From: Kirsten Kerkhof Date: Sat, 10 Apr 2010 09:55:01 +0200 Subject: 'A Complicated Game' by Kirsten Kerkhof Source: direct TITLE: "A Complicated Game" AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * CLASSIFICATION: MSR KEYWORDS: S R A RATING: NC-17 SPOILERS: none really. Besides, what's there to spoil ... SUMMARY: A little trip into the forest (that goes right for a change) leads to long-overdue revelations DISCLAIMER: They're mine! *laughs like a lunatic* No seriously, I don't own them, nor would I want to (seeing that I can barely keep myself on the money I make). I do think I could make them happier though TIME LINE: After IWTB, but they're in the Bureau and William never happened. ARCHIVING: Sure. I'll do Gossamer myself, all others: you're welcome when you tell me where it's going, 'kay? FEEDBACK: Cherished and worshipped at XxXxX A Complicated Game by Kirsten Kerkhof XxXxX I don't think she's fallen for it. It doesn't matter either way because she agreed to come along and that's all I care about. "Okay, tell me again just where we're going and why?" Her voice is clipped, but I can hear a touch of curiosity just peeping round the edges. "There have been lights in the sky," I say, with a toothy smile. "Lights in the sky," she says. "Uh-uh." "And things that went bump in the night," I add. I'm enjoying this immensely. She stares at me. "Another haunted house? Mulder, it's the middle of July!" Her eyebrows are dangerously close to her hairline. I shake my head. "Nope. A lake." She frowns. "Mulder, lakes can't be haunted." "I never said it was haunted," I smile. "But you said ..." "There were lights, Scully. And the locals are saying they weren't stars either." I pat her thigh and grin. "We're going to have a vacation, that's all. Just you and me and a lake." "In the woods? You know, woods and us, we don't exactly have a great understanding, remember." "I know. But this time we're not on an official case, are we?" And I flash her my widest smile. "Come, it'll be fun. I promise." She sighs, but smiles. She still isn't convinced, but she's getting there. XxXxX Well, I gotta hand it to him: lights in the sky or not, this is one gorgeous lake. Daylight is fading and we've made a campfire to keep the bugs away and to keep us warm just in case it cools off too much. So far the temperature is fine though, even when I'm wearing just shorts and a tank top with a light cardigan. I hear him approach and then he sits down next to me. I've spread out a blanket on the ground in front of our tents, checking for ant nests beforehand. I couldn't find an ant if my life depended on it. I'm upgrading this lake to perfect. "Beer?" he says, holding out a can. I smile and nod. He's wearing cargo pants and a muscle shirt, looking deliciously casual. "Thanks." Popping the can open, I go on. "I think I owe you an apology, this is wonderful." I look at him and his expression of surprise and happiness makes me smile even more. "Really. Thank you." "You're welcome," he grins. He looks so pleased, almost like a little boy. He too opens his beer and gulps most of it down. For some reason I'm fascinated by his Adam's apple as it moves. Then I tell myself to look away. Danger lies therein ... I drink my beer, letting the sounds and smells of the summer forest waft over me. I take a deep breath through my nose, filling my lungs with ozone. "Better than the city, huh?" he says and I look at him. "Much better," I smile. I take his hand and squeeze gently. "Thanks." "That's three times in as many minutes that you've thanked me. What's come over you?" I smile. "Nothing. It just hit me that I must remember to be grateful when I have reason to be. I tend to forget that sometimes." He squeezes my hand back. "You're right." XxXxX I watch her as she sits by the fire. It's getting darker quickly, but I don't think either of us is ready to go to sleep. I've just been to my tent to get a couple more drinks and now I just take my time watching her. The flames are throwing a flickering, bright light on her face, her features seemingly changing constantly with the shifting of the illumination. Her hair appears as much aflame as the firewood and in the background the lake is black with a silver moon reflecting. The whole situation suits her. I can understand why the Native Americans held this lake in such high regard and I'm grateful that it has remained unspoilt by civilisation. Sensing my eyes on her, she turns around to face me. "What are you looking at?" she asks in a gentle voice and I smile, approaching her. "You," I confess. I sit down beside her, scooting quite close to her. "Me?" "Yeah. Here is your beer." She takes the can and pops it open. "You sure you want this third beer?" "Mulder, I can take a lot more alcohol than some people think. Three beers aren't nearly going to do the trick, you know," she protests, but she grins. I knew that all along of course, which is why I didn't put up a fight in the first place. "But that's your fourth beer. Can you hold your liquor?" I huff. "It takes more than four beers to get *me* drunk," I grin, taking two gulps. Then I put the can down and look at her. "Sooooo ..." She frowns a little. "I'm not sure I like that sound," she says with half a smile. "What's on your mind?" I shrug. "I thought, how about a talk?" "A talk?" "Yeah." "What about? I mean, we talk all day and -- oh, *that* kind of talk," she replies, realisation dawning. She takes a deep breath. "All right, what do you want to talk about?" "Dunno, anything as long as it's not work," I say. She nods. "O-kay." Then she turns her face fully towards me. "Okay, I'm feeling generous tonight," she smiles, the flames of the fire lighting up her eyes. "Ask me a question and I'll answer it." I grin widely. "You'll answer any question?" She chuckles, realising perfectly well what she's just let herself into. "Yep, anything." "Mmm, let's see ..." I make a show of thinking of something to ask. "All right: how many lovers have you had?" "Mulder! God, you're going right for broke, aren't you?" I nod enthusiastically, grinning like a fool. "Come on, you said you'd answer any question I'd ask." She chuckles again. "Okay, let me think ..." She takes a few seconds. "You mean men I've slept with?" "I guess so, men you've had a proper relationship with, which I guess includes sex, yes." "Well, then it's eight." I raise my eyebrows. "Eight?" She looks down, seemingly embarrassed. "Well, yeah." She looks up and at me. "Is that too many?" I laugh, I can't help it. "Of course not!" She lets out a chuckle. "But I didn't actually have sex with all of them. Well, I've had sex with all of them except for the last one, that is." "Were they any good?" What on earth has made me ask that? After all, it's not as though I should be jealous, I mean, I haven't slept with her so what is it to me anyway and it's not as if I can make any claim or anything and -- ... God, I'm babbling even in my mind. She smiles at me. "A couple were pretty good, yeah. Some sucked though." "What did you do with those?" "God, you're really on a roll, aren't you?" I grin. "Answer the question, Scully." She smiles some more. "All right, I dumped them." I feign shock. "For bad sex?" She lightly swats my shoulder. "As if you wouldn't do the same." I shrug. "Well, it would depend on the person." She looks at the fire. "Would you dump me if our sex was rubbish?" My grin is quite gone now. "No." "How do you know? We've never had sex." "That's true, but I said it would depend on the person." I shrug a little, looking at the fire as well. "Besides, I don't think sex between us would be anything but great." I can feel her eyes on me, but I'm not ready to look at her. This conversation has taken a decidedly strange turn all of a sudden. "Of course," I go on, my voice barely more than a whisper, "it wouldn't be just sex, you know. I think we'd make love." Do I even know the difference? I can't tell. So far I think I've only had sex, and some of it was pretty darn good too, but somehow I think it would be different with Scully. Not that we're likely to ever find out of course. I feel how she moves a little closer and rests her head against my shoulder. I guess my comments didn't freak her out completely then. "Scully," I whisper, "that number, those eight men, did that ... did that include me?" I feel her nod. "Mm-mm. I