"Well, she does that when you are really fast asleep. 
As long as you're still falling asleep, your angel sits 
next to you and watches over you so you are safe."
	
Katherine nods. "Yah. Ah know."
	
"So, shall we say that line together?" Scully asks and 
our daughter nods.
	
"Kay."

<"May my angel watch me through the night.">
<"Mah angel wats uh nigh.">
	
I grin as I listen to her botch the prayer. It's kind of 
cute really.
		
<"And wake me in the morning light.">
<"N wake me mor-rin' ligh.">
		
<"Amen.">
<"Huh?">

"Wha's dat, mama?"
	
"What do you mean, darling?"
	
I decide to venture a guess. "I think she means 
'Amen'."
	
Scully smiles, then turns to our daughter again. "That 
means 'Let it be so.' That's how we end a prayer."
	
"Oh ... Is mor-rin' now, mama?"
	
Scully shakes her head. "No, it's still evening. But 
we just asked your angel to wake you up when the 
sun is up again so you can go out and play some 
more." She has clearly decided to let the 'Amen' 
part go for now. There is no rush, she'll learn.  
	

Katherine grins. "Ah like play!"
	
"I know. But you can't play when you're sleepy, 
which is why you go to bed every night. And then 
your angel watches over you so you can sleep safe 
and sound."
	
Katherine nods. "Like liddul bee-bee bunny, huh, 
mama?" 
	
"That's right. You look just like a little baby bunny 
when you sleep."
	
"Yah, ah know." She yawns. "Ahm seepy ..."
	
Scully smiles. "Then let's go to bed, okay?"
	
Katherine unfolds her little hands and climbs into 
bed. I walk over to her for her customary good-night 
kiss. Scully tucks her in and presses a soft kiss onto 
her forehead. Then she makes room for me and I kiss 
our daughter on her cheek. She smiles, her eyes 
already starting to droop.
	
"Good night, darling," I say.
	
"Night, papa ..." she mutters as she turns onto her 
side, her toy cow Nana securely tucked in under her 
arms.
	
Scully and I smile and we walk away from her bed 
towards the door.
	
"Night, mama ..." we hear her say very softly.
	
"Good night, sweetheart," Scully says with a smile. 
"Your angel will look after you."
	
"Ah know ..." she says, her words slurred with sleep. 
"S-Emlie ..."
	
I feel Scully freeze and I look at her. She meets my 
eyes, but I close the door before she can ask 
anything. No need to keep Katherine awake 
unnecessarily, she wouldn't understand the 
implications of her last words anyway.
	
Then, with the door shut, Scully looks at me. "Do 
you think it's true? Do you think Emily really 
watches over her?"
	
I shrug and shake my head. "I don't know." Then I 
smile. "But something tells me that girl wouldn't be 
a bad guardian angel for our daughter, would she?"
	
Scully smiles a little too and shakes her head. "No, 
she wouldn't be. You're probably right about that. 
But do you think it's really true?"
	
I smile. "Let's ask her in the morning, okay? We're 
not going to be able to find out right now anyway."
	
"No, you're right."
	
I wrap my arm around her shoulder and together we 
walk down the stairs.
	
"What are you thinking?" I ask when we're in the 
kitchen. She seems lost in thought and I want to 
know what's bothering her.
	
She looks at me. "It may not even be our Emily."
	
I smile a bit. "No, it may not be." I look at her. "But 
I'm having a real hard time convincing myself of the 
fact that you really think it isn't her."
	
She gives me a wry smile and she shakes her head. "I 
don't know ..." she says, her voice fragile. Then she 
takes a deep, shuddery breath. "God, it's still so 
hard after all these years ... Why?"
	
"Because she was your child."
	
"I barely even knew her ..."

	
I shrug. "I don't see how that matters. I mean, I felt 
a connection to her and I don't even know if I was 
her father."
	
She looks at me, her expression sad. "Would it have 
made a difference if we knew whether she really 
was yours?"
	
I think for a moment, but then I shake my head. 
"No. In fact I don't even want to know the answer 
to that. Because we'll never find out and ... well, I 
really don't want it to change anything between us 
or about my feelings for her. She was yours, and that 
makes her mine. In a way. No matter who her father 

really is. Or was."
	
"Will was yours," she whispers, not looking at me. 
"And I lost him. And it hurts, it hurts so fucking 
badly!" She looks down at the floor and frowns, 
biting her lower lip. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have 
cursed." Then she sighs.
	
"What?" I ask very softly.
	
"I don't understand ..." She takes a deep breath and 
makes a little helpless movement with her hand. "... 
why I just can't get over this! It keeps on hurting so 
much and ... and I just want it to go away. I don't 
want to keep on hurting ..." 
	
Her words end on a sob that absolutely breaks my 
heart. I walk over to her and gather her to me, 
tucking her head in against my shoulder.
	
"It hurts so badly, Mulder ..." she whispers in a 
pained voice. "I feel it so deep in my heart and the 
pain just never stops ..."
	
"I know ..."
	
I feel how she starts to cry softly as her hands grip 
my arms, and I wrap my arms around her even 
tighter. Right this moment I want nothing more than 
to hold and support her.
	
"I want my baby boy back," she sobs. "He was mine, 
why couldn't they just let me keep him? I want him 

back! I just want to have him back, I miss him so 
much ..."
	
I press a soft kiss in her hair, feeling the grief deep 
inside me. I don't answer, there is nothing I can say. 
I have no words of comfort to offer her, but I can let 
her air her grief in the hope that it will alleviate some 
of the immense pain inside of her.
	
"It's not fair ..." she whispers as she cries.
	
"No, it isn't."
	
"I want my baby back ..."
	
"I know ..."
	
"I'm so sorry I gave him up."
	
"I know." I sigh, stroking her hair and her back. 
"Come with me. This kitchen is not the right place. 
Let's go to the living room."
	
With me still holding her, we slowly walk into the 
living room. We sit down on the couch, and then I 
gently pull her down with me until we're lying 
down, side by side. She clings to me as she keeps on 
crying and I feel my heart swell for her. I have no 
idea how to comfort her, so I decide that letting her 
cry and trying not to hush her is probably the thing 
to do now. I absolutely hate seeing her cry, I always 
have, but I think this time making her stop would be 
detrimental to her feelings. She is very good at 
hiding her feelings, and sometimes feelings need to 
be let out.
	
"That's it, sweetheart, let it all out," I whisper as she 
cries. I don't think she ever properly grieved for 
these two children, but I feel tremendously 
privileged to be here now to support her. It's not 
something I enjoy witnessing of course, but the fact 
that she allows herself to be this vulnerable is a 
privilege I don't take lightly. "You can let it all out, 
I'm here for you ..."
	
"I couldn't protect him, Mulder," she sobs. "He was 
so small and so vulnerable and he needed me so 
much, but I couldn't protect him. And he was your 
son and I gave him up.  I gave up your only son and 
I'm so sorry, Mulder, I'm so, so sorry ..."
	
"I know you are," I whisper. "I know, sweetheart ..." 
I don't go into the part about Will being my son, not 
now. Adding to her feeling of guilt won't help at all, 
and I already know just how much she hates the 
decision she was forced to make at the time. It 
would be cruel beyond reason to accuse her of 
anything at all now.
	
"I miss him so much, I miss my baby boy so much ... 
I so want to find out what happened to him, but I'll 
never know and it's hurting me so deep inside ..."
	
I don't answer, feeling completely lost for words. 
What could I possibly offer but empty comfort? I 
can only hold her, let her air her grief, but I cannot 
bring our boy back, no matter how badly I want to 
do just that. So I simply opt for holding her and 
trying to comfort her as she battles with her 
emotions.
	
We spend quite a while in this position, with me 
holding her while she cries softly, whispering to her 
occasionally when I think I have anything sensible to 
say. Then, after a long time she slowly calms down, 
and she lifts her head from my chest and looks at 
me. Her eyes are red and puffy and her face is 
blotchy from crying, but she's smiling a little, 
making me smile, too.
	
"Are you feeling a little better?" I whisper. "Don't 
say 'yes' if you're not. You don't have to pretend, 
you know."
	
She smiles and nods. "I am feeling a bit better." She 
moves up to lie next to me, our faces level, making it 
easier to look at each other. "Thank you very much."
	
I bite my lips and smile a little wryly. "I wish I could 

do more, you know."
	
She nods. "I know. You're doing fine." She shakes 
her head. "Thank you so much for not  judging or 
accusing me."
	
I smile a bit. "There's nothing I would want to 
accuse you of."
	
"But I gave up your son," she whispers.
	
I keep my look and voice as neutral as I possibly can. 
"Yes, you did, because circumstances forced you 
into doing that. I'm not heartless, Dana, I know 
what happened and I know you had absolutely no 
other choice if you wanted him to live. Of course I 
wish things had turned out differently, and of course 
I wish he'd be here now. And God knows I'm 
beating myself up for not having been there for you 
when you had to make that decision, because my 
absence didn't help one bit either." 
	
I gather her to me again. "I miss him, too, but I 
cannot blame you. I simply can't do that, because 
I'm easily as much to blame. And I thank God on 
my bare knees that He granted us our two daughters, 
giving us a new chance at parenthood. But we will 

forever be parents to four children, and I never want 
to look at it any other way."
	
She looks at me, her eyes filled with fresh tears.
	
"I love you so much," she whispers and I smile a bit.
	
"Thank you. I think you're amazing, too, you know."
	
"Hold me for now," she then whispers.
	
We spend some time just lying on the couch, holding 
each other as the ghosts of our past  circle us, 
haunting us. I absolutely refuse to let them in.

	
"Do you want to go to bed?" I then ask.
	
She sighs softly. "Maybe we'd better. But I really 
don't think I'm up for anything more than some 
cuddling tonight."
	
I smile. "That's all right. I wasn't particularly in the 
mood anyway."
	
She chuckles very softly and we're silent for a bit.
	
"Shall we go out and hide the eggs before we go to 
bed though?" I then say, remembering that 
tomorrow is Easter. "I mean, I don't want to push 
you or anything, but I don't think it's going to rain 
tonight and I have no idea how else we'd get the 
eggs hidden without Katherine finding out."
	
"Yeah, you're right."
	
"Are you up to it? I mean, if you just want to go to 
bed, that's fine with me too, you know. I'll go and 
do the egg hiding and join you a little later."
	
She shakes her head. "No, I'll just cry more if I'm 
left alone. Besides, we still have our girls, and you're 
right when you say that they deserve our full 
attention, even on relative trivialities like Easter 
eggs. It's no use being stuck in the past."
	
I frown. "You're not stuck in the past."
	
She lets out a shuddery sigh. "I don't even know 
what I am right now, Mulder, or what I'm feeling. 
All I know is that I'm feeling ... empty somehow. 
Just ... empty ..."
	
I sigh, too, pressing a kiss in her hair. "Oh, 
sweetheart ..." Goddamn it, it feels so awful not 
being able to truly help.
	
Then she gently loosens my arms from around her 
and smiles at me, her eyes a little sad, but her smile 
genuine though small. "Come, let's go and make 
tomorrow a day to remember for the girls. A breath 
of fresh air will do us good anyway."
	
I smile too and, taking our own time, we get up from 
the couch and then on into the kitchen where the 
eggs are waiting. It's Easter, the start of spring and 
new life. We will never forget those little lives that 
inhabited our past, but right now it's our duty to 
make those new lives in the form of our daughters 
live life to the fullest.
	
Happy Easter.

XxXxX

Chapter 9

It's a glorious summer day.
	
It's about mid-July and we're having another pretty 
decent summer. June was kind of wet, but so far 
July is turning out quite all right, and I'm a happy 
farmer.
	
"Can you fill these two bottles with water?" I hear 
behind me and I see Scully as she walks up to me, 
two tin water bottles in her hand. The four of us are 
going out for a picnic, and right now we're gathering 
up the provisions we want to take with us.
	
I smile and nod. "Of course. What do you want to 
bring for the girls? Water as well?"
	
"No, I have some apple juice for them. Are the eggs 
ready?"
	
"Yup, hard-boiled as ordered by my lady," I say 
with a grin and a wink, and she chuckles. She 
reaches up and we kiss briefly.
	
"Thank you. The meat-loaf is ready too. Do you 
have the fruit you wanted?"
	
I take the hamper and look under the towel I put 
over it to protect its contents. "I have a small bowl 
of strawberries, a handful of raspberries, couple of 
bunches of grapes which I hope are sweet enough 
already, and a few early apples. I hope those apples 
are okay, last year some of the really early ones were 
rather tasteless."
	

She lifts up the towel as well and inspects my 
selection. "It looks great." Then she steals a 
strawberry from the basket and quickly pops it into 
her mouth, giving me a cheeky smile. "Mmm, these 
are delicious!"
	
I grin, and take away the hamper. "If you keep that 
up we won't have any strawberries left!"
	
She swallows the fruit, and then she smiles. "Well, 
we certainly can't have that." She wraps her arms 
around my waist and our eyes lock. "Are there any 
strawberries left on the plants?"
	
I smile, cupping her cheek in my hand as I set the 
hamper down on the table. "I think so. Why?"
	
She licks her lips and smiles seductively. "Well, I 
figured that, if we have any left, tonight we could 
have a little ... sexy fun with them maybe?"
	
"Sexy fun?" I reply in a low voice.
	
"Yeah, surely you can think up something that 
would suit that description?"
	
I huff softly, making her chuckle. "Oh, I can ..." 
With my fingers I lift her chin up and I capture her 
lips with mine, kissing her deeply, enjoying the 
strawberry taste that still lingers in her mouth. I feel 
her arms come round my neck and I pull her tightly 
against me.
	
"Papa, are we -- ... oh no, yo kissin' agin!" I hear an 
exasperated little girl's voice behind me and I can't 
help grinning into the kiss. Reluctantly we break the 
kiss and we turn to face her, still holding each other 
loosely.
	

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," I say to Katherine.
	
"Liar," Scully whispers in my ear and I chuckle. 
She's right though, I'm not sorry at all. With a quick 
kiss we let go.
	
I turn to Katherine. "Do you have your toys, 
sweetheart?"
	
She nods. "Yah, Ah do. Ah have blankie, too."
	
I smile, stroking our daughter's hair. "Good girl. Do 
you know where Julia is?"
	
"She in da living room."
	
"Thank you. Do you think you could go and get her 
so we can leave for our walk?"
	
"Kay." She runs towards the living room. "Ju-ya!" 
we hear her call out.
	
"So," I then say to Scully, "you think we've got 
everything?"
	
She nods. "I think so. Can you carry the hamper 
with our food? I'll carry the blanket and the toys."
	
"Why don't we make little knap-sacks for the girls to 
carry their own toys in them? With a stick so they 

can carry them on their shoulders?"
	
She grins. "Ooh, great idea, they'll love it!"
	
I grin, too, pleased that my idea is appreciated. "I'll 
go and see if we have anything that can function as 
the sticks then, okay? Can you check if you have 
anything that will work as the knap-sacks 
themselves?"
	
"I'll take a couple of tea towels. Those will do fine, I 
think, they can't carry much anyway, seeing that 
they're still so little."
	
"Awesome!"
	
I leave the kitchen for the stable. We keep odds and 
ends there, too, and I figure I will find something 
that could work. I open the Dutch door to the stable, 
feeling the warm air of the animals. All the windows 
are open to let the breeze in and most of the animals 
are outside anyway, but it's an enclosed area and in 
July it's inevitably warm. I rummage around the area 
where we keep old tools and such things, until I find 

what I'm looking for.
	
"Great, these will do just fine," I say to myself, 
feeling rather pleased.
	
I grab them and return to the house, closing the 
lower part of the Dutch door behind me.
	
When I enter the kitchen I see Katherine and Julia 
standing at the table, their toys spread out on two 
kitchen towels.
	
"Look, girls, there's papa," Scully says with a smile. 
"He has some sticks so you can carry your toys."
	
Katherine grins. "Mama say we like gippies."
	
I'm confused for a second, but then I grin. "Oh, 
gypsies! That's right, you're like two gorgeous little 
gypsy girls, ready to see the world!"
	
"Yeh, see wold!" Julia says with a wide smile, 
making me smile too.
	
I have two thin stakes I normally use for tying up the 
beans. These two are broken and I had set them 
aside to be used as tinder sticks this winter, but I 
guess they'll have one more purpose to serve us. We 
tie the towels to the end of the stakes. They look like 
proper knapsacks and I must say I'm rather proud of 
our efforts. Then I hand them to our daughters. Julia 
is not sure what to do with it, but Katherine puts it 
on her shoulder as if she's been doing this her whole 
life.
	
"Come, let's go," Scully then says. She picks up the 
hamper with our food while I take the basket 
containing the plates and the cutlery. Let's go on a 
field trip!

*~*~*

Julia is sitting on my shoulders, her little hands in my 
hair as I hold one of her legs, my other hand 
occupied with the basket. She got tired of walking 
after a while -- those little legs can't walk very far 
yet or keep up easily -- so Scully took her knapsack 
and I lifted my baby girl up onto my shoulders. 
Katherine is a few yards ahead of us, skipping and 
running as she pleases, her knapsack bouncing on her 
shoulder, her long brown curls gleaming and dancing 
in the sunlight.
	
"Look, mama, is skirrel!" she says, pointing at a tree.
	
A squirrel dashes up a tree as we pass a little copse 
and we smile. The tiny rodent is up on a branch, its 
bead-like eyes inspecting our every move as its 
bushy tail moves from side to side. Then a rabbit 
crosses our path and her attention is instantly 
diverted.
	
"Oh, look, papa, da's bunny!" she exclaims, excited 
as always, and the squirrel is clearly already 
forgotten. "Come here, mis-ser bunny, come here!"
	
The rabbit hops away, staying well out of our 
daughter's reach, but she doesn't seem to mind very 
much. To be perfectly honest, the rabbit has probably 
already gone from her mind as she focuses on yet 
another creature in her sights.
	
We've been walking for a few hours now, well past 
the farms that are nearest to ours and into fields that 
we normally don't get to see. This is a proper day-
trip, one for which we rarely have time. For our 
daughters it's basically the first time they've ever 
been this far away from their home and it's as 
exciting for them as any foreign vacation would 
have been before the Invasion.
	
"Papa, ahm hungry," Katherine then says, walking 
up to us.
	
"Hun-nee," Julia chimes in and Scully and I trade 
smiles. I look up and see that the sun is high in the 
sky. They're right, it's probably about mid-day 
anyway.
	
"All right," I say, "shall we have a picnic then?"
	
"Yah!" Katherine cheers, clapping her hands.
	
"Yeh," Julia answers as well, but I doubt whether 
she knows what her sister's excitement is all about.
	
In the solid shade of a large beech tree we pause and 
I lift Julia off my shoulders and set her onto her feet, 
letting her run off in whatever direction she fancies. 
Then I roll my shoulders and my head to loosen the 
muscles. She's not heavy, but over the course of the 
past couple of hours her weight has started to impact 
my shoulders. Well, what can I say, I'm not that 
young anymore, no matter how I may feel about it 
myself.
	
"Are you okay?" Scully asks, a look of mild worry in 
her eyes.
	
I smile and nod. "I'm fine, she was just getting a 
little heavy."	
	
"Then you should have said something! I'm sure she 
could have walked a lot more than she did."
	
"Nah, I liked carrying her." I lean in and kiss her 
briefly. "Don't worry about me. There's no 
permanent damage."
	
"You sure?"
	
I smile and nod. "I'm quite sure. Come, let's eat, I'm 
hungry."

	
"All right then." She says with a smile, before 
turning to our oldest daughter. "Do you have the 
blanket, Katherine?" she asks as she sets down the 
hamper.
	
"Yah!" Katherine sets her knapsack on the grass. 
Then she sits down and draws the knapsack into her 
lap, and starts to untie the tea towel. The tip of her 
tongue is between her lips with concentration as she 
negotiates the knot that holds her knapsack together.
	
"Shall I help y-" I begin, but Scully stops me by 
placing a hand on my arm.
	
"No, let her try. We have all the time in the world. 
Doing this is good for her confidence and it will help 
to develop her fine motor skills."
	
I smile and nod. "Yes, of course, you're right."
	
We sit down next to each other, my arm around 
Scully's shoulder as we watch our daughters. Julia's 
little knapsack is next to the hamper with the food 
and the basket with the cutlery and plates, and the 
little girl herself is now sitting next to a little clutch 
of daisies, looking like the most beautiful one 
herself. She runs her hands through the daisies and 
then picks one, inspecting it closely. Julia and her 
flowers ...
	
"Is stuck, mama ..." Katherine protests.
	
Scully smiles. "Take your time, sweetheart, you're 
doing just fine."
	
Eventually Katherine manages to untie the knot and 
she opens the tea towel triumphantly.  "Yay!" she 
exclaims. "Is open!"
	
Scully was right, the look of unabashed pride at her 
own achievement is worth every single one of those 
trivial extra minutes this took. Katherine picks up the 
blanket from underneath her toys and gets up, 
walking to her mother and handing it to her.
	
"Here is da blankie, mama."
	
"Thank you very much, sweetheart, you did great," 
Scully says, giving her a kiss on her cheek and 
making her giggle.
	
"Ah help some more?"
	
"Mmm, maybe you can help papa with the fruit?"
	
"Kay."
	
I've taken the little plastic containers of fruit from 
the hamper and I'm currently busy putting the 
berries into the little bowls we brought. "Do you 
want to put the grapes in this bowl?" I ask of her 
and she nods. She takes a small bunch of grapes -- 
they're nowhere near as lush or heavy as the bunches 
we were accustomed to seeing in the shops before 
the Invasion, but they're generally nice and sweet 
and serve their purpose just fine, even if the seeds 
are a bit annoying -- and starts to take the grapes off 
the bunch slowly. Then she carefully places each 
grape in the bowl, one at a time, arranging them with 
utmost care. I grin, amused by the look of intense 
concentration on her face. She is so precise and it's 
really quite entertaining.
	
Meanwhile Scully has placed the other foodstuffs on 
plates on the blanket and she has filled the cups with 
water for us and apple juice for the girls.
	
"Julia, can you come and eat?" she calls out to our 
youngest daughter, who dutifully gets up and walks 
over to the picnic, two daisies in her hand.
	
"Mama, fow-ur," she says as she offers the daisies to 
her mother.
	
"Are they for me?" Scully asks with a delighted 
smile.
	
Julia grins and nods. "Yeh!"
	
"Thank you very much, sweetheart, they are 
beautiful," Scully says. She opens her arms and Julia 
walks into them, clearly enjoying the hug. Then she 
turns in her mother's arms and sits down between 
her legs.
	
"Mama, Ah hun-nee." 
	
"I know, you're hungry, aren't you? Katherine, are 
you hungry?"
	
"Yah! Ah can eat?"
	
Scully smiles. "Do you want some meatloaf?"
	
"Yah, meat-woaf! Ah like meat-woaf!" Katherine 
comments happily.

	
I smile. "I know you do." I cut the meatloaf and 
give her a slice.
	
"Ah want more, papa," she comments, looking at the 
one slice on her plate, but I shake my head.
	
"You can have another one when you've eaten this 
one, sweetheart. Would you like some bread and 
fruit, too?"
	
She nods. "Yah, Ah want gapes. And raps-
bewwies."
	
I add a slice of bread to her plate and then heap on 
some grapes and raspberries. "Here you go. If you 
still want more when you're done, you can come 
back for it."
	
"Kay." She sits down with the plate on her lap and 
starts to eat.
	
Scully slices the meatloaf further and I slice some 
more bread. Then she fills a small bowl with grapes, 
and peels and cuts an apple for Julia.
	
"Aren't you going to give her any meatloaf?" I ask.
	
She shakes her head. "I think it's a bit heavy for her. 
I might nurse her some, although she doesn't 
normally nurse in the afternoon anymore. But the 
meat and bread are rather heavy fare for such a 
young child still. No, she'll do fine on fruit and 
milk."
	
I smile. "All right. Do you want one or two slices?"
	
"I'll have two, thanks. I'll just put on the slices of 
meatloaf and eat them together. You know, as a 
kind of sandwich. Do you have the water?"
	
I reach in the hamper and pull out the water bottle. 
"Mm, it's not very cold anymore. That's a pity."
	
She smiles. "That's all right. No need to get brain 
freeze anyway."
	
I grin, remembering that ailment of the past. These 
days we rarely have anything that's so cold that we 
risk getting brain freeze. I pour the water into our 
glasses. Then I turn to Katherine.
	
"Would you like some apple juice?"
	
She nods, her mouth full of meatloaf. "Mm-mm, Ah 
woov."
	
"Don't speak with your mouth full, sweetheart. Wait 
until you've swallowed your bite."
	
I see her swallow quickly. "Kay." She points at her 
open mouth. "See, is empty."
	
I laugh. "Thank you." I ruffle her hair and she 
smiles. "Good girl."
	
I pour the apple juice from the bottle into the plastic 
cups we use for our girls to drink from. Last autumn 
we made apple juice from pressing the sweet apples 
that weren't good enough for storage and for a first 
attempt we've done remarkably well. This is the last 
bottle, though, but with plenty of fresh fruit coming 
in at this time of year, and new apples ripening on 
the trees in the orchard as we speak, we can make 
fresh juice in a few months time, ready for use this 
winter. I'm thinking of trying to make some other 
kinds of vegetable and fruit juices, though it will 
depend on our harvest whether or not those plans 
will actually work out. At least we know we'll 
definitely have apple juice and tomato juice.
	
"Yuse!" Julia exclaims as she grabs her cup of apple 
juice. "Yike yuse!"
	
"Yes, you like your apple juice, don't you?" I say 
with a grin.
	
She lifts the plastic cup and starts to drink, spilling 
some of the juice along the edges and onto her 
clothes. I look at Scully who smiles in defeat as she 
shakes her head.
	
"Great, more laundry to do," she says with a wry 
smile. We don't have sippy-cups and at times like 
these we do miss them.
	
"Shall I feed her then?" I offer but she shakes her 
head in the negative.
	
"Nah, don't worry about it. It was inevitable. I 
brought a change of clothes for both of them 
anyway, I was kind of expecting this to happen."
	
"I would never have thought of bringing extra 
clothes," I say and she smiles.
	
"Well, I was rather hoping I'd done so in vain, but I 
guess not."
	
"S-up," Julia says, offering her empty cup. "Mowe?"
	
"Do you want some more, sweetheart?" I ask.
	
"Yeh!"
	
"Shall I give her another cup of apple juice?" I ask 
Scully.
	
"Mm, I think I'd better nurse her first and see how 
she feels about having more juice afterwards. Milk 
has more nutrients and right now I'm pretty sure 
she's just thirsty and she doesn't care where she gets 
her fluids from."
	
"You're right." I turn to Julia. "How about milk? Do 
you want some mama milk instead?"
	
She nods with a wide smile. "Yeh! Wan mama 
mihk!"
	
We smile and Scully lifts our youngest girl up into 
her arms. "All right then, sweetheart." She unbuttons 
her top to nurse her and Julia starts to drink.
	
"Do you still have enough milk?" I ask as I watch 
the proceedings.
	
She smiles as she looks at our daughter. "It'll do, but 
I have almost weaned her off breastfeeding. I think 
she really is old enough now and I, well, would like 
my body back really." She chuckles. "I never 
thought I'd be breastfeeding her for so long 
though."
	
I nod. "Katherine was weaned quite a bit earlier, 
wasn't she?"
	
She looks down at Julia and smiles. "Well, yeah, but 
we had Julia on the way at the time, so the 
circumstances were different as well."
	
I smile, but don't comment.
	
We spend a little while in silence as I watch my wife 
and child. She occasionally takes a piece of fruit, but 
I don't eat. I just watch them, enjoying the peaceful 
scene of a mother feeding her child. It's age-old and 
absolutely precious. I'm not going to lie, I do love 
watching her nurse our children, and something 
inside me wishes we could have another baby just so 
I'd get the chance to see it some more. 
	
And if ever there was a stupid thought, you just 
heard it. Not because I don't want it, but because 
it's so fucking impossible and I mentally kick myself 
for being this dumb. <Way to go, you ungrateful 
little shit,> I think, <how much more do you want to 
piss fate off, huh?>
	
"There, are you done, sweetie?" she then says and I 
watch Julia squirm off her lap. Scully buttons up her 
top again and I take Julia and wipe her mouth and 
face. There are bits of fruit and traces of milk all 
over her face. Then, when she's basically clean with 
the exception of that apple juice stain on the front of 
her dress, I let her run off to wherever she pleases.
	
I spot Katherine about 50 yards away, climbing a 
small tree, and Julia scurries off in the direction of 
another patch of daisies where she plops down right 
in the middle of them and starts to play with the 
flowers. I smile when I witness it, seeing that the 
girls' activities are so completely typical for their 
personalities: Katherine the tomboy and little girlie-
girl Julia.

"This is such a wonderful spot," Scully says softly as 
we move to sit side by side underneath the large 

beech tree.
	
"Yes, it is." I wrap my arm around her shoulder and 
pull her in. Then she lies down with her head in my 
lap, looking up at me. We trade easy smiles.
	
"I love you," she says and my smile widens as I 
comb my fingers through her long hair, stroking it 
adoringly.
	
"I know. I love you, too," I reply. We sound terribly 
schmoopy, but at times like this it suits the occasion 
just fine. We're a couple of old romantics, but thank 
God we still feel the romance and the love between 

us. Things could so easily have been so different.
	
"Wouldn't it be awesome if we could make love 
right now," she then says slyly and I feel my body 
react instantly.
	
"Stop that, you know we can't!" I reply and she 
chuckles.
	
"I'm sorry, that was mean." She winks at me. "Your 
body is just so predictable in its reactions, isn't it?"
	
I let a flash of heat shine in my eyes. "It sure is when 
it comes to you, yeah."
	
She sits up again. "Of course," she then says, "even 
if we can't go all the way, surely a little heavy 
petting isn't going to be a problem."
	
"Katherine will be disgusted," I say with a grin and 
she chuckles.
	
"Yes, she will be. Well, she's just going to have to 
deal with that." And she moves up into my lap and 
covers my lips with hers. I pull her in closer until our 
bodies are completely flush as we deepen the kiss, 
letting our hands wander where they fancy and 
taking our own sweet time to love each other as 
much as we can without actually getting undressed. 
God knows I want to and God knows I'm incredibly 
tempted, but there is no way that we can now. I just 

have to be patient; we can always make love tonight 
if we're still in the mood then.
	
Of course that doesn't mean my body isn't getting 
totally excited with anticipation and when we part 
from our kiss I see her grin knowingly.
	
"See, it's just too easy," she whispers and I chuckle 
in defeat. Well, what can I say, I'm hard as a rock 
and there's no way I can hide it for the moment. 
"How long will it take for you to lose that?"
	
I bend in and nip her neck, making her moan. 
Honey, with sounds like those, I'll never lose my 
hard-on until it's served its purpose, I think. "That all 
depends," I mutter, enjoying the feel of her body, 
"on just how much help I'm going to get."
	
She giggles. "Can we make love without the girls 
noticing? Because I want you so much right now."
	
I swear, I'm seriously trying to think of a clandestine 
way to go about it, but nothing comes to mind. Of 
course not. "I don't think we can. I'm afraid we're 
basically stuck in our state of arousal with no means 
of getting that relief we're after."
	
"Damnit ..."
	
"And no matter how welcome the relief would be, 
we'll have to call it quits here because I'm just not 

prepared to cream my pants," I say with a grin.
	
"You know, I'm already creaming mine," she replies 
in a low voice, a devilish glint in her eyes and I 
groan.
	
"Jesus, Scully, stop that!"
	
She smiles, her expression gentler now. "I'm sorry, 
that was really cruel." She wraps her arms loosely 
around my neck and we trade loving smiles. "I wish 
I could help you, but it's not the right thing to do. 
We have responsibilities now, an example to set."
	
"Being a grown-up sucks," I sulk and she laughs, 
making me laugh as well.
	
"It does sometimes, doesn't it?" With one last loving 
kiss, we end our little frisky scene and she climbs off 
my lap and she sits down next to me. I pull my legs 
up to hide my erection but I'm not entirely sure I'm 
successful. 
	
"Can I get you something from the hamper?" she 
asks and I'm glad to see that the temptress has gone, 
and she's back to her normal kind self. If I ever want 
to be able to stand up without making a complete 
fool of myself, I need normalcy, thank you very 
much.
	
"I'll have some more meatloaf if that's all right."
	
She nods, and reaches into the basket to retrieve the 
remains of the meatloaf. "How much would you 
like?"
	
"Couple of slices would be fine, thank you."
	
She cuts the meat and I accept the slices with a 
smile. Then she takes the bowl of grapes, and we sit 
back against the tree with her head on my shoulder, 
eating our food in silence as we watch our children 
play.
	
The sun is shining, I have my wife by my side and 
my children are happy and healthy, and playing in 
the field in front of us. And of course there's the 
unspoken promise of sex tonight.
	
I gotta tell you, this is one heck of a great way to 
spend a summer's day.

XxXxX

Chapter 10

"Scully?"
	
"Mm-mm?"
	
"What would you say if I told you I had decided to 
grow a beard?"
	
That certainly earns me her full attention.
	
We're in bed and she was about to go to sleep no 
doubt, but I think my remark drew her back to the 
land of the living. It's still light out and the curtains 
aren't drawn because we get up at sunrise, so we can 
still see each other clearly.
	
"Well," she says with a smile, "I'd probably start by 
asking you why."
	
I smile. "Well, I could say that it's out of a choice of 
lifestyle, or looks and styling and such nonsense, but 
the truth is that I'm fast running out of razor blades. 
And I really don't know where to get new ones 
from."
	
"That's true," she agrees. "To be honest, I think you 
made the ones you had last for pretty long."
	
"Actually, I found some packs in the other farms 
when I was on my scavenging tours, I took whatever 
I thought would come in handy, which included the 
razors and razor blades. But I think I'm beginning to 
near the end of our supply."
	
"Have you run out completely?"
	
I shakes my head as I turn onto my side so I can 
look at her. "No, I think I have one last new one left, 
but I don't want to run out entirely. It would give 
me no choice."

	
"That's true. Well, I've seen you with a beard and I 
rather liked it, so I don't mind. I mean, I won't lie, I 
do prefer to see you clean-shaven, but I don't think 
that will be an option for very much longer, will it?"

	
"I do like myself better clean-shaven as well, 
probably just because I'm so used to it," I reply, 
rubbing my hand over my jaw and my day-old 
stubble.
	
"Well, I'm all right with it, just as long as you keep 
the beard neatly trimmed, okay? No Neanderthal 
impersonations," she says and grins, making me grin 
as well.
	
"Aww Scully, I was looking forward to getting in 
touch with my caveman instincts! You're spoiling all 
the fun!"
	

"Your caveman instincts, huh?" she say, a dangerous 
twinkle in her eyes. "I never knew you had any 
difficulty accessing that part of your brain, 
regardless of whether you have any facial hair."
	
I grin, feeling that delicious first tingle of arousal 
trickle down my spine. It's remote enough that I can 
suppress it and go on without having done anything 
about it, but strong enough to be able to whip my 
body into action in no time. I'm on the starting 
blocks as it were, but whether I take the plunge or 
step back onto terra firma still remains to be seen. "I 
don't. I never have, you know."
	
She turns on her side as well, facing me, and the 
dark look in her eyes widens my grin even further. 
"Oh, I know," she says in a low voice. She's 
supporting her head with one hand and the other one 
draws a fine trail across my shoulder and my chest, 
setting the skin under those fingers well and truly on 
fire. I capture her hand and bring it to my lips, 
kissing the tips of her fingers.
	

Her nails are no longer as finely manicured as they 
once were. They are short and some are broken. 
There is soil from our garden under them. She 
diligently washes and cleans her hands and nails, but 
some of the dirt just won't wash away. There hasn't 
been a speck of nail polish on those nails for almost 
five years.
	
And you know what, I don't mind. Those hands are 
instrumental in our survival. They tend our vegetable 
garden and they take care of the animals. They take 
care of our children, too. You've got to love them 
for that last fact alone, if nothing else.
	
"What are you doing?" she whispers and I smile a 
little.
	
"Seducing you," I reply in a low voice, letting my 
eyes do most of the talking. "Am I succeeding?"
	
I see how her eyes grow dark and her colour rises. 
Her lips are parted and when she flicks out that little 
pink tongue to lick them, I'm well and truly a lost 
case. It doesn't matter who's doing the seducing 
here, because her reactions to my actions are as 
arousing as anything she could have done.
	
She nods. "Yeah, and you know it ..."
	
"Do you want to make love?"
	
She nods again. "I do. I didn't think I would, but I 
do now."
	
I frown a bit, keeping her fingers against my mouth. 
"You don't have to do it for me, you know. If you 
don't feel like making love, you should say so. You 
know I would never force you to do anything you 
didn't want me to do."
	
She gently pushes me onto my back and then she lies 
on top of me, her look of surprised arousal now 
replaced by an expression of utter confidence in her 
own sexuality. Once upon a time the world 
mistakenly thought of her as an ice queen, but boy, 
were they ever wrong.
	