said I'd had sex with all of them except for the last one." I let out a breath. This is quite some can of worms ... She hears it and chuckles. "So, how about you?" she asks. "Me?" "Yeah, how many women have you slept with?" "Not a lot," I hedge, but she's having none of it. "No no, let's hear a number," she smiles, taking another gulp of her beer. This is too embarrassing, I can't do it. I think she notices it and she looks down, moving away. Shit. "I'm sorry, Mulder. I mean, it's no business of mine after all and we were just having fun and ..." I get on my feet and walk towards the lake. "Fifteen," I answer. XxXxX Fifteen? I'm not sure whether he wanted me to hear it, but hear it I did. Fifteen? Jesus. Okay, it's not like it's a number I should really be surprised at, I guess it must actually be pretty low. After all, I'm most definitely not the first person to be attracted to him, I know he's always had the pick of the litter if he wanted to -- and I haven't even had a chance yet to become number sixteen and of course there was The One We Don't Talk About. And why the hell am I feeling jealous? Because I wanted to be his one and only? Get real, Dana. I get to my feet and walk towards him. He's standing quite still by the water's edge and I can feel the tension in his body. Dressed as casually as he is, he still fills out his clothes to a nicety. Even in my most partner-like of moods I can't help but notice that I've been teamed up with a supremely handsome man. There's nothing I could do to hide those thoughts. "I'm sorry," I say softly when I'm next to him, looking at the still water of the lake. "Are you disgusted?" I frown a little. "Disgusted? No, not at all. Why should I be disgusted?" "Well, with fifteen ..." I chuckle a little. "Look, if it were fifteen *hundred*, yes, possibly, but I can't see how fifteen is anything extraordinary." He smiles, and wraps his arm around my shoulder. "Did you count me?" I ask. He sighs with a smile. "Oh, Scully, I've always counted you." Something inside me jumps, making me feel a bit emotional. "But I've never slept with you." He looks at me and shakes his head. "No, but that doesn't mean we don't have something special, does it?" He's right. I put my arm around his waist and lean in. We stand side by side, arms around one another, for a few minutes. My mind is happily trying to sabotage my equilibrium by generously replaying all the fantasies I've had about him, but I push them down. What's wrong with me? Is it the place? Is it because we're not on a case, but rather here as a ... couple ... just enjoying some vacation time? Are we a couple? There is definitely something going on between us -- but what is it? "Do you think the lake is warm enough to swim in?" he asks suddenly, interrupting my thoughts. "I don't know, and I'm not going to put on a swim suit at this late hour to find out," I reply. It may be dark, but I swear I can see a devilish glint appear in his eyes. "You don't need a swim suit to go swimming ..." I smile. "If you think that, after the conversation we just had, you and I are going skinny dipping, think again, Mulder." "Well, I'm not going to think about it," he says and then he drags me into the water. I let out a short yelp in surprise before I fall face-first into the clear water of the lake. I panic for a moment as I struggle to resurface, but two strong arms lift me out of the water and then I can breathe again. He helps me to get up and I stand before him. "Mulder! You ..." I can't go on, the smile on his face is just too infectious. We both burst out laughing. "Well, thank you, Mulder, for ruining a perfectly good set of clothes!" "Kiss and make up?" he asks, his smile still wide. My Dana-Devil must have given Dana-Angel the day off, because I can't help but give in. What's happening to me? First that conversation, now a kiss. Because I know this won't be a kiss between friends. Oh shoot, I want this, I've wanted it for way too long. I wrap my arms around him. "You'd better make it a good one." XxXxX A good one? How am I going to know if I kiss well enough? Other women I've kissed in the past assured me I was quite up to scratch, but I've never really minded their opinion too much. But there's only one way to find out whether I can kiss well enough to please her. I smile at her. "You bet." In those rare fantasies, when I was not guided by hormones or frustration and would just borderline ravish her, I imagined that the build-up to this first kiss would be slow, romantic, with an imaginary string-quartet playing in the background of my mind. Silly me. Such generalities only apply to normal people. And whatever we are, normal does not cover it. "Kiss me," she whispers and I smile. "Yes, ma'am," I reply and cover her lips with mine. It starts out quite chaste, close-lipped, but then I feel her tongue on my lips and I give in. Besides, if she hadn't instigated it, I certainly would have; and then we kiss for real. For ages, it seems. She tastes good, I think. Well, there's a stupid thought if ever there was one, but I can't help it. I can't even say what she tastes like, but I sure like it. When I pull back a little, breaking the kiss, I get a chance to look at her. And almost wish I hadn't, because she looks ... hot. Hot and flushed and ... I gulp, trying to banish the thoughts that invade my conscious mind, but I can't. I just can't stop my mind ... I realise now more than ever that I want -- that I *need* to make love to her. Now. ... Shit ... She smiles, a gentle smile that shows her teeth. "That was really good." She presses another soft kiss on my lips, but pulls away before I can answer it. "If anything, you are quite forgiven." I feel the smile drain from my face. "Is that all, then?" I ask, trying desperately to keep the hurt from my voice. I'm not sure I'm succeeding. She looks a bit shocked. "Oh no! No, no, it was great," she says, "but ..." "But what?" I ask, fixing her eyes on mine, still holding her tightly. I need to know the truth. "Because you gave me more than just a make-up kiss, you know. Whether you realised it or not. And I won't hold you to it if you didn't mean for it to be more than a kiss to make me apologise, but in that case please tell me, so I know what to read into it." She replies by wrapping her arms a little tighter around my neck. I swear I can see 'The Two Sides Of Dana', as I've come to call her conscience, battle it out, but then one Dana clearly wins. Maybe it had won already. "If there wasn't even a smidgen of love in that kiss, Mulder, I have either forgotten what a good kiss is like, or I've never been properly loved before. And either way, it would be pathetic." I laugh, I can't help it. Must be the relief. Then I grow serious again and bend my face closer to hers. "Actually, there was a hell of a lot more than a smidgen of love in that kiss, and I'll be happy to show you exactly how to be kissed properly and how much love there can be in a kiss." I see her eyebrows pop up and I grin. "Although I have a feeling you need very little teaching in that area." "Damn right," she replies with a wide smile and dangerous eyes. "Now kiss me again." XxXxX When I wake up the next morning, the weather is glorious again. We decided to sleep in our respective tents, despite the little scene in the lake. The pace at which things had gone had caught us a bit by surprise and, although, before going to bed, we confirmed that nothing had happened that we were in any way sorry for, we both felt we needed a little while to reflect. I hear Mulder still happily sawing wood in the tent next to mine and I smile. For an inveterate insomniac, he sure is sleeping well. So much the better anyway. I sit down by the remnants of the fire and poke around in the embers until they glow bright red. Some dry sticks are added and I have a fire for breakfast. I've just put water onto the fire for coffee when the sun comes out over the trees, bathing me and our little campsite in a glorious ray of golden sunshine. God, I love this place. If we hadn't kissed for just about every other reason, a thank-you would have required just as much effort. I sit down, close my eyes and lift my face to the sun. Delicious. "Hey, gorgeous," I hear behind me and I turn to look at him. "Hey, handsome," I smile back, watching him smooth down his hair which until a few seconds ago must have been a right old mess. He smiles back. Our comments are beyond corny, but I don't care. "You look happy," he says, sitting down beside me. "Is that for coffee?" "Mm-mm," I reply. "It is for coffee. And I am happy." He studies my face for a bit and then nods once. "Good." Then he reaches over and fetches the two mugs from the towel where I'd left them to dry after rinsing them out last night. "Instant?" "The FBI would be jealous," I grin and he matches it with his own. "Damn right," he answers, pouring water onto the coffee kernels. We sip our coffee in silence, side by side. "How are our clothes?" I grin. "Dry, no thanks to you." He chuckles. "I'll give you time to change into your suit next time." "I didn't want to change at all last night, remember?" He nods. "Are you sorry?" I nearly laugh out loud. "Oh no!" He smiles, but doesn't react for a few minutes. Then he turns to look at me again. "Did we go too fast?" I chuckle. "Too fast? Mulder, it's been sixteen years! I'd say we almost deserve a medal for abstinence!" He smiles and drains his mug. Then, rolling the empty mug between his hands, he looks out over the lake. "Have you ever thought about us?" I frown. "Us?" He ducks his head, seemingly gathering words. Or courage. Then his eyes meet mine and I'm startled by the deep colours that are swirling around. I could drown in those eyes. "Do you love me?" Whoa! I feel my eyes widen, but I'm smiling as well, I can't help it. "Of course I love you." He doesn't smile back. "There's nothing of course about it, Scully. Besides, I know you love me, but ..." I scoot a little closer so I'm touching his side and I can rest my head on his shoulder. "Well, apart from the fact that I've never stayed with a man out of pity, and apart from the fact that our partnership developed into a true friendship I-don't-even-know- how-long ago, I feel a very real and very deep emotional connection with you. You make me very happy, Mulder." I can see him smile slightly from the corner of my eye, and his arm comes around my shoulder. "I'm glad," he says in a soft voice. I gather my thoughts for a moment, and then I go on. "But that all happened years and years ago. I respected you from day one. Although I must admit that right in the beginning I mainly thought you were cute but pretty much a mental case." He chuckles. "Yeah, well, I can see where that idea came from." "And then I began you think of you as a friend, and a good friend, and then the best friend I'd ever had. I loved you as a friend, I loved you dearly. I looked forward to seeing you again on Mondays, dreaded having to go home alone for the weekend on Fridays. I know I whined about being on cases all the time, but that was just me pretending, because at least I'd be with you. And besides, you seemed to enjoy having me around so it was no hardship." I smile at him and marvel about the happy expression on his face. God, I really ought to compliment this man more often, it becomes him. Then I look away again, smiling, and go on. "And that went on for many years, and then we were in your hallway and I told you I had to leave you and you tried to convince me to stay, which I wanted to do so much but dared not, and you almost kissed me-" "If I never see another bee again it will be too soon," he murmurs, interrupting me, and I laugh softly, nodding. "And at that moment I knew you not only loved me as a friend and partner, but as a woman. And I felt it too." I bite my bottom lip. "If you had kissed me, I don't think I would've been able to resist whatever had come after that ..." "Really? Because all I wanted- ..." I go on before he can say it. It's a bit confrontational, now that I'm opening up to him. It's cowardly, but I can't help it. "I know. But we ignored it and we continued together and it all just got more and more intense. And for ages I couldn't help but wonder ..." I fall silent. "Wonder what?" His voice is almost inaudible. "What it would be like ..." I take a deep breath. In at the deep end, Dana, you know you'll like it. "I wondered what it would be like to have all of you ..." I hear his soft gasp. "All of me?" He lets out his breath with a soft whistle. "You have all of me, you've always had it." I pause for a bit, willing my racing heart-beat to calm down. It would be so typical if I were to just pass out with hyperventilation now. "Not your body." "Do you want that?" My head nods of its own will. "Yes ... I lie awake at night sometimes, wondering what it would be like to be ... thoroughly loved by you ..." I turn to look at him and the fire in his eyes is almost the undoing of me. I clasp my mug in my hands. "Please don't tell me you don't want me ..." He huffs with a grin. "God, Scully, how can I not want you?" XxXxX My heart is beating hard in my chest but that little statement I just made was completely true. Because, my God, have I ever not wanted her? I think the last time I didn't want her was roughly one minute before she walked into the office on that glorious fateful day when we were first teamed up. When I barely knew she existed and only knew that the thesis she'd written -- which I did like, it wasn't all just a matter of politeness when I told her I'd bothered to read it and liked it -- was rather impressive for such a young person, and I thought she ... Man, I don't even know what I expected to find in her. The only thing I knew was that I was totally, utterly, and completely wrong in my preconceived ideas about her. I may have tried to get her running for the hills, but I was pretty damn glad when she didn't. She's taken the mug from my powerless fingers. I feel her crawl into my lap and then her tongue starts doing a very thorough tonsil check -- and why the hell am I not kissing her back? Let's begin by returning the favour. The sun appears to be fully up when our kiss comes to an end. "Are you sure, Scully?" I ask. "Yes." "Why did we wait so long?" "Well, I don't know about you, but in my case it's because underneath this cool, confident exterior beats the heart of a very insecure woman," she says softly. I'm stunned by her words. Surely I didn't just hear that correctly. "You're not insecure, you can't be! God, Scully, you're just about the most confident person I've ever met!" "Not in love," she says, her voice strangely broken. "I've been ... hurt." It's a good thing those previous men in her life aren't here right now or I would've single-handedly drowned every last one of them in the lake right in front of us. It's possessive beyond reason, but there you go. "I would never hurt you," I whisper. She nods. "I know. But it's hard to break a habit of a lifetime. And I wanted you so much, but I was scared and it seemed better to keep you away and possibly never know what it would be like to be loved by you, than risk getting my heart broken again." "I would never break your heart," I say softly, brushing my lips over hers. "I'd break my heart along with it." She nods and hugs me close. "Thank you." "You're welcome." She feels so good, I think, so warm and alive. "Are we going to make love?" I hear her say in a soft voice and something jumps inside me. Not to mention that it is pretty arousing. "I would never say no, but I can wait." I feel her chuckle. "Doesn't feel like every part of you can wait, Mulder." I sigh with a smile. "I can ignore it." "But I can't." "You're not afraid I'll hurt you?" She bites her bottom lip while she looks me in the eyes, apparently trying to read me. Then she shakes her head. "No. You are right, you're unable to break my heart. If you had been able to do so, you would've done it years ago." I nod. She can't have any idea how relieved I feel. Then I grin. Time for some levity. "Hey, Scully, have you ever made love in the water?" She chuckles again. "No, I can't say I have. But I'm not surprised you want to try it." "Well, it *is* a bit of a fantasy for me, but it could also be the only more or less comfortable place we can find. Because this blanket is pretty sandy and I don't want to do it in one of those cramped tents, so unless we want pine-needles in places I don't even want to contemplate, we're pretty much stuck." She grins. "I knew you'd find a way to validate it." Then she takes a deep breath. "So, we're just going to strip then?" I smile. She's nervous. Let's put some of