I suddenly wonder if she's always been this sexual, 
I'll have to ask her. Well, some other time, that is, of 
course. I'm kind of busy right now so to speak.
	
"Look, when was the last time you had to force me 
to have sex with you?" she asks with a grin and she 
immediately answers her own question: "Never!"
	
I grin too. She's right. I've always been good in bed, 
or so my former lovers assured me, but she certainly 
knows how to match my sexual prowess. "Hell yeah, 
Dana. Jesus, you know I can barely keep up with 
you!"
	
She laughs. "Liar, you have a lot more sexual 
endurance and experience than I have, and you 
know it."
	

"Mmm, I wouldn't be too sure about that, really." 
	
"But I'm definitely learning," she whispers.
	
"If there's anything you need teaching about, of 
course," I counter and she smiles.
	
"Of course."
	
She cups my face in her hands as I wrap my arms 
around her back and we share a burning hot kiss. 
With one knee I nudge her legs apart and I have to 
restrain myself from groaning out loud when her 
centre hits my straining cock. Jesus Christ, she's so 
wet already ...
	
"You know, I always want to learn new things. 
Especially in the field of sex," she says in a low 
voice. "I'm quite an eager student actually."
	
"So I've noticed." I grin. "God, you're absolutely 
incredible. I just wonder if there really is anything 
you don't know yet, and if I'm really the man to 
teach you."
	
She chuckles. "Well, I have done some wild things 
when I was younger, but that only reinforced my 
convictions that, basically, sticking to tried and 
tested tends to be best in the long run."
	
"Tried and tested, huh?" I mutter, slowly but surely 
finding it harder and harder to focus on her words 
when so much of my blood has by now happily 
settled below my waist.
	
She grins as she lets her hands wander. "Yeah. While 
it's fun to try out some of the more ... exotic 
positions from the Kama Sutra and so on, I do still 
really love the good old missionary position. It's 
romantic, not to mention fucking hot when you're 
doing it right."

	
I smile. "Good, because somehow that is also still 
my favourite." I kiss her hot as I let myself slide into 
her, my move fuelled by my confidence. The 
penetration draws long sighs from both of us. Jesus 
Christ, she's so hot and wet, it just keeps on 
surprising me. How can I still be so surprised, I then 
wonder, when I cannot even possibly count the 
number of times we've made love anymore? This is 
supposed to be stale by now, a boring routine -- and 
it just isn't. Are we freaks or just really, really lucky?
	
"God, you feel so good inside me," she whispers 
with a blissful smile. "You're so big and you're so 
hard and you fill me right up ..."
	
Holy shit ... Stale and boring, my ass ...
	
"I love being inside you," I reply, my voice rather 
rough as I thrust into her, slow but sure in my moves, 
letting my urges set the pace. "Oh fuck, Dana, you 
feel amazing!"
	
"This is ... oh, so good," she whispers, giving me a 
big smile. "I'm going to sit up, I want to feel you go 
deep. I want to feel you go all the way in."
	
"Hell, yeah, I want to go in as far as I can," I grunt. I 
groan when I feel her sit up on her knees and then 
she sinks back down onto me. "Fuck ... this feels so 
good ..." I grab her hips, guiding her grinding 
movements and I watch her as she takes her breasts 
in her own hands, throwing her head backwards in 
abandon. "God, you're so fucking gorgeous ..." Any 
other woman would look like such a cheap slut like 
this, but she just looks amazing.
	
"I know ..." she mutters, her eyes closed. "You're so 
hot, too ..."
	
I smile, happy that she feels what I know her to be: 
beautiful. Then I moan as I feel another bolt of 
arousal shoot right through me and I give an extra 
hard thrust, making her shriek a little.
	
"Oh God, YES!" she pants, "oh my God, this feels 
so amazing ..." She has her eyes closed and she's just 
completely lost in the experience. I love it when a 
woman just lets herself go without inhibition, it gives 
me so much confidence.
	
"Oh fuck, Dana, I'm so close," I grunt, feeling that 
familiar feeling in my balls as they get ready to let 
go. "Are you close? I can't keep ... shit ..."
	

"Yeahhh, I'm there, oh God, I'm close ... that's it, 
oh GOD! Oooooh FUCK!"
	
I feel her vaginal walls clamp down all around my 
cock and give in to my needs, blissfully letting go on 
a long low growl as I feel that utterly satisfying 
feeling all through my body that comes with a damn 
good orgasm.
	
She collapses on top of me, panting softly and 
nuzzling the skin of my neck. I wrap my arms 
around her and hug her tightly to me, enjoying the 
faint aftershocks that run through both of us and the 
sensation of holding the most important person in 

the world right here in my arms. I'm still buried deep 

inside her and I never ever want to leave.
	
"God, that felt so good," she mumbles against my 
skin and I grin, unable to stop it. "Thank you."
	
"Believe me, the pleasure was all mine," I say and 
she lifts her head slightly to look at me, a wide smile 
on her face.
	
"I'll bet," she quips and I chuckle. By now I've gone 
soft inside her and with a low groan I pull out of her.
	
"Don't do that," she mutters, but her eyes twinkle 
and I grin.
	
"Could you imagine Katherine's disgust if she knew 
what far worse things we do apart from kissing?" I 

say and she laughs. Then her smile becomes hot and 
her eyes dark.
	
"Well, we're adults and this is what adults do."
	
I smile. "It's the best pastime."
	
She smiles some more. "Wouldn't it be amazing if 
you'd just gotten me pregnant again?"
	
My smile disappears in surprise and I freeze in my 
movements. "Are you -- I mean, do you think you 
could be -- ..."
	
She smiles a little wistfully and shakes her head. 
"Actually, I don't think I am. It's just not in the 
realm of possibilities anymore, is it?" Then she 
chuckles softly. "But it sure feels fantastic to have 
your sperm in me, just because of the power and the 
potential of giving life that it has, regardless of what 
my body can do with it." She lies back on top of me 
and I stroke her back and her hair. "You know, I feel 
so full of life now."
	
I've relaxed again and I smile. "I'm glad to hear it." 
Then I chuckle a bit. "Thank God we don't need to 
use condoms. I always hated those, even though, 
when I had sex in the past, they were pretty much 
inevitable." 
	
"Mm-mm, I know, me too," she says. Then she lifts 
up her head and looks at me. "Did you ever have 
unprotected sex?"
	
I take a deep breath. "Yeah, I did on occasion. 
When I lost my virginity for one, and when I was in 
senior high. But then, when I got to the 1980s, well, 
I guess the gamble just got too bad and, well, 
condoms it was. It sucked, but it was still better than 
getting AIDS or some other disease."
	
"Or getting your girlfriend pregnant."
	
"Or getting her pregnant, yeah. So how about you?"
	
She lies her head down on my chest again and draws 

little doodles with her fingers onto my skin. "I've 
had unprotected sex, though only when I lost my 
virginity. That was dumb, we didn't use a condom 
and I wasn't even on the Pill at the time. I was 
definitely old enough to get pregnant, too. Talk 
about a stupid gamble ..."

	
"I'm guessing a pregnancy wouldn't have gone over 
well with your parents," I say, keeping my voice 
carefully neutral.
	
She huffs. "My decision to join the Bureau would 
have paled in comparison, trust me. But I was lucky 
and I didn't get pregnant or get an STD. I think I 
wore out at least two guardian angels on that one 
occasion alone."
	
I chuckle at that comment. "We've been very lucky."
	
She nods. "Yeah ..." Then she yawns. "Come, let's 
sleep, it's getting late."
	
"Yeah, you're right." I feel how she rolls off me and 
then moulds herself to me. "Good night, gorgeous."
	
"Thank you for the sex," she whispers sleepily, 
making me chuckle.
	
"Anytime, sweetheart. Anytime."
	
"I know. Good night, love."

XxXxX

Chapter 11

I've just finished sweeping the path to our kitchen 
door. The snow is piled up pretty high and at least 
twice a day I have to cut a path through the snow 
between the kitchen door and the entrance to the 
stable. So far we've not been lucky with the 
weather. It started snowing at the end of November 
with hard frost to match, and a month and a half 
later we're still stuck in the Big Freeze. If this is a 
taste of what this winter is going to be like, we're in 
serious danger of repeating that disastrous first 
winter we had here.
	
Fuck ... With two young children now added to our 
responsibilities, that just isn't an option.

	
I step into the kitchen after having shaken off the 

snow that gathered on my clothes, and I put the 
broom in the corner.
	
"Hey, Frosty," Scully quips and I chuckle. The snow 
is coming down hard and fast, and I do look rather 
like a snowman.
	
I take off my coat and step out of my wet clogs. 
Then I shake the snow out of my hair and run my 
hand over my beard. I keep the beard very short, just 
as short as I can with scissors, now that shaving is no 
longer an option. I hang the coat over a kitchen chair 
to dry and then I walk over to her, putting my hands 
on her hips from the back and kissing her cheek.
	
"Hey, beautiful. What are you cooking?"
	
She smiles at me as she continues to stir a batter. 
"I'm making dough nuts with sliced apple. For 
tonight, to celebrate the New Year."
	
I smile widely. "Oh, great! And what are we having 
for dinner?"
	
"Pork sausages and potatoes and brown beans with 
onions and gravy. I figured we could spare some 
meat for today, seeing that it's a holiday, right? But 
I really do hope the cold weather will go away soon, 
I'm tired of giving good food to the animals. If the 
snow would just go away, we could let them graze 
outside a bit, certainly the sheep and maybe the 
cattle seeing that they're probably strong enough 
anyway."
	
I nod. "Yeah, you're right. Where are the girls, by 
the way?"
	
She nods towards the door as she lifts the spoon and 
lets the batter fall off, probably to inspect the 
texture. "They're outside, playing in the snow." She 
chuckles. "They don't seem worried at all, for them 
this is absolute paradise."
	
I smile and nod. "Well, it is for them, they have 
instant new toys. And they shouldn't be worrying 
anyway, they're far too young for that kind of 
responsibility. So, is there anything I can help you 
with?"
	
She shakes her head and puts the bowl of batter 
down. She turns around and wraps her arms around 
my waist, smiling as I do the same. "I'm fine here. 
Do you want to go and play with our girls?"
	
I smile. "If you don't mind."
	
She reaches up on her toes and presses a soft kiss on 
my lips. "Of course I don't. Are the animals taken 
care of, by the way?"
	
I nod. "They are. And there is fresh firewood next to 
the kitchen door, we should have enough now for 
another day or three."
	
"Thank you. Then I think I'm going to be just fine 
here." She kisses me again, then lets me go, but I 
don't move away from her yet. "Go play with your 
daughters, Mulder."
	
"Last time I checked they were yours, too," I quip, 
winking at her and she chuckles.

"And thank God for that."
	
I pull her in and we share a long deep kiss. Then, 
when we part, I smile. "We'll be back in an hour or 
so for dinner, okay? Join us if you have time!"
	
"I will if I can. Have fun!"
	
"I'm sure I will!"

*~*~*

"Come here, Ju-ya!" Katherine calls to her little 
sister. "Papa and Ah gonna build snowman!"
	
I watch as Julia walks towards her sister as fast as 
her little legs can carry her through the heavy snow. 
She's almost two now and normally quite fast, but 
she's still so small and her legs are still so little that 
this amount of snow poses a major obstacle.
	
"Kafwin, wait-uh meh!" she calls, panting with the 
effort of running through the snow.
	
I walk up to her, feeling sorry for her when I notice 
how she's quickly getting tired from the struggle, 
and I pick her up in my arms.
	
"Come here, sweetheart, let me carry you," I say, 
settling her in my arms. "Are you tired, baby?"
	
She nods as she rests her body against me and she 
wraps her arms around my neck, panting a little. 
"Yeh, Ah ty-ud ..."
	
Together we walk towards Katherine who has rolled 
the first ball of snow to form the snowman's body.
	
"This is looking good, sweetheart," I compliment my 
oldest girl and she beams a wide smile at me. "Are 
you going to make the head too?"
	
She nods. "Yah. Gonna make it dis big!" she says, 
stretching out her arms to indicate the huge size 
she's planning on making.
	
I grin, setting Julia down on her feet. "Good girl. 
Can Julia help you?"
	
She frowns, clearly not overly excited to let her baby 
sister help and potentially take some of the glory. 
But Julia solves the problem for her.
	
"No, Yu-ya make oh!" she says.
	
"Are you going to make your own snowman, 
sweetie?" I ask and she nods.
	
"Yeh! Papa hewp?"
	
"Of course I'll help you," I say with a smile and I 
roll a small snowball for Julia. "Katherine, can you 
show her how to roll the ball, please? You can make 
the head for your snowman then, too."  And I hand 
Katherine the snowball to work as the basis for that 
snowman's head.
	
"Okay," she says. "Look, Ju-ya!" She starts to roll 
the snowball which quickly grows as it picks up 
snow. "Is simple!"
	
"Yeh!" Julia answers. I make another snowball 
which I hand to Julia and she starts to roll her own 
snowball around. After a few yards of rolling she 
looks at me, pointing at her growing snowball. 
"Papa, look-uh meh!"
	
I smile, walking over to where she is now. "I know, 
you're doing really well, darling. Well done!"
	
"Yeh," she says. "Roll mowe."
	
"Papa, Ahm doing good, too, huh?" Katherine asks, 
equally eager for a compliment.
	
I smile again. "You're doing a fantastic job, 
sweetheart, and thank you very much for showing 
Julia how to roll those snowballs. I'm sure she'd 
never have known how to do it if you hadn't shown 
her how." It's shameless flattery, but at her age she 
takes it as a matter of course.
	
"Yup, Ah know. Ahm gonna roll some more," she 
says, and off she goes, letting her snowman's head 
grow.

I hear the soft crunch of footsteps in the snow 
behind me and I look around. I smile when I spot 
Scully approaching us, two big carrots and some 
knitwear in her hands.
	
"I thought I'd find you here," she says and we share 
a smile.
	
"The girls are building snowmen," I tell her, proudly 
pointing out the blatantly obvious.

	
"Yes, I noticed, they seem to be doing great, don't 

they? Anyway, I brought some carrots to make the 
noses, and a couple of scarves to put around the 
necks. I wish I had some hats, too, but I couldn't 
find any of those."
	
"That's all right, thank you so much for bringing us 
this. They'll make the snowmen look amazing."
	
"Mama, look! Is gonna be mah snowman!" 
Katherine says, her eyes glittering with excitement. 
Her nose and cheeks are red with the cold, but it's a 
good kind of colour.
	
"I see it, darling. Shall we ask papa to help you put 
your snowman's head on top of his body? I think it's 
a bit too heavy for you, don't you?"
	
Katherine looks at the snowball and then she nods. 
"Yah, is heavy. Papa help?"
	
I hope I won't throw my back out on this, I think, as 
I walk up to Katherine's contraption. It's not a huge 
snowball, but packed snow is heavy and that ball is 
an awkward shape. I lift it up -- thank God for a 
small girl who cannot yet make those truly huge 
snowballs I was famous for when I was a kid -- and 
with a dull thud I drop it down on top of the body.
	
"Let's grab some snow, Katherine, to fix the head to 
the body. Otherwise it will roll off again," I tell her 
and I pick up two handfuls of snow and push them 
into the seam. She quickly follows my example and 
together we fix up her snowman. 
	
Meanwhile Scully is helping Julia with her snowman.
	
"I think this is quite big enough for the body, isn't 
it?" she asks our youngest girl.
	
"Yeh. Make-uh head, mama!"
	
"All right, let's go then." And together they start 
rolling another snowball. As they do so their path 
passes Katherine's snowman where Katherine and I 
are still finishing the final structure.
	
"I think I missed something by growing up in San 
Diego," Scully says with a delighted smile. "Making 
snowmen is great!"
	
I laugh, remembering my childhood in New 
England. I cannot recall the sheer number of 
snowmen I made when I was a kid. "It's awesome, 
isn't it? I always loved it."
	
"The carrots and scarves are over there, by the way," 
she then says, pointing towards the kitchen. "I 
placed them on the bench to keep them out of the 
snow."
	
"Thank you, I think I'll send Katherine to get one of 
each," I say. Then I turn to Katherine. "Sweetheart, 
can you go and get a carrot and a scarf for your 
snowman?"
	
"Why?"
	
"The carrot can be his nose. And I think he would 
like to wear the scarf because it's very cold, isn't it?"
	
"Oh yah. Ah go get it." And she's off, running 
towards the bench.
	
I've just turned back to our snowman when I hear 
her start to cry and I whip around, instantly alarmed. 
I see Katherine get up from the snow, crying hard.
	
I run towards her and pick her up and into my arms. 
"Oh, baby, what happened?"
	
"Ah falled down!" she cries, wrapping her arms 
around my neck as I hoist her up to settle her down 
comfortably in my arms.
	
"Oh no, sweetheart, did you hurt yourself?" I say, 
wiping the snow off her face and out of her hair. 
She's almost completely covered by a thin layer of 
powdery snow.
	
"Ahm cold," she cries, her face buried in the collar 
of my coat.
	
"Would you rather go inside then?" I ask her and she 
nods.
	
"Ahm cold and Ahm wet, papa ... I don't wanna 
play anymore."
	
"All right then, let's go inside."
	
Scully has by now reached us, holding Julia's hand.
	
"Kafwin has sad?" Julia asks, looking up at her 
mother with big wondering eyes.
	
Scully smiles a little. "Yes, she is. She fell down in 
the snow and now she's sad."
	
"Oh ..." Julia lets go of her mother's hand and walks 
over to Katherine and me. "Kafwin hug?"
	
I set Katherine on the ground and, with one hand 
still holding my hand, she lets her little sister hug 
her. This is adorable even if Katherine doesn't look 
completely enthusiastic by the show of affection 
from her baby sister.
	
"Shall we go inside and drink some warm milk?" 
Scully suggests to the girls. "We can always come 
back to the snowmen and play in the snow some 
more."
	
"Ah don't like playing in da snow anymore ..." 
Katherine sulks and I smile, picking her up again.
	
"Of course you don't, sweetheart," I say, giving 
Scully a wink. Knowing Katherine it won't be thirty 
minutes before she'll be all excited to go back 
outside again. She just needs to dry up and get warm 
again. "Come, mama will make you some hot milk, 
okay?"
	
"Okay ..." Katherine mutters. "Ah can have honey in 
mah milk?"
	
"Of course you can."
	
"Okay ..."
	
"Ah have hunnee?" Julia asks.
	
"Of course you can have honey in your milk, too, 
sweetheart."
	
"Kay!" Julia exclaims, sounding a lot more 
enthusiastic than Katherine did.
	
"All right then," I say. "I think it's time for us to go 
inside."

*~*~*

"I think she's asleep," I whisper and I smile, looking 
at Katherine who is on my lap, her body completely 
relaxed against me. After we came in from the snow 
Scully changed Katherine into some dry clothes and 
we spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening 
inside where it was warm.
	
"I know. This little one passed out a long time ago," 
Scully answers as she holds Julia.
	
I chuckle softly. "I guess the activities outside wore 
them out."
	
"And don't forget the power of warm milk. That's 
potent stuff, it has the power to knock out even the 
worst of insomniacs."
	
For a moment I debate whether or not to remind her 
that once upon a time I was such an inveterate 
insomniac, but if she doesn't choose to elaborate, I 
don't see why I should. "Well, that's definitely 
true."
	
"Shall we take them upstairs and put them in bed?"
	
I look down at my oldest girl. "That's probably a 
good idea. Do you think we should wake them up 
for midnight, for the New Year?"
	
I see Scully look at our youngest daughter and then 
she shakes her head. "No, let them sleep. They don't 
know about that tradition, and even if they did I 
think they're still a little too young for a broken 
night. They wouldn't understand any of it anyway 
and then it would take forever to get them back into 
their normal sleeping routines again." 
	
She looks at me as she strokes Julia's brown hair. 
Both girls have inherited my hair colour, though only 
Julia has hazel eyes to match mine. Katherine has her 
mother's cornflower blue eyes. "Can you remember 
what we did last year? Did we wake them up or let 
them sleep?"
	
"Mm, I don't think we woke them up either. I mean, 
Julia wasn't even one year old so she was still too 
young and I seem to remember that Katherine 
wasn't feeling well and only slept when she wasn't 
throwing up, didn't she?"
	

I nod. "Oh yes, that's right, she had Fifth's Disease. 

And when Katherine was finally over it Julia got it." 
I frown. "That was a stressful time, wasn't it?"
	
She nods. "Yeah ... I know that children have to go 
through these things, but that knowledge didn't 
make it any easier at the time." She looks at the girl 
in her arms and strokes her head. "Let's take them 
up to bed and we can celebrate the coming of the 
New Year together."
	
I smile. "Okay." I stand up, lifting Katherine up and 
securely in my arms. She's quite heavy now that 
she's basically dead weight. I drop a kiss onto her 
cheek and she mumbles a bit, but doesn't wake up 
fully. "Let's go to bed, sweetheart." Following 
Scully who is carrying Julia, I make my way up the 
stairs.
	
"Just take off her clogs and her apron," Scully says 
when we're on the landing. "It's going to be really 
cold again so she might as well sleep fully clothed. 
I'll get some clean clothes on her in the morning."
	
I smile and nod. "Okay. I'll see you downstairs."
	
She smiles too and we make our way to the girls' 
respective bedrooms. Inside Katherine's room I pull 
back the blankets and sheets and lie her down on her 
bed. Then I untie her apron and take off her clogs. 
She wakes up a bit, but the feeling of her soft 
mattress and pillow seems to be working their magic, 
because she quickly settles down again. I smile as I 
witness it. Then I pull the curtains closed and sit 
back down on the edge of her bed.
	
"Baba ..." she mumbles. I stroke her cheek and smile.
	
"Yes, baby?"
	

" ... snw ..."
	
I smile some more. "You can play in the snow again 
tomorrow, sweetheart," I whisper. "Just go to sleep 
now, and mama and I and Emily will look after 
you." I bend in to kiss her forehead. "Goodnight, 
darling."
	
"Mmm ..." And she's out. She hasn't said her prayer 
tonight, but I'm sure God will forgive her for that. I 
have no doubt she can make up for it tomorrow.

	
I softly close the door and walk down the stairs into 
the kitchen. Scully isn't here yet, so I put the kettle 
on to make us some tea while I wait. It doesn't take 
long before I hear the soft creaking of the stairs and 
she walks into the kitchen.
	
"Is Katherine asleep?" she asks and I nod.
	
"Out like a light. Poor thing, she really was tired. 
And that fall into the snow didn't help much either."
	
"I think her tears were mostly shock, though, don't 
you?"
	
I nod again. "Yeah, she wasn't hurt. Just cold and 
wet." I hear the water in the kettle boiling so I take it 
off the stove and pour the boiling water into the tea 
pot.
	
"What tea are you making?" she asks.
	
"Cranberry, but I'm going to have to use cranberry 
juice for it because I forgot to steep the dried 
cranberries. I hope you don't mind."
	
She smiles. "Of course not, I think we still have 
more than enough fruit juice anyway. And no matter 
how cold it is now, spring is only two months away. 
I think we'll make it on what we have, provided 
spring doesn't wait beyond reason."
	
I lean in and kiss her softly. "All right then. You go 
sit and relax in the living room and I'll take care of 
the tea, okay?"
	
"No, I still have my apple dough nuts, remember? 
I'm going to make those and you care for the tea and 
then we'll have a bit of a New Year's Party in 30 
minutes or so."
	
I grin. "Oh yeah, I forgot about the dough nuts!"
	
"How unlike you, to forget about food," she quips 
and I chuckle as I walk into the pantry to retrieve a 
bottle of cranberry juice and the pot of honey.
	
She's right, though. Terrifyingly so, in fact ...

*~*~*

The dough nuts are mostly gone and we're on our 
second cup of tea. We're sitting on the couch, our 
bodies touching, not speaking. It's that good silence 
again, and we enjoy it when it comes because even 
with us it's a pretty rare occurrence.
	
I watch her drain her mug and I take it from her to 
put it on the table along with my own. Mine isn't 
empty, but I've had enough tea. I'm not overly fond 
of cranberry tea really, it's a little sickly for my taste. 
But with temperatures as low as the ones we're 
having right now, sometimes it's more about the 
warmth than the taste. Then, when we're sitting back 
again, I wrap my arm around her shoulder and gently 
pull her closer. Our eyes meet and we smile a little.
	
She yawns and we both chuckle.
	
"I'm sorry," she whispers and I shake my head.
	
"No need. Would you like to go to bed?"
	
"Well, I am tired, but it's New Year's Eve. We 
should be waiting, shouldn't we?" she replies.
	
I smile a little. "For what? We have no way of telling 
when it's midnight," I remind her. We haven't had 
that ever since we arrived here five years ago. "The 
only way we have of knowing for certain that the 
new year has come, is to wait for sunrise. Which I 
don't think is a very smart thing to do really."
	
She chuckles softly. "No, you're right about that." 
She sits up and turns towards me. Then she takes my 
hands. "Shall we call it the New Year then?"
	
I smile and nod. "I think that's a good idea." I lean 

in and we share a soft lingering kiss. Then, after the 

briefest of breaks, we are back at kissing, this time 
properly. God, I love kissing this woman, she just 
doesn't hold back and it gives me the courage to be 
bold as well.
	
"So," she says when we've finally parted. "Any 
New Year's resolutions you want to keep?"
	
I grin. "Actually, I was planning on not taking up 
smoking, since I figured that should be an easy one 
to keep," I deadpan. It earns me a soft thump in the 
arm and I laugh. Then I get more business-like. "But 
seriously though, I don't really hold with New 
Year's resolutions. I just plan on trying to make our 
lives as good as they can be, love our daughters 
endlessly, love you even more, and just be an all-
round good person."
	
I spot some tears in her eyes, but her smile is wide 
and loving so I'm not unduly worried. I wipe the 
tears away with my thumb. Then she catches my 
hand and brings it to her lips, kissing the palm softly.
	
"So, how about you?" I ask, and I'm surprised by 
how many emotions I hear in my voice. Damn ...
	
With my hand still cradles against her face she looks 
at me, her eyes soft. "If I can be at least half as good 
as you're planning on being, I think we'll make this a 
pretty darn good year."
	
I smile widely. "I think we have a deal." And I seal 
it with another kiss. "Happy New Year, Dana."
	
She matches my smile. "Happy New Year, Fox."
	
I raise my eyebrows at her use of my first name, but 
refrain from commenting. Because I suddenly realise 
that, heck, I kind of liked it! Not to mention that she 
uses it so rarely that I sometimes seem to forget I 
actually have a given name. It's dumb, but there it is.
	
Then she gets up from the couch. "Come, let's go to 
bed. There are snowmen under construction waiting 
for us to be finished in the morning."

I chuckle. "Of course. The girls would be devastated 
if we couldn't help them to finish them."
	
Yup, Happy New Year it is.

XxXxX

Chapter 12

It's already dark outside but Katherine and I still 
have a very important job to do. We're in the living 
room by the fire, and it's a cosy little job for just the 
two of us.
	
"How is your garland coming along, Katherine?" I 
ask as I look over at my oldest girl.
	
I watch her glue another paper ring, the little tip of 
her tongue between her lips with concentration. Then 
she holds it up. "Ahm done, papa!"
	
I smile. "Thank you, sweetheart, it's looking great. 
You did very well."
	
She smiles widely as she places her piece of garland 
on the table. "Ju-ya will like it, huh, papa?"
	
"I'm sure she will like it very much," I answer. Then 
I see her yawn. "Uh-oh, I think it's about bedtime 
for you, isn't it?"
	
She shakes her head. "No, is not ... Ahm not sleepy," 
she protests, but I can see her eyes start to droop a 
little anyway.
	
"Of course not, you're a big girl, aren't you? Come, 
let's go and see mama, okay?" I get up from my 
chair as she hops off hers, and with her hand in mine 
we walk into the kitchen where Scully is just taking 
a cake from the oven. "Hello mama!"
	
Scully looks up and smiles at us as she sets the cake 
on the kitchen counter. "Hello, sweethearts."
	
"I think it's bedtime for a certain young lady," I say 
with a smile.
	
"Is not, mama, Ahm not sleepy ..." she says again, 
but her voice sounds even more drowsy than it did a 
few minutes ago.
	

"Of course you're not, but I think you should go to 
bed anyway. Well," she then says to Katherine, "I 
just finished baking the cake for Julia's birthday 
tomorrow, so if papa can take you upstairs and get 
you ready for bed, I'll be there in a few minutes for 
your prayer and perhaps a lullaby, okay? Maybe papa 
can tell you a bedtime story, too."
	
Katherine looks up at me, her eyes glittering with 
anticipation. "Yah, I like stories!"
	

I grin. "I know you do." Then I lift her up and into 
my arms. "Well, then, let's to upstairs and I'll tell 
you a story. And then mama can help you with your 
prayer, okay?"
	
"Kay."

*~*~*

"And then princess Katherine lived happily ever 
after," I finish my fairy tale. It's been a hotchpotch 
version of just about every fairy tale I know, but 
Katherine doesn't seem to mind.
	
Her eyes are almost closed -- she gave up fighting 
sleep a few minutes ago and just let her eyes slip 
closed -- but she's not quite asleep yet. "Yah, Ahm 
princess, huh, papa?"
	
I bend over and kiss her cheek. "Yes, you are. You 
are my little princess."
	
"Mama say prayer wiv me?"
	
"All right." I look around and see Scully standing in 
the doorway, smiling. "I think it's time for her to say 
her prayer," I say softly.
	
She nods and comes towards us and then she sits 
down on the side of the bed. "Do you want to sit up, 
sweetheart?" she asks Katherine.
	
The little girl sits back up, but she's a bit too sleepy 
to sit steadily. I move to the head of her bed and sit 
behind her, supporting her little body as she folds 
her hands. "Papa pray too?" she asks and Scully 
looks at me questioningly, a smile on her face. I 
smile back.
	
"Of course I will. But I'm not very good at it. Do 
you think you could help me?" I ask Katherine.
	
She seems to wake up again -- even though I know 
it's only temporary -- and nods as she carefully folds 
her hands. "See, papa? Fold yo hands!"
	
I fold my hands, unable to keep from smiling. She's 
so serious about this and it's absolutely adorable. 
"Like this, sweetheart? Is this okay?"
	
She nods again as she inspects my hands. "Yah, da's 
good." Then she turns to her mother. "Mama, you 
say prayer?"
	
Scully folds her hands as she smiles at both of us. 
"Of course."

<Now I lay me down to sleep.>
<Now I lay me down to sleep,> Katherine and I 
repeat.

Katherine smiles at me, and I'm touched by the 
feeling of how gratifying it is to do this together. It's 
very comforting in such a simple way.
	
"You doin' good, papa," she whispers to me in 
encouragement.
	
I smile widely, giving Scully a wink. "Why, thank 

you. I think you're doing great as well."
	
"Yup, Ah know."
	
<I pray the Lord my soul to keep.>
<I pray the Lord my soul to keep.>
	
Katherine is by now quite at ease with the prayer 
and has no problems saying the lines.
		
<May my angel watch me through the night.>
<May my angel watch me through the night.>
	
"Is Emily, papa," Katherine whispers. "She is nice to 
me."
	
I see Scully's eyes go a little moist and I have to 
swallow a little lump. "I'm so glad, sweetheart," 
Scully says softly, "she was a very sweet girl."
	
Katherine nods. "Yeah. We pray some more, 
mama?"
	
Scully nods. "All right, darling."
	
<And wake me with the morning light.>

<And wake me with the morning light.>
	
"Da's when Ah can play!"
	
"That's right," I say, "in the morning you can play 
again."
	
"I like play."
	
"I know you do. So who would you like to pray for 
especially?" Scully then asks and I raise my 
eyebrows. I didn't even know she had added this to 
the prayer. Katherine, however, takes it entirely as a 
matter of course.
	
"Uhm ... We pray for Ju-ya, mama? 'Cause is her 
burvday tomowwow?"
	
Scully smiles and nods. "I think that is a very good 
idea, sweetheart."
		
<And protect and bless Julia, and papa and mama, 
and everyone we hold dear.>
<Amen.>

Katherine smiles widely as she unfolds her hands. 
"Did good, huh, mama?"
	
"You did great, sweetheart," Scully smiles.
	
"Papa did good, too, huh, mama?"
	
Scully gives me a wide knowing smile and I chuckle. 
"Yes, papa did very well," she says to our daughter. 
Then she turns to me and continues, her words now 
clearly directed at me. "Maybe he should try it more 
often."
	
I chuckle again, feeling more than a little 
embarrassed and flustered. "Well, maybe I should," 
I answer. "I'll think about it."
	
Meanwhile Katherine has slipped down under the 
blankets and she has her eyes closed, her little toy 
cow securely in her arms under the bed covers. Her 
doll is sitting against the headboard, watching over 
her and keeping her safe.
	
Scully strokes her hair and kisses her cheek. "Good 
night, darling. We'll see you in the morning."
	
I bend in to kiss her forehead. "Sleep well, 
sweetheart."
	
"Mmm," is all we get for a response and we smile at 
each other. Then we get up and softly make our way 
out of the room and back downstairs.

*~*~*

"Are you awake, sweetheart?" I ask when I enter 
Katherine's bedroom in the morning.
	
"Mmm ..." is once again all I'm getting for an answer 
and I walk over to the bed, where a little girl has just 
begun to stir. "-s mowning ...?"
	
I sit down on the edge of the bed. "That's right, it's 
morning. And it's Julia's birthday today, so I will 
need your help to decorate her chair for her."
	
She sits up and yawns. Then she rubs her eyes and 
nods. "Yah ..." She holds out her arms and I pick her 
up out of bed. She rests her little body against me as 
she lies in slumber a bit more. I sit down in the 
wicker chair in the corner and I let her lie in my 
arms, allowing her to wake up in her own time. There 
is no real rush.
	
"Do you want to come downstairs with me? Mama 
is already in the kitchen, making breakfast."
	
"Kay ... Ahm hungry," she says softly, then yawns 
again.
	
"All right, I thought you would be. Let's get you 
into your clothes then. Mama can give you a bath 
tonight."
	
"Don't want bath," she sulks sleepily, but I know 
that this has more to do with her not being  quite 
awake yet, than anything else. And besides, 
whatever her reasons, it's a worry that can be dealt 
with later  in the day.
	
I quickly get her into her clothes. Then I grab the 
hairbrush and make two half-decent braids Her hair 
is quite long already and a few weeks ago I 
suggested to Scully that perhaps we ought to cut it a 
little shorter, but that suggestion was quite obviously 
not to this little girl's liking. All right then, long hair 
it is. For now anyway.
	
When I'm done I set her on her feet and, with her 
hand in mine, we make our way down to the 
kitchen.
	
"Good morning, sweetheart," Scully greets our 
daughter.
	
"Hi, mama. Where is Ju-ya?"
	
"I'm going to wake her up in a moment. Do you 
think papa and you can decorate her chair?"
	
Katherine grins at me. "Yah, papa! Come on!" And 
she runs to the basket in the corner where we put the 
paper garlands.
	
They're nothing fancy: I cut some old paper into 
strips and we looped and glued them together to 
make a garland. But it's festive and will do the job 
just great. Scully made a paper crown for Julia -- I 
still have my doubts as to whether she'll want to 
wear it, but we'll see -- and it's waiting by her plate. 
All that's missing right now is the chair decoration.
	
"I'll be right back with Julia, okay?" Scully says as 
she walks to the kitchen door.
	
I nod. "Okay. Katherine and I will decorate her 
chair, and I'll keep an eye on breakfast. What are we 
having?"
	
"Bread with preserve for us, porridge and an apple 
for the girls. All of it should be fine, the porridge is 
slow-cooking, but if you can occasionally check in, 
I'd be very grateful. Porridge has a tendency to burn 
at the strangest of moments."
	
I grin. "Yes, I know."
	
She smiles. "Yes, you do. Anyway, I'll be back with 
Julia in a little while. Have fun, you two!"
	
Katherine and I look at each other and we smile 
widely. Then we turn to Scully.
	
"Okay," we say simultaneously, and we share a 
surprised look. Then Katherine and I both burst out 
laughing.
	
"Oh boy ..." Scully just comments, but I can see her 
smile as she leaves the kitchen, leaving us behind.
	
"We good, huh, papa?" Katherine asks with a grin 
and I nod.
	
"Yes, we are, sweetheart, we're the greatest team." 
And we are. We're the best, bar none.

*~*~*

Julia's eyes go wide when she walks into the kitchen 
about an hour later. She is holding her mother's hand 
and she looks up at her when she sees the decorated 
chair and her crown. 
	
"Mama, iss-uh meh?" she asks, pointing at the 
decorations.
	
"Yes, it is, sweetheart, that's for you. Because it's 
your birthday!"
	
She smiles widely and hurries to sit on her chair. 
"Look, mama!"
	
We all smile. "Do you like this?"
	
She wiggles around a bit, checking out the 
decoration, and putting the crown on her head. Then 
she looks up at us. "Yike it!"
	