her nerves to rest. "Feel free if you like, but I'd rather start by kissing you some more." She seems curiously grateful and I curse those assholes of boyfriends that hurt her trust and sensitivities so much. Such men shouldn't be allowed to date. Then I realise I may very well be remembered by some of my previous girlfriends in much the same way and I sigh inwardly. I guess I'll just have to try and make things better in this relationship: heal some of her wounds and do penance for some of mine. Love is a complicated game. XxXxX I'm so glad he's taking this slowly, because I'm more nervous than I should be. I scream inwardly, trying to convince myself of the folly of my doubts. I can't even remember when or how he pushed me down onto the blanket we've spread out by the camp fire, and it doesn't matter one bit either because he's kissing me as though the world is coming to an end and he has to make up for whatever time we may not have. I feel his fingers under the shoulder straps of my tank top, sliding them down my arm, taking my bra strap along for the ride. I'm on my back and when I open my eyes, my whole sight is filled by him. Wonderful. "I thought we were going to make love in the lake," I smile, my hands under his T-shirt. He matches my smile. "Mm-mm, but this is a good place to start." Then he closes in for another kiss. My anxiety has gone, as somehow I always knew it would. I haven't the best track record with men, but after more than a decade and a half with him, I feel -- I finally *feel* -- that it's all right. No worries, no fear, just, well, love. We haven't progressed one bit in our undressing since he began kissing me again and I smile as I look up into his eyes. He smiles me back, a gorgeous sweet smile, one I haven't seen often, if ever. "Are we going to take all day?" I ask playfully. He grins. "Suits me, I'm in no kind of hurry." Feeling wicked all of a sudden, I let my hand travel down the front of his T-shirt to his crotch. "You sure about that?" His sharp intake of breath makes my grin even wider. "Okay, I lied," he answers, his voice just a little rough around the edges. "Good," I say, and I mean it. Because suddenly I'm not sure I'm the one who can wait. I reach up and kiss him quickly but roughly. "Let's cut the crap and undress me. This is getting ridiculous." "You seem to be in an awful hurry, Miss Scully," he grins and I roll my eyes, unable, however, to keep the smile away. "Of course I am," I reply, pulling his shirt over his head. Interwoven with bouts of kissing, we undress each other. I'm surprised by the lack of apprehension I feel while doing this -- usually I'd be the first one to suggest a darkened room and a quick dash towards the finish line, but this time I don't feel any need to hurry. Instead I can't wait to enjoy every bit of it. When we're finally naked, we pause and look for a few moments, just taking long looks at one another. "Something in me tries to tell me this is not actually happening," he says with a slight smile. "It's weird, isn't it?" I reply, and all of a sudden I feel that unbidden shyness I expected a few moment ago creep over me. He must be seeing it in my eyes because he cups my face in his hands and makes me look him in the eyes. "Don't run," he whispers. "I'm not going anywhere," I say, but he shakes his head. "You're trying to, even if you're not doing it on purpose. Don't. I'm not going to hurt you. Don't hide, don't doubt. I have nothing to hide, I don't want you to hide anything. Don't --" He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "Just don't hide," he whispers. Unless I'm very much mistaken there is a kind of sadness in his voice and it allays any fear I might have felt, removes any doubts that might have tried to creep in. This is the man I love, I think, the only one I've ever really and truly loved. And seeing that, for some unfathomable reason, he loves me right back, there is nothing that should ruin this, except for my own stupid doubts and apprehensions. Get rid of them, Dana, you know he's worth it. "I won't," I whisper. "I promise." He replies, by pressing a soft kiss on my lips. I love the look in his eyes when he pulls away. I think I said the right thing. "Come, let's swim," I smile. I get to my feet and, taking his hand in mine and pulling him up as well, together we cover the dozen or so steps towards the water's edge. XxXxX We went into the water for sex, we got sidetracked by the fun of swimming and playing. I've always loved swimming. In Oxford I was on the university swimming team and might have made it onto the National team if it hadn't been for the fact that I wasn't a British citizen. And of course she is a navy brat; if she hadn't been a water rat, I would've doubted her upbringing. I never realised it, but this is a hobby we seem to have very much in common. Never thought I'd discover something new like this after so many years. We've been in the water for what seems like hours, though I doubt whether it's even been 30 minutes, when she calls a time- out. It's been the most relaxing, least complicated bout of skinny-dipping I've ever been involved in. "Hold it, hold it, Mulder," she laughs, giving her head a flick to whip back her hair. She lets out a long breath as she swims a little towards me. "Whew, I'm exhausted!" "Can you stand?" I ask. I can touch the bottom of the lake where I am, but the water nearly covers my shoulders when I do. And she's a lot shorter. It would stand to reason that she couldn't. "No, I can't touch the bottom here. Wait, I'll swim closer to the shore." "Don't bother, I'll keep you up," I say, and reach out my arms in invitation. She cocks her head, apparently a little doubtful. It seems to remind her of the fact that we're actually stark naked -- and that we got into the water for completely different reasons in the first place. I smile a little, my hands still outstretched. "Please?" She smiles, apparently making herself at peace with the situation. She quickly dives to slick back her hair and then swims towards me. I waste no time gathering her to me. "I love holding you," she whispers, her arms around my neck. "So do I," I reply. I want to say more, and allude to the sex we were supposed to be having, but I'm not sure how to go about it. She looks at me and smiles. "Weren't we supposed to be doing something else?" I grin. "I seem to remember so, but we have plenty of time." She looks up at the sky. It's broad daylight and the sun is high up in a clear blue sky. If this isn't summer, I don't know what is. Then she looks back at me and I find that the look in her eyes has changed completely. It's no longer playful or, for want of a better word, innocent. Instead there is a dark smokiness in them that takes my breath away. "Yeah, I guess we have. But that's no reason to wait." She leans in really close and wraps her legs around my hips. It brings her centre right up with my groin and a sharp bout of arousal shoots through me, actually making me groan. This seems to have an immediate effect on her as well, as I watch her pupils dilate and her mouth part on a sigh. "Oh, God ..." I hear her sigh. I let out a long breath, trying to keep my body in check. "Oh God ... I'm sorry," I whisper. I don't think I've ever gotten hard this quickly before and I feel slightly faint with the sensation. She shudders. "Oh, Jesus, Scully, I need you." I let go of her with one arm to cup her face in my hand and lean in for a searing kiss, trying to cram all the desire I feel for her in that kiss. She wraps her arms even tighter around my neck as she kisses me back with equal fervour. I can feel my cock against her centre and it's all I can do not to just push into her. With her legs around my hips, she's open and -- I hope -- ready for me and I've no doubt that she wants this at least as badly as I do, but I've got to ask, even if it's just about the last thing on my mind. "Scully, I need ..." I groan between kisses. She nods. "Oh, yes, please ..." Thank you, I think, as I push in, slowly but strongly, until I'm fully inside her. I hear how she lets out a long sigh as she feels the penetration and somehow that sound is hugely satisfying. "Oh man, you feel so good," I say, then realise how dumb that must sound. She grins, panting a little. "Thanks, so do you." "Are we really doing this?" I chuckle a little breathlessly. "Sure feels like it." She smiles widely. We haven't really moved after I entered her, and it seems we're not going to be in much of a hurry. Not yet, anyway. I cup her ass in my hands for leverage as she steadies herself with her arms around my neck. "Move," she whispers, her lips touching mine. "I want to feel you move within me." "You'll have to help me a little," I answer. She locks her feet behind me, bracing herself against my butt and thighs and, together with my pulling her up a little, moves up my cock. It feels strange and fantastic all at the same time. "Have you ever made love standing up?" she asks and I nod. "I've had sex in shower stalls," I reply. "But this is quite different." Her voice is a little shaky when she speaks again. "Often?" I still my movements. Is she jealous? I look her in the eyes and see doubt. Shit ... I sigh. "Scully, I've had lovers before you, you know that. I've even been married. I can't change that. But I don't want those women to come between us. They're in my past, and that's where they're going to stay." She rests her forehead against mine. "Sometimes I'm scared I can't measure up ..." I chuckle, I can't help it. "Believe me, gorgeous, you're the only one who measures up. And the reason for that is that you have a brain and a heart to go with your stunning looks. A fabulous brain and a beautiful heart. I can't answer the question what made me appeal to you, but I sure as hell know what made you appeal to me." My hips give a short thrust, making her gasp softly. "You're beautiful," I whisper in her ear, slowly picking up speed. "Full of beauty. I want you in my life. I want you in my future. I'm never ever letting you go." "Nor am I," she says, her voice a little ragged. "Keep moving. God, you feel so good ..." I'm thrusting for real now and her moans spur me on. Shit, this is so arousing! "Jesus, Scully, what did I ever do to deserve you in my life?" She chuckles. "Beats me," she pants. "Piss off the Bureau?" My laugh sounds a little breathy, but it's true. "Damn right!" Then we don't speak for a little while and the only sounds are our moans and the sploshing of the water around us. Shit, this feels good. The water acts like a natural lubricant and the buoyancy we get from being in the water adds an amazing sensation. I could definitely get used to this. "Are you close?" she moans and I nod. Hell, I'm so damn close to coming it's not even funny anymore. "Are you? Scully, should I pull out?" Her eyes, a little hazy with arousal, open wide. "What, are you nuts? No way, I want you to come inside me!" She kisses me surprisingly tenderly. "After all, what could happen, right?" Her voice is slightly broken. I close my eyes for a long moment, biting my lips, and I curse myself for my words. She's right, what could happen, right? But the stories ... "I'm sorry, that was thoughtless of me." She kisses me softly on the lips. "Don't think about it. I don't. Just make love with me and enjoy the fact that we can do it without worries, without obstructions." She grins and pushes herself down onto me, making me gasp. "Just think," she whispers in a hot little tone. "You can fuck me anywhere, anytime, and there will never be consequences." Jesus Christ ... This image of her hot, lithe body forever at my disposal hurls me straight back to the brink and I groan. I start pumping into her for real and it takes absolutely no time at all for her to come, just moments before I empty myself into her, hard and deep and, oh my God, does it ever feel like coming home ... XxXxX I don't know how long we remain in the water after our climax, arms tightly around each other, my legs locked around his hips, my head on his shoulder. I don't want to leave; in fact, I don't even want time to move on. "That was amazing," I hear him whisper in my ear. I nod, a wide smile splitting my face. "Downright incredible." I lift my head away from his shoulder to look at him. "It was nothing like I imagined it to be." "You thought about this?" I nod. "Oh, I've had so many fantasies about us, and I'm pleased to say none of them came even close." "You imagined us making love?" His voice betrays his amazement and I chuckle. "Mulder, in case you never noticed, I've been ogling that delicious body of yours for years. But I didn't think I could have you ..." He raises his eyebrows and I decide to enlighten him: "Thou shalt not covet thy partner's ass, remember?" making him laugh out loud. "You coveted my ass?" "Well, that part among others. Actually, I wanted all of you, starting with your mouth." "My mouth?" He sounds genuinely surprised. I nod, leaning in so our faces are almost touching. "That first day, oh my God, I walked in and you turned around from looking at those slides and the only thought that came to my mind was, "Damn, he's hot!" And then you started talking to me with such cynicism, and I just wanted to kiss that smirk right off your face." He grins. "Oh, you mean like this?" And he proceeds to kiss the very life out of me. I come up breathless and completely turned on. "Yeah, roughly like that ..." But, turned on as I may be, the coldness of the water starts to invade my body, and I realise that another bout of sex in the lake may be a bad idea. "Let's get out of the water," I say softly. "I'm getting cold." "I'm not heating you up?" I grin. "In more ways than one, handsome, but I don't want us to get hypothermic." He sighs. "Yeah, you're right." I let go of him and together we swim towards the shore. When the water becomes shallow enough, we walk the way onto dry land and I feel the rays of the sun drying my skin in no time. The midsummer heat is like a blanket, warming me quickly and efficiently. When we get to our little camp, Mulder picks up the blanket and carefully shakes off any sand that the breeze has blown onto it. We sit down by the remains of our campfire with me in the V of his legs, my back against his chest and abdomen, his arms around my waist. He half-heartedly prods the fire with a branch and somehow manages to put some life back into it. Then he tosses the branch onto the fire and wraps his arms back around me. We're still naked, but neither of us cares a bit. I feel how he carefully moves my wet hair aside and he starts kissing the side of my neck. I smile widely, my eyes closed to relish the feeling. "I can't believe I'm allowed to do this now," he says in a low voice. "You can do so much more," I answer. "But you're right, I'm glad we've finally made it this far." "It's been a long time in the making." I nod. "Too long." "Mmm, I don't know about that, maybe we needed this time. But I'm pretty damn glad we didn't wait any longer," he says, his voice still so low. His hands start to wander, then one hand dips down. I can't stop the soft moan as one finger slips down in between my folds and his other hand cups my breast. These caresses, along with the little vampire kisses on my neck, are turning me on in no time at all. I arch my back, pushing my breast into his hand, and I lightly cover the hand that's between my labia with my own hands, as if I want to keep it there. Well, I do, but I don't really have to worry about him going anywhere for the moment. "God, you're so wet," he says. "We just got out of the water," I reply, but I feel him shake his head. "No, I know the difference. This has nothing to do with the water ..." He removes his hands. "Turn around, baby." I turn and look at him, my voice serious, but my eyes laughing. "You're dicing with death here, you know that, right?" He laughs. "Because I called you 'baby'?" I nod with a grin. "You're lucky I'm too insanely in love, not to mention in lust, to take appropriate action." He pulls me down with him, making me straddle him on my knees, my ass on his lower abdomen. "Why don't you make me pay?" he says, his voice low, his eyes dark. I feel his erection against my butt and a fresh flow of arousal hits me: there's less than an inch between me and that prize, and I can claim it any time I want. For a moment I'm in doubt: do I take him already or do I want to fool around a little? But then I feel his hand back between my legs and my resolve is shot. I want him and, fuck it all, I'm taking him! I rise up a little and, lining up carefully, lower myself over him. He was right, I am wet, and thank God for that, because