"Good, because it's your birthday, isn't it?" Scully 
says and Julia nods enthusiastically.
	
"Yeh, Ahm two!"
	
"Papa?" Katherine then says, softly pulling my 
trouser leg.
	
"Yes, sweetheart?" I say, looking at her.
	
"Papa, Ah can have chair garlans too when it's mah 
burvday?"
	
I bend down and pick her up. "Of course you can. 
We will save the garlands and when it's your 
birthday we will decorate your chair too."
	
"Okay! Ah like it!" she says with a smile. "But 
papa?"
	
"Yes?"
	
"We sing Happy Burvday for Ju-ya?"
	
Scully and I smile at each other. "Of course we 
will," I say. "I think that's a very good idea."

Together we sing Happy Birthday for Julia, who sits 
on her chair like a queen, enjoying the attention 
immensely. Katherine usually gets a little shy from 
being the centre of attention like this, but Julia seems 
to revel in it.
	
"Mama, Ah hungee!" Julia says when we've finished 
singing.
	
"Ahm hungry, too," Katherine agrees, and Scully 
and I smile at each other.
	

"Of course you are," I say and I see Scully get up to 
get the porridge for the girls' breakfast.
	
The girls are having their customary bowl of porridge 
with honey, and an apple for dessert, and Scully and 
I have rye bread with preserved fruit. I must admit 
I'm kind of nostalgic sometimes for lighter bread, 
but wheat doesn't grow quite as well as rye here, 
and we preserve whatever we can grow of the 
lighter, more easily digestible wheat for our 
daughters for now. It is the best thing to do, but 
sometimes I do wish we would just through caution 
to the wind and make bread from the wheat for 
ourselves, just as a variation to that eternal heavy rye 
bread that sits like a brick in the stomach.
	
And I'm one heck of a selfish bastard at those times, 
too ...
	
"Papa, we have cake for Ju-ya?" Katherine asks, and 
I smile at her.
	
"We do, but we haven't finished breakfast, have 
we?"
	
She pushes her empty bowl forward. "Ahm done!"
	
"I know you are, but I think we'd better save the 
cake for a bit later, okay?"
	
"But Ah want cake now," she replies, and I hear a 
familiar tone of stubbornness surfacing in  her voice. 
Uh-oh, time to intervene.
	
"I'm sure you do, but we're not having cake until 
this afternoon," I reply, my voice a little sterner.
	
"But Ah want cake!" she protests, slapping the table 

with anger. "Ah want cake now!"
	
I cut a quick look at Scully, who nods once, and I 
turn to Katherine. Time to nip this tantrum in the 
bud. She is generally a quiet, reasonable girl, but 
she's still a toddler and given to temper tantrums 
when she cannot have things going her way.
	
"Don't shout, Katherine, we can hear you," I say, 
giving her one last chance to calm down. "And 
you're not having cake yet. You can have some this 
afternoon."
	
"Ah want cake now!!"
	
"All right, that's enough, Katherine!" I say, and I lift 
her off her chair to set her on the floor. Then I take 
her hand and I lead her out of the kitchen and into 
the hallway to cool down.
	
When we're in the hallway I sit her down on the 
stairs that go straight up to the attic. The upstairs 
bedrooms are reached by a staircase that leads into 
the kitchen, but the attic has its own set of stairs. I 
kneel before her to be at eye-level with her. She's 
still angry, I can see it in the expression on her face, 
so I cannot take her back into the kitchen yet.
	
"Katherine, we will have the cake this afternoon, 
you understand?"
	
"But Ah want cake now!" she protests, sounding 
angry and tearful all at the same time and I can sense 
the frustration inside her.
	
I sigh internally. I'd kind of hoped she'd already be 
over it, but it's clear that she isn't. Her tempers often 
only last for a minute or so, but on occasion she has a 
bona fide temper tantrum that needs proper 
attention. Guess this is one of them now. I look at 
her, making her look back at me so I know we're 
making contact. 
	
"All right, that's it. I told you that you can have cake 
this afternoon and I do not want you to shout at 
mama or myself like that simply because you're not 
happy with that."
	
"But Ah want cake now!!"
	
I shake my head. "Don't shout at me like that, 
Katherine," I say, forcing myself to stay calm and 
not get dragged into the same anger. That would 
never work, one of us has to be the sensible one here, 
and I cannot expect her to be that person. "Now you 
can sit here for a few minutes, until you've calmed 
down and you're ready to come into the kitchen 
again and be nice. I'll come back for you in a few 
minutes to see if you can be a nice girl again, okay?"
	
"No!!" she shouts and I have to force myself not to 
smile in spite of everything. It's actually sort of 
funny in an irritating kind of way.
	
"Fair enough," I reply. I get to my feet and turn to 
leave for the kitchen. She starts to weep and I feel 
my heart breaking into a thousand pieces at the 
sound of her sobs. However, as much as I love this 
little girl, I cannot allow her to toy with my affection 
for her. She has to know her place.
	
And for the past couple of years, that place has been 
this particular spot on the stairs for far too many 
times. Well, what can I say, but that she has clearly 
inherited my own headstrong nature? It makes it 
terribly hard sometimes, because I recognise so much 
of myself in her, but the only reason that she is such 
a lovely girl to be with on the whole, is that she isn't 
allowed to dominate this household.
	
It's not always a pretty sight, but I really think we 
are doing the right thing.
	
"How is she?" Scully asks when I sit back down at 
the kitchen table.
	
I sigh and frown. "Angry. God, I hate doing this, 
and I absolutely detest hearing her cry."
	
She nods, placing her hand on my arm. "I know you 
do. But I also think it's the only right thing to do. 
She's angry now, but in the end it will be for her 
own good."
	
I nod, smiling a little. "Yes, that's what I keep 
telling myself or I'd give in every time. You know, 
she just makes me feel like such a heartless git 
whenever I have to be strict with her."
	
She nods again. "When in reality she probably just 
loves you better for it, even if she doesn't realise it 
yet. She loves you very much, Mulder, even in these 
situations."
	
I smile. "Yeah, I know." I look at Julia who is 
munching on her pieces of apple. Her crown is tilted 
to one side on her head, and I take it off.
	
"Papa, apple?" Julia says, offering me a small piece.
	
I smile and accept the gift. "Thank you, sweetheart." 
I pop it into my mouth. It's a good apple, this one, 
nice and sweet and still pretty juicy.
	
We sit at the table for a little bit, not talking. A 

temper tantrum from Katherine -- Julia hasn't had 
any proper ones yet, though we have now reached 
the Terrible Twos with her, too, so God only knows 
what she has in store for us -- always has the effect 
of reducing us to thought-filled silence. The silence 
is only broken by Julia's steady eating of her apple.
	
Then I get up. I think it's been about five minutes 
that Katherine has been in the hallway, so it's time to 
see how she is. I look at Scully, seeing her smile and 
nod in encouragement. I'm so fortunate that she 
supports me in whatever disciplinary actions we have 
to take with our girls. It's tough enough as it is, I 
cannot imagine how it would be if I had to fight 
with her over this as well.
	
I walk into the hallway and kneel in front of my 
oldest girl. Her anger has clearly gone away and now 
she's down to just sobbing into her hands. I take her 
hands in mine, making her look at me.
	
"Katherine, do you know why you are here?"
	
She nods. "Ahm sorry, papa ..." she sobs and I have 
to control myself with everything I have not to just 
grab her and hug her to me.
	
"You can have cake, but not right now, do you 
understand me?" I go on, my voice gentler. I stroke 
her hair to comfort her.
	
"Ah know ..."
	
"Can you tell me?"
	
She nods. "Ah cannot have cake now," she whispers. 
"Ah mus' wait."
	
"That's right, sweetheart. Do you think you can 
come into the kitchen and be a nice girl again?"
	
She nods again. "Yah ... Ahm really sorry ..."
	
That's it, this little girl needs a hug. Heck, I need a 
hug! I lift her up into my arms and hug her to me. "I 
know you are. Mama and I were very sad to see you 
angry like that, you know."
	
She nods. "Ah know ..."
	
"But I'm so happy you're not angry anymore."
	
"No ..." She wraps her arms around my neck and I 
hoist her up some more so I hold her a bit more 
comfortably. "Papa?"
	
"What is it, sweetheart?"
	
"You love me again?"
	
I smile, I can't help it. "I do, sweetheart." I kiss her 
cheek and she looks at me, smiling through her tears. 
"I will always love you, even when I have to be a 
little angry with you. Mama and I love you very very 
much and we always will."
	
"Ahm your spesyal girl again?"
	
 "Yes, you are. You're my special girl again. You'll 
always be my special girl."
	
"Ahm sorry, papa ..."
	
"I know, baby, I know," I say again as we enter the 
kitchen.
	
"Kafwin!" Julia exclaims happily when she sees her 
sister. She holds up a bit of apple. "Look, Kafwin, 
Ah haf apple foh yo!"
	
I feel my heart swell. "Oh, darling, did you save 
some of your apple for your sister?"
	
Julia nods. "Yeh. Kafwin has sad."
	
"Do you want some of Julia's apple?" I ask of 
Katherine.
	
She shakes her head, holding me a little tighter and 
burying her face in the crook of my neck. "No, Ah 
wanna be with papa."

	
I smile. "It's all right, sweetheart, Katherine isn't 
feeling so well," I say to Julia. "I think you can eat 
your apple yourself."
	
"Kay," Julia says, popping the bite into her mouth.
	
"But you are very sweet to offer it to her," I then say 
to our youngest girl as I sit down at the kitchen 
table. "That was very kind of you."
	
"Yeh, Ah know," she just says, making Scully and I 
chuckle at her directness.
	
"You know," Scully then says, "I think it's time for 
some birthday presents for Julia, isn't it?"
	
Julia immediately sits up, her eyes sparkling in 
anticipation. "Pessents foh meh?"
	
I smile widely. "That's right, we have some presents 
for you." I turn to Katherine who is still sitting in my 
lap, sucking her fist for comfort as she has done for 
her whole life. "Katherine, can you go and get your 
present for Julia?"

"Okay," she says softly. She slips off my legs and 
walks up the stairs to her room. The fact that she 
doesn't make a wild dash for it shows that she's still 
a little upset, but that won't take much time to pass. 
She'll be back to her normal cheerful self in no time 
at all.
	
With Katherine off to get her gift, I'm now free to 
get the gifts Scully and I want to give.
	
"I'll go and fetch our gifts, okay?" I say.
	
Scully nods. "That's fine. I'll clear up breakfast then. 
I think Julia needs a clean diaper too, so if you can 
make some tea when you have time, we'll do the 
gift-giving when I come back down with her."

I smile. "Sounds like a plan. What about the 
animals?"
	
"I fed them before breakfast, but the pens still need 
mucking out. You could do that after we've given 
Julia her gifts. Katherine can help then, too, if she 
feels like it, because the chickens haven't had their 
feed yet."
	
I smile and nod. "Sounds like a plan."

*~*~*

"Papa, you give your present now?" Katherine asks 
when we're sitting on the couch by the fire. Our two 
girls are seated snugly between us, with Katherine 
by my side and Julia by Scully's side as always.
	
"Maybe," I say, "unless of course you or mama want 
to give their gifts first."
	
She looks at her mother. "Ah can give my present 
now, mama?"
	
Scully smiles and nods. "Of course you can, 
sweetheart."
	
Katherine smiles widely. As I predicted her bad 
mood has passed entirely by now and she's back to 
her cheerful self. Thank God. "All right!" she 
exclaims. She picks up her gift, which of course we 
gave her to give to her sister, and holds it out to 
Julia. "Here, Ju-ya!"
	
Julia grins, grabbing the gift.
	
"What do you say, Julia?" Scully suggests and Julia 
looks at her mother.
	
"Oh yeh." She turns to her sister. "Tank-uh, 
Kafwin," she says and Katherine giggles.
	
We smile. "That was very nice, Julia," Scully says, 
"well done."
	
Meanwhile Julia has torn the paper away from the 

gift to reveal a little shoulder bag, which Scully 
made for her. It's made of the brown wool from an 
old moth-eaten coat we found in the attic and Scully 
applied some fabric flowers to the front, made of 
scraps of cotton left over from her sewing projects. 
Most of our clothes, and definitely those worn by 
the girls, are made by her from recycled old clothes 
and lengths of fabric we have found in this house 
and the surrounding farms, and any remnants are 
carefully saved for possible later use. 
	
"Is bag!" Julia says.
	
"Yes, it is," Scully says with a smile. "You can keep 
your flowers and your bunny in it."
	
"Oh! Is foh mah fow-uhs!"
	
"Yes, it's for your flowers."
	
"Yike it, mama!" Julia comments with a wide smile 
as she hangs it around her neck. Scully and I smile as 
Scully draws one of Julia's arms through the strap so 
it crosses her chest.
	
"This is how you should wear it, sweetie."
	
Julia looks at the bag, frowning a little with 
confusion. Then she pulls her arm back through the 
strap so the bag is in its original position. "No! Ah 
yike it so!"
	
I chuckle and Scully smiles. "Okay, well, I guess 
that's all right, too."

	
Julia looks at the small bag around her neck, 
inspecting it closely. Then she looks at us, grinning 
widely. "Ah yike it, mama!"
	
"It was Katherine's gift, you know," Scully 
suggests, and Julia turns to her older sister.
	
"Kay. Ah yike it, Kafwin!"
	
"Yah, Ah know," Katherine replies, making me 
wonder a bit what she means. I guess it doesn't 
really matter much though.
	
I reach behind me and take my gift to her. "I have a 
present for you, too," I say to Julia and she looks at 
me with huge eyes and a wide smile.
	
"Papa pessent?"
	
"Yes, papa has a present for you," I say with a smile 
and I hand her the fairly large gift. "Here you go, 
sweetheart."
	
"Tank-uh, papa," she says dutifully and I ruffle her 
hair affectionately.
	
"You're welcome, darling."
	
Once again she makes short work of the wrapping 

paper to reveal a tapering stack of wooden disks on a 
stick.
	
"Oh, that's lovely, Mulder!" Scully comments. "You 
made a stacker for her!"
	
I nod, pleased to find that my gift is appreciated. "I 
did. I remembered from watching Katherine at that 
age that she wanted to put things into order, and I 
remembered Samantha having a stacker like this -- 
though a bit more fancy of course -- when she was a 
little kid. So, yeah, I decided to make a stacker for 
her."
	
Scully smiles. "We seem to be getting pretty good at 
thinking up presents. I would never have thought we 
were this creative."
	
"I always thought I didn't have a creative gene in 
me if I tried," I quip, making her chuckle.
	
"Papa, what Ah do?" Julia asks.
	
I take the wooden disks off the peg and place them 
all around her on the couch. "And now you put the 
disks back on the peg," I explain, "so it's a pretty 
little cone again."
	
"Oh."
	
She begins to stack the pieces haphazardly, so the 
end-result is a decidedly creative shape, and 
Katherine giggles.
	
"Dat's not good, Ju-ya!"
	
"Shh, let her try," Scully says to Katherine, who 
looks up at her mother.
	
"But, mama, is not good, is it?"
	
"No, it isn't, but Julia will get it right. Just let her try 
it."
	
Katherine frowns, apparently not impressed by her 
little sister's efforts, or why we see any merit in the 
attempts. In her opinion Julia's stack is clearly a total 
failure, something which should be pointed out to 
her and remedied sooner rather than later. Then she 
shrugs, clearly giving up on the hope Julia will ever 
get it right.
	
"Ju-ya, mama has a present for you, too," she says, 
making Julia look up from her second attempt at 
stacking the disks.
	

"Mama pessent?"
	
Scully smiles. "I do, sweetheart. Do you want to 
know what it is?"
	
Julia thrusts the semi-completed stacker carelessly 
into my hands and I grin. You've got to love these 
short attention spans. "Yeh!"
	
Scully picks up her gift from the table. "Here you 
are, darling."
	
"Tank-uh, mama." Then Julia tears off the paper and 
reveals a small watering can. "Wassit, mama?"
	
"That's a watering can," Scully explains. "You can 
use it to water your flowers and make them pretty."
	
"Oh." The little girl inspects the small tin watering 
can. Then she grins at her mother. "Foh mah fow-
uhs!"
	
"Yes, it is, that's for your flowers."
	
"And for vege-buhls," Katherine adds, "huh, 
mama?"
	
Scully nods. "And for vegetables. But Julia doesn't 
have any vegetables, does she?"
	
Katherine shakes her head. "No. Ah want vege-
buhls."
	
Scully looks at me and I smile. "Do you want a little 
vegetable garden?"
	
Katherine nods. "Yah. Ah can have vege-buhl 
garden, papa? Ah wanna grow pumpkins!"
	
I smile a bit more. If there is one kind of vegetable 
Katherine simply cannot get enough of, it must be 
pumpkin. "I think we could manage that. But it's a 
bit cold now still, isn't it? Maybe later this year, 
because there are no vegetables right now, are 
there?"
	
"No?"
	
"No, there aren't," I confirm. "There is still snow on 
the ground, and the little plants don't like it very 
much in the snow."
	
"Snow is cold, brrr," Katherine says, and I nod with 
a chuckle.
	
"That's right. It's still a little too cold for the little 
plants. So they're under the ground in their little 
beds, waiting for spring to come when it's warmer 
again."
	
"But papa, Ju-ya has no flowers now, huh?"

	
"No, but they will start to grow next month and then 
she can give them water," I answer.
	
"Yah, dat's true. Hey, papa? Ju-ya can have vege-
buhls too!" she then suggests enthusiastically.
	
I turn to Julia. "Would you like to grow your own 
vegetables?"
	
But Julia shakes her head. "Don' yike veh-buhls," 
she says. "Yike fow-uhs!"
	
Scully and I chuckle and Scully strokes our youngest 
daughter's hair. "That's right," she says, "you love 
your flowers, don't you? Well, then maybe we'll 
have to find a nice spot for you to make a flower 
bed."
	
"Fow-uhs seepy?" Julia asks with a surprised frown, 
her reaction lightning-quick.
	
I burst out laughing, I can't help it, and I watch 
Scully grin as well. This is absolutely priceless!
	
"That's what you call a flower garden, sweetheart," 
Scully tells Julia. "It's called a flower bed."
	
"Oh. Buh mama?"
	
"Yes, darling?"
	
"Fow-uhs not seepy den?"
	
Scully smiles, shaking her head. "No, they don't 
sleep very much in summer." She picks Julia up and 
onto her lap. "You know, flowers sleep all winter, 
deep under the ground. They don't like the snow 
very much and in summer they have to be up all the 
time so they look all nice and pretty for us. That's 
why they sleep a lot in winter."
	
"But mama?" Katherine pipes up.
	
"Yes, sweetheart?"
	
"How do the flowers know it's spring?"
	
Scully looks at me and I shrug a bit, making her 
smile. Yes, this story is up to her to tell, I don't have 
a clue where she would want to take it, but I'm 
confident she'll manage. 
	
She turns to our daughters. "Well, the first flowers 
to appear are the little snow drops, aren't they? They 
like the snow because they are white, too, and they 
think it's a nice colour."
	
"But it's cold!"
	
"It is, but snow drops don't mind that very much. 
You see, they have little drop-like flowers, just like 
little bells, so the snow can't get in. So they don't 
feel the cold as much as daisies would. Anyway, the 
snowdrops come out first, just peeping up through 
the snow when we think spring is never going to 
come again, and they check if everything is ready for 
the other flowers to wake up."
	
"Oh."
	
"And then the crocuses come and then the first few 
daffodils," Scully continues, "and when these 
flowers see that there are little green leaves on the 
trees again, they tell the other flowers that it's time 
to wake up."
	
"Foh playin'!" Julia says excitedly. "Yike play, 
mama!"
	
"That's right, honey, the crocuses and daffodils tell 
the other flowers that they can come out and play 
with you, don't they?"
	
"Yeh!" Julia says. Then she takes her watering can. 
"Is foh mah fo-wuhs, huh, mama?"
	
"Yes, it is. That's for your flowers."
	

"Mama?" Katherine then says.
	
"Yes, sweetie?"
	
"I can have a watering can, too? For mah vege-
buhls?"
	
Scully looks at me questioningly, but I shake my 
head. "I don't think we have another small watering 
can to be honest," I tell her and she nods.
	
"We'll see if we can find another one," she tells 
Katherine. "Maybe you can have one for your 
birthday."
	
"Okay. But mama?"
	
"Yes?"
	
Katherine looks at me for a moment, then turns to 
her mother again. "Mama, we can have some cake, 
please?" she asks very softly.
	
I feel my heart breaking. She sounds so uncertain, 
clearly remembering that she wasn't allowed to have 
any this morning and that she was disciplined for 
asking. It doesn't matter that she threw a tantrum, 
too, and that it was that temper tantrum that caused 
her to spend a few minutes on the hallway stairs. At 
this moment all that matters is that I sent her out of 
the room for asking about the cake, and that's what 
she remembers. Shit ...
	
Scully looks at me and I nod.
	
"Yes, I think it's time to have some cake," she 
answers with a smile.
	
Katherine and Julia both grin in anticipation. 
	
"We can have cake, papa!" Katherine says happily 
and I nod with a smile.
	
"Yes, we can. Do you think you could help mama 
get the cake?"
	
"Yah," she says, hopping off the couch.
	
Scully rises as well. "I'll go and get the cake and 
something to drink, okay?"
	
"Ah help you, mama," Katherine offers and Scully 
takes her hand.
	
"Thank you very much, sweetheart. That would be 
lovely." And together they walk into the kitchen, 
leaving Julia and myself sitting on the couch. 
	
I take the stacker -- or what is supposed to become 
the completed stacker -- up from where I put it. 
"Shall we try this some more?" I ask Julia.
	
She smiles and nods. "Yeh!"
	
I smile too and I take off all of the disks, once more 
placing them on the couch all around Julia. Her little 
legs barely reach over the edge of the seat of the 
couch and she often just sits with her legs crossed.
	
"What Ah do now, papa?"
	

"Well," I start, setting the base of the stacker 
between us on the couch, "you start with the biggest 
disk. Can you find the biggest disk, Julia?"
	
She starts to look around, then grabs a disk and 
holds it up. "Dis good?"
	
I nod. "I think so. Put it on."
	
She slides the disk onto the base. "En now?" she 
then asks, looking up at me questioningly.
	
"Now you look for the next biggest disk."
	
She frowns. "Dunno, papa."
	
"Look at the disks," I tell her. "Can you find one 
that is the biggest now?"
	
She points at the one on the base. "Dis."
	
I chuckle. Well, she is right, there's no doubt about 
that. "I mean, the biggest disk that is still on the 
couch, sweetheart."
	
"Oh." And she starts to look among the remaining 
disks. Then she picks one up. "Dis, papa?"
	
"I think that's fine, honey. Slide it on and let's see."
	
"Oh, is good, huh, papa?" she says when the disk is 
in place. She looks up with an elated smile. It must 
be so great to be so easily pleased, and it feels so 
goddamned satisfying. What on earth caused me to 
think I once needed elaborate gadgets or demanding 
commitments to make me happy, when all I really 
needed was watching a little girl play with a wooden 
stacker?
	
"Look, Ju-ya! This is your cake!" Katherine says 
excitedly when she and Scully come back into the 
living room. Katherine is carrying two empty glasses 
-- I suppose one of us will have to return to the 
kitchen to get the drinks and whatever Scully and I 
are having -- and her mother is carrying the cake with 
a lit candle in the middle.
	
Julia's eyes go quite wide and her mouth forms that 
perfect O in astonishment that cracked me up just 
the same when Katherine was that age. The palpable 
excitement in these young children is just too 
precious. Then she looks at me as she points at the 
cake.
	
"Papa, is mah cake!"
	
I grin as I watch Scully set the cake down on the 
table. "That's right. Do you like it?"
	
She grins and nods, clapping her hands in 
excitement. "Yeh! Ah yike it!"
	
"Can you watch them for a moment?" Scully asks of 
me. "I need to go back into the kitchen to get the 
drinks."
	
"Of course, no problem."
	

Katherine climbs back onto the couch next to me as I 
draw Julia onto my lap. Then I gently pull Katherine 
closer. God, this is a great place to be in, make no 
mistake about it. There was a time when I thought 
fatherhood was probably the most unlikely ambition 
I would ever have, but, unexpected as it may have 
come, there is not a thing I would change about it. 
And, yes, that includes Katherine's temper tantrums. 
We cannot have it all, after all.
	
I see Scully smile as she returns from the kitchen.
	
"Don't you three make a cosy little group," she says 
and I smile, too.
	
"Yeah, I'm counting my blessings," I answer, 
pointing at her, Katherine, and Julia. "One, two, and 
three."
	
She sits down next to us. "You mean your daughters 
don't come first?"
	
I shake my head. "No, you come first, you always 
have and you always will." I look at her. "Do you 
mind that I feel that way? Because they do come 
immediately after you, and I don't really have a 
preference."
	
"I don't. And you do, Mulder, you do have a 
preference."
	
Scully is right, I do have a preference. I look at 
Katherine who leans against me, her toy cow in her 
arms, her fist in her mouth as she is wont to do when 
she's either upset and needs the comfort, or when 
she's feeling relaxed and she's just daydreaming a 
bit. "Well, yeah, I guess I do. I don't really want to, 
but I do ..."
	
Scully smiles. "I know. And it's okay." Then she 
turns to Julia. "Come, sweetheart, I think it's time 
for you to blow out the candle and make your wish!"
	
"Yeh!" Julia exclaims, hopping off my lap. Her place 
is immediately claimed by Katherine who crawls 
onto my lap. I cannot even stop my arms from 
coming around her. Yup, I really do have a 
preference -- and so has Katherine. I guess it was 
inevitable from the start. Together we watch how 

Julia blows out the candle.
	
"You made wish, Ju-ya?" Katherine asks and Julia 
nods.
	
"Yeh. Ah wan' cake!"
	
I have no idea whether that really was her wish or 

just that she's up for some sugary treat now, but it 
doesn't matter. Our youngest girl is two today. 
Trivialities be damned.

XxXxX

From: Kirsten Kerkhof <kirstenkerkhof@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, 24 Aug 2011 11:35:39 +0200
Subject: Apocalyptic Eden 2, by Kirsten Kerkhof
Source: direct

Chapter 13

"Hey, Scully, do you need some help?"
	
I've just returned from the fields where I spent all 
morning sowing new crops, and I spotted her in the 
vegetable garden as I passed the low gate.
	
She looks up. She's on her knees, trying to get rid of 
the weeds that keep on threatening to choke the 
tender new plants. She wipes her forehead. "Well, I 

could use a hand with the weeding, but you don't 
have to, you know. If you'd like to take a little 
break, you can just do so. You don't really have to 
help me."
	

I'm already on my knees by her side. "Nonsense, 
you look like you could use some assistance and I 
have time."
	
She smiles as she returns to her task. "Thank you."

	
I smile, too. "No problem."
	
We're silent for a few minutes as we continue 
through the patch, getting rid of the weeds. She tries 
to keep on top of the weeds so to speak so the task 
doesn't get overwhelming, but this soil is rich and 
fertile -- which is great for our crops, but of course 
just as great for the weeds.
	
"Can I ask you something?" she then says, not 
looking up from her work.
	
I look at her briefly before returning to my task. "Of 
course. What is it?"

"It's nothing terribly major or anything like that, but 
... do you think we should teach the girls to say mom 
and dad? I mean, I like this papa and mama thing, 
but it is kind of, well ..."
	
I think for a moment. "Well, I like it, too, it's cute 
and it feels kind of special. I mean, if you think we 
should teach them to say mommy and daddy, then I 
wouldn't object to it, but ... I don't really feel a need 
for it. For now anyway."
	
She smiles at me and I smile back. "Okay."
	
"I mean, you can tell them, you know. Like I said, I 
won't object at all."
	
"I know, I'll think about it."
	
We're silent again, but there is another thing related 
to this that now pops up in my head. "What about 
our names though?"
	
She looks at me. "What about them?"
	
I sit back on my heels. "Well, the girls don't have to 
use our names, I mean, papa and mama -- or mom 
and dad or whatever we decide to settle on -- will do 
nicely and certainly for the time being, but I suppose 
they will have to use our proper names at some point. 
And we of course address each other by our last 
names, as we always have, but I don't really think 
that's what they should think our actual names are."
	
She smiles and winks. "Well, I'm not the one who is 
traumatised by my first name. I don't care at all 
when people use mine."
	
I chuckle. "No, you don't. And quite frankly it's not 
as bad as I always pretended with me. It's just that, 
if you want an awkward name, mine is quite high in 
the top ten, you know."
	
She smiles at me. "Maybe with guys. I can assure 
you no woman would ever mind being with a guy 
named Fox, you know." And she wiggles her 
eyebrows, making me smile as well.
	

I move over to where she's sitting on her knees. 
"Really?" I say in a low voice.
	
She grins. "Really. Especially when the name is such 
a good match to the character of the person in 
question," she replies, her voice low and just a little 
sultry, making my body respond instantly.

Jesus, is there truly any place around here where she 
hasn't seduced me yet? For crying out loud, we're in 
a vegetable garden! There can be no un-sexier place 
than this. And yet, here we go, try telling my body 

that.
	
Not caring about my hands which are black from the 
heavy moist soil of our garden, I slowly pull her in 
for a kiss.
	
"Where are the girls?" I mutter between kisses.
	
"Don't know," she replies.
	
"Yes, you do," I smile and she chuckles softly. "You 
just don't care very much right now."
	
"All right, I do know. They're playing in the yard. I 
saw them there a couple of minutes ago. They're 
fine. Happy now?"
	
"See? You do know." A few months ago we set 
aside a small piece of fenced-in grassland for our 
girls where they can safely play without them 
running the risk of being stepped on by cattle or 
getting into dung or other hazards. They can also 
safely leave their toys there if they want to and none 
of our animals can get hurt.
	
"We can't make love," she whispers. "Not now. It's 
not right."
	
I sigh softly. "I know, I'm sorry."
	
"I'm not," she replies, making me chuckle.
	
"Don't tease me if you want me to stop in time," I 
say and she smiles.
	
"All right then." She leans in for one last short kiss. 
Then she sits back. "So, what do we do about our 
names? And that mom and dad thing?"
	
I think for a few seconds, just pondering the 
possibilities. "Well," I then say, "the mom and dad 
thing is easiest to solve: I think we can let them call 
us mama and papa for a while longer. I mean, we 
both think it's cute, which it is, and they're used to 
it. It feels natural. As with regard to our names, do 
you want to call me Fox?"
	
She looks at me, then shakes her head. "No. I mean, 
I know that that's your name and it wouldn't matter 
to me much at all if that was what you wanted me to 
do, but ... it just doesn't feel right to me. I mean, do 
you want me to call you Fox?"
	
I smile wryly. "Not really. I mean, I wasn't joking 
when I told you that I once over-emphasised the 
impact my first name had had on me, but you've 
never called me that. Well, rarely anyway." I chuckle 
a little self-depreciatingly. "Man, if you decided to 
go for my first name I'd think my own mother was 
calling me!"
	
She grins. "Well, that settles that. We're not going to 
change anything then."
	
"How will the girls know what our given names are 
then?"
	
She pulls a tuft of grass out of the ground and tosses 
it aside before she answers. "We'll deal with that 
when the time comes, okay? It may not be an issue 
for years yet. I mean, we haven't even discussed 
what their last name is. And to be honest I think 
that's more important than what name we want to go 
by. At least for now anyway."
	
I nod. "Well, that's true." 
	
We continue weeding for a few more minutes before 
I speak again. "So, what last name would you like 
the girls to have then?"
	
She looks at me, smiling. "Well, seeing that we're 
married, and were so well before Katherine was 
born, I'd say they have your last name."
	
I'm not smiling in return, my insecurities won't let 
me. "You don't mind that they have my name? I 
mean, William had yours, right?"
	
She smiles a bit more. "Mulder is a good name for 
the girls to have. I'm just sad we're not going to 
have a boy anymore who can continue the name."
	
I frown. "I don't need an heir in that sense of the 
word," I tell her. "And to be honest I never viewed 
my family tree as anything close to worth 
continuing. I always thought it was a branch of the 
family that would lose nothing by dying out."
	
She looks back at me, her expression gone from 
smiling to, quite frankly, pretty pissed off. "I'm sure 
that is just about the most insulting thing I've heard 
you say in a really long time."
	
I frown. "What do you mean?"
	
"What I mean is," she says, getting to her feet and 
making me stand up as well, "that you just claimed 
you consider our daughters to be an unwelcome 
extension of your ancestry! Now I don't give a fuck 
about what you think of your parents or other 
family, because quite frankly you have been less than 
forthcoming with information about them, so what 
do I know, huh, but I will not have you insult our 
little girls like that! And even less do I want you to 
insult me!"
	
"I didn't mean to insult you, I'm sorry," I say softly, 
more than a little taken aback by her outburst. 
Something inside me has already flared up and 
wants to defend myself, but I'm not sure that's the 
right thing to do right now. So I keep it down for 
the moment, even if it is done with some 
considerable effort.
	
I think my attitude is already enough to deflate her 
anger -- it was probably a good thing that I didn't 
drive this to a climax, but backed off the first chance 
I had -- and she frowns, her expression now mostly 
sad. Then she sighs deeply.
	
She takes my hands in hers, the soil of our garden on 
our hands a kind of bond that connects us in our fate 
and destiny. "You are a good person, you've got to 
trust me on that," she says softly. "And you could 
never have been a person like you are now, if your 
family tree hadn't had, well, basically a decent root 
system so to speak. Now I'm not saying that perhaps 
some people among your ancestors didn't make 
unfortunate choices, but that doesn't reflect on you 
in a bad way. You are not to blame for those 
people's mistakes. You are your own person, and 
you deserve to be judged on your own merits. And 
if you really want to know, Mulder, you are a good 
man. Heck, I wouldn't have wanted to have children 
with you, if I wasn't convinced that you weren't the 
right man to instil the values in our children that I 
think are important. And I believe you are doing a 
very good job in shaping our daughters to grow up 
to be lovely young women, as tiny as they may still 
be right now."
	
"But don't you still think they'd be better off with 
your last name?"
	
She smiles a bit. "No, names don't matter much -- 

it's all about the genes anyway. No matter whose 
name they'll have, they are still 50% you." She pulls 
me in and kisses me softly. "And trust me, I 
wouldn't want it any other way."
	
I pull her in and rest my forehead against hers, 
relishing this moment of familiar closeness. "Thank 
you," I whisper, feeling touched by her trust.
	
"You're welcome."

XxXxX

Chapter 14

We've just put the girls to bed on this fine May day. 
I'm so glad spring is truly here now; winter started 
out amazingly cold, although about a week into the 
new year the temperatures started to rise ever so 
gradually, bringing in plenty of rain and warmer 
winds. It was no fun for the girls, who were cooped 
up inside sometimes for days on end -- yep, we 
found out the hard way that Julia too knows how to 
throw a temper tantrum when she feels like having 
one -- but personally I could only rejoice. Trust me, 
I'll gladly get soaked to the bone every day if that 
means I get to see our crops grow. Clothes will dry 
eventually, but we need food. There were weeks we 
feared that the crops might rot under the unrelenting 
downpour, but I think we've been lucky. Of course 
it helped  tremendously that I spent the last two 
weeks of October digging and dredging out the 
ditches surrounding our fields. It was probably the 
best decision I made in a long time.
	
Today we celebrated Katherine's fourth birthday. I 
can barely believe four years have passed already 
since we welcomed her into the world and into our 
lives. I seem to be able to recall every part of these 
four years with her, all the little steps and 
developments we were privileged to witness. This 
olde-worlde farmer's life is not exactly a walk in the 
park, but if there is one huge and undeniable benefit, 
it is that I get to see our daughters grow up every 
step of the way. In our old lives that just would 
never have been possible. And take it whatever way 
you like, but it's something I'll treasure for the rest 
of my life.
	
We gave Katherine a weaving rack to weave ribbons 
and such little projects -- it's Scully's idea that 
Katherine should learn how to do needle work and 
other sewing and fabrics work. It may me smile: I 
told you we are now firmly lodged in the 18th 
century, and I quite agree with her that it would be a 
good idea to introduce our daughter to these tasks --, 
a play tent shaped like a tipi, and that vegetable 
patch she wanted to have so badly so she can grow 
her pumpkins. 
	
The weaving rack was disregarded fairly quickly, I 
still think Julia will turn out to be much more help in 
the household than Katherine ever could. The tipi, 
however, was put into use right away to our girls' 
obvious delight, and it's now out in the fields on a 
slight rise, overlooking the fields and looking to 
become a semi-permanent fixture there. 
	
But  the vegetable garden was undoubtedly the 
biggest success. Thank God today was a dry sunny 
day so we could immediately start sowing those 
pumpkin seeds Katherine was so eager to get into 
the ground. I know that the vegetable garden is 
generally Scully's territory, but on this occasion she 
let me do the sowing with Katherine as she tended 
to Julia who needed her diaper changed. Katherine is 
potty-trained now, which makes a huge difference to 
the laundry load. Now all we need to achieve is to 
get Julia there. Well, our youngest girl is only two, 
she has a few years yet to go. There is no point in 
hurrying the process; she's healthy and strong so 
there is no reason for us to imagine she'd be any 
slower about this than other kids would be.
	
As Katherine and I were planting the seeds for her 
pumpkins, she found a little earthworm which 
provided us with a perfect opportunity for some 
biology and life lessons.
	
"Look, I found a worm, papa," she said as she 
picked the little creature up.
	
I nodded. "Well done. They're very good for your 
garden, you know."
	
She frowned. "How's that?" she asked as she looked 
at the pink wriggling worm. Then she giggled. "It's 
all wiggly!"

I moved over to where she was and sat down next to 
her. 
	
"Yes, it is," I began, pointing out the head-end of 
the worm, hoping I got it right. I never paid much 
attention in biology class and I think it might have 
shown ... "Well, you see, the worm wriggles so it can 
burrow through the ground, looking for little bits of 
food to eat. Can you see how he is all smooth and 
wiggly? That means he can move really easily. And 
as he looks for his food, he makes little tunnels in the 
ground so lots of air and water can come into the 
soil. And those tunnels are very good for your 
pumpkins."
	
"But papa, the worms eat my pumpkins, too?"
	
I shook my head. "No, the worms are a bit too small 
for that, aren't they?"

Katherine started to giggle. "Would be a big worm if 
he can eat my pumpkins, huh?"
	
I grinned too. "Wouldn't that look silly? You'd have 
a tiny itty-bitty worm with a huge big pumpkin 
inside him."
	
This image clearly amused her, because she started to 
laugh. "Would be a big worm, huh, papa?" And she 
spread her arms to show how big that earthworm 
would have to be if it could eat one of her pumpkins. 
"He would be this big!"
	
I laughed, too, amused by her simple sense of 
humour, so typical of her age and development. "So, 
shall we let the little guy go?" I suggested and she 
nodded, setting it down onto the soil again.
	
"Yah, he can make the ground good for my 
pumpkins!"
	
Together we watched the little earthworm burrow its 
way into the ground. 
	
"Why don't you say good-bye to the worm?" I 
suggested and she smiled, waving at the worm as it 
disappeared.
	
"Bye-bye, wormie!"
	
We chuckled as we stood up and surveyed her 
brand-new property. Scully had done some 
preliminary work by turning the soil and removing 
most of the weeds and plant remains, and now 
nothing really showed that seeds had been planted 
but the recently shifted, intensely black earth that 
made up Katherine's personal little  vegetable patch.
	
"Come," I then said, taking her hand. "Let's go 
inside and celebrate your birthday some more. Your 
pumpkin seeds will need a little more time to grow, 
we can't wait for that. Besides, I think we have cake 
and juice."
	
"Yay, I like cake and juice, papa," she answered, 
and I nodded.
	
"Yes, you do. You know, I like them a lot, too," I 
answered as we shared a companionable smile, and 
together we walked back inside to join her mother 
and younger sister for some additional celebrations.
	
Anyway, the girls are in bed now, and Scully and I 
are looking forward to a quiet evening together. To 
be quite honest just about all of our evenings are 
quiet -- after all, what entertainment is there to be 
had if we're not the ones providing it in the first 
place? But that's irrelevant.
	
"Would you like something to drink?" I ask Scully 
and she nods.
	
"Yes, please."
	
"Shall I make us some tea?"

She shakes her head. "No, I think I'll just have some 
water."
	

"Okay. I think I'll have water as well then."
	
She looks at me. "You don't have to do that, you 
know. If you want to have some tea, just make it."
	
I smile a bit. "Nah, don't worry, water is fine." Then 
I chuckle. "I'd kill for a beer though."
	
She grins. "God, me too. That wine we tried to make 
never worked and to be honest I don't think we'll 
ever have proper wine, but do you think we could 
give making beer a try someday?"
	
I smile, raising my eyebrows. "Who knows? After 
all, we have wheat and water, and we have yeast. I 
mean, it may not be proper beer yeast, but we have 
bread yeast. That should at least do the job kind of 
okay. I just wouldn't know where to get hops from."
	
She shakes her head. "No, you're right about that. 
Anyway, we'd probably better wait till the autumn 
for beer making. God knows how hot this summer is 
going to be and there is no point in having the beer 
spoil before we have a chance to taste it."
	
"Mm-mm, you're probably right, yeah. So, we're 
going to try beer brewing then?"
	
She nods with a smile. "Yeah, why not. I mean, if 
we have a decent wheat harvest I suppose we can 
definitely try. We just shouldn't risk ruining wheat if 
our harvest is only adequate." She grins. "God, I 
would love to have a cold beer again, almost as 
much as I'd love a hot coffee."
	
I groan at the memory of coffee. We had coffee for 
the last time about two years ago and there really is 
no more coffee to have, nor have we any way of 
getting some. 
	
"Don't say that, my body now craves the caffeine 
again! Just when I thought I'd finally gotten over 
it."
	

She smiles. "I'm sorry."
	
I smile back. "I'm not, I was just joking. Really, it's 
okay."
	
We are silent for a little bit. I'm watching the flames 
dance in the fireplace, enjoying the comfortable 
silence.
	
"Anyway, shall I go get that water then?" I ask after 
a few minutes.
	
"No, just stay here for a moment. I don't want you 
to go now."
	
I look at her as she sits next to me, her body resting 
against me. It's a bit unusual for her to be this 
possessive -- it almost as if she feels insecure about 
something. I'd be damned though, if I knew what it 
was.
	
"Okay," I just reply. Trust me, that water can wait 
now. And certainly until I know what's wrong.
	
Once again a silence falls between us, though it's not 
quite as relaxed as it was before. Or maybe it is to 
her, but I can now almost physically hear the cogs 
that are spinning like mad in my mind, trying to 
figure out what's wrong. Because, trust me, if she 
feels insecure, then I'm not feeling any better.
	
"What is it?" I ask in a soft voice when she doesn't 
seem to be very much inclined to explain that which 
she just said.
	
She looks at me, and I'm partially reassured by the 
calm gentle expression on her face. Damn my 
insecurities! Why do those bastards just keep on 
resurfacing when she's given me so many reasons to 
prove they have no place in my life anymore? I want 
them out!
	
"Are you happy here?" she then asks and I feel my 
eyebrows shoot up.
	
"Yes, I am," I answer. Then I smile a little wryly. "I 
mean, seeing that the alternative is death, this is 
awesome."
	
She frowns. "I'm serious, Mulder, don't do that! 
Don't make jokes about something this serious!"
	
I slowly shake my head. "Actually, I'm not really 
joking. And I, too, was serious about it, even though 
I was kidding a bit. I am happy here. Why are you 
asking?"
	
"Well ..." She looks at her hands for a moment 
before she answers me. "It sometimes feels to me 
like ... I mean, I sometimes think I've trapped you."
	
Excuse me?
	
"Trapped me how? In what way? I don't feel 
trapped."
	
"Well ... You know, I didn't really give you much 
choice with the children and so on and ..."
	
I smile. "Look, if this is about you getting pregnant, 
I was there at the time, remember? If anything, I'm 
at least as much to blame."
	
She smiles, too, then chuckles softly. "Well, yes, 
that's true. But it still came so unexpected and of 
course we got married as well and, well, I always 
thought you'd scoff at that kind of a normal life. It 
just didn't seem to fit you."
	
I smile a bit. "I never thought it would fit me, either, 
but I think it mattered a lot that I got to experience it 

with you." I chuckle a bit. "Look, please don't think 
for a moment that this situation is anything but what 
I want and love. Sure, there was a time when being 
single suited me just fine, or at least I thought it did. 
But it's not natural, and it definitely wasn't what I 
wanted. Heck, if being single was really what I was 
after, I wouldn't have had that string of relationships 
which I had before I met you. I wanted to be alone, 
but I now realise I needed to be with someone. It 
just took a while to find the right person to be with." 
I huff softly. "And then of course it took even 
longer for me to realise that, when I had that perfect 
partner, that she was actually the real deal."
	
"I'm the 'real deal'?" she asks, grinning.
	
I match my smile to hers. "Well, yes, you are. Over 
twenty years together, Scully, and we're still not 
tired of each other. How many people can say that? 
And how is that not the 'real deal'?"
	
She nods with a smile. "Well, not very many can say 
that, that's true. Sure makes one wonder whether 
there really is such a thing as fate."
	
I shrug. "Call it whatever you like, I don't care much 
for semantics. All I know is that being a husband 
and father is something I wouldn't have wanted to 
miss for the world. I mean, man, not to know 
Katherine and Julia ... that just isn't an option."
	
She nods. "Yeah, they're amazing, I cannot imagine 
not having the girls, they're such an enrichment of 
our lives."
	
I pull her closer to me, slowly and gently, until she's 
lying down with her head in my lap. "I'm a husband 
and father of four. I'd say that's a pretty damn good 
fulfilment of my life."
	
I see her eyes grow moist, even when no tears 
actually fall. Any reference to Emily and William 
inevitably makes her emotional, something which I 
absolutely hate, but do at the same time because 
these children should never be forgotten. I knew 
what I was doing when I said it, and I'm not sorry.
	
She reaches up and strokes her hand over my cheek, 
her fingers combing through the short beard I keep. 
"I'm glad we were in a position to make these 
children happen," she says in a very soft voice, just 
barely above a whisper. "You know I'd have given 
you more children if I'd been able to, don't you?"
	
I take the hand on my cheek and softly kiss the 
fingers. "I know."
	

"Thank God for Katherine and Julia."
	
I nod. "They're the best things ever."
	
"Yeah."
	
We trade loving smiles. God, here we are, middle 
aged and yet still in love. And I will readily admit 
I'm totally biased, but, damn, she's beautiful.
	
"Happy Katherine's birthday," she says with a wide 
smile and I laugh.
	
"Thank you. You too."
	
Thank you indeed.

XxXxX

Chapter 15

"Papa, where are the gooses?"
	
I've just entered the paddock and Katherine is 
coming up to me with a puzzled expression on her 
little face.
	
"I can't find the gooses, papa, where are they?"
	
"I put them in the chicken pen," I tell her, taking her 
hand. "Were you looking for them?"
	
"Yah. But why you put them there?"
	
"Well, mama and I think it's time for the geese to go 
out into the fields and -- ..."
	
"But they are not cows," she interrupts me, the 
expression on her face puzzled. "Do the gooses eat 
grass, too?"
	
"They like it a lot actually. And we have a lot of 
geese nowadays so we think they should go out into 
the field and have a bit more room to walk around 
and eat grass."
	
"Oh. But papa?"
	
"Mm-mm?"
	
"The gooses aren't there, huh?"
	
"No, they're not. We still need to take them out into 

the field."
	
"You take the gooses out there?"
	
I smile at her. "Well, mama and I thought that 
maybe you would like to do that."
	
She looks genuinely surprised at the notion, as she 
should be of course. "Me?"
	
We have reached the house by now and we enter the 
kitchen. It's lovely and cool inside, a very pleasant 
change from the sweltering heat of this August day. 
The weather has been mild, but for the past week the 
summer sun has been pretty unrelenting and the 
atmosphere is stifling at times.
	
The girls have been wandering around in little cotton 
summer dresses, and the big tin tub we use as a bath 
tub in winter has been a favourite place to play in. 
Well, what can I say but that the girls have an 
outdoor swimming pool all to themselves? Although 
I have to admit that yesterday Scully and I too spent 
a little time soaking our feet in the tub as we 
watched the children play.
	
I look at Katherine, taking in her lightly sun-tanned 
skin and the smattering of freckles on her cheeks and 
little retrouss? nose. In my highly partial opinion she 
looks completely adorable. Her braided pigtails are 
constantly dancing down her back as she runs and 
skips her way around our house and fields, making 
her an absolute picture of joie de vivre. 
	
"Mama," she says when she sees her mother. "Papa 
says I can take the gooses out!"
	
"Did he?" she says and gives me a wink. "Well, he 
was right, sweetheart. So, would you like to go out 
into the field and herd the geese?"
	
"Huh? What is 'herd the geese'?"
	
"Well, when you herd the geese, you take the birds 
out into the field and you watch them graze, and see 
that they don't run off or that other animals don't 
hurt them."
	
"But cows don't hurt the gooses, huh? I think they 
like gooses."

	
We smile. "The cows will be all right, sweetheart," 

Scully says. "But you know that sometimes there are 
foxes around and they like to eat geese."
	
Katherine's eyes go quite wide. "What I do then?" 
she whispers.
	
"You don't have to do anything. Because you're 
there, the foxes won't hurt the geese."
	
"Oh."
	
"So, would you like to try it then?"
	
She nods. "Yah, I would." She turns to me. "Papa, 
are you coming with me then?"
	
I nod too. "Yes, I will, and certainly in the 
beginning. We'll look after the geese together until 
you know exactly what to do."
	
"Yay! I like it!" Then she turns to her mother. 
"Mama, now I go play some more!" And she's off 
again, to wherever she feels like going, her bare feet 
leaving perfectly formed little footsteps in the dry 
sand that covers the tiles.
	
I watch her run off, then turn to Scully. I'm 
surprised by the slight frown on her face.
	
"What is it?" I ask.
	
She shakes her head. "Nothing much, it's just that 
..."
	
"What?"
	
"I was just thinking that ... Don't you think that 
maybe she's really still a little too young for this? I 
mean, she'll be out there by herself, and in a way 
she'll be responsible for those birds. Can we let her 
do that? She's only four after all, she's still just a 
baby."
	
I bite my lips and nod. "Yeah, you're right."
	
We exchange looks and we smile a bit.
	
"She was excited about it though," Scully then says.
	
I nod with a small smile. "Name me one thing she's 
not excited about. Excitement is a way of life for 
her."
	
She chuckles softly. "Well, that's certainly true, 
yeah." Then she takes a deep breath. "So, what do 
we do? Do we let her herd those geese or is it still 
too soon for her?"
	

"She is very good with animals, though," I say. 
"They listen to her, she definitely has a kind of 
rapport with them. She probably would do pretty 
well."
	
"Yes, she most likely would. But what about her 
age? I mean, can we let a four-year-old do this, even 
when she is indeed this good with our animals? Can 
we let her work?"
	
I think for a moment. "Why not try it and see? She 
feels like doing it, or at least she does at this point -- 
God knows she may change her mind and feel not at 
all as keen about it after all -- but if she wants to give 
it a try and one of us can go out into the field with 
her and those geese, well, we can see how things 
work out."
	
She doesn't look entirely convinced, and this is 
definitely one point on which I absolutely refuse to 
push my ideas through. If she has even the slightest 
doubts, then, no matter what our opinions were 
before, Katherine is not going as yet. I decide to tell 
her, I really don't want her to feel as though she has 
no choice.
	
"But if you're at all uncomfortable with the idea of 
Katherine herding the geese, then we won't do it," I 
go on. "I'm serious about that, we both have to be 
convinced it's a good idea, or we're not going to do 
it."
	
"We talked about it last night and it seemed like 
such a good idea at the time," she says softly.
	
"And it doesn't now, does it?" I say and I see her 
shake her head in confirmation. "That's okay, we can 
change our minds about things, we're not infallible. 
And I think that, when we talked about her last 
night, we probably overestimated her. I mean, she is 
precocious, I suppose it can be rather easy to think 
she has got more abilities than she actually has. And 
seeing her just now may have driven home to us 
really just how little she still is."
	
"In our old lives she'd still be in kindergarten, 
nobody would be expecting anything of her but the 
most basic things, she wouldn't even be expected to 
be fully potty-trained," Scully says and I nod. "We 
can't let her work, even if it's almost play-work. It's 
not correct."
	
I nod again. "You're absolutely right, we shouldn't 
make her do this, it's not the right thing to do."
	
She smiles, walking into my embrace. "Of course 
that doesn't mean we can't take the geese out 
someday and herd the birds together, you know, let 
her try it. But it has to be under supervision, we 
can't let her go off all by herself."
	
I press a soft kiss onto her forehead. "Absolutely." I 
smile at her. "I'm glad we've come to this decision, I 
think we're doing the right thing."
	
She smiles too. "Yes, we are. But what if Katherine 
wants to herd the geese now? What do we tell her? 
She'll be so disappointed if she can't go out with 
them. Julia probably wouldn't care one way or 
another, but Katherine loves being around animals. 
She'll want to go out with the birds."
	
"Did we tell her she could go out by herself?"
	
"Well, we did tell her that at least in the beginning 
one of us would be there with her. Although 
whether she has really heard or understood that part, 
I'm not entirely sure."
	
I think for a moment. "Why not all go out with the 
geese tomorrow? Do we have time?"
	
She nods. "I think I do. I mean, I have work to do, 
but I could spare a few hours. How about you?"

I nod too. "Yeah, I'm sure I have some time. I need 
to go out to cut more grass to make hay and with the 
good weather we're having right now that really 
cannot wait. But, yeah, a few hours should be 
doable."
	
She smiles, loosely wrapping her arms around my 
neck. I smile back, gently pulling her closer to me. 
"All right," she says in a soft voice. "Let's go back 
to work and we'll think of a suitable time for the 
four of us -- ..."
	
"And the geese," I interrupt.
	
She smiles widely. "-and the geese, of course. 
Anyway, a suitable time for all of us to go out with 
the birds. And then we can always decide what 
we're going to do with those geese. Because neither 
of us has the time to herd them."
	
"All right. I still think Katherine is probably a little 
too young yet though."
	
She nods. "Well, she definitely is if we're 
considering sending her out far into the fields for the 
day with a whole flock of geese to look after. But I 
suppose if she reacts well to handling those geese 
when we're there with her, there is always the option 
of letting her look after a couple of geese for like an 
hour and here in the fields right by the house. She'll 
grow into work in the form of play and it won't be 
too much for her. Do you think that would work?"
	
I nod. "Yeah, I do, I think that would definitely be 
worth a shot at least. I mean, she will grow up doing 
farm work, and with her little vegetable garden 
doing pretty well, maybe it's time to add a new 
minor task."
	
Scully chuckles softly. "I've never seen anyone tend 
to their vegetables like Katherine does. I swear she'd 
polish the leaves if she was given half the chance."

I chuckle too. "I'm already glad she hasn't 
abandoned her plants entirely. Somewhere in the 
back of my mind I was counting on the possibility 
that she would lose all interest in her garden."
	
"She's a responsible little girl. I wonder whom she 
got it from," she adds with a cheeky smile and a 
wink.
	
I bend in for a quick kiss, easily and willingly taking 
the bait. "I guess she didn't inherit all of my 
personality traits then."

XxXxX


Chapter 16

"Hey, Scully, you've got to come and see this," I 
say, walking into the kitchen where she is just 
putting away the last of today's washing-up.
	
"What is it?"
	
"It's the full moon. I don't think I've ever seen it 
like this. Come on out!"
	
She smiles. "All right, let me just put on my coat."
	
"Sure," I answer, warming myself by the stove. We 
have a clear sky and a full moon -- which in 
November means a sharp frost that can take your 
balls clean off, excuse my French.
	

She's back in a matter of minutes, all covered up. 
"All right then, show me that moon!" she says with a 
smile.
	
I love how she is always enthusiastic about whatever 
I propose to do. Whenever I suggest anything that 
happens to take my fancy, I never get a 'no'. In fact, 
most of the time she'll reply saying, 'That's funny, I 
was just thinking that it would be so much fun if 
you'd suggest such and such a thing.' I can only 
hope we'll never lose that feeling of spontaneity 
because it adds a much-needed flavour to a life that 
runs quite a risk of becoming mundane and routine.
	
We walk out into the paddock and then on into the 
field behind our farm.
	

Years ago we spent New Year's Eve outside in the 
cold, looking at the stars. She was pregnant with 
Katherine at the time and we gazed in wonder at the 
Milky Way. I don't think we've changed, something 
which is confirmed when I hear her soft gasp.
	
"Oh my God," she whispers, "I don't think I've ever 
seen the moon this bright."

	
"Nor me," I reply. "Isn't it amazing?"
	
"It's so light out, you wouldn't even need a flame or 
torch to find your way around now," she continues, 
and I nod.
	
"I know."
	
"And the stars, there are so many of them. It just 
keeps on amazing me."
	
I nod again. "It's a miracle, isn't it?"
	
"Yeah ..."
	
I move to stand behind her and pull her into me as I 
lean against the fence. Then I reach behind me, 
taking the blanket I'd grabbed off the couch just 
before we went outside, and wrap it around both of 
us. She looks up at me with a smile.
	
"Thank you."
	
I smile back. "You're welcome. I thought it might 
come in handy."
	
Then we look up at the sky again. 
	
"It's wonderful. Just imagine magnitude of what is 
out there, it's mind-boggling, isn't it?"

	
"It's humbling, that's for sure," I say with a nod. 

"So many worlds out there that we barely know 
about. I can't stop wondering about it all."
	
"Yeah ..."
	
We're silent for a few moments, just taking in the 
celestial spectacle. The silence around us is 
profound, but not invasive. Just very calming.
	
"Do you think They've left this planet?" she then 
asks softly.
	
I frown even though she can't see it. "I don't 
know," I say, knowing that I'm giving her a 
superfluous answer, but knowing also that she won't 
hold it against me. "It's hard to tell."
	
"Yeah."
	
"So far They have been good as Their word, 
though," I go on. "They said They'd leave us alone 
and They have."
	
"And we were given Julia. They said we could make 
another baby that night, and it worked."
	
I smile a bit. "Yes, it did."
	
"Why do you think we've been allowed to be so 
lucky?"
	
I start stroking her arms under the blanket. It's no 
doubt a rhetorical question, but at the same time I 
don't think she would mind a reaction. "Maybe 
we're not the only ones."
	
"Who've been lucky, you mean? Or what do you 
mean?"
	
"Yes, I mean that we've been very lucky. It stands 
to reason that there are other people who have had 
that same luck. Of those who didn't perish in the 
chaos that followed the Invasion, that is. I mean, 
They know we're here, and still They leave us alone 
to live quietly and as well as can be. There must be 
other people who are thriving, too."
	
"Or at least surviving. I think we did remarkably 
well, to be honest, I can't believe that all the 
survivors were lucky enough to find a farm that is 
this generous with its crops and livestock. Not to 
mention that we took to farming with almost 
alarming ease. I can imagine that some people found 
it a lot harder just to survive."
	
I smile. "Well, that is certainly true." Then my smile 
fades. "Of course, we nearly didn't make it either. I 
still have nightmares about our first winter here. One 
more month of that winter and we would have been 
among those millions who didn't survive the first 
few months after the Invasion. We would have quite 
literally starved to death."
	
I feel rather than hear her sigh. "You're right." Then 
she turns in my arms under the blanket and, with the 
cover still over our shoulders, she lightly rests her 
arms around my neck. In the bright light of the moon 
I can easily make out her face.
	
"I wonder how many people are still out there," she 
then says.
	
I nod. "Me too. I have truly no idea whatsoever."
	
She sighs softly. "There can't be very many of us 
left, if the destruction during those first few weeks 
was anything to go by."
	
I nod again, recalling the absolutely horrifying 
images of the carnage we were forced to witness. 
Maybe that's why my old nightmares never returned 
since we arrived here -- they were more than 
matched and then replaced by the new ones ... I may 
have had my share of horror during those active 
years in the field, but nothing can prepare a person 
for the images of literally piles of corpses. I once saw 
photographs taken at the WWII concentration camps 
and the stacks of emaciated bodies there, and I think 
this came terrifyingly close. Sure, the people we 
witnessed hadn't been starved before being killed, 
but nothing can prepare you for seeing death 
absolutely all around you. And the smells and the 
sounds ...

	
"Come back to me," I hear her whisper and I look at 

her, snapping out of my nightmare reverie. "Don't go 
there."
	
I nod, not smiling. "I'm sorry."
	
She strokes my cheek, the feeling infinitely 
comforting. "No need. Just don't dwell. It's not 
constructive and doesn't help us in any way."
	
"You're right," I say softly. "I shouldn't be thinking 
about that, but sometimes it just seems inevitable."
	
"I know, it sometimes is. And of course I didn't help 
one bit by mentioning what happened."
	
"Don't worry about it, it's all right."
	
She shakes her head. "No, it isn't. I shouldn't be 
doing that, because I know too well that your mind 
will inevitably conjure up all those images, and it 
hurts you."
	

I shrug a little. "Yeah, well, that's a curse I've spent 
my entire life learning how to cope with, Dana."
	
She nods. "I know. There is nothing you can do 
about it, and I should know so much better." Then 
she very gently pulls my face closer to hers. "Kiss 
me, let me drive away the nightmares."
	
I close my lips over hers and we kiss. She's right, if 
there is anyone or anything that can help me get rid 
of the trauma, or at least make it go away far enough 
for me to be able to cope with it, it must be her.
	
I open my eyes half-way through the kiss. The 
moonlight is casting a blue-ish white light on her 
face and hair, disguising the redness I'm so familiar 
with. I'm going pretty grey already, signalling the 
fact that I truly am middle aged now, but her hair is 
still its original colour and I love it.
	
When our kiss ends, we spend a little while just 
looking and smiling at each other, our bodies fused 
together under the heavy rough blanket. Then I look 
up at the sky, seeing the by now familiar white starry 
band that is the Milky Way. So many stars ...
	
"Do you think we will ever meet other people?" she 
then asks.
	
I shake my head a little. "I don't know, I really 
don't. But the chances are slim unless we pack up 
here and go ourselves. And to be honest I don't feel 
like leaving this place behind any time soon."
	
She nods. "Yeah, you're right. Then again, I think it 
would be good for the girls if they got to meet other 
people though, their world is so confined right now. 
And if these people had children of their own, they 
could all be playmates. That would be even better."
	
I nod too. "Well, who knows. Maybe if, in about 
five years from now, we haven't met anybody yet, 

we might start moving east or west in search of a 
new life. I mean, the girls will be older then too and 
you never know if the circumstances might allow us 
to move away. They may even demand it."
	
"Could be, yes. Well, perhaps we'll come across 
someone before that."
	
I smile, deciding that I kind of have enough of this 
hypothesising, because to be honest, it's no use 
sulking about it. "Perhaps. Come, let's go back 
inside, I'm getting cold and my feet are freezing."
	
She smiles too. "Yes, you're right."
	
"And I want to spend a little more closeness with 
you."
	
She smiles. "We're almost always together, how 
close do you plan on being?"
	
I let a heated twinkle shine in my eyes and I see her 
expression change as she infallibly picks it up. She 
still looks joyful, but there is just a smidgen of heat 
in her eyes as well. "Well, I can imagine a couple of 
things if you're at all interested in finding out."
	
She chuckles. "Of course you can." 
	
We laugh as we start walking back to the house. I 
have a decided feeling that our evening isn't going 
to be over for quite a while yet.

XxXxX

Chapter 17

"Whatcha doing, papa?"
	
I look up from my writing to spot Katherine 
standing by my side. I smile at her. She's still too 
little to be able to reach the top of the table and see 
what I'm doing comfortably. Julia is sitting at the 
table as well, making one drawing after the other, 
and typically paying no attention to any of us. She's 
quite the serial scribbler, and when she starts, 
nothing can distract her.
	

"I'm writing a story, sweetheart."
	
"Oh. Is for me?"

	
I stroke her hair and shake my head. "No, but I 
could write you a story later if you like."
	
"Story is for who then, papa?"
	
I look at Scully who is by the fireplace, working her 
way through the pile of clothes that needed 
mending. The weather has been pretty horrendous, 
and there is very little to do out of house, so we're 
spending most of our time inside, doing odd jobs 
that need doing and enjoying a little relaxation that 
is pretty rare at other times of the year. Our eyes 
meet and we share a smile before I turn my attention 
back to our oldest girl.
	
"Well," I say, "mostly this story is for myself, and 
some of my stories are for mama. Sometimes I like to 
write grown-up stories, you know."
	
"Oh." She pulls up a chair and climbs on so she can 
look at what I'm doing.
	
"But sometimes I like to write children's stories too. 
What do you think, shall I write you a story next?" I 
suggest and she looks up at me, her eyes glittering.
	
"Yeah! I like stories, papa!"
	
"Ah yike stowies too, papa," Julia adds, momentarily 
looking up from her drawing.
	
I smile. "I know you do. Actually, why don't you 
two think up your own stories and I can write them 
down for you?"
	
Katherine looks surprised. "You write my stories?"
	
I nod. "Of course. You just need to tell me your 
stories, and I will write them down."
	
"I can write stories, too, papa?"
	
"Well, we'll have to teach you to read and write 
then. Would you like to be able to read and write, 
sweetheart?"
	
She shrugs a little. "Yeah, okay," she answers, 
sounding rather indifferent as to whether she wants 
to be literate, but I don't mind that. She has no real 
idea of what it's like to be able to read and write, 
and it's only her intelligence and endless curiosity 
that invites her to try something new. Otherwise I 
don't think she could be bothered much really.
	
She watches me write my story for a few more 
minutes, before she decides that I'm actually not 
much fun right now, and she climbs off the chair 
again and walks over to her mother.
	
"Whatcha doing, mama?"
	
"I'm fixing our clothes," Scully answers.
	
"What's that?" she says, pointing at the garment her 
mother is currently mending.
	
"It's one of papa's shirts. I think I'll have to make 
some new ones soon, he's going through them very 
fast."
	
"Oh, you make clothes for me, too?"
	
"You know I do sometimes. Would you like new 
clothes?"
	
Katherine nods. "I would."
	
Scully looks at our oldest girl. "Yes, I think you 
could use a new skirt, this one is getting a little short 
for you."
	
Katherine holds out her skirt. "I like my skirt, 
mama."
	
Scully smiles. "I know you do, but you're getting 
really big and I think you need some new clothes."
	
"I can have my skirt?"
	
"Well, I think that maybe it's time we gave it to 
Julia. After you have your new skirt."
	
"Oh ..."
	
"Don't you think your skirt would look very nice on 
Julia, too?"
	

She thinks for a moment before she nods. "Okay. I 
can help?"
	
Scully nods. "Well, I think you can. Would you like 
to try it?"
	
Katherine nods with a big smile. "Yah! I would, 
mama!"
	
"All right then." I watch Scully put away the shirt 
she was mending and rummage through the basket 
of fabric she has. Basically it's a large basket filled 
with old clothes and various lengths of fabric we 
found in the attics of this farm and other farms 
around us when we went on those scavenger hunts. 

We haven't visited those farms for over a year yet, 
as we basically took everything of value on earlier 
trips, but perhaps it will be a good daytrip once the 
weather lets up and see what there is still to be 
found.
	
She holds up a length of what looks like a maroon 
wool fabric. It's not particularly girly or attractive, 
but for a winter skirt for Katherine I suppose it will 
do just fine.
	
"Do you like this?" she asks our daughter.

	
Katherine nods. "Yeah, I like."
	
I wonder if she would have liked this colour as much 
if she had been born into the old world. I must 
confess I highly doubt it.
	
Scully smiles. "All right then, we'll make you a new 
skirt then. Come here, sweetheart, let me take your 
measurements." And she takes the tape measure to 
determine Katherine's waist measurement and 
required length of the skirt. "Mulder, can you do the 
maths for me, while I go on mending your shirts? 
I've got her waist measurement here, just divide it 
by 3.14. I think I'll make her a semi-circle skirt, I'd 
better give her some room to move."
	
I get up and pick up the measurements she took. I 
never would have thought I'd have to apply pi to the 
genteel art of needle work ...

*~*~*

"Now you put the needle through there and then you 
tighten the thread, okay?"
	
Katherine is making a pocket for her new skirt under 
the careful guidance of her mother. We have a 
treadle sewing machine which took Scully quite a 
while to master, but it's a machine she claims she just 
wouldn't want to go without. For good reason too, I 

suppose, I can't imagine having to sew all those 
seams by hand.
	
Meanwhile Katherine is trying her hand at hand-
sewing. The tip of her little tongue is between her 
lips in concentration as her mother guides her 
through every stitch that needs to be made.
	
"This is good, mama?"
	
Scully checks the stitches and nods. "That looks very 
nice, well done. Do you think you could continue 
like that all along the edge while I sew your new 
skirt?"
	
Katherine nods, not looking up from her work. 
"Yup."
	
"When there is something you don't understand, just 
ask me, okay?"
	
"I'm good."
	
Scully looks at me and we share a wide smile at her 
comment. Yes, she is.
	
I get up from the table and cross over to where 
they're sitting by the fire.
	
"How are you doing?" I ask Katherine and she looks 
up, smiling widely. She holds out her work.
	
"Look, is my pocket!"
	
"I know, that looks really good, doesn't it?"
	
She nods. "Mm-mm. But is hard."
	
I smile. "Do you find this hard to do?"
	
"Yeah."
	
"Well, I think you're doing a very good job."
	
"Yeah, I know. It's for my skirt, huh?"
	
"That's right. So, do you like sewing?"
	
She shakes her head. "No, I like the animals."
	
Scully and I share a smile. Guess we were right then, 
Katherine probably won't be the one growing into a 
master seamstress then. Then I look back at our 
oldest girl.
	
"Well, tell you what: if you can finish making the 
pocket for your skirt, we'll go and check on the 
animals when you've finished, okay?"
	
I don't know if pedagogues would even approve of 
this tactic, but it works with Katherine and she 
doesn't seem utterly destroyed by it, so I'm taking 
it. I suppose parents can get away with frightfully 

much as long as their children feel it's done out of 
love ...
	
"Okay," she says, pulling the thread taut before 
carefully pushing the needle through the fabric 
again. Then she looks up. "We can go and see Nana, 
papa?"
	
I smile. "Of course we can. I think Nana and the 
other cows would be very happy to see you again."

"Mm-mm, I would too."
	
"All right then," I say with a smile. "Just finish 
sewing your pocket, sweetheart, and then we'll go 
and take care of our cows."
	
"Yay!"

*~*~*

"I don't think this sewing thing will quite be 
Katherine's cup of tea," I remark when we're back 
downstairs after putting the girls to bed. The sewing 
machine is still standing by the fire where Scully left 
it, and Katherine's new skirt, now almost finished, is 
draped across the back of one of the high-back 
chairs by the table.
	
Scully smiles. "No, she doesn't seem to be interested 
in it. You know, I never really thought she would be, 
it's too ... girly, she'd rather get her hands dirty 
mucking out the pens than do dainty needlework."
	
"And yet," I ponder, "I don't think she's really a 
tomboy. There is still something quite feminine about 
her. It's a curious mix."
	
Scully nods. "That's true." Then she leans in and 
kisses me. "Maybe it's a good thing she likes 
physical work, you're going to need someone to train 
to help you around the farm. And seeing that we 
have a distinct lack of strapping sons, one of our 

daughters will probably be doing very well as a 
substitute."
	
I look at her, gauging just how serious she is. "I 
don't view Katherine as a substitute to a son, you 
know," I say carefully.
	
She shakes her head. "Of course not, neither do I. 
That last bit was just a little joke. But I was not 
joking about the fact that I'm glad Katherine likes 
doing farm work. We're not going to be strong 
forever, Mulder, there will come a time when we'll 
have to admit our bodies aren't fit for the kind of 
heavy work that a farmer's life demands. And then 
it's good to know our girls know what to do. We 
can't count on meeting other people to take the work 
from them."
	
I nod. "Yeah. But I don't feel as though Julia is 
quite as enthusiastic though."
	
"No, neither do I. So far she appears to be much 
more the domestic type. I let her help with the 
cookies last weekend and she loved making the 
batter and shaping the cookies, something Katherine 
would never really have enjoyed."
	
I smile. "It's so role confirming, isn't it?"
	
"You mean Julia?" she asks and I nod. Then she 
shrugs. "Perhaps so, though I'm not really worried 
about that, seeing that it is still Julia's own choice to 
love the domestic side of our lives. We're not 
forcing her, in which case I hardly think stereotypes 
are to be worried about. She won't mind, it's in her 
character. Just like it suits Katherine to be in the barn 
or out in the fields with you."
	
I nod. "You're right."
	
"Even then, though, I think this was the last time for 
a while that I'll let Katherine handle a needle and 
thread. It doesn't suit her at all."
	
I laugh. "Yeah ..." Then we share a loving glance, 
just before I pull her in and we settle in for the 
evening, before it's time for us to go to bed.
	
We learn something new every day.

XxXxX

Chapter 18

"Good morning," I say softly when I watch Scully 
open her eyes. I woke up only a few minutes ago -- 
we are actually in pretty good sync -- and I smile 
when I see her slowly wake up.
	
"Morning ..." she mumbles, still half asleep. She 
yawn as she rolls closer to me, snuggling up for that 
early morning cuddle we seem to indulge in on an 
almost daily basis. I don't know why, but it sure is a 
good way to start the day. Some days we go on to 
make love as a result, though most days that cuddle 
is about as far as we go. "How's the weather?"
	
"Don't know, I only just woke up," I answer. "I 
haven't been out of bed yet. But once again I don't 
hear any rain so that at least is a good sign."
	