now he can slide in without meeting any resistance. When he's completely inside me, I let out a long breath and drop my head. Damn, he feels good in me ... He grabs my hips and starts pumping into me fast and hard and I realise that this time we're not going to be slow. He's hot and ready, and I can already feel my climax building. There simply isn't time. "I'm not going to last ..." he groans and I shake my head. "Neither am I," I reply as I meet his thrusts with sharp movements of my own. "Come in me, I want to feel you come ..." "God, I hope they're right!" he says between thrusts and I'm puzzled by his words. But then he changes the angle of his penetration and I forget everything as my orgasm crashes onto me. I scream his name -- never thought I was a screamer -- as I let myself tumble into the abyss. From the far reaches of my consciousness I feel and hear him come, shouting my name on a drawn-out animalistic groan. "Je-sus Christ!" I force out between pants. I've collapsed onto his chest and I'm trying to catch my breath. "You can say that again," he pants beneath me and I grin, raising my head to look at him. "Any good?" He lets out a happy sigh. "Hell, yeah!" He grins. "My God, you're a fantastic lover!" Well, there's an honest compliment if ever I got one, because neither of us has the energy to fake anything, or to downplay the compliment with false modesty. I grin. "Happy to be of service to you," I laugh, genuinely pleased with myself. He looks at me for a moment, smiling widely as well. He reaches around my back and hugs me close. We lie in this embrace for a little while, just hugging, enjoying the feeling of each other's bodies. When we finally let go, we've both calmed down. Then, with a sigh, he pulls out of me, making me moan, both with the sensation and with disappointment. I enjoyed having him inside me. We spend some time simply looking at one another. "Let's take another dip in the water, get cleaned up," I suggest. I'm all sticky with my own juices and his semen, not to mention our combined sweat, and he must be feeling pretty much the same. He nods and gets to his feet. Then he pulls me up and, hand in hand, we cross the small distance towards the lake. XxXxX It's our second evening and it's getting a little dark already. I'm sitting by the rekindled fire, waiting for Scully to join me. The air is a little chillier than yesterday so I've made a good roaring fire to keep us warm and we got dressed about two hours ago. Right now she's gone to fetch her cardigan and I'm waiting for her to return. "Look what I've got," She says behind me and I turn around. She's holding up a little bag. "You brought marshmallows?" I say, smiling widely. She nods with a grin. "No campfire is complete without torturing some marshmallows! I forgot all about them last night. Do we have sticks?" I look around and pick up a couple of thin green branches. She sits down next to me and together we start roasting the candy. "You want something to drink?" she asks between two marshmallows and I nod. The sticky sweetness has made me thirsty and apparently I'm not the only one. "Yes, please. Can you get me a beer?" She gets up. "One beer coming up," she quips and I grin, turning my attention back to the melting sugar on the end of my branch. I feel like a little kid again. Speaking of kids ... Oh well, maybe later. She sits down next to me and hands me my beer. "No beer?" I ask, spotting her can of soda. She shakes her head. "We've only got a few cans left and I didn't feel like having some anyway." "You don't have to save them for me, you know," I tell her and she smiles. "I know. Don't worry, if I'd wanted beer, I would've taken it." "Good," I just say. We concentrate on the fire again, roasting the marshmallows, sipping our drinks, enjoying each other's company. When the marshmallows are gone, we just sit, our sides touching, her head resting on my shoulder. The forest around us is still pretty loud, but it will soon get quiet with nightfall. It's another beautiful night. "Mulder?" "Mm-mm?" "You said some weird things today." "I did?" She nods. "What's on your mind? Are you hiding something from me?" I sigh, remembering. I'm uncertain whether I did the right thing by referring to what's going on here, but there's no turning back now. I've dropped too many hints. "No, I'm not really hiding anything, but it is, well ..." She lifts her head to look at me. "What?" I look at the fire, not ready to meet her eyes. "Mulder, what's going on? What are you not telling me?" I take a deep breath. "There are stories ..." I begin. "About us? Mulder, the Hoover is awash with rumours about us. That's no- ..." "I mean legends," I interrupt her. "About this place." "Oh ..." I look at her, my face serious. Her eyes are question marks. "The Native Americans had stories about this lake." She cocks her head as if to encourage me to keep going. I look back at the fire and take another deep breath. "It was said that ... that if a woman ... well, maybe even a man and a woman, I don't know ..." I take a gulp from my beer, draining the can. From the corner of my eyes I can see her eyes fixed on my face, but her expression is unreadable. "... if a man and a woman would ... bathe ... in the lake ..." I look sideways at her and her eyes are wide, her forehead in a frown. Her face is completely serious. "Mulder ..." I duck my face almost between my knees. "I want to be a father," I murmur, but I'm sure my words are too soft and inarticulate for her to understand it. "What?" I take a deep breath. I raise my head a little and run my hand over my jaw and the back of my neck. Shit, this is hard! "I want to be a father, Scully!" There, it's been said, now I can only hope she doesn't bolt. With a double-take I slowly turn my head to look at her. The look on her face is indescribable. "What?" she says again, but this time it's no more than a whisper. Suddenly I feel tears stinging in the back of my eyes. "I can't hold -- Scully, I ..." I see a tear running down her cheek and I bite my lips forcefully to keep myself in check, looking straight ahead to avoid the confrontation of her eyes. "I've caused you so much pain," I whisper, my voice choked up. "And I believe you when you say you don't blame me ..." I sigh deeply. "I mean, I know you have an unbelievably generous and forgiving heart, Scully, but ..." I feel her hand on my cheek and I turn back to look at her. Her eyes are misty with tears, but there's a smile. "My God," she whispers, "is there anything you wouldn't do for me?" I huff out a harsh little laugh. "Not likely." "So you heard about these legends and you ..." I sigh. "I had to try. Scully, your inability to have children -- ..." I groan in frustration, making her drop her hand away from my face. "God damn them, it's not fair! You, we, have as much right ..." She doesn't say anything, but waits for me to continue. I drop my face in my hands and pray she understands me. "All my life ..." I take a deep breath and shake my head. "I never wanted to be a father, you know ... my own father, he -- I ... I just couldn't risk it ... I just ..." Her hand comes back to stroke my face. "Behaviour is not hereditary, Mulder," she whispers and I'm amazed she understood. Then again, haven't we always been able to read each other's minds? "No, but that still didn't mean I wanted to take that chance. And it never mattered anyway. But with you ..." Her other hand cups my face as well as she moves to sit before me, and I rest my forehead against hers. "You'd make a wonderful father," she whispers. The words touch me deeply. I gulp, then take a deep, hitching breath. "How can you ..." "I would give you children if I could," she goes on. This time her voice is laced with tears. It's enough: I break down. She wraps her arms around me and hugs me very tightly as I cry soundlessly with anger, frustration, and regret at the loss of something so deeply and truly human it should never have been taken from us. I feel her hands stroke my hair and my back. It's unbelievably soothing. When I've calmed down I pull away, but she seems surprisingly reluctant to let go. Her hands move back up to my face and her fingers gently brush away the tears. I notice she hasn't cried, but I've never seen so much compassion in a person's eyes. "Thank you," she whispers and I frown. She's