"We've had a good month so far, nice and dry, 
though a bit cold."
	
"Mm-mm, I just hope we'll have some rain in April. I 
found this book with old folk-sayings about the 
weather and it said that with a dry March and a wet 
April, we'll be set for a very good harvest."
	
"Mmm, that would be good. Anyway, leaving aside 
the old wives' tales, maybe we should get up and do 
our own bit to secure we have something that will 
keep us alive."
	
I nod and smile. "You're right," I agree. "Come, 
let's wake the girls up and get breakfast on the way. 
Would you like to wash?"
	
"Yeah, I really should wash my hair again. If you 
can check up on the girls and get them out of bed 
and into their clothes, I'll prepare breakfast. Then 
maybe you can wash up while I wash my hair?"
	
"No problem." I get out of bed and quickly into my 
clothes. Yes, it's been a dry month so far, but in 
March that also means we have pretty hard frosts at 
night and in this old farm house lacking any kind of 
central heating, the mornings can be cruelly cold.

"Brrr, God, it's really cold again," I hear her say 
behind me and I look around to see how she, too, 
throws on any clothes that happen to be nearby, just 
to get covered up. We sleep naked except on the 
coldest of nights, but that means that the transition 
from a warm bed to the freezing air around us is just 
plain harsh sometimes.
	
"You okay?" I ask and she nods with a smile.
	
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just needed to get it off my chest. 
Not that it helps of course."
	
"Well, it feels satisfying, doing a little complaining."
	
She chuckles. "Yeah, funnily enough it does."
	
"All right," I then say as I button up my shirt and 
step into my clogs. "I'll go and wake up Katherine 
and Julia. I suppose you'll want to do their baths 
tonight?"
	
She nods. "Yeah, I'll probably do that in the kitchen 
where it's warm. I may need your help to get the tin 
tub into the kitchen, but we'll deal with that when 
the time comes. All right, I'll be in the kitchen, 
making breakfast, okay?"
	
"Yup, I'll be down with the girls when they're 
ready."

*~*~*

I've just returned from the field after cutting the 
long grass in one of the outer fields. My haymaking 
is going swimmingly, there is just one more field to 
do, but my back is killing me from working the 
scythe, so haymaking is over for the day. I guess I'll 
be pottering around the house for the rest of the day, 
seeing that, with a farm this old, there is never an 
excuse for doing nothing.
	
I walk into the kitchen, but there is nobody there, so 
I continue on into the living room where I spot Julia 
on the couch, playing with her stuffed bunny. I 
kneel down in front of her.
	
"Hey, sweetheart."
	
"Hi, papa," she says with a big smile, making my 
smile widen too.
	
"Are you enjoying yourself?"
	
She nods. "Mm-mm." She holds out her stuffed toy. 
"Is mah Bun!"
	
"I know, that's your bunny, isn't it?"
	
"Yeh, Ah yike mah Bun."
	
I smile, leaning in to kiss her cheek, making her 
giggle. "I know you do. Anyway, do you know 
where mama is?"
	
She points towards the door. "Wiv da animuls. 
Kafrin dere too."
	
Of course Katherine is with the animals, where else 
would she be? "Thank you," I say, stroking her hair. 
Then I get to my feet. "I'll be in the barn then. Will 
you be okay here?"
	
"Ahm fine," she says and I feel my eyebrows shoot 
up at the eerily familiar phrase. Yup, there can be no 
doubt about it, this is Scully's little girl.
	
I make my way back outside and cross the paddock 
into the barn where I spot Scully checking up on the 
ewes -- we are expecting lambs soon -- and Katherine 
talking to her bovine friend Nana, no doubt relaying 
all the little world shattering occurrences that she 
experienced that day.
	
"Hey, how are the sheep doing?" I ask when I've 
reached Scully.
	
She looks up and smiles. "Fine. I just checked the 
udders, but there's no creamy substance coming 
from the teats yet, so I'm guessing the lambs aren't 
imminent after all. That's actually not such a bad 
thing seeing that it's still so cold outside. We don't 
want the new-born lambs to freeze to death."
	
"Yeah, you're right, this is good. Anyway, shall we 
have some lunch?" I suggest.
	
"Yes, that's probably a good idea. I'm not too 
hungry really, but I guess I do need to eat," she 
replies.
	
I frown. "Your appetite hasn't been great lately. Are 
you okay?"
	
"I'm fine."
	
"Mm-mm," I just say, disbelieving. "Don't try to 
fool me, Scully, you know I won't fall for that."
	
She looks at me and frowns, too. She knows I'm on 
to her. "Okay, you're right, I'm not fine. I mean, 
physically I'm okay, I think," she says softly, "it's 
just that ..."
	
I take her hand, making her look me in the eyes. 
She's very good at hiding her emotions, but her eyes 
never lie. "What is it?"
	
She sighs. "I don't know," she whispers, "I honestly 
don't know. I have everything I could wish for, 
especially in this world -- I mean, I have a man who 
clearly loves me, I have two wonderful children, 
we're healthy and happy, and ..."
	
"Yeah."
	
"It's ... I don't know what's missing ... If anything, 
that is."
	
"You had to give up a lot of things from our old 
lives," I suggest, but she shakes her head and 
frowns.
	
"I don't miss stupid stuff like my car or my credit 
cards, you know. I don't even miss my phone, 
believe it or not."
	
"I'm not talking about material things like that," I 
reply, not rising to her joke, "I'm talking about your 
family. You lost your mother and your brothers and 
your friends and everyone."

	
"You lost your friends, too," she says, making me 
smile.
	
"Well, Skinner was a good guy, but if anything I 
rather think he fancied you more than me, you 
know," I quip.
	
She chuckles softly and I'm glad to hear it. Then her 
smile fades and she walks into my embrace. "Yeah, I 
think you're right. Maybe there is a subconscious 
feeling that ... I don't know, I ..."
	
"You cannot underestimate the power of human 
relationships, Dana. Your heart craves love of all 
kinds and I can only give you what's in me to give. 
And so can the girls. None of us can replace your 
mother's love and care for instance. Or your 
brothers' love. They cared a lot about you and you 
have to do without that now."
	
She nods and I feel the hitch of a sob, effectively 
cracking open my heart.
	
"I miss them," she whispers in a pained voice.
	
"I know."
	
"God, if only I knew what had happened to them. I 
mean, even knowing for certain that they'd died 
would be better than this hope I feel deep down 
inside that, maybe, one day I'll see them again. And 
William ..."
	
I bite my lips. "Yeah, I know ..."
	
She lets out a shuddery sigh, looking up at me. Then 
she reaches for me. "Hold me ..."
	
"Of course, come here."
	
We stand in this position for a little while before 
either one of us speaks. I gently hold her head 
against my upper chest, stroking her hair. I may be 
comforting her, but her presence and her proximity 
are healing me too.
	
"Katherine is still talking to Nana," Scully then says 
and I nod with a smile.
	
"It never fails to amaze me just how close they are."
	
"Yeah ..."
	
We fall silent again.
	
"What are your plans for this afternoon?" she 
eventually asks and I shrug.
	
"Don't know yet. I'm almost done with the hay-
making, but my back hurts from handling that 
scythe, so I'll do the remainder tomorrow. But, no, I 
haven't really made up my mind yet. There don't 
seem to be any jobs that require immediate action. 
Well, apart from the hay that is. But I'm sure I'll 
find something to keep me occupied."
	
"Mm-mm."
	
"Why?"
	
She sighs, not answering immediately.
	
"What is it?" I whisper.
	
She looks up at me. "I think ... I'd like to be alone 
for a few hours," she whispers. 
	
"Alone?"
	
She nods. "Yeah. I don't know why, but ... I'm 
sorry, maybe I shouldn't ..."
	
I smile. "That's all right, don't worry about it, you 
don't have to give a reason. Would you like me to 
take the girls out for the afternoon then, to give you 
some privacy?"
	
The relief in her eyes is evident. "Well, I would. But 
you don't have to do it if you don't feel like it. I 
don't want to force you."
	
"Nonsense," I wave away her objection. "You 
clearly need a little time to yourself and you know I 
don't mind being with the girls at all."
	
"Would you do that?"
	
"I'll take the girls out on an afternoon adventure trip, 
and you can take your time doing whatever you feel 
like doing, okay? I know it must be stifling 
sometimes, the way we just cannot get away from 
each other here. And if I can do my bit to help you 
cope, then that's the least I can do." I lean in for 
what I plan to be a quick kiss, but she surprises me 
by wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing 
me hard.
	
"I don't deserve you," she then says and I see a tear 
in her eye. I immediately feel a huge lump in my 
throat.
	
"Trust me, that feeling is entirely mutual," I reply 
and she smiles.
	
"Thank you."

	
We trade easy smiles. "You're welcome."

*~*~*

"So, girls, do you want to go out on an adventure 
with me?" I say to Katherine and Julia, after Scully 
and I have cleared up lunch.
	
The girls' eyes grow big. "Avventure?" Katherine 
asks. "Where are we going, papa?"
	
"I don't know. But if I knew it wouldn't be an 
adventure, would it?"
	
"Oooh, I want to go avventure!" Katherine says, 
clapping her hands in excitement. She runs over to 
her mother. "Mama, mama! Papa's going avventure 
with us!"
	
Scully smiles. "I know. Are you excited?"
	
Katherine nods enthusiastically. "Yeah, I want to 
go!" Then she turns to her little sister. "Julia, you 
wanna go avventure, too?"
	
Julia nods with a big smile. "Yeh! Mama go?"
	
I look at Scully for a moment, then back at Julia. 
"No, mama is staying here, she wants to do some 
things here, so I'm taking you two out for the day so 
she has some space," I answer.
	
I see a little quivering lip from Julia, but luckily 
Scully sees it too and she picks Julia up before she 
begins to cry for real. "It's okay, sweetheart, it will 
only be for a few hours."
	
Julia has her little arms around her mother's neck.
	
"Be wiv mama ..." she says softly and I feel my 
heart swell. 
	
Scully strokes her hair and kisses her cheek. "I know 
you do, but I have some work to do, darling, so 
that's why papa is taking you out on a little trip. But 
I'll give you a kiss and a cuddle before you go and 
you can come for another big cuddle after you've 
come back, okay?"
	
"Kay ..." Julia whispers. 
	
"It's going to be okay, honey. I love you."
	
"Luv yo, mama."
	
I see Scully smile widely. "I know you do. I love 
you very much, too, sweetheart."
	
Katherine has been watching this and now walks up 
to her mother. "Mama?" she says as she softly tugs 
on her mother's pant leg.
	
Scully looks at our oldest girl.
	
"Mama, you love me too, huh?"
	
Oh, baby ...
	
Scully kneels down, Julia still in her arms, and, when 
she's sitting on her knees, gently pulls Katherine in 
for a close hug. "Of course I do. I love you very very 
much, honey," she says, kissing Katherine's cheek. 
"I love you both so much."
	
Katherine wraps her arms around her mother. "Love 
you too, mama ..."
	
Our eyes meet and we smile at each other, utterly 
content in our fortune of having our daughters.
	
"So, are you ready to join papa on a big adventure 
trip?" Scully then asks and the girls nod, clearly 
more confident now that they are sure of their 

mother's love.
	
"Papa, we get baggie on a stick again?" Katherine 
asks and I grin.
	
"Of course you can have a knapsack again," I answer 
and Scully gets to her feet as Katherine and Julia 
cross over to me. "I'm sure mama can find two tea 
towels and I'll get a couple of sticks for you, okay?"
	
"Okay!" Katherine says excitedly. "I go get Nana 
and my blankie!" And she's off.
	
"Ah get mah Bun!" Julia says, and she too runs off 
in whatever direction she apparently needs to go to 
retrieve her stuffed toy rabbit.
	
"A baggie on a stick?" Scully asks and I grin.
	
"Well, that's what it is, isn't it? I must admit I find it 
quite an adequate description, not to mention a very 
good phrase for a four-year-old to come with."
	
She smiles. "Yes, it is. All right, I'll grab a couple to 
tea towels then and make you all some snacks to 
take with you, if you can scavenge for some sticks."
	
I lean in and kiss her cheek. "Will do."

*~*~*

"Come up into this tree, Julia!" Katherine says 
excitedly as she sits on the lowest branch of an oak 
tree we came across on our wandering. "Come on, 
you can see the whole world from up here!"
	
"Kay!" Julia replies, sounding just as excited. On the 
whole Julia isn't much for this kind of tomboy 
activity, but I guess her sister's tangible excitement 
is infectious enough this time for her to decide to 
give it a go as well. "Wait foh meh, Kafrin! Ahm 
comin'!"
	
"Come, papa, climb the tree, too!" Katherine then 
shouts at me, her grin so wide it nearly splits her 
little face. The freckles that typically cover her 
cheeks and nose in summer are just starting to appear 
again and it's really cute.
	
We're taking a break among a little copse of trees 
and shrubs after having walked for quite a while. 
The trees provide shelter from the March wind, and 
we just had our picnic to eat and drink something. I 
took along the jam sandwiches and apple juice that 
Scully had prepared for us, and we polished the 
whole lot off. Good, because that means less to carry 
back with me. The girls carried two apples and a 
napkin each in their knapsacks, along with their 
favourite stuffed toy for company, leaving the 
majority of the provisions for me to carry -- as it 
should be of course.
	
"Come on, papa, climb the tree! This is fun!" 
Katherine shouts again, beckoning me to join her.
	
By now Julia has reached the lowest branch too and 
scoots over to sit next to her sister. "Is-uh fun, 
papa!" she pipes in.
	
Oh, why not. "All right, girls, I'll be right up."
	
"Yay!" Katherine and Julia cheer in unison. I think I 
just scored a few more hero-father-points.
	
I start to climb. Boy, it sure is starting to show that 
I've seen 50 come and go, there was a time when 
this felt a lot easier ... But with, hopefully, only a 
minimal show of effort -- I've got to keep up an 
image, even if it's so superficial -- I reach the branch 
where the girls are sitting. Thank God this is a truly 
mature oak tree and its lower branches are more than 
capable of supporting our combined weight, 
although I do decide to stay a little closer to the 
trunk than the girls do. It's a terrifyingly thin line 
between bravery and stupidity, and I have no 
intention of crossing said line, thank you very much.
	
"Look, papa, there is our house!" Katherine says, 
pointing at something in the distance.
	
I must admit that I can't actually tell whether she is 
correct, seeing that I haven't worn any contacts or 
glasses for years and I am a little near-sighted, but 
logic tells me she can't be right. We're simply too far 
away for that farm to be ours. And no matter how 
much I'd like to tell her she is correct, I cannot 
possibly lie to her this blatantly.
	
"Do you think so, sweetheart? Doesn't the roof look 
a bit different?" I ask and I watch her peer a little 
better.
	

"Oh yeah. So it's not our house then?"
	
"I don't think so. We have walked quite a bit 
further, haven't we? We're too far away from our 
house to see it. It's beyond the horizon now."
	
She looks at me, her excited expression now gone 
and replaced by something that almost resembles 
fear. "Papa?"
	
"What is it?"
	
"Papa, can we go home?" Her voice is trembling a 
little.
	
"Would you like to go home already?"
	
She starts to cry softly, burying her face in her little 
hands. "I wanna go to mama ..."
	
Oh sweetheart. I realise that the idea that, even from 
this elevated vantage point, our house is still not 
visible, has driven home to her just how far we've 
walked. It has clearly shocked her and I think she's 
feeling a little home-sick.
	
"Of course we can go home," I say softly, hugging 
her to me, carefully so we don't fall out of the tree. 
	
"Papa, wha's wrong wiv Kafrin?" Julia asks. I turn 
to look at her. She is looking at her older sister with 
a look of wonder.

I smile. "Katherine is feeling a little sad, darling, and 
she wants to go home. Shall we go back home?"
	
Julia looks at me. "Kay," she answers, her shrug 
revealing her indifference as to whether we stay or 
go. "Ahm hungee, papa."
	
"Of course you are, you're always hungry, aren't 
you? All right, then we'll definitely go back." I turn 
to Katherine. "All right then, sweetheart, we'll go 
home. I'll climb down first and you can follow me, 

okay? And then we'll walk back home to mama."
	
"Okay," Katherine answers, smiling a little already.

*~*~*

It was a joyful reunion when we got home again, I 
can tell you that. We couldn't have been more than 
about three or four miles from our house when we 
took our break, but the moment the girls spotted our 
farm again they were elated, and they ran the last 
dozen or so yards ahead of me, eager to see their 
mother again. Home sweet home indeed.
	
Of course, all the excitement of the trip and the 
emotions of being home at last made for a couple of 
girls to almost fall asleep over their dinner. We 
managed to get a little food into them, but Julia 
didn't even make it past her dessert before she fell 
asleep completely, and Katherine wasn't far behind. 
We shared a look and a smile and then I picked up 
Katherine while Scully took Julia from her high 
chair, and we took them up to bed.
	
The girls are in bed and fast asleep, and we're on the 
couch now, just the two of us.
	
"Do you want something to drink?" I ask.
	
"No, I'm fine."
	
"You sure?"
	
She looks at me and nods, smiling. "Yeah. Just stay 
here with me."
	
I move to the corner of the couch so I can lean my 
back against the arm rest. Then I open my arms in 
invitation and she comes closer to sit between my 
legs, snuggling up against me.

	
"Mmm, this feels good," she says softly.
	
"Good."

	
"Don't blame me if I just fall asleep like this, okay?"
	
I chuckle. "I'll take full responsibility."
	
"Good, because you just might have to."
	
We are silent for a little while. I'm staring into the 
fire, letting the dancing flames soothe me. Then I 
decide it's time to break the silence. I don't want to 
push her, but I do want to know a bit about what she 
did this afternoon while I was out there with the 
girls.
	
"Did you have a good afternoon?" I ask.
	
She sighs and I frown. She notices it somehow and 
she smiles up at me.
	
"It's okay," she says.
	
"Mm, doesn't look like it," I say. "I'm still not sure I 
did the right thing by leaving."
	

"No, I'm serious, I did okay. And I really appreciate 
that you were prepared to give me the space I 
needed."

	
"Well, yes, but was it the right thing to do?"
	
She thinks for a moment before she replies. Then she 
sighs. "I spent a lot of time thinking," she whispers.
	
"What about? I mean, if you want to tell me, that 
is," I hurry to add.
	
She sighs again. "Yeah, I should tell you."
	
I raise my eyebrows. "No, you don't. If you don't 
want to tell me, then that is what you need to do. 
You have a right not to tell me stuff and I won't 
mind, you know."
	
"I prayed," she says, apparently ignoring my 
objections. I think she needs to just get it off her 
chest and she'll tell me whether I want to listen or 
not. And quite frankly, I'd rather like to know 
because it may make things a little easier if things 
turn out that way.
	
"Mm-mm."
	
"I think I felt God very close this afternoon, but ... 
I'm not sure I ..." She lets out yet another sigh, but 
this one is shuddery with the force of her emotions. 
"... I don't know whether I was grateful enough that 
He was. I don't know if I'm grateful enough at all 
..."
	
"What do you mean?" I whisper.
	
"I ... I get so angry sometimes ... Because I lost my 
babies, and because ... because I lost my family and 
..."
	
"That's hard to deal with."
	
"It's peanuts compared to what others have to 
endure!" she protests, sounding angry, and probably 
mostly at herself. "And I hate feeling as though I 
have a cause for complaint, because I haven't! I hate 
it ..."
	
"So you think you were ungrateful?" I whisper, 
softening my words with my intonation.
	
"I know I was," she answers flatly. "Honestly, 
Mulder, why can't I just shake the feeling of misery 
and simply be happy with what I have? Why do I 

have to make everything so fucking complicated?!"
	
"Because if you didn't feel like you do now, it 
would make you one-dimensional and shallow. And 
you are nothing of the kind." I stroke her hair and 
make her look at me. Then I bend in for a soft kiss. 
"You felt close to God because He is close to you. 
You are a very good person, Dana, and you deserve 
your connection to God. He protects you and I think 
in a way He has blessed you."
	

She sighs. "It doesn't feel that way sometimes."
	
I smile a bit. "Well, then maybe you'll just have to 
take it from me."
	
This clearly amuses her because she begins to laugh, 
making me laugh, too. 
	
"From you? The guy who invented crushing self-
doubt?" she says, the tone of her voice softening her 
words. I know it may have sounded incredibly 
harsh, but it's true and besides, I know how to 
interpret them. You don't spend twenty-odd years 
with a person and not learn how to see words in their 
proper contexts.
	
"Yes, you should, weird as it may seem," I reply 
with a grin. Then I wink, making her giggle. "It takes 
a nutcase to show you the truth, Dana. Children and 
madmen don't lie."
	
"And you're that madman?"
	
I dramatically clasp at my chest. "Oww, that hurt!"
	
She bursts out laughing and it starts a chain-reaction 
in both of us until we're both laughing maniacally; 
our emotions, traumas, and insecurities taking over 
finally, and reducing us to a couple of emotional 
wrecks, unable to control the feelings that course 
through us. 
	
For some unknown reason or cause we end up on top 
of each other -- well, with her on top of me -- and 
facing each other. And, oh my God, I'm so turned 

on right now. Told you I couldn't control my 
feelings.
	
"Getting a little excited here, aren't we?" she 
remarks with a smile.
	
"I can't help it, it just happened. But I do want to 
make you feel good," I whisper, gently pulling her 
face closer so I can kiss her.
	
"We don't have to do this," she replies, but I shake 
my head.
	
"I know. But I want to if you are okay with it. 
Because I admire your bravery. Because I absolutely 
adore you."
	
"I'm not brave, I'm pathetic."
	
"Stop that, you're not pathetic, you're strong and 
beautiful."
	
"I'll get to grips with my feelings, you don't have to 
feel sorry for me," she whispers, and for some reason 
her remarks really begin to annoy me.
	
"If you think I'd want to make love now out of pity, 
you'd be wrong, you know," I say with a frown, and 
I see her eyes go wide. "I don't do pity fucks."
	
She lets out a shuddery sigh, shaking her head. "Oh 
Mulder, I didn't want you to think that I meant that, 
I just ..."
	
I frown, just as annoyed by my feelings of 
annoyance. "I'm sorry, that was way out of line," I 
say softly. "Just ... just don't ever think that my 
feelings for you have any ground in base pity. I 
don't pity you, I have far too much respect for you."
	
She takes a deep breath, nodding and giving me the 
slightest of smiles. "I know, God bless you for that."
	
I let a wry smile appear. "Are you sure God cares 
that much for my sorry ass?"
	
She chuckles, her eyes soft and warm. "Well, I can 
only hope God isn't gay, because I rather like said 
sorry ass and I'm claiming it for myself. I don't need 
any competition."
	
I bark out a laugh, I didn't expect that comment at 
all. She joins me once again in laughter, even when it 
doesn't get quite as out of hand as it did just a few 
minutes ago, and we exchange loving gazes as we 
grin and chuckle some more until we've calmed 
down again. I focus my attention on my crotch, 
feeling myself stir. Good. I have no intention of 
finishing this day without some fireworks, thank you 
very much.
	
I pull her to me again and we start to kiss. I'm 
pouring all of the love and affection and adoration I 
feel for her in my kiss, and unless I'm very much 
mistaken, she does exactly the same. Goddamn, this 
is arousing ...
	
"I want to make love with you," I say in a very low 
voice in between kisses. "I want to make you feel so 
damn good."
	
"Oh God, me too ..." she mutters. "Are we staying 
here or do we go up to bed?"
	
The couch is wide and soft, but I'm no longer in my 
twenties and neither is she, and I don't know if our 
backs would survive a mad romp on the couch. I 
may have had more sex on sofas and other furniture 
than I care to admit, but I was a lot younger at the 
time, too.
	
Then again, I've never really been the sensible one in 
our partnership.
	
"We can stay here, I don't feel like getting up," I say 
and she chuckles.
	
"No, nor me. Let's stay here." I feel her hands in the 
waist band of my pants, turning me on another 
notch. "Undress me," she orders gently.
	
Anything you say, I think, starting to unbutton the 
shirt she's wearing. She has an old plaid shirt on -- 
she must have nicked it from me -- and the buttons 
slip open easily.
	
"I feel as though I'm back at my parents' house, 
getting down and dirty with my boyfriend on the 
sofa while listening out for my mom coming back," 
she says with a smile and I laugh as I feel my 
eyebrows shoot up.
	
"You did that?" I ask, as I pull the shirt off and 
away, and begin to unbutton her pants.
	
"Well, only once," she says with a snicker. "I didn't 
have guts to do it normally. Dad wasn't the only one 
in our household who could make rear-admirals 
reach for spare underwear, you know."
	
I laugh again. "God, your mom was amazing!"
	
She smiles at me, momentarily pausing the 
thoroughly pleasurable work of getting rid of my 
clothes. Her smile is genuine, but I see a hint of 
sadness in those deep blue eyes. "Yes, she was," she 
says softly, while she pulls my pants down. It's 
funny how she can combine a truly touching moment 
with the hottest of moves. Not that I'm the one 
complaining here, of course. I wouldn't dare.
	
A tug and a slide later on either side and we're skin 
to skin. At last. And, my God, I'm so aroused. If 
this was fiction I'd probably be claiming at this point 
in the proceedings that I'd never been this hard 
before, but I'm not too sure that that is actually true 
-- it's hard to verify such a claim unless you keep a 
written record of every boner you've ever had, in 
which case I'd start to seriously doubt your sanity -- 
but I am fully erect and, well, ready for action.
	
How's that for corny ...
	
"Do you want to play?" she asks and I smile at her.
	
"Do you?"
	
"Don't know. But this isn't all about me, you know, 
sometimes you can ask me to do stuff."
	
I smile wryly. "Order you, you mean? Because that I 
cannot do as a matter of fact. Shit, Scully, I'd 
completely hate myself if I had even the slightest 

worry that you might not like it."
	
"Why?"
	
I look at her. "I just can't. I hate that, I always 
have."
	
"You never ordered any of your girlfriends to do 
things sexually?" she asks.
	
I shake my head, looking her in the eyes. "No, I 
haven't. I mean, I asked, but ... Maybe I wasn't 
brave enough or something like that, I don't know. 
But ... I have a distinct feeling that you have been 
ordered to do stuff you didn't particularly want."
	
She lets out a short sigh. "Well, yeah, but I didn't 
put up much of a fight at the time, so ..."
	
I bend down for a quick kiss. "So, nothing," I 
counter. "You're far too precious to be ordered 
about. So I'm not going to do that. But that doesn't 
mean that I'm not actually rather keen to find out 
where we're taking this charade. Before I'm no 
longer in any condition for it, that is."
	
She glances downwards quickly before meeting my 
eyes again, a wicked smile on her face. "Well, we 
definitely can't have that."
	
I chuckle, just before I lean in for a long and 
scorching kiss. No, we definitely can't have that.

XxXxX

Chapter 19

The sun is not yet up when I force myself to wake 
up. I feel as though I haven't actually slept at all, but 
this is important: it's the Summer Equinox, and we 
decided last night that it would be a fun idea to 
watch the sun rise on this longest day of the year.
	
I carefully get out of bed so I don't wake Scully up 
just yet, and push the curtain aside to check whether 
it's actually dry. I have no intention of spending the 
morning in pouring rain really. In that case the 
Summer Equinox could go bust for all I care. But no, 
the sky is clear of any clouds and a few very early 
birds have already started their morning concert. I 
return to the bed and sit down.
	
"Wake up," I say softly and she stirs with a mumble. 
"Let's go see the sun rise."
	
"Mmm-kay ..." she mutters and she yawns. "The sun 
isn't up yet?"
	
I shake my head. "No, but I think it might pretty 
soon, the sky is already quite light. Are we going to 
wake up Katherine and Julia, too?"
	
She thinks for a moment, then shakes her head as 
well. "No, let them sleep. It's too early and they'll 
wake up by themselves in a couple of hours time. 
Julia is too young and in her present condition I'd 
say she needs every bit of sleep she manages to get. 

And you know how grumpy Katherine gets when 
she doesn't get enough sleep."
	
Boy, do I ever ... "You're right," I answer. "Come, 
get dressed and we'll welcome the sun!"

*~*~*

We're sitting on the couch on the porch, a warm 
blanket we picked up in the living room sheltering us 
from the very early morning chill. We've had a warm 
few weeks so far, and today promises to be just as 
balmy, but this early in the day the night chill hasn't 
let up, and this blanket is nice and toasty.
	
I think it will only be a few more minutes until the 
first rays of the sun will peep over the horizon. We 
have some trees to the side of the house and 
something which could almost be classified as a 
forest stands about half a mile to the north. To the 
east of the house, however, we have a clear view of 
the horizon and with that of the sunrise. Of course I 
have seen the sun rise so many times since we 
arrived here; usually I'd be out in the field already, 
tending to the crops or the animals or maintenance of 
our assets, or whatever job I'd have to do. 
Somehow, the first rays of the sun never fail to stop 
me and watch for a moment -- and the days when it 
would be pouring with rain, God, I'd miss seeing 
those first sunrays.
	
"Did you check on Julia?" I ask.
	
She nods. "Yes, I just quickly ran over to her 
bedroom before we got here. I think she's fine for 
now."
	
Julia came down with a fever a few days ago and 
she's had a bad cough and pretty high temperature 
for quite a while now. Her fever broke early last 
night, and after a hard sweat and some more pretty 
violent vomiting she finally settled down. We've 
been worrying over her ever since she fell ill, and it's 
been hard. Very hard.
	
"Good," I just say.
	
She sighs. "I don't think I've ever been this scared. 
God, when she started to vomit I thought we were 
surely going to lose her."
	
I nod. "I know. I didn't know how we were ever 
going to keep her hydrated as well, with her having 
diarrhoea on top of the vomiting and her refusing to 
eat or drink ..."
	
"Sometimes I worry about the girls getting one of 
those awful illnesses we were inoculated against as 
kids -- those diseases were such killers, and 
Katherine and Julia have no resistance. If they get 
any of those diseases, they won't be protected, and 
the idea scares me to death."
	
I nod again, letting out a short sigh. "You're right. 
The only consolation I feel is that they're not in 
contact with any other people than the four of us. If 
we don't have the disease, I figure they won't get it 
either."
	
"Not easily anyway, no."
	
I frown and she strokes my hands under the blanket.
	
"I'm sorry," she goes on, "I didn't mean to be such a 
party-pooper. I just ... when they're sick, I get so 
worried ..."
	
"Mm-mm. That's only logical, I get scared, too. 
We're parents, we'd suck at being parents if we 
weren't worried." Then I see the first rays and I 
point at the horizon. "Look, the sun's up."
	
She smiles. "Yes, it is." All around us the birds 
absolutely explode into song and we smile some 
more. "Happy -- ... what exactly?"
	
I chuckle. "Don't know really. Happy June 20th? Or 
something like that?"
	
She chuckles, too, turning a little in my arms to look 
at me more comfortably. "Yes, why not. It's the 
highlight of summer, the longest day. Things will 
only go downhill from now," she comments with a 
grin and I hush her with a smile.
	
"Shhh, don't be such a pessimist!"
	
"All right then." She gently pulls my head closer so 
we can kiss. "Happy Summer Equinox. May we have 
a happy home, a good summer, and a bountiful 
harvest."
	
I lean in to kiss her. "Amen to that."

*~*~*

"Look, mama, look!"
	
For a little while now Katherine has been sitting at 
the kitchen table, doing her writing exercises. We 
figured that, seeing that she turned five last month, 
she was probably up to some simple exercises to 
learn how to read and write. We don't want our 
children to grow up illiterate, even if a formal 

education will most likely never be in their future 
anymore. It's kind of hard to imagine that these girls 
won't be going to school at all, but that's the reality 
of the life we're leading. Guess it's up to us then to 
give them some kind of home schooling and broaden 
their minds.
	
Scully crosses over from the stove to the kitchen 
table to check up on Katherine's efforts. I'm in the 
corner, mending a wicker basket, the bottom of 
which dropped out last week, and Scully is cooking 
dinner. We moved a comfortable padded arm chair 
from the living room into the kitchen, and Julia is 
sitting in it, huddled up under a quilt, her stuffed 
bunny in her arms for comfort and a mug of apple 
juice by her side. She quiet and pale, but she seems 
to be on the mend overall. We daren't leave her 
unattended, though, so as long as we are here in the 
kitchen, this is where she remains.
	
"Well done, sweetheart," Scully comments. "Just 
make sure you turn the 'r' the other way round, 
okay? Can you see that papa wrote the 'r' the other 
way round? But you're doing very well."
	
Katherine checks her work. "Oh. Okay." Then she 
picks up her pencil again and, with the tip of her 
little tongue between her lips in concentration, she 
starts to write again. It's a slow and arduous process, 
but that's the only way she'll learn.
	
After a little bit, she puts down her pencil. "This is 
good, mama?"
	
Scully, who had gone back to her cooking in the 
meantime, returns to the table to check on 

Katherine's writing. She smiles and nods.
	
"That's perfect, darling, well done!"
	
"I don't want more," Katherine says, getting up 
from her chair. "Can I go play?"
	
Scully looks at me and I shrug. I suppose she can, 

we cannot overtax her concentration at this point I 
suppose and I have no idea just how long it will be 
until dinner is ready. Then Scully looks at our oldest 
girl.
	
"Well, you can, but you need to stay inside, okay? 

Dinner is almost ready."
	
"I wanna go to Nana!"
	
"You can go to Nana after we have eaten," Scully 
tells her, a warning in her voice, which Katherine 
appears to pick up just fine. Not that it stops her 
from sulking a little.
	
"Wanna go to Nana ..." she mutters.
	
"After dinner," Scully says and Katherine looks at 
me, her eyes pleading with me to give in and let her 
go. I'm sorry, but no can do, darling, I will not 
contradict your mother's decisions. The stupidest 
thing we can do is let a smart kid use us against each 
other.
	
I shake my head. "You heard what mama said, 
Katherine. You cannot go to Nana until after we 
have had our dinner!"
	
"Mmph ..." the little girl just utters and I have to 
control my face to keep from grinning. Then she 
walks over to the table and sits down, sulking in 
annoyed silence, lying her head down on her folded 
arms.
	
I don't care, sweetheart, I know you better than you 
know yourself, because you're so much like me. And 
I know you'll get over it, even if you're a bit 
annoyed right now.

*~*~*

"Is Julia going to bed already?" Katherine asks.
	
I nod. "Yes, she is. She's not feeling very well, and 
mama and I think she'd be better off in bed."
	
"Julia is sick, huh, papa?"
	
I nod again. "She is."
	
"Poor Julia ..."
	
I smile and look at the little girl by my side. We're 
sitting on the couch on the porch, looking out across 
our lands. Scully is upstairs, taking care of our 
youngest girl, and I've taken Katherine out onto the 
porch for a bit of fresh air. It is finally dry again. I 
know we had a dry sunrise, but soon afterwards the 
clouds started to come in, and a steady rainfall has 
forced us to stay indoors all day. But about half an 
hour ago -- or as close as I can guess to half an hour 
without actually having a timepiece -- the rain finally 
went away, and the sun made a tentative effort to 
appear again, at least till it's time to set for the night 
properly. Time to take advantage of that.
	
"When do you think Julia's better again?" Katherine 
then asks, looking at me.
	
"I don't know, sweetheart. She's doing a little better 
already, but I don't think it will be over for a few 
more days yet. She's been very sick."
	
"Yeah ..." She sighs deeply. "Papa, why was Julia 
sick?"
	
"I don't know, darling, sometimes people just get 
sick, and you can't even tell what caused it. Mama 
and I have no idea why she fell sick."
	
"Oh. I'm not gonna get sick, huh, papa?"
	
"I hope not, but sometimes we just don't know."
	
"I was sick at Christmas, huh?"

	
"Yes, you were. That wasn't very nice, was it?"
	
She shakes her head as she pulls up her feet to sit 
cross-legged on the couch. "No."
	
We are silent for a bit as we look out into the 
distance.
	
"Papa?" Katherine then asks. "Why was Julia 
throwing up? Does she not like her food?"
	
"Well, sometimes when you're sick, your tummy 
doesn't want to eat."
	
"Really?" She looks at her stomach, then back at me. 
"My tummy always wants to eat!"
	
I grin. "Yes, I know, you're always hungry, aren't 
you? But when you're sick, sometimes your tummy 

just wants to say no to food. It's very busy getting 
better, and food doesn't feel very good then. So 
when you eat, your tummy just throws it all out 
again."
	
She pulls a face. "That's not nice, is it?"
	
"Well, maybe not," I say with a smile. "But you 
can't really help it, you know. And your tummy isn't 
doing it on purpose, so it's all right then."
	
She nods. "Yeah. Papa, do cows get sick, too?"
	
"They do sometimes, but they don't throw up, I 
think. I've never seen a cow throw up anyway."
	
"No, me neither." She looks down at her crossed 
legs and her fingers toy with the dark fabric of her 

skirt. "I hope Nana's not getting sick."
	
I smile and stroke her hair. "I hope so, too, 
sweetheart. I hope you and Nana will have many 
years together still."
	
"I love Nana, papa."
	
"I know, sweetheart. She's a very nice cow, isn't 
she?"
	
The little girl nods. "Yeah. I love my Nana. She's my 
friend." Then she shivers a bit. "Brrr, I'm cold."
	
I lift her up and pull her into my lap. "Come, let's 
get you warm then." I wrap my arms around her and 
she rests her small body against me. "Is this better?"
	
She nods, her fist in her mouth. "Mm-mm."
	
"All right then. You're not cold anymore?"
	
She shakes her head. "Uh-uh." Then, "I'm sleepy, 
papa ..."
	
"Do you want to go to bed?"
	
She shakes her head again. "No, I wanna stay here 
with you ..."
	
I smile, stroking her head, letting it rest against my 
chest. "Okay." Perhaps the smartest thing would 
indeed be to take her back into the house and up to 
bed, but to be completely honest I don't really feel 
like doing that. Let her fall asleep here, she's still 
small and light enough for me to carry her inside 
when she's sleeping.

	
I'm still smiling when I feel her whole body relax 
against me, a tell-tale sign that she's truly falling 
asleep now. I press a kiss into her brown curls. Then 
I sit back, just relaxing, and holding my sleeping 
daughter, the sun setting out on the horizon and 
colouring the whole land a lovely warm hue.
	
It's not a bad place to be in really.

XxXxX

Chapter 20

"Hey, papa, whatcha doing?"
	
I look down from the top of the haystack where I've 
been piling up this year's hay harvest to see a little 
be-freckled face grinning up at me.
	
I smile as I work the hay up a little higher with the 
pitch fork. "I'm making hay, sweetheart."
	
"Oh. But papa?"
	
"Yes?"
	
"That's hay, huh? You're not making hay."
	
I look back at Katherine as she stands there, her 

hands on her hips in an adorably self-assured 
position, and completely un-phased by the fact that 
she is currently walking around naked as the day she 
was born. It's a hot day, the way early September 
can throw in a few last but intense summer twitches 
before autumn hits for sure and irreversibly; and 
we're letting the girls run around in the nude. Who 
cares, there is nobody to be offended by the sight 
and the girls enjoy it. The big tin tub is in its 
customary place by the kitchen door where it's spent 
almost the entire summer, and it's currently filled 
about half-way with water from the well. The girls 
have done the tub proud this summer. I think Julia is 
still in there -- she's turning into quite a little water 
rat -- but Katherine apparently decided it was time to 
check out just what her old man was up to.
	
I chuckle. "I'm sorry, I meant that I was making a 
hay stack."
	
"That's food for the animals," she states.
	
I nod. "That's right. In winter there is no grass for 

the animals to eat, so they get hay, don't they?"
	
"Yeah, they do. Papa?"
	
"Yes, sweetie?"
	
"Mama says we're going to eat."
	
I look back at her, then look at the position of the 
sun. She's right, it's probably about midday. "Did 
mama ask you to come and get me for lunch?"
	
"Yeah, she did. I'm hungry."
	
I smile and pitch in the last fork load of hay. Then I 
climb down the ladder to join my oldest girl. 
	
"All right then," I say when I'm on the ground next 
to her. "Let's go into the house then and eat."
	
She grins and I take her hand in mine. "Yeah! You 
hungry, papa? I'm hungry!"
	
We smile at each other. Then I pick her up and lift 
her into my arms. "Oomph, you're getting heavy!"
	
"Yeah, I'm a big girl, huh?"
	
I nod and kiss her cheek. "Yes, you are," I say. "I'm 
very hungry, I wonder what mama cooked for us!"
	
She grins some more before she wraps her arms 
around my neck. "Yeah, me too."
	
She's getting really heavy, I wonder just how long it 
will be before I can no longer comfortably carry her. 
God, let it still be a little while yet, I don't want to 
grow out of this phase just yet. Don't get me wrong, 
I'm incredibly grateful that she's growing so well 
and staying so healthy, but something in me is just a 
little nostalgic for that little baby she once was.

*~*~*

"Mama, mama!!"
	
Julia comes running up to us in floods of tears, her 
small naked body splotched with mud.
	
We frown and Scully gets up from the bench, where 
she and I have been sitting for a little while, just 
taking a little break after lunch before it's time to go 
back to work.
	

"What is it, sweetheart?"
	
"Mama! Kafrin is meanie!"

	
Julia throws herself into her mother's arms as I spot 
Katherine come running closer, too, equally mud-
stained. 
	
I frown. "What's going on here?" I demand.
	
"Kafrin is meanie!" Julia cries, pointing at her sister.

	
"I'm not!" Katherine protests angrily, having 
reached us by now. "I'm not a meanie! You are a 
meanie!"
	

"What happened here?" Scully asks of Julia, her 
voice stern.
	
"Ah am not!" Julia sobs.
	
"You are, too, you threw the mud!"
	
"Ah did not!"
	
"You did too!"
	
"No, did not!"
	
"Yes, did too!"
	
"All right, all right," Scully interrupts them. "This 
isn't going anywhere. Now who threw the mud 
first?"
	
"She!" they both say simultaneously, pointing at 
each other. If this wasn't so serious, it would be 
hilarious.
	
"All right, if neither of you wants to tell us:" 
	
Scully sets Julia back on her feet to stand before us, 
then sits back down next to me. I make Katherine 
stand next to her little sister. Then we make them 
look at us. I see how Katherine starts to fidget 
already and something tells me we have just found 
the true culprit. Experience has taught us that neither 
girl can lie for shit, which is a pretty good thing to 
foster. But whoever it is, that girl will have to tell us 
so herself, we can't just assume. And we definitely 
cannot risk falsely accusing her.

	
"What is it, Katherine?" I ask, my voice deliberately 
calm and soft. Maybe it's cheating, but I know that 
if I can tap into her feelings of guilt, we'll be much 
more successful than if we tried to get the truth out 
by force, so to speak. In dealing with the day-to-day 
squabbles between the girls I've had plenty of 
opportunity to put our old interrogation techniques 
into practice and prevent them from getting rusty. 
Of course, at least for now, our girls have turned out 
to be decidedly easy subjects.
	
She looks at her feet, her hands restless. Then, 
apparently, she can't keep it in anymore and she 
breaks down. "I didn't mean it, papa ..." she starts to 
cry, covering her eyes with her hands.
	
Oh darling ...
	
God, I so have to resist picking her up to comfort 
her. But I have to be firm: she lied so her remorse is 
fair, but I cannot let her get the feeling that tears will 
automatically bring her consolation, especially not 
when she has been less than forthcoming with the 
truth.
	
"What happened, Katherine?"
	
She looks at me, her eyes pleading with me. 
Meanwhile Julia turns to her mother, sensing a little 
victory in the air.
	

"Kafrin is meanie, huh, mama?"
	
"Shush, Julia, don't gloat!" Scully says sternly, and I 
see Julia pout. "Katherine, what did you do?"
	
"We were playing in the yard, mama," Katherine 
says softly, her words interrupted at first by little 
hitching sobs, but quickly picking up speed and 
volume. "And I saw the mud puddle and I said, 
'Julia, we can play in there,' and she said 'yes!' and 
we went there, and I picked up mud, and I threw it, 
but I didn't mean to hit her, mama, and she started 
to cry, and it was just a joke, mama!"
	
"But why did you throw that mud?"
	
She starts crying again. "Was just a joke, I didn't 
want to be a meanie, mama ..."
	
I turn to Julia, who is fidgeting a little now, too, 
looking equally contrite. I think she realises she may 
have enjoyed this a little too much perhaps, and that 
she's ready to be nice to her sister again. 
	
"I think Katherine is very sorry," I say softly to Julia 
and I see a little quivering lip and a nod. These two 
girls really do love each other, even when they get 
into petty sisterly squabbles every now and then. 
Well, what can I say, but that they are both pretty 
strong-willed? It's only natural that they should have 
their arguments. And as long as it doesn't get hugely 
out of hand, I suppose it's actually pretty healthy for 
their relationship even.
	
"I didn't mean to make Julia cry ..." Katherine sobs. 
"I'm really sorry ..."
	
It's enough to make Julia cry, too. "Ah sowwie ..." 
she sobs in turn.
	
Scully and I exchange a quick look before we reach 
out and pull the girls into our laps for comfort. I'm 
holding Katherine while Scully holds Julia.
	
"That was not a very nice thing to do, was it?" I ask 
very softly and Katherine shakes her head.
	
"No, I'm sorry, papa ..."
	
"I know you are. Do you think you could tell Julia 
that?"
	
She nods and I let her off my lap. Scully lets Julia go 
and we watch how the girls hug each other.
	
"I'm sorry I threw the mud, Julia," Katherine says.
	
"Ah sowwie," Julia replies.
	
"That's very good of both of you," Scully 
comments. "Do you think you can play together 
again and be friends?"
	
I see them nod at us and we smile.
	
"Why don't you both jump into the tub and get that 
mud off you? I think the water is just exactly right 
now," Scully says and the two girls look at the tub, 
the water of which looks incredibly inviting.
	
"Les-uh play in da tub," Julia suggests and Katherine 
nods.
	
"Yeah, we can play there. Come on, Julia!" And 

she's off, followed by Julia in hot pursuit.
	
"Ahm comin', Kafrin, wait foh meh!"

*~*~*

I've just put the tools in the shed on my way home 
from the fields when I spot Scully in the shade, 
sitting on the bench by the kitchen. Katherine and 
Julia are playing in the tub, splashing water around 
and generally having the time of their lives. Their 
delighted squeals resound off the walls of the 
enclosed paddock. It's good to see the squabble is 
truly behind them.
	
I sit down next to Scully, who is cleaning and 
cutting the vegetables and potatoes for our dinner.
	
"How are you doing?" she asks.
	
I nod. "Not too bad. I walked all along the length of 

the fencing of the meadows, checking for holes. 
Wasn't bad actually, I had to restack a few stones 
and boulders along the south wall -- I think the rams 
may have battled it out there to establish dominance 
within the flock, and they took that part of the wall 
with them -- and I fixed the wooden fencing by the 
goose hut. Then I just checked up on the cows and 
sheep. I think I'll have to separate a few older male 
lambs from the flock soon or we'll get inbreeding if 
they mate with the ewes."
	
She nods. "You're right. Well, we can slaughter 
them in a month or two, they don't serve much of a 
purpose here anyway and they would make great 
meat. Is there a good possible breeding ram among 
them though? I mean, our current ram isn't terribly 
young anymore, we need to look into getting a 
youngster ready."
	
I nod. "Well, I think I spotted one that might do the 
trick well. But he will still be the son of the current 
ram, what about that inbreeding I just mentioned?"
	
She shrugs a little. "As long as we don't have access 
to new bloodlines, I think it's a risk we'll have to 
take. I mean, where are we going to get new sheep 
from after all? And if we select a strong and healthy 
one, I think we'll take the fewest chances."
	
I smile and nod again. "Well, that's true." I lean in 
for a quick kiss. "Anyway, how long before you start 
cooking dinner?"
	
She smiles. "It'll be a bit yet, it's too early still, 
why?"
	
"No reason, I just like sitting here with you," I reply. 
She sets the bowl with the raw vegetables and 
potatoes aside and I pull her in until she lies against 
me.
	
"Mmm, this is nice," she murmurs and I chuckle.
	
"Yes, it is."
	
We are silent for a little while, watching our children 
play in the paddock. Julia is still in the tub, but 
Katherine is currently carrying small bowls of water 
from the tub to a little sand pit, where she has 

started making mud pies. She's almost entirely 
covered in mud again. A few chickens are scurrying 
around the paddock, looking for small bugs and 
other little critters to eat, and one of them walks over 
to where Katherine is playing. We smile as the 
chicken picks at one of the mud pies Katherine has 
made, causing an indignated 'hey!' from our oldest 
girl.
	
"Mulder?"
	
"Mmm?"
	
"Tell me about your family."
	
I look at her, more than a little surprised by the 
question. "My family? What about them?"
	
She shrugs a bit, but I don't think it's out of 
indifference. "Well, I know so little about them. I 
mean, I knew your parents of course, and you've 

given me some little glimpses into the existence of 
those before them, none of it too positive to be 
honest, but that's kind of beside the point. Anyway, 
I'm just curious. You know, things like where you, 
or rather your ancestors, come from, if you know 
about that at all, that is. And if you even want to tell 
me, of course."
	
I smile a bit wryly. "I know about it, I've been told. 
But do you really want to know that? I mean, I 
don't exactly have a family history to boast about, if 
you're at all interested in my opinion."
	
She looks at me and nods. "Yes, I do want to know. 
And I'll trade your fairly and tell you what I know 
about my family tree, okay? But I want to know 
about the man I married, and the background of our 
daughters. Because I may only be connected by 
marriage, but your lineage runs in them, and I really 
want to know."
	
"Poor girls," I say with a bit of a chuckle. Then I 
clear my throat. "All right then, I guess you deserve 
to know, you're right about that and how it might 
affect the girls."
	
I think for a moment, pondering where to start. 
"Well, to start with my mother's family, they were 
all Russian, they came over to the States after the 
Russian Revolution. They'd been minor nobility 
back home and fairly well-off, their wealth mostly 
accumulated by constantly marrying slightly above 
their station for generations. I mean, none of them 
were ever remotely connected to the Romanovs or 
any truly royal families, but they had some good 
lands in the western parts of Russia, just bordering 
what is now Belarus. My mother was incredibly 
proud of her noble ancestry, and she would never let 
anyone forget about it."
	
"She did have that attitude of aristocratic 

aloofness," Scully says, "though I never thought she 
had actually come from proper nobility."
	
I smile a bit. "Well, she did, and my father, and 
especially my father's family who were not even 
remotely aristocratic, had better never forget about 
it. In the eyes of my mother's family, she had 
married decidedly below her status, though the 
money my father brought it was a lot less frowned 
upon."
	
"Your mother's family wasn't rich? I mean, seeing 
that they were of the Russian aristocracy? I would 
have thought they'd have had at least some kind of 
fortune."
	
I shake my head. "They'd been doing fine under the 
Czars, but the Russian Revolution brought all that 
crashing down. With whatever they managed to 
save, they found a way to get a one-way trip to the 
United States where they arrived with literally 
nothing more than the clothes on their backs and the 
notion in their heads that they should still be treated 
like royalty. Needless to say, that didn't go over well 
with other immigrants and it took a little while for 
them to adjust, though eventually they did start to 
get some fortune together, mostly by marrying into 
American money. Seemed like the Russian titles, 
worthless as they now were, apparently still held an 
appeal to those families who were desperate to get a 
title to go with their money ..."
	
"But if they were so proud of their Russian ancestry, 
why was your mother's name Teena? That's not even 
remotely Russian. If that really was her name of 
course."
	
I shake my head. "It wasn't, she started using that 
name quite early in life to sound more American, I 
guess. Her real name was Yekaterina."
	
I see her eyebrows shoot up and I'm not surprised. 
"Katherine?"
	
I nod with a bit of a smile. "Well, yes. How's that 
for a coincidence, huh?"
	
"But you must have known!"
	
"Of course I knew. That's not something that would 
have slipped my mind, would it?"
	
"And you didn't mind?"
	
"That we called our daughter Katherine?" I ask and 
I chuckle a bit. "Scully, I may not have had the kind 

of close loving relationship with my mother that I 
saw in you, but she was still my mother, you know. 
And I did feel that it was a good to honour her in 
some way. I mean, in spite of her shortcomings, I 
don't want to forget that she gave birth to me and 
that, without her or my father, I wouldn't be here."
	
She nods, her eyes moist. "Yes, you're right. I'm 
sorry, that was very thoughtless of me."
	
I smile pulling her closer and kissing the top of her 
head. "Forget about it, it's all right."
	
"Are you sure?"
	
"Absolutely. I mean, it's not as though I've ever 
given you any reasons to believe otherwise."
	
"Okay then," she says softly and we share a smile. 
"But I always thought you said you were Jewish. 
Were your ancestors Jews?"
	
I nod. "They were. I think that rather hindered their 
real ascent in the ranks, a tactical switch to the 
Russian Orthodox church would probably have 
aided them a lot. But I suppose they did have 
enough moral decency in them after all to see that a 
conversion solely for money or status' sake would be 
the wrong thing to do."
	
"I'm glad to hear that, actually."
	
I smile. "I thought you would -- in a way it made me 
feel a lot better too, to be perfectly honest."
	
"So they were proud to be Jewish?"
	
I shrug a little. "Yeah, I think they were. They were 
pretty single-minded about that. A person's character 
seemed to count for pretty little, and money could 
come from any source, no matter how deviously it 
might have been acquired, but I guess the religion 
had to be right."
	
"So what would your family have thought of the 
fact that you married me then? I mean, I'm not 
Jewish, as far as I know there's not a Jewish person 
in my family tree and I don't really want to convert 
or anything like that either."
	
I laugh, I cannot help myself. "Scully, honestly? I 
could never have found a better person to be with, 
and you think that something like religion would be 
of any consideration? And to a non-religious person 
such as me? No, even if my ancestors were that 
narrow-minded, putting beliefs before personality, 
I'm not. I always knew I'd much prefer to have a 
good woman over someone chosen purely for her 
religion." Then I huff a bit. "Of course, the reality 
was that I generally sucked at finding good women 
in the first place, regardless of their religious beliefs, 
so I guess I have the Bureau to thank for making the 
choice for me, and taking that responsibility away 
from me."
	
She laughs and squeezes my hand affectionately. 
"Well, how about that, huh?" she comments, making 
me chuckle a little.
	
We see Julia walk up to us, rubbing her eyes, and our 
conversation is momentarily halted as Scully sits 
back up.
	
"Mama, Ahm sleepy ..."
	
We smile and Scully lifts her onto her lap, cradling 
our daughter's little body to her. "Well, you have 
been playing very much."
	
Julia nods, sucking her thumb. Then she snuggles a 
little closer into her mother's embrace.
	
"Don't fall asleep yet, sweetheart, I have to go and 
cook dinner, we still have to eat," Scully goes on, 
but I don't think Julia really hears it.
	
I place my hand on Scully's arm, making her look at 
me. "Let her sleep, I'll take care of dinner and you 
can stay here and relax."
	
"You don't ha-..."

	
I stop her by holding up a hand. "I know I don't. I 

want to do this. You stay right here and enjoy your 
time with our daughters, and I'll be all manly and 
provide for my family. And we can continue our 
conversation a little later tonight."
	
She laughs, making me lean in. "All right then, 
manly man. Provide for us, we depend on you." We 
kiss briefly but warmly, and then I get to my feet.
	
It's probably hardly emancipated, but somehow I 
feel quite valued now.

*~*~*

"Boy, someone was definitely not ready to go to bed 
yet," Scully says when she enters the living room. 
I'm laying a fire to combat the draught which, even 
on warm summer days, is very effectively chilling 
the room. At the sound of her voice I turn to look at 
her and smile.
	
"Katherine was being a handful?" I ask.
	
She nods with a smile. "More than a little, I can tell 
you that. I think we made a mistake when we let her 
go back outside after dinner, she was far too excited 
still. Even a story and her favourite song wouldn't 
calm her down. And of course when I left the room, 
she wanted to come back down with me."
	
"I see you didn't give in though."
	
"Of course not, I'd have been digging my own grave 
if I did that. No, I think she'll be fine. At her age she 
knows better. But it still wasn't easy though. Why 
oh why did we have to get two of these strong-
willed kids? Not to mention that we sure don't seem 
to have done a good job training them!"
	
I got up when she walked into the room, and now I 
sit back down on the couch, grinning widely at her 
words. "Sure looks like it, yes, we must be terrible 
parents," I quip, making her chuckle. 
	
"Awful parents," she adds with a grin.
	
"The worst," I answer and we laugh. Then I pat the 
seat beside me. "Come, sit down."
	
She plops down and lies against me with an 
exaggerated sigh, making me chuckle and causing 
her to laugh softly too.
	
"I'm sorry, I was overreacting when I was talking 
about Katherine," she says and smiles.
	
"Well, maybe, but I'm sure it was only a little. She's 
a wilful little person." 
	
"Yeah, she is. It's kinda cute though."
	
I smile. "Yes, it is. Anyway, you want something to 
drink?"
	
"Mmm, maybe some water. But I can get it."
	
I shake my head. "Nonsense, you just sat down, you 
should take your time. No, I'll go and get us 
something to drink and you can stay right here."
	

"What's come over you? First you cook dinner, now 
you offer to get us a glass of water?"
	
I smile. "Nah, I'm just feeling generous." Then I 
wink. "Enjoy it while it lasts, Dana, it probably ain't 
gonna last very long."
	
"It probably won't, no," she quips and I smile, 
walking into the kitchen.
	
I pour two glasses of pre-boiled water -- in summer 
we cannot risk drinking the water straight from the 
well, especially when the weather has been as warm 
as it has been -- and I walk back into the living room 
where I see how she has pulled up her legs onto the 
couch and she's lying with her head on the armrest, 
staring into the fire, a wistful look in her eyes. I 
frown for a moment, but don't say anything. 
Knowing her she'll tell me when she's ready to do 
so.
	
I set the glasses on the table and then I sit down by 
her side. She smiles at me and moves closer. I take it 
as my cue to gently pull her into me until she's lying 
against me, her head resting against my chest.
	
"What is it?" I whisper.
	
She just sighs. Okay, now I'm really starting to 
worry.
	
"Tell me what's wrong, please," I insist.
	
She looks at me and smiles. "Nothing is wrong. I just 
... I was thinking a bit more about what you told me 
about your family this afternoon. I don't know if I 
should be feeling jealous or sorry ..."
	
I huff softly. "Try neither," I suggest cynically. 
"Honestly, they're not worth either your envy or 
your pity. I accept them because they're my 
ancestors and I have no choice. But I'm not proud of 
them. As far as I'm aware none of them ever used 
their power, wealth, or privileges for anything other 
than their own profit. None of their actions, big or 
small, ever appeared to have benefited the world. 
Like I said, I'm not proud of them."
	

"My family was so common in comparison," she says 
softly, smiling a little. "Just farmers and fishermen, 
until they made the journey to this country -- upon 
which they kept that lowly position in society and 
just became day labourers. I guess ambition was 
never in my family's blood. My father was the first 
man in the family to rise to some sort of prestigious 
position. None of my ancestors ever did that."
	
"You became a doctor," I suggest, "that's nothing to 
sniff at."
	
She chuckles a little. "On the contrary, I'm a 
farmer's wife. I'd say the circle is completed again."
	
"Ouch ..." I quip, making her laugh a bit more. Then 
I grow more serious. "Tell me about your family. I 
want to know more about where you come from, 
too."
	
"Really? Because there are no Napoleons in my 
family tree, you know. It's peasantry all the way."
	
I grin and kiss her fingers. "I'll risk it. Tell me."
	
"All right then," she smiles, cradling my hand 
against her breast. "Let's see, where do I start? Well, 
as far as I know my father's family originally came 
from County Tipperary in Ireland, it seemed that had 
always been quite a Scully stronghold. He once told 
me that there are still many relatives living there and 
that he'd like to go back there one day to visit them 
and, you know, see where he came from. Somehow 
the memory of him telling me this always made me 
sad, seeing that he died before he'd had that 
chance."
	
"He didn't visit on one of his missions?" I ask softly. 
"He must have been stationed in Europe on more 
than one occasion."
	
She nods. "He had been to Europe, but never even 
close to Ireland. He was either stationed in the 
Mediterranean or somewhere in Scandinavia or close 
to Russia. It was the time of the Cold War and I 
guess that's where his missions usually took him. I 
think he never had enough time off to fly over. Or at 
least he never told me so."
	
"How about your mother?"
	
"She was an O'Rourke, quite proud of it she was 
too. Guess our mothers had at least something in 
common, they were both proud women."
	
I scowl. "Don't be too anxious to compare your 
mother to mine, you know. You'll only drag your 
mom down."
	
She softly swats my arm. "Don't be so negative, 
your mother must have had plenty of 
accomplishments!"
	
"Name one," I answer, now comfortably wallowing 
in self-pity. It's familiar territory, but a place which 
she doesn't allow me to visit often.
	
"Well, for one, she raised you to be the man you 
are," Scully replies. "Because quite frankly I don't 
think your father is the one to take the credit for 
that."
	
I nod with a bit of a smile. Unwilling to admit it as I 
may be, she is right. "No, he wasn't, he was never at 
home," I admit, and she gives a sharp self-satisfied 
nod.
	
"Exactly. Anyway," she continues her story, "my 
mother's family originally hailed from County 
Leitrim, though I heard that the O'Rourke name is 
not quite such a rare name, and that there are 
O'Rourkes just about everywhere in Ireland."
	
"When did they cross the ocean to Ireland? During 
the Famine?"
	
She shakes her head. "No, actually both families sat 
that one out. My mother's family appeared to have 
been fairly successful at farming during those awful 
years, both by being a little less dependent on the 
bare crops -- they were mostly small free-hold 
farmers, but some members of the family were either 
in trade or they were priests with their own 
congregation and the small but steady income that 
resulted from that -- and they were in a part of 
Ireland where the blight didn't strike as badly as in 
some other parts. My dad's family, however, 
apparently nearly all starved, that must have been 
awful."
	
I nod, recalling our first winter here, and the 
hardships we had to endure. Let's not really go 
there, I've done that too much already. "So when 
did they come over? Fairly recently?"

	
"As far as I'm aware both families came over in the 

1930s, during the Depression. I mean, I can't 
imagine America being such a paradise at that time, 
but I guess Ireland must have been even worse. If 
that was at all possible. Anyway, they sailed to the 
States and they settled in the predominantly Irish 
communities on the east coast. My mother's family 
settled in Baltimore, Maryland -- I guess they must 
have liked it there because they never left -- and my 
father's family ended up in Philadelphia. But they 
travelled around the country a lot and my father's 
parents moved to my mother's neighbourhood well 
before either my mom or my dad were born."
	
I'm fascinated by this. "Did your parents meet as 
kids?"
	
She chuckles. "Actually they were at the same 
school, though my father was a few years higher 
than my mom."
	
"They were high school sweethearts?"
	
She huffs. "Hardly. Mom once told me she couldn't 
stand him! Apparently my father was a friend of her 
brother's and the two boys teased her incessantly. 
How they ever fell in love must have been a 
complete miracle."
	
"But they did."
	
She smiles. "Yes, they did. He joined the Navy 
when he was 17, pretty much right out of high 
school, and I suppose there was something about 
him that my mom was attracted to when he came 
back."
	
"Probably the uniform," I suggest with a quip.
	
She grins. "Must have been. Women love a man in a 
uniform."
	
"Do they?" I ask with a smile. "Damn, I don't have 
a uniform here anymore."
	
She turns to look at me, a dangerous twinkle in her 
eyes. I smile when I see it, not at all sorry when I 
decide it might be fun to find out where we can take 
this. "Well, there is one outfit women like even 
better, you know."
	
I raise my eyebrows. "Really? What could that be?" 
Not that I don't know of course.
	
With her still lying in my lap, she starts to unbutton 
my shirt, a unabashed smile on her face. When she 
looks up at me, I'm struck -- once again, will I never 
get used to it? -- by the love that mixes with plain 
good old lust in her eyes.
	
"Well," she drawls as she pushes my shirt open and 
rests her head on my bare chest. "No uniform of 
course."
	
"You like me better naked?" I ask. God, if the grin 
on my face gets any wider, it will have to be 
removed surgically.
	
"I love you best naked," she confirms. Then she 
turns around and moves up a little so she's leaning 
her back against my chest. Quite of their own will 
my hands start to undo her shirt, but I wouldn't have 
stopped them if I could.
	
When I've removed her shirt, I pull her closer, 
wrapping my arms around her waist and nipping the 
soft skin of her neck. "Boy, I'm glad your parents 
met up and fell in love after all."
	
"Because I'm the result?" she says with a smile and I 
nod.
	
"Yes. Wouldn't it have been a disaster if you'd 
never been born?"
	
She laughs. "Let's not forget I'm the youngest child. 
If they'd decided that three kids was plenty, there 
wouldn't have been a me either, you know."
	
Damn ... "Well, thank God for large Catholic 
families then."
	
She turns around again to face me. "Four kids is 
hardly a large Catholic family to be fair. I mean, 
we've had four kids, and we're hardly qualifying."
	
"No, we're not," I admit. Then I pull her in for a 
kiss, eager to take this to the next base.
	
"You want to see what we can do about that?" she 
asks.
	
I chuckle. "Well, not necessarily the baby itself, but I 
quite like the process that's involved in making 
babies, you know."
	
"I don't think I can have another baby. I'm not sure 
I even want one again to be honest."
	
I smile, kissing the tip of her nose. "I know, it's 
okay. But that doesn't mean we can't have a little 
fun in spite of that."
	
She laughs softly, her eyes soft. "It's the best 
hobby."
	
I match her smile with my own. "Yes, it is."
	
She leans in for a kiss, but before our lips meet, she 
remarks, "Guess our parents all got it right 
somewhere along the way."
	
"Because they made us?" I ask and she nods.
	
"Yeah. Seems we're kind of good at being us."
	
I nod too, amused by her choice of words. I pull her 
in closer. "Yes, we are."

XxXxX

Chapter 21
	
"Papa?"
	
I look up to see Katherine by my side, her little face 
a little worried. I've spent the afternoon polishing 
the knives and fixing some tools and other such odd 
jobs. It's November and the weather outside is 
absolutely atrocious, so we're all basically stuck 
inside. Except for Katherine, who insisted on seeing 
her friends the cows in spite of the howling rain. We 
know better than to try and keep her inside, so 
Scully put her little hooded cape on and let her go.
	
"Yes, sweetheart?"
	
"Papa, Nana is sleeping."
	
I raise my eyebrows a little. I wonder why she's 
telling me this. "Is she? I guess she was feeling 
sleepy then."
	
"Yah. But papa?"
	
I put down the knife I just polished and pick up 
another one. These old-fashioned metal knives take a 
lot of work to maintain, I'd kill for some good solid 
stainless steel ones. "Yes?"
	
"Nana is cold, too. And she doesn't move."
	
I freeze and I cut a quick look at Scully, who meets 
my eyes, looking as worried as I must be.
	
Fuck ...
	
I turn to Katherine. "And Nana won't talk to you 
anymore either?"
	
She shakes her head. "She won't wake up, papa," 
she says in a soft, shaky voice. She has seen plenty 
of dead animals over the course of her short life 

already, so I don't doubt that she already has an 
inkling as to just what's wrong with her best friend.
	
Oh, God, no ...
	
Scully crosses over to my side and I get up. "Go get 
Julia," I tell Scully, who nods and moves over to the 
corner of the kitchen where Julia is playing. 
Meanwhile I take Katherine's hand. "Shall we go 
and see what's wrong with Nana?"
	
Katherine nods, her little face pale, confirming my 
thoughts. Yes, she knows ... 
	
Oh no ... 
	
Scully is carrying Julia and I pick up Katherine. 
She's five and a half now and getting really quite 
heavy, but I want to hold her close. If it's true that 
what I fear has happened, this little girl will need all 
the love and support and comfort we can offer her. 
Together the four of us cross the paddock through 
the rain and we walk into the barn where I set 
Katherine down. I keep holding her hand though as 
she starts sucking her fist as she was wont to do as a 
young child. It's something she did for comfort, and 
something I was glad to see she'd almost grown out 
of, but this occasion calls for some indulgence. 
Inside the animals are eerily quiet, almost as though 
they're sensing that something is wrong. We cross 
over into Nana's pen, and one look confirms my 
worst fears.
	
Katherine's darling Nana is dead.
	
Oh no ... not Nana ... 
	
Scully sets Julia on her feet, telling her to stay by my 
side, and she kneels by the cow's side, checking for 
a pulse and looking at the eyes. Then she shakes her 
head, not saying anything. She doesn't need to, her 
eyes tell me everything I didn't want to know.
	
"Papa?" Katherine whispers and I look at her. She's 
looking very pale.

	
"Yes, darling?"
	
"Nana's dead, huh?"
	
I look at Scully for a moment and she nods. Then I 
sit down on a bale of straw and turn to look at my 
oldest girl, taking her hands in mine.
	
"Yes, sweetheart, Nana's dead," I say very softly.
	
I watch with a breaking heart as Katherine's face 
crumples and she starts to cry, softly first but quickly 
getting more profound. I gather the young girl to me, 
cradling her in my embrace as I cry too. I can't help 
myself, I can feel her intense grief all the way down 
inside me.
	
I don't try to hush her, it would be beyond cruel to 
do that now. Instead I just let her cry as hard as she 
needs to. This grief needs out.
	
Then she tears herself out of my arms and sits down 
by Nana's head, wrapping her small arms around the 
cow's neck and burying her face against the animal's 

head as she cries harder than I've ever seen her cry. 
Through tear-filled eyes I watch Scully come over to 
me and, while she still holds a pale and silent Julia, I 
pull her into my arms.
	
"Poor thing," she whispers, and I can hear the tears 
in her voice as well as see them on her cheeks. "How 
will she ever get over this?"
	
God, I don't know. "It'll be a very long time," I say 
sombrely.
	
"Papa?" Julia says very softly.
	
I look at her. "Yes, sweetie?"
	
"Wassit?"
	
I stroke her hair. "Nana died, sweetheart, and it 
hurts Katherine very much."
	
"She has sad?"
	
I smile a bit in spite of myself at her choice of 
words. "Yes, she is very sad. She loved Nana very 
much, you know."
	
"Oh ... Mama, down peez."
	
Scully looks at me and I nod. "Let her do what she 
needs to do," I say.
	
She nods as well and sets our youngest girl on her 
feet. We watch her walk out of the barn. I wonder 
where she's going. Of course, with the terrible 
weather currently upon us, and the sheer isolation of 
this farm, I don't think she'll be going anywhere far.
	
"Papa ..." I hear Katherine sob and I'm dragged 
back to the awful reality before us. I quickly walk up 
to where she's sitting and I kneel down by her side. 
"Papa, you make Nana better?"
	
I feel my heart shatter all over again as I gather her 
small shaking body to me, cradling her face against 
my chest. "Oh, sweetheart, I wish I could ..." I 
whisper, pressing a kiss in her hair. I know I'm kind 
of her hero and that she thinks I can do everything, 
but this is way out of my league of course. I don't 
even want to pretend to her.
	
"Oh, papa ..." she sobs, a fresh bout of grief washing 
over her. I rock her gently as I hold her, comforting 
her as best I can. This will take a long, long time to 
heal.
	
I spot Julia back in the door opening and she walks 
over to her mother, her clothes soaked and her hair 
plastered to her head because of the heavy rainfall. 
In her hand she clutches about half a dozen 
bedraggled looking dandelions.

"Mama," she says very softly, holding up the 
flowers. "Ah have flow-uhs for Nana."
	
"That's is lovely, sweetheart," Scully says with a 

small smile, and I feel a similar feeling wash over 
me. She must have had quite some difficulty finding 
these flowers in November, especially now that the 
weather is so awful.
	
Julia walks up to Katherine and me. She very softly 
pats Katherine on the arm to get her attention, but 
Katherine just buries her face closer into my chest, 
sobbing despairingly.
	
"I don't think Katherine is interested in your flowers 
now, sweetheart," I tell Julia, "but I think you are 
very sweet to have picked them."
	
Scully kneels down beside us. "Why don't you place 
them on Nana?" she suggests to Julia.
	
"Kay." And we watch how the little girl carefully 
puts one flower on the dead cow's head and the 
other ones on her neck, almost as a garland.
	
I smile. "That looks lovely, sweetheart, thank you so 
much."
	
Julia nods. "Yeh, Ah know. But papa?"
	
"Mm-mm?"
	
"Papa, Ahm hungee," she whispers, the tone of her 
voice betraying that she somehow feels that perhaps 
mentioning her appetite might not be utterly 
appropriate now. Still, it needs to be said.
	
I turn to Katherine who is still in my arms, her sobs 
lighter now. I'm not foolish enough to think her grief 
is any the less, but the intense despair has gone for 
the moment. "Katherine, sweetheart?"
	
"Yah ...?" she just says.
	
"Are you hungry?"
	
She shakes her head, burying it in my chest some 
more. Well, I wasn't exactly expecting it anyway.
	
I smile at Scully. "Guess I'll be here for a little 
longer."
	
She frowns a bit. "Are you going to be okay? I mean 
..."
	
I nod, pressing a kiss in Katherine's hair. "I think I 
know where I'm going to be for the rest of the day. 
It's okay, I'll be fine. Go take care of Julia."
	
She smiles a little. "All right then. I'll come in with 
something to eat a little later, okay?"
	
I nod. "Thank you. I don't know how much 
Katherine will eat, but maybe you can bring her 
something as well."
	
"Of course." Then she takes Julia's hand. "Come, 
sweetheart, let's go get you something to eat, okay?"
	
The little girl nods. "Yeh. Ahm hungee, mama."
	