thanking me? She sees the confusion and smiles a little. "I mean for allowing me to comfort you." I sigh. "Yeah, well ..." "And for trying to get me pregnant," she quips gently. I look at her and see a smile. Then it fades. "It's only a legend ..." I nod. "Yeah. Not much chance there, huh?" She shrugs. "I've seen a lot of miracles in all these years with you." "You mean you believe it?" She sighs. "Mulder, scientifically speaking, I'd have to deny the possibility of a lake being able to cure infertility. It's not going to happen ..." I shake my head and sigh. "Of course not." "But that doesn't mean we can't have fun trying." I let out a watery chuckle. "Yeah, well, there's definitely that." She sits back down beside me, her arm loosely around my waist, her head once again resting on my shoulder. "And you know I'm not getting any younger, either," she says softly. "The odds are stacked against us. I love you dearly for trying to find something, but ..." "It's never going to happen anymore, is it?" I feel how she shakes her head. "It would have to be a miracle of almost biblical proportions," she says, and I can hear a smile in her voice. "And I hardly think we qualify for something of that magnitude." I nod. She's right. We're silent for a while. The fire is crackling loudly, it's just about the only sound that's still out there. Night has fallen and there is a full moon overhead, bathing the whole place in an eerie bluish light. "Full moon," I observe and she nods. "Yeah ..." I take a deep breath. "It should've been me." She lifts her head up from my shoulder and looks at me, frowning. "What?" "They shouldn't have taken your fertility." She raises her eyebrows. "They should've taken yours instead?" Her voice is incredulous. I look at the fire. "You're so good with children, Scully, it's unfair you'll never have any of your own." She nods slowly, just once. "And you're suggesting ..." "You might have had children by now." "By whom?" I shrug. "Mulder, has it ever occurred to you that you are in fact the only man I even remotely considered as the father of any children I might have?" I look at her. "But- " She interrupts me by holding up a hand. "Before I met you I never had a guy I even wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Do you think I would've wanted a guy like that to be the father of my children?" I don't reply. I can't. She chuckles softly. "It wouldn't have helped a bit if it had been you, because the result would have been exactly the same." I shake my head. "If I ever do have kids, you can bet your life you're the father, you know," she says. I look at her and she shrugs with a slight smile. I smile as well and pull her to me. "Well, I'll keep that in mind," I reply, making her laugh. "You do just that," she says softly. She kisses me briefly. "Don't bring up the subject again while we're here. There's nothing we can do about it and I just want us to be happy together." I sigh. "I thought it was important ..." "But it is! Mulder, I appreciate this more than you can possibly imagine!" She gives me a lovely smile. "I wouldn't have wanted to miss this conversation for the world, because it is so important to determine where we stand. What we have together and what we expect from the future. Our future." She takes a deep breath. When she goes on, her voice is a mere whisper. "But I also want to have a good time. I want us to enjoy ourselves, you know, relax and just be ... us, I guess. I've cried enough already." She smiles. "You and I, we deserve it." I nod. "Yeah, you're right. Let's leave the drama for when we're back in DC." "Good idea," she says softly, smiling at me and I lean in for a long kiss. XxXxX I wake up to what must be the best sight in the world: the sleeping face of my lover. Sappy, huh? Yeah, well, I don't care, forgive the smile. I always thought I'd be superior to all this gushy lovers' crap, but I guess I haven't been properly in love before. I prop myself up on one elbow and settle down for some unashamed gazing at my woman. My head almost touches the inner tent, that's how small our tents are, but I don't really care. They're big enough to serve their purpose. Her eyelashes rest on her cheeks, a delicate fanning of light brown crowning her eyes; and her brow is perfectly smooth. And it could just be me, but her lips seem to be smiling just a little bit. I feel a wide smile curving my mouth. If this isn't love, I don't know what is. When the light suddenly changes I look up at the apex of the tent and I remember the spot where we pitched these tents. Clearly the first sun rays have just broken through the trees and our tent is now bathed in a early-morning beam of sunlight. Time to get up, at least for me. Careful not to wake her up, I sit up and open the zip. I wiggle out of our sleeping bag and look outside. As chance would have it I look straight into the sun and for a moment I'm blinded as I look away. But my eyes quickly get used to the bright daylight and I crawl out and get to my feet. We moved all our stuff to the other tent so we could sleep together and I grab a pair of shorts and a towel, and head for the lake for a quick wash. After a dip into the water I dry off and pull on the shorts. I'm going commando because, well, there's no reason not to. Besides, I wouldn't want to put too many obstructions in her way should we feel like getting a bit of action going again. I grin, I can't help it. There's still no movement from her so I decide to poke life back into the fire. Today is the last day at the lake for us. We're going to see her mother for a few days before it's time to go back to DC. I'm glad we're not going home yet, it would just be too much of a cold shower. Okay, I've waited long enough and the fire is ready for breakfast. Time to wake her up. I go back to the tent and open the front flap. "Hey, sleepy-face, rise and shine," I say gently. "Mmmwah," she just says and I grin. For a superiorly articulate person she can be pretty hard to understand when she first wakes up and hasn't had her coffee yet. "Wassatime?" "Dunno, but the sun is up and everything. Want to join me for breakfast?" She blinks a few times and yawns. Then she looks at me. "You're wearing clothes." I look down at my shorts, a little confused. "Uhm, yes, what about them?" "Why are you not naked?" Bring back the grin. God, my cheeks are getting into cramps from all this smiling -- and then I realise how infinitely pathetic this thought is and I push it away. "Well, it's just the shorts." "Commando?" "Of course." "Good," she says. I chuckle as I move back out of the tent to give her room to get out. "What do you fancy for breakfast?" I ask. She exits the tent, blinking in the bright sunlight. "What do we have left?" I look at our supplies. "Bread, couple of eggs, some ham which I guess we should've kept refrigerated, and coffee." "Eggs and coffee sound great. Let's bury the ham, we don't want any wildlife to find it and I don't fancy us coming down with food poisoning." I nod. "Eggs and coffee it is then. You go take a dip in the lake and I'll cook us breakfast." She walks up to me and kisses me. "Sounds like a plan," she smiles. Then she grabs the towel I used. "You don't want a dry one?" I remark, but she shrugs. "Why bother? We can use the dry ones later after we've taken another swim." I frown. "Another -- oh, I see." And I grin as I see her luscious smile. "You really think we're leaving this place without one last round of fun?" I walk up to her, wrap my arms around her waist, and pull her naked body to me. She puts her arms around my neck and looks at me. "God, this is going to be hard when we're back at work," I say. She smiles. "No kidding. We'll have to think about how we're going to deal with it. We'll need to stay professional, but I can't go back to what it was before. Not when I know how good it is." I nod and press a kiss on her lips. "We still have a few days to figure that out." Then I let go. "Go on, take a plunge and I'll cook us some breakfast." She smiles. "Good idea. Oh, and when I get back from the water, you'd better be naked." I grin. "Will do!" XxXxX Eating in the nude -- guess there is a first time for everything. There must be healthier breakfasts than coffee and eggs, but that's something we can't fix now. I've just finished my fried egg on bread and right now I'm