I watch them leave the barn and then I'm alone with 
my oldest girl who, if I'm not very much mistaken, is 
actually starting to fall asleep with sheer exhaustion 
and emotion. I smile a little as I stroke her hair. 
	
Yeah, there is not a place I'd rather be at the 
moment.

*~*~*

"Katherine is still in the barn, isn't she?" Scully asks 
as I walk into the kitchen.
	
I nod with a sigh. "She won't move away from 

Nana. Honestly, if she was any older, I'd be worried 
about her sanity, her grief is just so intense."
	
Scully nods. "Poor girl, this must be so traumatic ..."
	
I lean my back against the kitchen counter and 
watch her prepare our dinner. "I don't know how to 
help her, she just ... I ..." And I shake my head.
	
"I'm not sure we actually have to do anything, 
except be there for her."
	
I nod again. "Yeah, I'm sure you're right. God, this 
is a terrible situation ..."
	
"Of all our cows ..." she says, not finishing the 
sentence. Not that she needs to, we both know very 
well what she means.
	
I nod. We're silent for a little while, lost in thought.
	
"Scully?"
	
"Mm-mm?"
	
"What are we going to do with Nana's body?"
	
She looks at me and nods slowly. "Do you think she 
died from a disease or something? Because in that 
case we should remove her immediately to minimise 
the risk of it spreading to our other cattle."
	
I shake my head. "Actually I don't think so. While 
sitting with Katherine, I checked the cow over and I 
didn't see any signs of disease or infection. In fact, I 
was thinking it might have been bloat."
	
"This late in the year? I always thought it was more 
likely to occur in spring or summer when the cattle 
was out grazing in the field and the grass was young 
and green with lots of legumes."
	
I shrug. "Well, you're probably right. I mean, I'm 
not sure it was in fact bloat. Anyway, what do we 
do with her? Burn her or bury her, or ..."
	
She looks at me and hesitates for a moment. "It's 
good meat ..." she then says, voicing my thoughts 
exactly. I, however, didn't have the guts to say 
them.
	
I nod. "I was thinking of that too. I mean, I do have 
half a feeling that, if we want Katherine to become 
an instant parent-hating vegetarian, we tell her to eat 
her best friend. On the other hand, can we afford to 
throw away so much good meat? Nana was a fairly 
young cow, she has some very fine meat on her."
	
Scully nods. "I don't think we can afford to lose all 
of the meat. That would be a very insensible thing to 
do." She thinks for a moment. "Why don't we give 
Katherine the chance to say good-bye to Nana, and 
then quietly dispose of the cow? We can still butcher 
the carcass, we just need to do it a little less 
conspicuously so."
	
I think for a moment before I nod. "Yeah, you're 
right. It's just that ..."
	
She walks over to me, wrapping her arms around my 
waist. "What?"
	
I sigh. "... it almost feels cannibalistic, you know."
	
She nods with a sad smile. "It does, doesn't it? 
That's why we need to do it quietly. Katherine's 

been traumatised enough as it is. But we cannot 
afford to be overly sensitive about it. We had her for 
a purpose, she was a working animal, destined to 
eventually become food as well. But Katherine 
cannot possibly see it that way, nor should we 
expect her to."
	
"Yes, you're right, we'll have to be utilitarian about 
it, but be mindful of Katherine's feelings. Thank 
God it's November and the nights are cold, we don't 
have to take care of it immediately to prevent the 
meat from spoiling. But we will have to do it soon, 
especially as long as the guts are still in the carcass. 
Those will go off very quickly."
	
She nods, and I see her thinking.
	
"What?" I ask.
	
"Well, I was just thinking ... Butchering a cow is 
hard work, that's not something I can do very well 
and definitely not by myself. It will probably have to 
be you who takes care of that job, purely for physical 
reasons. But, no matter who it will be, when either 
of us does it, Katherine needs to be as far away from 
the farm as possible, or she'll never look at us again. 
So I was thinking, if the weather is dry tomorrow, 
perhaps I can take the girls out on a trip, you know, 
to find firewood and maybe some late berries and 
such, and you can butcher the cow while we're gone. 
I mean, it's just an idea ..."
	
I nod. "I think that's probably the best option. But 
what do we tell Katherine? Where will Nana have 
gone? And what if she asks about the meat? Can we 
lie to her?"
	
She bites her lips. "Can we afford to lie to her for 
once? I mean, you know I don't like doing that, but 
on the other hand, can we tell her the truth? That 
she's eating her best friend?"
	
I shake my head. "No, we could never to that. So ... 
a little white lie then?"
	
She sighs, rubbing her hand over her face. Then she 
looks at me and nods slowly. "Yes, a little white lie. 
If only to preserve her sanity."


I nod again. "We can make a grave, perhaps bury 
part of the body there, like the head and the heart 
and entrails. You know, the parts of her that don't 
make prime cuts of meat anyway. I suppose we can 
afford to be a little less economical with the meat 
this time."
	
She smiles a bit. "That's a good idea. Because I can 
definitely tell her that you couldn't use her help in 
burying Nana. Or something like that that will make 
it acceptable to her."
	
I lean in for a quick kiss. "All right, that's agreed 
then. You take the girls out tomorrow and I'll take 
care of Nana's body. Just be so kind as to have some 
buckets ready and so on, plus a bucket of soapy 
water for my clothes afterwards. If we want to keep 
up the image that I buried the cow intact, I need to 
be able to cover my tracks."
	
"Of course."

*~*~*

I look at Katherine as she pokes around at her food. 
She hasn't eaten much today, which is testimony to 
her grief, since she normally has a very healthy 
appetite. Her face is colourless and her eyes rimmed 
red from crying.
	
I feel my heart clench as I watch her. Poor 
sweetheart.
	
When we're done with our dinner, she pushes away 
from the table. "I'm going to Nana," she says softly. 
I look at Scully and we nod.
	
"All right, sweetheart," Scully says and I bite my 
lips, feeling the emotions well up again. We watch 
her walk out of the kitchen and disappear into the 
paddock area.
	
"Mama, Ah can play?" Julia asks and we force a 
smile. Scully lifts her from her high chair and sets her 
on her feet.
	
"Of course you can, darling, you have a little time 
before it's bedtime. Just stay in the living room, 
okay?"
	

The little girl nods. "Kay, mama." And we watch her 
walk into the living room, leaving us alone in the 
kitchen with the remains of tonight's dinner.
	
I sigh. "What do you think we should do about 
Katherine tonight?"
	
She looks at me. "What do you mean?"
	
I absent-mindedly wiggle my fork in my hands as I 
think. "Well, I'm not sure she'll sleep tonight, but 
you know she's terrible when she loses too much 
sleep." I see her nod, and I go on. "Do you think ... 
do you think we should let her sleep with us 
tonight?"
	
She nods once. "Perhaps. I agree with the idea she 
probably shouldn't be alone tonight, it's just that ..."
	
"What?"
	
"I kind of think she'd still be better off in her own 
bed really. She needs to know that that is where she 
finds her rest. Not with us."
	
I nod. "You're right, she would probably be better 
off in her own room." I put the fork down again, a 
little annoyed with myself and the senseless waste of 
energy. "Maybe you could spend the night with her? 
You know, to hold her during the night for 
comfort?"
	
She looks at me and a tiny smile shows. "Do you 
think it should be me? She's your special girl; 
whenever she's sad she turns to you, and you know 
it."
	
I frown, feeling my mouth fall open. I'm truly very 
confused by the implications of her words. I mean, 
it's not as though I wouldn't do it if ... but ... it's just 
... "Scully, I can't do that!"
	
"Why not?"
	
"You know why not!" I make a little frustrated 
movement with my hand. "I can't ... I can't sleep 
with her in one bed! I'm her father, it's ... it's not 
right!" God, can't she understand that ... that I'm 
not supposed to do that? That, no matter how much 
I'd want it for Katherine, I could never risk the 
possibility of suspicion?	
	
She looks me squarely in the eyes, her expression 
clearly defying me, demanding I tell her the real 
reason, my proper fears, and in plain language too. 
And, God, I would do it, too, if only ...
	
"Stop being so politically correct or just plain 
scared," she says. "Are you afraid you'd touch her 
inappropriately? Because in that case, if that's what 
you fear, then I clearly don't know you at all!"
	
"No!" I say forcefully, appalled by the notion, but at 
the same time curiously grateful she said it. "No, I 
could never do that. But I mean ... shit, Scully, the 
idea alone is ... it's not even ... Jesus!" I rub my hand 
over my face. "It's just that ... can you believe I'd 
never do that? Can you trust me like that? Because I 
know I'd never hurt her, but you have to know it, 
too, and you'll have to believe me, and ... maybe I'm 
just ... afraid that ..."
	
She smiles a bit. The she gets up and stands before 
me, and takes my hands in her. "You're afraid I'd 
accuse you after all?"
	
I sigh and shake my head in defeat. "I can't risk 
that, Scully, I just can't ..."
	
She makes me stand up as well. "Do you remember 
that day, years ago when she was still a tiny baby, 
and you took her out for the day? When she gave 
you her first smile?"
	
I nod. How can I ever forget that day? It was one of 
the best days of my life.
	
"Before you left the house you asked me if I trusted 
you with her," she goes on, her voice soft, her eyes 
warm. "I told you that I trusted you with her like I 
trusted you with everything else I hold dear in my 
life." She cups my cheek in her hand. "I haven't 
changed my mind about that, you know. I trust you 
with everything. Implicitly. Because I have never 
had this trust betrayed. There is no better 
reassurance."
	
"But ..."
	

"I know you, Mulder, and I know you're not 
attracted to her in that way."
	
"But ..."
	
"Besides, simply the fact that you're afraid, in a way 
shows me that I have nothing to be afraid of. You'll 
go out of your way to avoid any suspicion, which is 
enough good reason for me. I trust you, you've got 
to believe that."
	
"But ..." I start again. Man, I'm beginning to sound 
like a broken-down record player.
	
She shakes her head, denying me my protests. 
"Tonight she's going to need you more than she's 
ever needed you before. Maybe even more than 
she'll ever need you again. Neither of you may get a 
lot of sleep, but she'll need you close. You know she 

will. You can help her come to terms with this loss, 
and I think you should do it. And, yes, that means 
you'll spend the night in bed with your daughter. 
But I know that just sitting there and holding her 
and comforting her is all you will do. And that's 
more than enough for me."
	
I frown, looking away. God, I know she's right, it's 
just that ... fifty years of ideas and convictions about 
something like this isn't easily overturned ...
	
She shakes her head. "Don't doubt yourself. I have 
complete faith in you that you won't do anything 
inappropriate."
	
I let out a long sigh. "All right then, maybe it is the 
only way after all ... I mean, I love her, but only in 
the way a father is supposed to love his daughter, 
you know. I don't feel anything sexual towards her."
	
She smiles a bit. "I know that." She reaches up and 
kisses me. "I can take care of that sexual part."
	
I smile too. "Yes, you can. Okay then, I'll stay with 
Katherine tonight."
	
"Actually, we still have to ask Katherine whether she 
even wants you to stay. If she doesn't want it, 
nothing will happen of course."
	

Well, that's true, too ...

*~*~*

The sun is just starting to show when I hear Scully 
on the landing, and then the door to Katherine's 
room opens and she looks in.
	
I smile a bit, making her smile too, and she walks up 
to us.
	
"How is she doing?" she whispers.
	
I look down at the sleeping form of our oldest girl.
	
"I think she fell asleep properly about two hours 
ago," I say softly, stroking Katherine's long brown 
curls. "I haven't slept a wink though."
	
"Did she cry a lot?"
	
I nod. "Yeah, but we talked a lot, too -- well, in 
between fits of slumber. Although I didn't dare to 
fall asleep myself."
	
Scully sits down on the bed next to us. "What did 
you talk about?"
	
I smile a little sadly. "Nana, of course. You know, 
memories of Katherine's friendship with the cow. 
And we talked about life and death and God and 
such things."
	
Her eyebrows rise a little. "You talked about God?"
	
I give her a wry smile. "Scully, I can talk about God, 
it's not that weird. The fact that I'm not a religious 
man myself doesn't mean I can't talk about it. And 
it seemed to comfort her, in which case my principles 
count for squat all, to be honest."
	
"Of course, you're right, that was very thoughtless 
of me. I'm sorry." She kisses me softly.  "Thank you 
for being there for her."
	
"You're welcome. We even prayed, you know."
	
She smiles. "You're amazing," she says and we share 
a smile. 

Then I yawn. "Oh boy, I think it's starting to get 
tough now."
	
"Do you think you could hold on for a little bit 
still?" Scully asks. "I'll get Julia out of bed and 
settled for her breakfast, and then I'll relieve you of 
your duty and you can get some sleep."
	
I nod. I like being here with my daughter, but I also 
know I'm only inches away from crashing myself. 
"Thank you. I'll be fine for the moment, but I'd 
appreciate a chance to sleep."
	
"You've been doing well, I don't think I could've 
gone a whole night without sleep and still sound this 
coherent in the morning," she says with a smile.
	
I chuckle a bit. "Yeah, well, you don't get to grow 
up an insomniac and not have some reserves. I've 
trained myself well so to speak."
	
She smiles. "All right then. I'll go and look after 
Julia and I'll be back shortly, okay?"
	
I nod, cradling our sleeping daughter a bit closer. 
"Okay."
	
I watch her leave the room and then I'm alone again 
with Katherine.
	
It's going to be a long day today, and I'm not even 
including the fact that I'm going to have to butcher 
Nana, which puts another immense and terribly sad 
load onto my shoulders.
	
You know, sometimes life just sucks big time.

XxXxX

Chapter 22

It's midday on this fine February day when I walk 
into the kitchen to a smell I don't get to smell often: 
pancakes. Although we have no way of being certain 
of the exact dates, we are on the verge of Lent. 
Somehow I never managed to figure out how to 
calculate the exact date of Easter, so for the past few 
years we have kept a fixed weekend in late March as 
Easter weekend, which means that we now also 
know when Lent starts.
	
We never really observed Lent -- at least I never did, 
I haven't asked her whether she did so when she 
was a kid -- , but this year we have decided that, 
perhaps, a little attention to it might be a good idea. 
We aren't going to deny ourselves food -- after that 
famine winter I never ever want to feel like I might 
not have the food I need. It's a selfish thought, but I 
cannot deny myself, ourselves, the luxury of having 
enough to eat -- but the little extra treats we have 
grown to appreciate are going to be banned for a 
little while. It's that idea of humility and the notion 
that we ought to be grateful for all that we have. 
God knows our life could have been so much worse. 
In fact, I wonder if it's at all possible to have a 
better life in this post-apocalyptic world. I seriously 
doubt it really.
	
Of course, our decision to observe Lent means that, 
before we start our period of fasting, we have a little 
celebrating to do. You know, Mardi Gras and all 
that. Hence, the pancakes.
	
"Look, papa," Katherine says with a wide smile, and 
pointing at her plate. "Mama's making pancakes!"
	
It's been almost four months now since Nana died, 
and besides the odd moments of melancholy, 
Katherine has fully recovered. We can only hope she 
won't grow up troubled. We have given her a 
handful of sheep to look after and the care of the 
herb garden, and so far the small successes she has 
had with the lambs that are just beginning to be 
born, and the tender young plants that are currently 
just peeping up from the fertile black soil, are giving 
her a new outlook on life it seems.
	
Not that any of us will ever forget Nana of course.
	
"Pancakes! Boy, aren't you a couple of lucky girls!" 
I say with a wide smile.
	
"Yeh, Ah know!" Julia says, grinning just as widely 
as she stabs her fork into another piece of pancake. 

"Come on, papa, have some!"  
	
I kiss my wife on the lips. "Hey gorgeous. Is this 
that new skirt you made?"

	
She nods. "It is. I decided to wear it today because 
it's a little more festive than my usual clothes. You 

like it?"
	
I smile. "Yes, I do. It really suits you. Fits well, too." 
Then I turn to Katherine. "Do you think there are 
enough pancakes for all of us?" I ask of her as I give 
Scully a wink. She smiles back, just before she flips 
over the latest pancake.
	
Katherine nods vigorously. "Oh yes, papa, mama 
made plenty of pancakes. Huh, mama?"
	
"Yes, I did," Scully answers and she slides the 
pancake onto the large plate in the centre of the 
table, which is covered with a small stack of 
steaming pancakes. Yup, we'll be fine.
	
I sit down in my customary place next to Katherine. 
"All right then!" I say with a wide smile, one that is 
mirrored in a honey-covered way by Julia. "Let's 
go!"
	
"Yay!" Julia exults, clapping her hands in 
excitement. Then she looks at them and holds them 
up to her mother. "Mama, is sticky!"
	
I chuckle and I get up to grab a tea towel. "I'll take 
care of this," I tell Scully, who is just pouring a ladle 
full of batter into the pan.
	
"Would you? Thanks."
	
I dampen the tea towel in the bucket of water and 
move over to our girls. I wash their hands and faces 
so they're relatively clean again. It is never going to 
last of course, but that doesn't matter.
	
"There you go, all clean again," I say as I toss the tea 
towel onto the kitchen counter.
	
"What do you say?" Scully suggests to our 
daughters.
	
"Oh yeah, thank you, papa," Katherine says.
	
"Tank you, papa," Julia chimes in.
	
I smile. "You're welcome."
	
"All right, girls and boy, this is the last one," Scully 
says as she flips the pancake down onto the little 
stack in the centre of the table.
	
Katherine giggles. "Papa is not a boy," she remarks. 
	
Scully and I share a smile. "Yes, he is, he's a big 
boy," Scully says, making me chuckle.
	
"He's a bad boy, too?" Katherine asks in that 
guileless way that five-year-olds have. "You say he's 
a bad boy sometimes."
	
I choke on my pancake and I see Scully hold in a 
burst of laughter. We look at each other and I see a 
very brief, almost invisible, but oh-so-obvious-to-me 
glint of heat in her eyes. Then she turns to our oldest 
girl.
	
"Well, he is sometimes, when I want him to be. But I 
think on the whole papa is a good boy, isn't he?"
	
Katherine nods, thankfully completely unaware of 
what she implicated so innocently. There will be 
enough time for that kind of situations when she's a 
teenager, thank you very much. "Yeah, he's good. I 
love papa."
	
We smile and I kiss her cheek. "I know you do. I 
love you, too, sweetheart."
	
"Papa?" Julia asks.
	
"Yes, darling?"
	
"You love me, too, huh?"
	
I smile some more as I lean over to kiss her cheek, 
too, and I ruffle her wavy brown hair. "I love you 
very much. I always have and I always will."
	
"You love Kafrin more dan me?"
	
I feel my eyebrows shoot up. Whooo, this is 
dangerous territory all of a sudden!
	
I shake my head. "Honey, I love you both just the 
same. You are both very very dear to me and I don't 
want to choose, because I can't."
	
"But papa?"
	
"Yes?"
	
"Kafrin's your spessyal girl, huh?"
	
I smile and nod. "Yes, she is. Just like you are 
mama's special girl."
	
I watch her smile at her mother. "Yeah, Ah am. 
Mama, Ah can have 'nother pancake?"
	
Scully reaches over to place another pancake on 
Julia's plate. "Of course you can, darling, but I do 
think this is going to be the last one for you. You've 
eaten four pancakes already, and I don't want you to 
get sick."
	
"Ahm not sick, mama," Julia protests as she watches 
her mother drizzle honey onto her pancake.
	
"No, you're not. But you will be if you eat too 
many. So this will be the last one. You can always 
have a cold pancake for a snack this afternoon if you 
want another one."
	
The little girl doesn't reply, but I can tell by her 
slightly sulking expression that she's not yet 
convinced her mother is right. Still, it's good to see 
we have apparently taught them well. No temper 
tantrum here -- which, to be perfectly honest, of 

course has more to do with Julia's over-all gentle 
nature and less with our fabulous parenting ...
	
"Mama, can I go and play?" Katherine asks as she 
puts her knife and fork down.
	
"Yeah, mama, Ah can go play?" Julia pipes in. So 
much for her wanting more pancakes then, she hasn't 
even finished this one.
	
"Don't you want to eat your pancake?"
	
Julia shakes her head. "Ah wanna go play, papa."
	
I look at Scully who shrugs and nods. Then I look at 
the girls. "All right then, you can go and play. But 
don't go too far, okay?"
	
"I'm going to see my sheep," Katherine announces.
	
"Ah wanna see mah flowers," Julia says in turn. "Ah 
see-ud snowdops, papa!"
	
"Are your snowdrops blooming?"
	
"Yeah, there are lots of snowdrops in Julia's 
garden," Katherine says. "They're pretty."
	
Julia nods with a wide smile. "Yeah! And daisies! 
Ah like mah daisies!"
	
Scully and I laugh softly. "All right then, 
sweethearts. Go tend to your flowers and your sheep 
then," I say and both girls run off in the direction of 
the garden and the barn for what I can only guess 
will be a few hours' play. That said, they sometimes 
come back within minutes, you just never really 
know. Well, that's small children for you, I suppose.
	
"Boy, Julia and her flowers," I say with a grin, 
making Scully chuckle.
	
"Who would have thought it, huh?"
	
"What would she have done if she'd been an inner-
city kid? Where on earth would she have gotten her 
gardening-fix from then?" I say. "Not to mention 
that Katherine would probably have brought in every 
stray animal she'd find."
	
Scully smiles. "I have no idea, but I'm sure we 
would have managed somehow. Thank God they 
have the opportunity to care for their darlings here to 
their hearts' content."
	
"Yeah, you're right," I reply as I finish my pancake. 
I feel quite stuffed now. "Phew, that was good, 
thank you!"
	
She smiles some more. "You're welcome. So, you're 
ready for Lent then?"
	
I chuckle. "As ready as I'll ever be, I suppose." We 
rise from the table and together we take the dirty 
dishes to the sink. "Here, let me help you," I then 
say, taking a tea towel. "If you can do the  washing-
up, I'll dry."
	
"Oh, thank you. But don't you have work to do 
then?"
	
I chuckle. "Plenty. But I feel like being here in the 
kitchen with you some more." I gently place my 
hands on her hips and pull her closer from behind, 
nipping her neck. "You're good company, you 
know."
	
She giggles. "We'll never get the dishes done if you 
start making out."
	
I smile although she cannot see it. "I know. I'm 
sorry."
	
She smiles widely. "No, you're not. And neither am 
I." She turns in my arms and rests her arms around 
my neck. "So, what will it be? Doing dishes or 
making out?"
	
I laugh, I can't help it. The contrast is so ridiculous, 
you would laugh too. "Is that a proper proposition or 
in fact a rhetorical question in which case I have no 
actual choice?"

	
She chuckles and kisses me. "Damn, why do we 
always have to be so sensible?"
	
I smile at her. "Yeah, being a grown-up sucks." And 
I kiss her some more. God, I love kissing her.
	
She raises her eyebrows. "Well, on the other hand, 
being a grown-up means we can have sex as much as 
we like. So, what will it be, Mulder? No 
responsibility or no sex?"
	
Shit, girl! I feel my body surge against my better 
judgment at the mere mention of sex. Pavlov would 
have a field day with me. "You're fighting real dirty 
here, you know?"
	
She laughs, making me laugh too. "Yes, I am, I 
know. So, what'll it be, huh?"
	
I lean in and trail some hot little kisses down her 
neck as my hands, quite of their own will, settle on 
her ass. In any other situation this would probably 
scream 'sexual harassment', but I'm not overly 
worried she'll complain about that now. "I'll settle 
for irresponsible sex, if it's all the same to you."
	
She gasps and I can feel how her whole body goes 
soft and pliable in my arms, making me completely 
hard in contrast. Her hot lithe body settles against 
me, and the look in her eyes betrays her sudden 
arousal. Fuck, can we do this now?
	
"We can't, Mulder, the girls ..."
	
I nod as I press her body even closer. God, I'm so 
turned on, and it's happened so unbelievably fast, 
that I can't even think properly anymore. She's right, 
of course, but my body now craves the release so 
badly. "We can't do a quickie, can we?"
	
She gasps again, the intake of breath mingling with a 
moan. "No, no we can't ... but I want ... God ..."
	
I'm insane, I've clearly lost my mind, because I feel 
I've already gone past the point of no return. I need 
the release and I need it with her. "I want you, I 
need you," I groan as my hands pull her closer, then 
disappear under her shirt. "God, I need to have you 
so fucking bad."
	
"Oh God, yeah ... Mulder, we can't get all naked, 
we have no time for that," she says on a breathless 
whimper. "We have to be fast, do me quickly."

I smile. Yes! I lift her onto the kitchen counter and 
then I unbutton my pants.
	
"Thank God I decided on wearing this skirt instead 
of my pants," she says with the lustful smile.
	
"Underwear?" I just ask. God, I truly am the king of 
semantics now apparently ... I'd be hugely surprised 
if I even had the brainpower left to string three 
words together in a coherent sentence.
	
She smiles and shakes her head. "Nope."
	
"Thank God."
	
Thank God indeed.
	
"Does that surprise you?" she asks with a grin.
	
I grin too and shrug. "Maybe." But who cares? Not 
me definitely.
	
When I've freed myself from my pants, I hitch up 
her skirt and pull her in closer to me and, with one 
strong and almost desperate move, I'm inside her. 
Holy shit, this feels so amazing ...
	
"Oh God, this is good ..." she pants as she clings 
onto me. "Please, go fast, hard, real hard. We have 
no time."
	
Yes, my lady, anything for you. And for me, 
because, let's not be entirely altruistic, I get at least 
as much satisfaction out of this as I can give her.
	
"Touch yourself," I groan as I thrust up into her. I 
feel sweat on my forehead with the effort. Fuck, if 
only I was a little younger still, this is going to kill 
my back! But I'd rather die than stop now. My back 
will have to fend for itself now, I'm in no position to 
be considerate. "Touch yourself, I'm already getting 
there ..."
	
"Yeah ..." she just sighs and I feel her hand between 
us. Our eyes meet for a moment and we share a wide 
smile. "This is so stupid," she says with a grin.
	
I nod as I grin too, pushing up a little harder and 
making her gasp. "We've lost our minds. This is 
insane."
	
She nods as she laughs softly, breathlessly. "Yeah 
..." Then she lets out a high-pitched gasp, the sound 
of which I know all too well as a sign that her climax 
is imminent. Good, because I can feel how my balls 
are tensing up to let go as well. I wonder if it's even 
taken three minutes. And the best thing is that I 
don't care -- in fact, for once I'm actually feeling 
proud I'm about to blow my load so quickly.
	
"Come with me," I groan, "God ... shit, I can't ... I 
can't hold it ..."
	
"I'm there ... Oh oh ffffuck ... Oh Goooood ..."
	
She buries her face against my shoulder as she comes 
with a long keening moan and I growl out my 
pleasure as I let go as well with a few strong but 
erratic thrusts, emptying myself deeply within her 
body.
	
I pry my eyes open and watch how she tosses her 
long hair back, her eyes still closed, and her mouth 
open on a post-coital sigh. Then she hugs me, 
burying her face against the side of my neck, her 
rapid breathing warming my skin. I'm grinning like a 
fool, I can't help it, I'm just filled with smug pride. 
<I did this,> I think, <I made us both come in no 
time at all.> Damn, I'm good ...
	
"Dana ..." I say softly, and she slowly raises her 

head to look at me.
	
She smiles lovingly, just before her soft smile 
changes into a luscious grin. "Oh man, that was 
awesome!" she says. "We should do this more 
often!"
	
I laugh. "Quickies or sex in general?"
	
She laughs, too. "Both. God, I just love sex!"
	
I pull out of her, making us both sigh. It's always a 
bit of an anti-climax, the signal that this round is 
now officially over. Then, as I pull up my pants and 
button them up again, she inspects her skirt, which 
now quite clearly bears the traces of our illicit little 
adventure. She laughs softly and tucks her skirt in 
between her legs to catch any remains fluids. Then 
she wraps her arms back around my neck to pull me 
closer. "I think I'd better change my skirt, this will 
never do."
	
"What are we going to tell the girls when they notice 
you're not wearing your skirt anymore?" I ask, 
revelling in the closeness. "I'm pretty sure at least 
one of them will notice, they're far too smart for 
such an obvious thing to pass them by."
	
She grins. "I think I'll just tell them it got dirty while 
we were 'working' in the kitchen. They'll have no 
problem with that." I love how she draws the 
inverted commas in the air.
	
I feign shock. "You're going to lie to our daughters? 
Dana Scully, where are your principles?"
	
She laughs when she notices that I can barely keep a 
serious face. Then she leans in. "I think you fucked 
them right out of me," she says in a low, sexy voice, 
making me groan.

"Stop that," I grunt. "God, you're evil, you know 
that?"
	
She smiles, kissing me softly. "Only when I know 
you like me better that way."
	
I chuckle. "Damn right!" I kiss her some more, 
deeper and hotter this time, while I run my hands 
over her body. "I guess we'd better stop now and 
drag ourselves back to the real world."
	
She pouts. "Must we really? Shit, reality sucks."
	
I grin. "It does, doesn't it?" I say with a smile. 
"Anyway, you know what, I'll start on the dishes we 
were supposed to be doing, and you can change into 
something clean, okay?"
	

She reaches up and kisses me, just a little hotter than 
she might have done otherwise. Then she hops off 
the counter. "Okay. I'll be right back, thanks." And 
with that she disappears up the stairs, leaving me 
behind in a silent kitchen where the smell of sex still 
lingers in the air.
	
Damn ...

*~*~*
	
Scully and I are just putting away the last of today's 
lunch plates, when Katherine walks into the kitchen.
	
"Hey, sweetheart," Scully greets her.
	
Katherine smiles widely and walks over to her 
mother for a hug. "Hi, mama."

"Did you come in for a break?"
	
The little girl nods her head. "Yeah, I want a hug."
	
Scully smiles and kneels down to gather our 
daughter to her. "Well, I have plenty of hugs to give 
you," she says softly, kissing Katherine on her cheek. 
"You can come for a hug as often as you like."
	
Katherine giggles and wraps her arms around her 
mother's neck to plant a sloppy child's kiss on 
Scully's cheek.
	
"Do you think you could give papa a kiss too, 
darling?" Scully suggests and Katherine quickly 
walks up to me, giving her mother the opportunity to 
stand up again. I kneel down as well and relish the 
feeling of this girl's arms around me and her 
innocent heart-felt kiss on my own cheek.
	
"Papa, your beard tickles my mouth!" she giggles, 
making me laugh.
	
"Yes, it does, doesn't it?" I get to my feet and lift 
Katherine up into my arms. "Ooomph, boy, you are 
really getting heavy, sweetie, I think that any day 
now I won't be able to carry you anymore."
	
She wraps her arms around my neck and her legs 
around my waist as she looks at me. "But you'll still 
love me then, huh?"
	
I smile, stroking her hair. "Of course I will. I will 
always love you, even when you're a little too big 
for me to still carry you. You and Julia are gifts from 
God, you know, and mama and I are so grateful that 
we were allowed to be your parents."
	
She rests her head against me. "I'm happy I'm your 
little girl, too, papa ..."
	
I smile and I meet Scully's eyes, whose expression is 
soft and loving. "I know," I just say. "I love you 
too."
	
"Papa?"
	
"Mm-mm?"
	
"There are people outside."
	
I feel my eyebrows shoot up and I look at Scully, her 
expression equally surprised. "There's someone 
outside?" I ask Katherine. "Who are they?"
	
"Don't know, they look kind of funny."
	
"Funny how?" I ask.
	
"They're tall and grey, and they walk funny."
	
I freeze. Fuck ... That really can only mean one 
thing: They are back.
	
Oh no ...
	
"This isn't good at all," I tell Scully, who nods. "We 
need to go and find Julia, before anything happens 
to her." Together the three of us walk towards the 

door leading into the paddock, me still carrying 
Katherine. Julia was a gift from Them to us, and a 
part of me always feared that maybe one day They'd 
come back for her.
	
"Papa, I wanna walk," Katherine says, fidgeting a 
little to be let down.
	
Part of me isn't sure whether I even want to let her 
out of my arms, but she'll get far too heavy in a few 
minutes anyway, so, unless I really want to throw 
my back out, she is indeed probably better off 
walking by herself. I set her down on her feet, but I 
keep holding her hand.
	
We walk out into the paddock, quickly crossing over 
to Julia's flower garden. I feel a tremendous sense of 
relief when I spot her standing amongst her flowers, 
looking out across the fields at something we cannot 
see yet.
	
"Julia!" Scully calls her and the little girl turns and 
then runs towards us. Scully picks her up when she's 
reached us and hugs her close. "Oh sweetheart, 
thank God you're still safe."
	
"Mama, dere's people," Julia says, pointing towards 
to fields where I left the cattle to graze.

	
I look up at the sky, but this time nothing betrays 

Their presence. No weird colours in the sky, no hum, 
no pull -- none of the signs we learnt to associate 
with Their ominous presence. If the girls hadn't 
noticed Them, we would never even have known 
They were in the vicinity.
	
Goddamn ...
	
"We can still go back to the house," Scully says. 
"We don't need to confront Them."
	
She's right of course. "Yeah. But don't you think 
They came for us anyway? There's nobody else here, 
They have no business here unless They specifically 
want us."

	
"So we're going to meet Them on purpose?"
	
I nod. "I don't want to be a victim," I answer 
between clenched teeth, feeling determined not to 
be beaten by those bastards.
	
She doesn't reply, just looks at me, and I realise just 
how selfish those words were.
	
"Of course, if you think we're better off inside, then 
we'll go back," I go on, my voice softer now. I still 
think a direct confrontation is what's called for, but 
the least I can do is give her a choice.
	
She shakes her head. "No, you're right. Let's face 
Them head-on. There's very little we can do, They're 
going to have it Their way anyway. And I don't 
want us to be victims either."
	
I smile a little grimly. "No, me neither. Anyway, do 
you want me to carry Julia? She must be getting 
heavy."
	
Scully looks at our youngest girl who is sucking her 
thumb. Then she shakes her head. "No, I'll be fine. 
You take Katherine under your wings and I'll be 
there for Julia. And we'll have each other's backs as 
usual."
	

I nod. "You're right." I gather her to me and kiss her 

deeply. Then I look at her and smile a little. "No 
matter what will happen, I just needed to do that."
	
She smiles in return. "Thank you." Then her smile 
fades. "Come, let's go and see what They want from 
us."
	
We pass the old oak tree in the field and I cut a 
quick look at it. Its branches are still bare, although 
when I went out near it two days ago, I saw the little 
buds that promise another full lush canopy this 
summer.

The thought strikes me that I can only hope we'll 
live to see it.
	
Fuck ...
	
Then I spot Them. Hearing Scully's soft gasp I know 
she's spotted Them too, and instinctively I pull her 
closer.
	
There are only two of Them this time. Last time 
there were three, one male who seemed to be a kind 
of leader, and two females. This time, however, two 
appears to have been plenty for Them. I'm not stupid 
enough to think that would make Them less of a 
threat though. I've seen what They are capable of, 
underestimating Them would probably be the last 
thing you'd ever do in this life.
	
[You're doing well,] I hear in my head. I look at 
Scully who looks at me, and we nod at each other. 
We can still hear them. Good.
	

"Papa, he's talking funny," Katherine says, looking 
up at me. It's good to know the girls can hear them, 
too, even if they don't understand what's going on.
	
I nod with a small smile. "Yes, he is. That's 
telepathy, sweetheart, he can talk in our heads."
	
She frowns. "Te-leh ... what's that, papa?"
	
I stroke her hair, then pick her up into my arms. 
Scully is carrying Julia and somehow I want to feel 
Katherine closer, too. It's just safer. "Telepathy. I'll 
tell you about that later, okay?" If there is a later, of 
course ... Still, no need to tell her that.
	
The creature comes closer and we stop. We are in the 
field where I planted rye, although at this time of 
year nothing yet reveals the crop we're expecting. 
The ground is muddy and black, testimony to the 
heavy rains we have had over the past weeks, rains 
that seem normal here in January and February. 
March and April will most likely be a lot drier, after 
which May will bring in new showers.
	
God, I truly am growing into a farmer here, knowing 
the cycle of the seasons this well ...
	
"Why did you come back?" Scully asks. "We asked 
you to leave us alone."
	
The creature smiles in that subconscious way They 
have. They show no emotions at all, but still you can 
feel what emotions They want to convey. [And we 
have. It's been almost five of your years since we 
last visited you.]
	
Well, that is true.
	
"What do you want?" I ask.
	
[We mean no harm.]
	
I look at Scully. Could the creature be serious? God, 
I don't know ... I'm not nearly as scared as I was last 
time we saw them, maybe because They don't seem 
to be nearly as threatening now, but that doesn't 
mean I trust Them one bit. I've seen what They can 
do and trusting Them usually gets you killed.
	
"Then why are you here?" I ask.
	
The two creatures come closer still until they are only 
a few feet away from us. I look at Katherine and 
Julia, neither of whom seem to be particularly 
worried, possibly because they were both born after 
the Invasion and they don't know the threat. Well, 
so much the better anyway. In fact, they are quite 
calmly resting in our arms, almost sleepily so. 
	
I recall how Katherine seemed spookily calm the 
first time They visited us, all those years ago. Maybe 
They have that effect on children, I don't know. Still 
I'm glad the girls aren't panicking, I wouldn't want 
to annoy Them if we can help it.
	
[We want to see the girls.]

"You're not going to hurt them, are you?" Scully 
asks, a slight tone of panic in her voice.
	
[If we'd wanted to hurt them, we would have done 
so a long time ago,] the creature says coldly, and I 
have to agree with Them. If They had put in any 
effort at all, sitting ducks would have had more 
chances than us ...
	
The female creature moves forward now. Suddenly a 
thought runs through my head, wondering  whether 
They have a paternalistic society too, seeing that it is 
the male creature who has taken the lead so far, but I 
banish it quickly. God knows if They can pick these 
thoughts up as well, and the last thing I want to do 
is piss Them off. You never know what might upset 
Them, and upsetting Them is about the last thing I 
want to do now. Principles are just not worth getting 
killed for.
	
[Set your daughters down,] the male creature orders.
	
We look at each other, then very reluctantly obey his 
order. "Stay with us, girls," I say softly. "Don't go 
anywhere."
	
"What is he going to do, papa?" Katherine asks.
	
"I don't know, sweetheart," I tell her.
	
[Can you come over, Julia?] the creature asks and I 
watch, stunned, how Julia quite simply lets go of her 
mother's hand and walks over to him. I see how 
Scully pales and claps her hand over her mouth.
	
Something in me wants to dash after her and drag 

her back -- something in me is even, unreasonably, 
angry that she's so trusting -- but I decide that 
probably won't do us any good. I'll be much more 
use to Julia alive though at a distance, than close-by 
and stone dead.

	
The female bends over our youngest girl and strokes 

her hair, then cupping the back of her head in her 
hand. Looks like she's feeling for something, but I 
have absolutely no idea what that might be.
	
"What are They doing, papa?" Katherine whispers.
	
God, I don't know ... 
	
"I think They're looking at Julia to see how she is, 
sweetheart," I reply, my eyes fixed on Julia and the 
creature.
	
"Is Julia sick?" Katherine then asks.
	
I shakes me head. "No, They just want to see her."
	

"Oh."
	
I look at Scully, who still has her hand in front of her 
mouth, and I see the tears in her eyes. Oh sweetheart 
... I gather her to me and let her bury her face against 
my shoulder as she wraps her arms around Katherine 
and myself. This is getting rather awkward because 
Katherine is in fact getting too heavy for me, but I 
don't want to let go. I'll happily settle for a few sore 
muscles later if that means I get to hold my wife and 
daughter now. The only thing that is wrong now in a 
way, is the fact that Julia isn't here too.
	
"Mama?" Katherine says softly. "What's wrong?"
	
Scully looks up and smiles a bit through her tears. 
"I'm just worried about Julia, darling."
	
"Oh. But They're not gonna hurt her, are They?"
	
Scully sighs. "That's what I'm worried about, I'm 
just not sure ..."
	
I see Katherine frown. Then she turns to me. "Papa, 
I want down, please."

I set her down on her feet and then she completely 
surprises us both by walking towards her sister.
	
"Katherine, no! Come back!" I shout, but she 
doesn't listen, instead actually picks up speed as she 
makes her way over to Julia.
	
"Katherine, come back ..." Scully cries. Then she 
turns towards me and buries her face against my 
chest. "Oh God ..."
	
"Shhh, don't cry ... I'm sure they'll come back," I 
say softly, then almost physically want to slap 
myself. What kind of insane comment was that? I 
have no reassurance, there is no reason for me to 
trust Them. Fucking hell ...
	
As I try to comfort my wife, I keep looking at the 
two creatures and our daughters who seem 
absolutely mesmerised by Them. What are They 
doing? And, oh God, will They take our girls? We'd 
never survive it if our daughters were taken from us 
-- we have proven we are resilient, but that would be 
the absolute end of us. I wouldn't give ourselves 
two weeks if we were to lose our daughters to Them 
...
	
"What do you want from us?" I ask, sounding angry. 
"Please, we've done nothing wrong!"
	
[Your daughters are fine,] the male creature 
comments.
	
I frown in frustration. That's not what I wanted to 
hear, Goddamnit! "Please, just let the girls come 
back to us," I plead.
	
The female creature stands up, releasing her hold on 
Julia. The little girl looks at her and then at us.
	
I beckon her. "Come here, sweetheart."
	
I see Julia nod, just before she takes Katherine's 
hand. Then she waves at the female. "Bye bye!" I 
hear her say as they both walk back to us.
	
Something in me is suddenly furious: she's not 
supposed to like Them! They are the enemy! With 
major effort I tamp that thought down, reminding 
myself that this is a little four-year-old girl who was 
born after the whole world was destroyed. She 
doesn't know what happened, she cannot possibly 
know what these bastards are capable of, not to 
mention that she hasn't nearly the mental capacity 
yet to know the proper ways. I cannot blame her for 
her good manners, even when I feel like doing so 
right now.
	
We run up to the girls and gather them up in our 
arms. Oh God, Katherine ...
	
I watch how Scully checks Julia's head, feeling the 
back of her neck for a chip or anything else  that 
might have been put there.
	
"Is she okay?" I whisper.
	
Scully nods. "I think so," she whispers back, just 
before hugging our youngest girl closer. "Oh, my 

God, Julia ..." Then she looks at me. "How's 
Katherine?"
	
I feel the back of her head, making her giggle. I 
smile a little, instinctively, at the sound. "Did that 
tickle you?"
	
"Yeah," she giggles, rubbing the base of her skull, 
"that feels funny!"
	
"Are you okay?" I then ask of her.

She nods. "Yeah, I'm okay. Why, papa?"
	
I cut a quick look at Scully, then shake my head. 
"Nothing, sweetheart, it's okay."
	
Then we turn to the creatures who seem to be 
surprisingly patient at watching us. "So, what can we 
expect?"
	
[Make a life for yourselves,] the male creature says, 
[what you have is not understandable to us.]
	
I frown, puzzled by his words. "What do you 
mean?"
	
[We have what we need. We cannot begin to 
understand more.]
	
"Wait, you mean you won't come back?" I ask. "We 
don't have to worry anymore?"
	
[Make a life,] the creature repeats, [things will soon 
change.]
	
Fuck, could They be any more vague? "For the 
better or for the worse?" I press, anxious to know 
whether we still have a future worth living.

	
[You have nothing to fear.] 
	
And with that apparently final answer, They melt 
into the background, leaving the four of us alone 
again. Damnit, why can't They just tell us? Why do 
They always have to be so Goddamn enigmatic?!
	
"Papa, I want down, please," I hear Katherine say, 
and I look at her. I nod and put her down on her 
feet. Scully, too, lets Julia down.
	
"What do we do now?" Scully asks and I shrug a 
little helplessly.
	
"I don't know." I sigh, feeling pretty clueless now. 

"So, shall we just go home then? I mean, what else 
can we do?"
	
She chuckles once. "Yeah, I guess. God, I feel so 
confused."
	
"Me too, almost as though I don't know what to do 
or where to go." I say softly and I rub my hand over 
my face. Then I look back at her with a bit of a 
smile. "I didn't feel so scared this time though. I 
don't think They were quite as threatening."
	
She nods. "It almost felt as though They meant well, 
as though They were kind and pleased to see us. I 
mean, it makes no sense in the light of all we've been 
through because of Them."
	
"Yeah. I don't understand it though." Shit, I can't 
remember the last time I felt so rudderless.
	
"Papa?" Katherine asks, pulling my pant leg to get 
my attention.
	
"Yes, sweetheart?"
	
"Papa, I'm hungry. I wanna eat."
	
Trust these children to drag our feet back to earth. 
Rudderless or not, confused or not, we have lives 
depending on us. We might as well make sure we 
don't let them down. 
	
I smile and take her hand. "Of course, I think it's 
dinner time for all of us, isn't it?"
	
I see Scully pick up Julia as I keep holding 
Katherine's hand, her soft little hand in my large 
calloused one. It's one heck of a contrast. Then I 
wrap my arm around Scully's shoulder, and the four 
of us make our way back home.
	
Could it be that the Universal threat is finally over?

*~*~*

"Are you done, sweetheart?" Scully asks Katherine 
when she puts down her knife and fork.
	
Katherine nods. "Mm-mm, can I leave?"
	
"Ah wanna play, mama!" Julia says. "Ahm ready!"

	
Scully smiles. "All right then, but you need to stay 
indoors, okay? Don't go out, and Katherine, don't 
go to the animals, you understand? It'll be bedtime 
soon."
	
I see Katherine sulk a little, betraying her original 
intentions and how her plans are now well and truly 

foiled. "But mama ..."
	
"No," Scully tells her. "You can go and play in the 
living room, or you can stay here, or you can play on 
the back steps, but neither of you is going out. It's 
too cold and papa and I don't want you to get sick."
	
"But I can wear my cape," the young girl suggests, 
looking at me. "I won't get sick then." I'll be 
damned if she doesn't actually try out the ol' doe 
eyes, but I will not be moved. It's funny really, how 
she just keeps trying, even though Scully and I 
always back each other up. I don't always agree with 
her decisions, and I'm sure there are times when she 
doesn't think I'm doing the right thing, but the girls 
have no business knowing that -- we can discuss 
those differences when the girls aren't around.
	
Still, I guess Katherine figures it never hurts to try, 
and I can hardly blame her. After all, you never 
know, do you?
	
"I know," I say, shaking my head. "But you heard 
mama, and you're staying inside. You can go outside 
again tomorrow."
	
"But papa ..."
	
"Did you hear me?" I ask, looking at her pointedly, 
and she sighs a bit as she sulks.
	
"Yes, papa ..."
	
"All right, now go and enjoy yourself somewhere in 
the house," I say, my voice softer already.
	
"Yes, papa ..."
	
I spot Julia looking back in the kitchen from the 
living room. "Kafrin? Kafrin, you wanna make tent? 
We can make tent!"
	
"A tent?" Katherine instantly perks up. "Oh yeah, on 
the stairs!"

	
Julia grins. "Yeah, make tent wiv da cur-ins!"
	
We found some old ratty curtains about two years 
ago on one of our, by now, infamous scavenger 
hunts. They were faded, moth-eaten, and very worn, 
but it was fabric nonetheless, and we took it home 
after all, even in the condition they were in. I mean, 
beggars can't be choosers, non? Until very recently, 
however, they had not been recycled into anything 
useful. So when the girls came downstairs with them 
last month and asked if they could use them to make 
a tent, we figured that such a thing would actually 
be a pretty good destination.
	
"Papa, can we make a tent?" Katherine asks.
	
I smile and nod. "Of course you can. Just use the 
back stairs, okay? That way we can leave the tent up 
overnight if you want."
	
"Okay!" she exults, running over to Julia. "Come on, 
Julia, let's go make a tent!"
	
"Yay, less-uh make a tent!" Julia chimes in, and 
together the girls disappear into the back of the 
house, their little clogs rattling on the old tiles of the 
hallway floor.
	
I let out a relieved breath through pursed lips. 
"Thank you, Julia," I say with a relieved smile as I sit 
back down at the table.
	
Scully chuckles as she puts another potato and some 
vegetables on her plate. "That was pretty damn good 
timing, yes. Anyway, do you want to eat some 
more?"
	
I shake my head. "No, thank you, I've had plenty. I 
piled up pretty well the first time round, remember?"
	
She smiles as she digs in. "Yes, you did."
	
We are silent for a bit. She eats and I just, well, 
think.
	
I'm still confused by what happened this afternoon. 
It wasn't what I expected would happen when They 
visited. And it's not as though I'm not relieved it all 
ended so well, because I am -- even when I still 
really want to know what it was They wanted to 
find out about Julia -- but some of Their comments, 
and in fact Their whole behaviour, made absolutely 
no sense whatsoever. It's puzzling, and I don't like 
it.
	
I see how she puts down her knife and fork, and 
wipes her mouth with her napkin.
	
"That was good, wasn't it?" I say with a smile.
	
She smiles back, moving her chair closer so she sits 
next to me. "Yes, it wasn't bad at all. The potatoes 
were okay, they're a bit of a gamble nowadays 
because they're getting really old and the new 
potatoes aren't ready for harvesting yet. Sometimes 
the old ones are really quite disgusting."
	
"It won't be long till the new early potatoes are 
good, shouldn't be more than a week or two I think. 
In fact, I could check on their progress tomorrow if 
you think that's a good idea."
	
"Yeah, I think that would work. I'd love to have 
new potatoes."
	
We are silent once more and I watch her move her 
cutlery around her plate, seemingly without sense or 
purpose. Something is bothering her, and although I 
have real no idea what it might be, that much at least 
is clear. I suspect her thoughts have to do with 
meeting Them, but unless she actually tells me, it 
could be anything. Time to ask, I guess.
	
"You okay?" I ask.
	

"Yeah, I guess so," she just answers, her gaze 
unfocussed.
	
"What is it?" I whisper as I cover her hand with my 
own, getting her attention.
	
"Oh ..." she says, coming back to the here and now. 
She smiles a bit. "Nothing, just ... do you understand 
what They wanted of us this afternoon? It was just 
so puzzling all ..."
	
I smile as well. "Actually, I was thinking pretty 
much the same thing. I mean, why were They so 
kind? It made no sense. And what is it about us 
humans that They appear not to understand?"
	
She shakes her head. "I don't know, it's strange, 
isn't it? I mean, do you think it could be ... you 
know, love? I don't know if They know love as an 
emotion, They don't seem very emotionally well-
developed really."
	
"And yet, we never fail to pick up on Their signs of 
happiness and anger and so on."
	
"Mm-mm, that's true. Although, of course, those are 
pretty basic emotions. I mean, those emotions are 
based in the most ancient parts of our brain, a part of 
our brain that we share with animals. I guess They 
have structures like that, too, because these emotions 
are so essential to survival in us, and in any even 
slightly complicated creature on this planet, so I'm 
guessing it might apply to Them as well. But love, 
well, I guess it's fairly abstract. And, as miserable as 
life would be without it, love is not strictly necessary 
in order to survive."
	
I smile. "Well, that's definitely true, yes." Then I 
shake my head in disbelief. "God, if They don't 
know love, what a sad life They must lead."
	
She chuckles. "Are you feeling sorry for Them?"
	
I huff. "Hell no, I wish Them everything bad I can 
imagine and then some. It's hardly civilised, but then 
again neither were They when They first arrived on 
this planet."
	
She smiles a bit. Then she bits her lip. "Do you think 
... do you think They're leaving? Leaving Earth, I 
mean? It's a dumb thought, but somehow I got the 
feeling that ... They've given up. Or something like 
that ..."
	
I shrug. "I don't know, I really don't. But it might 
be. And I wonder what that change is going to be, 
too, you know, that change They said we could 
expect."
	
She shakes her head. "I cannot imagine anything. I 
mean, if it's another baby I'm not quite sure whether 
that's what I want, but to be honest I don't think 
They meant that. Last time They told us quite 
specifically that we could make another baby, and 
within what time-frame. This time They said nothing 
of the kind, They didn't even seem to imply it. So, I 
really don't know what They meant."
	
I shake my head as well. "No, neither do I. It's very 
puzzling."
	
"I think it was sort of implied we were going to like 
the change though. But I cannot imagine what that 
could be."
	
I nod thoughtfully. "No, me neither." Then I start 
stacking the dirty plates. "Let's forget about it as far 
as we can," I suggest. "I mean, we can wrack our 
brains over it till Kingdom Come, but it's no use, we 
haven't got a clue. I guess we'll just have to wait 
and see."
	
She nods, too, picking up the pans and taking them 
to the sink. "Well, that's definitely true. I mean, we 
don't even know how quickly that change might 
come. Could be tomorrow, but it could be years yet 
too."
	
I join her by the sink and we share a smile. "You're 
right," I say. "Come, let's do the dishes, and maybe 
we can inspect our daughters' real estate afterwards. 
I feel like joining them in their game."
	
"Do you?"
	
I nod and smile. "Yeah, it's cool, they're good fun 
to be with, aren't they? I've always liked building 
huts and tents. And it'll take our minds off what 
happened this afternoon."
	
"You're right." Then she grins. "You're just a big kid 
inside, aren't you?"
	
I grin, too, nodding easily. "I am actually."
	
No use trying to hide the obvious, I guess.

XxXxX

Chapter 23

The rain is coming down mildly but steadily in one 
of those typical early spring showers. I'm soaked to 
the bone, but not particularly chilled. In short, there 
is no reason for me to quit my work just yet.
	
I've herded the cattle into the meadows behind the 
house where the grass seems to grow a little better 

than in other places. We haven't been able to figure 
out why that is, but my suspicions are that there 
might be a different kind of top soil here, which is 
just slightly more fertile, or drains better, or 
whatever it could be.
	
I watch the animals graze for a little while, then 
decide it's time to check up on the progress of our 
crops. Nothing much should be showing yet, seeing 
that many of the crops we planted won't show for 
another month or so at least, but the condition of the 
fields will give me a fair indication as to whether we 
will actually have any crops to harvest later on in the 
year.
	
I smile when I see a few lambs prance around in 
their typical stiff-legged way, annoying the ewes to 
no end I suspect. Katherine was present at the 
lambing and even assisted me with any of the ewes 
that had difficulty in giving birth. Our breed of 
sheep thankfully lamb very easily, but there are 
bound to be a few individuals that need a little 
helping hand. And as young as Katherine may be 
still -- she's not yet six after all -- she already has a 
better understanding of animals and animal welfare 
than many adults would have had in the old, pre-
Invasion world we came from.
	
This morning I debated as to whether or not it was a 
good idea to let the lambs go out with the ewes 
today, seeing that the weather was so wet, but the 
little things were starting to get severe cases of cabin 
fever it appeared, trashing the pens we kept them in. 
So after a little deliberation Scully and I decided 
that it was probably a good thing to, at least, give 
them a chance to stretch their stocky little legs. Even 
if it was raining. I've kept the barn doors open, so if 
they feel at all uncomfortable, the animals can still 
go back in and dry up.
	
So far, however, they seem to be doing just fine out 
there in the rain.
	
With my improvised shepherd's crook on my 
shoulder, I saunter in the direction of our crop fields. 
That's the good thing about very early spring, there 
is not yet that manic activity we will have in the 
coming months. The air is starting to warm up for 
real, even when I still see a thin layer of ice on the 
very edges of the water pools, proof of the night 
frosts we still have and won't fully lose till about 
mid-May. On the whole, this is not a bad time of the 
year at all.
	
Even when the rain just seems to get heavier now. 
Mmm, maybe those crops will just have to wait, it's 
starting to get uncomfortable.
	
I decide to make a slight detour as I return home, 
taking the route that takes me over a minor rise in the 
land. You couldn't call it a hill by the biggest stretch 
of the imagination, but the landscape here is 
undulating and we have a little peak about fifty 
yards away from the farm. It's a great vantage point 
we often use in summer to check up on our livestock 
as they spend months at a time grazing in the fields 
without ever coming in.
	
I smile when I see the skeleton of the tipi structure 
we gave Katherine as a birthday gift some months 
ago still bravely holding out against the elements. 
Katherine and Julia must have constructed it late last 
summer or early last autumn, and they clearly never 
took it down. And I have no business in this part of 
our land after about mid-summer, so I never really 
noticed it before. The long spindly stakes are still 
tied together at the top, the string fraying badly at 
the edges and alternately blowing in the wind, then 
being plastered to the wet stakes the string is holding 
together. The remnants of a piece of what must have 
been red cloth, now mostly faded to a mottled pink 
with its edges severely frayed, is soggily flying from 
the top like a flag. It's actually quite an eerie sight.

	
I climb to the top of the shallow rise and wipe the 

rain from my eyes, swiping my soaked hair back as 
well. I've been wearing my hair slightly longer since 
we came here, seeing that Scully is now the one who 
has to cut my hair and she obviously never trained as 
a barber. Scissors are no problem for her, but putting 
them to hairdressing use poses slightly more of a 
challenge, I guess. 
	
I scan the horizon and our fields, not expecting 
anything amiss, but it never hurts to be certain of 
course. Then I freeze.
	
What the hell?
	
People?
	
The crops and animals go quite forgotten as I start to 
quickly walk down the rise in the direction of the 
small group of people I fancy I spotted. It can't be a 
mirage, not in this part of the world, and definitely 
not under these conditions of pouring rain, but ...
	
They seem to be a family group of some form or 
another, though I'm not sure whether they are 
actually related of course. I know better than ever 
before that in the unimaginable chaos of the Invasion 
families were torn apart, and sometimes people took 
to caring for children that were not their own.
	
I watch one of the adults point at me. As far as I can 
make out without the help of glasses or contacts, it is 
a man. I start running in their direction, I can't help 
myself. This needs checking out.
	
As I come closer I notice just how awful they look. 
God, we were right, we have been incredibly lucky. 
The group seems to be made up of a man, a woman, 
and three pretty young children, though I can't tell 
as yet whether they are boys or girls. They are 
dressed in nothing more than soaked filthy rags, and 
their faces are drawn and pale, their bodies thin and 
undernourished.
	
When they spot me, I watch how the woman pulls 
the children closer and the man takes on a defensive, 
almost aggressive position. I don't know if they're 
armed or not -- I know all too well that many of the 
victims of the post-Invasion carnage didn't die at the 
hands of the Invaders at all -- so I stop in my tracks, 
slowly drop my crook, and put up my hands to show 
them I'm unarmed and don't mean to hurt them.
	
"It's okay, I'm unarmed, please don't worry," I say 
in a clear but calm voice. I obviously haven't lost my 
touch of dealing with potentially dangerous suspects 
yet. "I don't mean any harm, I just want to help you 
if I can."
	
"Who are you?" the man asks, his voice laced with 
suspicion. Well, I can't blame him for that, God only 
knows what they've been through.
	
"My name is Fox Mulder, this is my farm. My wife 
and children are here, too," I tell him. I slowly lower 
my hands. "We have been living here for six years 
now, we came from DC originally."
	
"Who else is with you apart from your wife and 
kids? Have you been in contact with Them?" he 
asks.
	
I decide that, for now, it might be better to ignore 
our two meetings with Them. I still don't know 
whether this family is armed, and I have no 
intentions of antagonising them.
	
"We haven't seen Them since we came here," I lie. 
"And there is just the four of us. I have two little 
daughters. But they are in the house because of the 
rain."

The woman places a pale thin hand on the man's arm 
to get his attention and he turns to her. "I think he's 
safe, Mike. Maybe he can help us."

I look at her and at the children still grasping her 
legs, and I feel terribly sorry for them all.
	
"We don't have much," I tell them, "but I can try to 
help you if you want."
	
"We can't pay you, we lost everything," the woman 
says.
	
I smile, I can't help it. The notion of money just 
amuses me by now, it's such a sign of a bygone era. 
"I don't care about money, that is useless here. You 
are the first people we've seen since we fled from 
our old life after the Invasion. We haven't got a 
dime either, but our farm keeps us alive."
	
"We saw plenty of other farms, who lives there?" the 
man called Mike asks, and I can tell from the look in 
his eyes that he clearly still hasn't quite lost his 
suspicion. Well, it probably only speaks in his favour, 
I have no doubt that this suspicion kept them alive in 
the first place. If they even all survived, who knows 
if they actually lost any children. I feel a cold shiver 
run down my spine at the thought of having had to 
run and losing either Katherine or Julia through 
starvation or exposure or from any other cause. Or 
losing them both even. Shit ...
	
"They are all abandoned," I say. "They were so 
when we got here, and we simply moved into one of 
them. We never knew the people who once lived 
here."
	
"Are they dead?" the woman asks.
	
I shrug. "Probably. At least they never returned," I 
answer.
	
The woman looks at the man. "Mike, we've got to 
give him a chance."

I see a dark look wash over the man's face and he 
doesn't reply immediately. I can almost physically 
hear the thoughts and doubts that run around inside 
his head. Then, quite brusquely, "I want to meet 
your family."
	
I nod. "All right. But I don't want to take them out 
into the rain. You'll have to come with me."
	
"We are not entering your house," he says darkly.
	
"I wouldn't let you into our house anyway," I state 
matter-of-factly. I don't want to be unkind, but I'm 
not a fool either. "But we have a porch where you 
can shelter. I think your children would benefit from 
being out of the rain. And I think a decent meal 
would do them good too."
	
"You have food?" the woman asks, her eyes wide 
and her voice eager.
	
"We grow our own crops and we have animals for 
milk and meat." A thought strikes me. "If you move 
into one of the abandoned farms, you could make a 
life for yourselves. Somehow I don't think a life on 
the run would last your children much longer."
	
I look at the hollow eyes of the children. The oldest 
of them is definitely a girl, and the two younger 
children look like boys of roughly Katherine and 
Julia's age, but I'm not sure of their gender at this 
point. The children are all wearing their hair short, 
but that doesn't prove anything of course, nothing is 
simpler than cutting hair. Then I look at the man.
	
"Look, I have nothing to gain by harming you, just 
as I have nothing to gain by helping you. We have 
been living well, and I'm taking a risk here by 
offering to help you, because I really don't want to 
mess up our sheltered life. But you guys need help 
and I'm offering you that help. I mean, it will only 
be temporarily so, seeing that we don't have the 
means of supporting five more people on what our 
farm yields. But at least come with me and have a 
square meal and a place for the night."
	
"Mommy, I'm hungry," the girl says softly, and then 
the two younger children start to cry too, their wails 
soft and plaintive.
	
The woman turns to the man. "Let's do it, Mike, 
we've got to trust someone."
	
"I don't trust anyone," he answers and I have to 
refrain myself from smiling at the familiar phrase.
	
"Just trust me for the moment," I reply, picking up 
my crook, and turning towards our house. I have no 
doubt in my mind that they will follow, the 
insecurities of the man be damned. I look over my 
shoulder, and true enough, they are walking behind 
me, following me to the house.
	
When we've reached the farm I turn to them. "You 
can stay on the porch for the moment, feel free to sit 
down on the couch and the chairs. I'll go get my 
wife and children."
	
With that I enter the house. I'm not afraid these 
people will do anything wrong, there is nothing for 
them to steal or damage beyond what I can repair, 
and they would have nothing to gain from such 
behaviour anyway. If the worst comes to the worst, 
we can just send them away -- and I don't think 
they're that stupid.
	
"Scully?" I ask as I enter the kitchen. She looks up 
from her cooking and grins when she sees me.
	
"God, you look a fright," she answers, walking up to 
me. "Why didn't you come in when it started to 
rain?"
	
I smile and kiss her. "Nah, I didn't feel cold, and I 
figured I'd dry up eventually anyway. There's 
something else though."
	
She frowns. "What?"
	
"Where are the girls?" I ask.
	
She nods towards the living room. "They're playing 
in the living room. Why?"
	
"Can you go get them?"
	
She frowns again. "I guess. Why? What's wrong?"
	
I think for a moment. Then I smile a little. "Nothing 
is wrong. But there are people. Proper human 
beings."
	
Her eyes go wide and her mouth drops open. 
"What? Where?"
	
I smile and shrug. "I met them out in the fields. I 
figured I couldn't leave them in the rain so they're 
on the porch. There's five of them, a man and a 
woman and three young children."
	
"They're not in the house, are they?"
	
I shake my head. "No, I told them to stay outside. I 
would have left them further out, but they looked so 
miserable that I figured the least I could do was 
offer them some shelter. The children look terrible, I 
don't think they've had a proper meal for a long 
time."
	
"Poor things. Did you offer them something to eat?"
	
I look at her, and suddenly realise I may well have 
put a lot of pressure on Scully by inviting these five 
people. I mean, I wasn't kidding when I said our 
farm couldn't support them, we often have barely 
enough to eat ourselves, and right now we're still 
living off our winter stock. I don't know if this was 

such a good idea after all. "I did, but maybe I did 
the wrong thing," I say hesitatingly.
	
She shakes her head. "Nonsense, you couldn't have 
left them out to starve, we've been there ourselves. 
And it's good to care."

	
I smile and press a soft kiss on her lips. "Thank you."
	
"You're welcome. Come, let's get the girls and meet 
these people. If they're still on the porch that is."
	
Well, that's true, they may have bolted, unlikely as it 
may be.
	
Together we walk into the living room, where Julia is 
on the couch, playing with her toy bunny, and 
Katherine is at the table, doing her writing exercises, 
while her toy cow Nana is watching over the 
proceedings.
	
"Katherine, Julia, can you come with us, please?" 
Scully asks and the girls look up.
	
"What is it, mama?" Katherine asks, putting down 
her pencil.
	
"We want you to meet someone," Scully goes on, 
and the girls' eyes go wide.
	
"Who is it?" Julia asks.
	
I shrug. "I don't know. But there are children."
	
"Children?" The girls hop off the couch and chair 
respectively and walk over to us. I take Katherine's 
hand while Scully takes Julia's hand, and together 
we walk into the kitchen and out onto the porch.
	
The family I just met are still on the porch, sitting 
awkwardly on the couch, obviously ill at ease. The 
children are shivering badly as they are huddled up 
in the adults' arms for warmth, and I feel even more 
sorry for them.
	
"Oh! Look, papa!" Katherine says, pointing at them.
	
I place my hand on hers, making her drop her arm. 
"Don't point, sweetheart, it isn't polite to point at 
people."
	
"Who are dey, mama?" Julia asks.
	
"I don't know," Scully just answers. "Do you want 
to ask?"
	
The little girl hides her face against her mother's 
legs, uncharacteristically shy. "No." 
	
Katherine, too, seems a little unsure what to make of 
these newcomers and holds my hand tightly.
	
"This is my wife and these are my daughters," I 
introduce them to the people I just met. "This is 

Dana, and my daughters Katherine, who is almost 
six, and Julia, who is four."
	
The two adults smile, but the three children don't 
seem to have it in them. Then the man looks at his 
family.
	
"I'm Mike," he says, but of course I already knew 
that, "and this is Jennifer, or Jen as she usually goes 
by. And these are our children, Ellen, she's nine, and 
John, he's five going on six, and Joshua here is 
seven."
	
"Are you two married?" Scully asks.
	
I see the two adults look at each other and they 
don't answer right away.
	
"We don't mind if you're not, even if you have 
children," I decide to interrupt, sensing their 
discomfort. "We had two children before the 
Invasion, but we lost them. We only got married 
after the Invasion, and our girls were born after our 
marriage. But ..."
	
The woman shakes her head. "We're not married. 
We wanted to do so, but then ..."
	
I nod, deciding she doesn't need to elaborate. God 
only knows how painful that might be for them. "I 
know, everything happened ..."
	
"Yeah."
	
Silence falls as the nine of us check each other out. 
Then Scully speaks up.
	
"Well, I think it is about time to eat. You must stay 
for dinner, and then we'll have to find you a place to 
sleep for the night."
	
"No, we can't, we wouldn't want to interfere," Jen 
says. "We'll need to be on our way soon."
	
I smile a bit. "Where to? Is there a better place for 
you to go to tonight?" I know I sound rather cynical, 
but this time she's just talking nonsense.
	
"Mommy, I'm hungry," the oldest child says again.

	
I nod. "Exactly." I turn to Scully. "Do you think we 
can find a way to provide a meal for them tonight?"
	

She nods. "I'm sure I could manage something. And 
I think we might have some dry clothes too. If 
they're not too particular about the colours or 
condition."
	
I turn to our daughters. "Girls, can you help mama in 
the kitchen with the food? Then I'll sort things out 
for these people, okay?"
	
They nod. "Okay, papa," Katherine says. They 
follow Scully back into the kitchen and I'm left 
alone on the porch with these newcomers.
	
"I'm afraid we can't accommodate you in the house 
for the night, we just don't have the sleeping places 
for that." Not to mention that, more importantly, I 
have no intention of letting these strangers spend the 
night in our house. I may be a bit of a good 
Samaritan here, but at the same time I'm not crazy. 
"But if you're okay about sleeping in the hay room 
next to the barn, I'll lend you some blankets. That 
place is warm and free from draughts, and there 
should still be enough hay left from winter to make 
adequate bedding."
	
The woman turns to look at her partner. "Let's do 
that, Mike. He was right, we have nowhere else to 
go and we've got to start trusting people when 
they're willing to help. Not everyone is trying to hurt 
us."
	
"But why would he trust us?" Mike counters and I 
raise my eyebrows. It's true though, I wonder what 
has made me this trusting. It's not as though I know 
them, and I have a lot to lose, not in the least my 
family. But then again I also know that there is 
absolutely nothing to gain for these people if they 
were to misbehave so badly that we'd decide to 
send them away. I'll bet their two youngest kids for 
one wouldn't survive another week without shelter 
and some proper nutrition.
	
"Actually," I answer drily, "I have no idea. But 
there's nothing to benefit you if you decided to 
betray my trust. And we humans need to stick 
together if we're ever going to beat Them."
	
"Well, that is definitely true," Mike admits, slightly 
begrudgingly.
	
I hear the sound of little clogs approaching and then 
the kitchen door leading onto the porch opens. 
Katherine comes out, a small pile of clothes in her 
arms. "Mama said they can wear these," she says. 
"And she can wash their clothes."
	
I smile, taking the clothes from her hands. "Thank 
you very much, sweetheart. Can you ask mama for a 
few towels and then go and help her some more?"
	
"Okay," she says and she walks back into the house.
	
I check out the clothes. "I think these are just 
children's clothes. And I'm not sure if they're not a 
bit girlie for the boys. I mean, it looks like they're 
mostly skirts and dresses. Dana doesn't make pants 

if she can avoid it."
	
Jen smiles. "At least they're dry. We are so grateful 
anyway."
	
I smile and nod. "Okay. Well, we'll go and check 
out the hay room then. Oh wait, we'll just have to 
wait for Katherine to come back with the towels."
	
One of the boys starts to cry softly and Jen hugs him 
close. "It's all right, baby, we'll get you dry."
	
I feel my heart swell. Boy, they must have gone 
through some hard times. Then I hear the familiar 
light clatter of Katherine's clogs, and sure enough 
she comes out of the house again, bearing what looks 
like three or four towels.
	
"Here are the towels, papa."
	
I take them with a smile, and ruffle her long brown 
curls. "Thank you very much, you are a great help."
	
She giggles. "You're welcome, papa." 
	
"Why don't you go and see if you can help mama 
some more?" I suggest.
	
She nods, and walks into the house again.
	

"Well, we'll have to cross the paddock so there will 
be some rain, but it will be dry soon."
	
I watch how Mike takes one boy on his arm while 
Jen carries the other boy. The little girl apparently 
will have to walk, but she looks so weak I can't bear 
to watch it.
	
"Do you mind if I carry your daughter? It looks as 
though she couldn't walk another yard by herself," I 
offer.
	
Mike and Jen exchange a look and then Jen nods. 
"Thank you. If she's not too heavy for you, that is."
	
I kneel down in front of the little girl. "Would you 
like me to carry you?" I ask. "Your mother thinks 
you might like it."
	
"Okay," she just whispers, her voice listless.

	
I pick her up, surprised by how little she weighs. 
God, she's well over two years older than Katherine, 
but I wonder if she even weighs as much as our 
oldest girl. Now I know that Katherine is not exactly 
skinny, but she isn't fat by any means either. Which 
means that this girl is seriously underweight. Poor 
thing ...
	
Together the six of us walk across the paddock and 
towards the barn. We enter through the large Dutch 
door and walk into the part where I keep the hay for 
the animals. At this time of the year the supplies are 
low, seeing that the animals ate most of it over the 
course of the winter, but there is still enough to make 
some improvised bedding. And most important of 
all, this room is warm, dry  and free of draughts, 
which is exactly why we keep the hay in here.
	
"All right, I will leave you here to take care of the 
children," I say. "You'll have to figure out by 
yourselves how you're going to share out the clothes, 
I don't know what Scully gave me, so ..."
	
"Scully? Who is that?" Jen asks, her voice alarmed.

	
I smile apologetically. "I'm sorry, that's Dana. Erm, 
we call each other by our last names, I go by Mulder, 
I'd really prefer if you didn't call me Fox. For 
obvious reasons."
	
"Why do you go by your last names?" Jen asks.
	
"Jen, don't ask that many questions," Mike 
interrupts before I can answer.
	
I smile some more. "No, it's all right, don't worry 
about it, she's certainly not the first person to ever 
ask that question. But it's a long story, I may tell you 
eventually, but I'm not sure that's what you need 
right now. Anyway, you get dried up and get the 
kids into some dry clothes. I'll see if we have 
something for you two as well, but adult clothes are 
in shorter supply around here. Anyway, when you're 
done, you can come back to the house for dinner."
	
Mike and Jen smile. "Thank you," Jen says.
	
I smile, too. Then I leave the barn and walk back to 
the house, letting out a long breath through pursed 
lips, wondering how much more complicated our 
lives just got.
	
Could this be that change They promised us? And 
will it be a good kind of change? I'm sure the girls 
will like it, but will we? Or will we end up regretting 
the day I welcomed these people to come into our 
house?

< To be continued ...>