sipping my second cup of coffee of the day. It's funny how instant coffee suddenly becomes acceptable if that's all you have -- at home I wouldn't touch the stuff with a ten-foot pole, but right now I guess it's all about the caffeine. "Eggs were okay?" he asks and I smile. "Yes, thank you. What did you do with the ham?" He gives a wave with his hand in the general direction of the woods. "I got rid of it back there. You were right, it was starting to go bad." I scrunch up my nose in disgust, but don't answer. Instead I drain my cup and get to my feet. "Want to wash up now?" He nods and gets up as well. "Let's just give everything a rinse so we can pack it up when we go. We can always do a proper wash up at your mom's." We take the cups, plates, and knives to the edge of the lake and give them a quick wash. Then, after placing them on a towel to dry, we return to the water's edge and sit down. "I'm sorry to leave this place," he says and I nod. "Me, too. It's gorgeous." "I think we turned the tide." He sees my confused look and smiles. "Guess woods and us do have an understanding." I smile, remembering our conversation in the car on our way up here. "Where were the lights in the sky?" He grins. "You didn't see them? I saw plenty of fireworks, but that could also have to do with our ... activities," he says, making me laugh. "You were fibbing about the lights, right?" He feigns indignation. "Agent Scully, I would *never*!" "Not when you're asleep, no," I grin, scooting even closer. "You're cute when you're asleep though." He pouts. "I'm not cute when I'm awake?" "No, you're hot when you're awake," I reply in a low voice, grinning. I crawl into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck. "And right now you're naked. As am I." He places his hands on my waist and pulls me in. "So I noticed," he says in a low voice, leaning in. "How much time do we have left?" I smile, one hand cupping his jaw. "It'll have to be enough. Because I'm not sure we will be able to make love when we're at mom's house and I'm definitely not going to hold out until we're back in DC." He places a hot little kiss on my mouth. "It's ridiculous, isn't it?" I frown. "What is?" "We didn't make love for some sixteen years and now that we've crossed the line, we just can't seem to get enough of it." I smile. "Guess we're making up for lost time." "Certainly seems like it. Kiss me, gorgeous." "Ooh, I like it when you call me names!" I grin and I kiss him. When we break the kiss, I look at him. "Are you in a hurry?" He shakes his head. "Depending on your plans, not at all," he smiles. "What do you want to do?" I gently push him down onto his back. "I haven't tasted you," I whisper. "I want to know what you taste like." I smile when I see his grin. He goes willingly enough, but I never doubted that for a moment. I start kissing him, his lips, long kisses on his lips, then his chin and down his throat. I feel his Adam's apple bob under my mouth and I smile. This is going well. I move down his chest and his abdomen. I love the muscles I feel tensing and relaxing under my touches. He's not as ripped as he used to be, but I still love his body -- maybe I even like it a bit better now that he's a little less toned. "You like this?" I ask. "Mm-mm," is all the answer I'm getting and I smile. It sounds a little strained, but it's definitely a confirmation. Good. "Looking good, handsome," I smile as I look at his erection. I love this sight, I always have, even when I still had to do it surreptitiously. Perhaps he thinks I never checked him out before, but check him out I did, I couldn't help it. I wrap my hand round the base of his cock and smile when I hear his groan. I feel all powerful now, knowing I hold his pleasure quite literally in my hand. Then I bend and take him in my mouth. It's a guilty pleasure of mine really: I've always loved giving head. If previous lovers were a disappointment to me it was never for a lack of oral sex from my part. But it's been quite a while. Let's see if it really is like riding a bike ... XxXxX We are welcomed by the smell of her mother's famous meatloaf when we arrive at Mrs Scully's house. With her engulfing us both in hugs and kisses we are steered into the house. "I'm so glad you could both make it," Maggie says and I smile. "I thought you'd never find time off to visit me!" "We decided to make it into a little vacation," I smile and wink at Scully, who blushes adorably. "Oh, you're going away after this?" Maggie asks and I shake my head. "No, we've just spent a few days camping," I say. "We are going back to DC when we leave here." "Well, that's not going to be for a few more days," she says and ushers us into the living room. I love Maggie Scully's house. It's spacious, but cosy, and full of everything that reminds me of what I love about Scully. I follow my nose towards the kitchen. Oh yes, I was right, it is the one and only Maggie Scully Meatloaf. "Mom, are you trying to fatten us up?" Scully asks, but I can see her eyeing the dish hungrily. She's right though, Maggie does not do 'diet'. Maggie just smiles as she cuts off a slice for each of us and places the plates on the table. A bowl of salad sits in the middle of the table, but I don't bother with that right now. It would fill stomach space which I need for the meatloaf. "So," she says, when we're settled down for lunch, "how are things between the two of you?" Scully chokes on her drink and I feel a flush of heat rising on my face. I honestly don't know how innocently Maggie meant these words, but our conscience has decided to reveal all. "Things are fine," Scully answers, her voice a bit raspy from choking. She clears her throat. "Things are really fine." "I'm so glad, honey," Maggie replies, "because I was starting to get worried." Scully and I look at each other. I see her frown. "Worried about what?" she says. "About you and Fox ever getting together, of course!" Maggie says, cutting another slice from the meatloaf. Scully's face is bright red with embarrassment and I'm grinning like an idiot. "You two *are* together, right?" I shrug as I look at Scully. Oh well, this can only make things easier. She's looking at her hands, but she's smiling. I nod. "Yes, we're together," I say with a smile. Scully's cheeks still slightly flushed and she hasn't raised her head, but she's smiling. "Well, thank God for that," Maggie says. "How long?" I look at Scully. "Well, I think we've been in love for ... I don't know ..." "No," Maggie interrupts me, "I mean sex." "Mom!" Scully exclaims, her voice a little indignant. "Mom, how can you-I mean ..." "Dana, I know you two have been in love for years. But you never did anything about it, and I was getting worried. Because I knew you'd get intimate sometime, as long as God would grant you the time to get there." I take a deep breath. "We've been pretty dense ..." It almost didn't happen. Maggie smiles. "You two are a lucky couple, Fox, don't ever doubt it." I smile at Scully, whose face has lost the expression of shock. She smiles back at me and gives me a little nod. "Yes," I say, "we definitely are ..." "So, tell me, how long?" Maggie says, lifting the rather heavy atmosphere. I look at Scully and she shrugs. "It only happened the day before yesterday," I answer. "Only that recently?" "Mom! You're making this sound like it was some kind of race!" Scully protests. "Oh, honey, of course I didn't mean it to sound that way!" Maggie apologises. "It's just that I figured you'd-" "What?" "Well, after all you've been through together, it was only natural you'd either get fed up with each other-" "Mom!" "-or fall in love," Maggie finishes, ignoring her daughter's protest. "And after, what's it been, fifteen years?" "Sixteen," I say softly, but I can't hide my smile. "Sixteen years." "After sixteen years together, something was bound to happen." Scully sighs, poking around in her meatloaf. I take my glass of water and wait for the show to continue. "I suppose you want to know the wedding date now, too, don't you?" Scully sulks. I choke on my drink. Excuse me? "Well, I wouldn't mind, but I have half a feeling Fox here isn't even aware there is such a date," Maggie says, giving me a wink. God, Scully women are cruel, there is no other term for it. Let's play along, shall we? "Seems I'm not the only one hiding things," I grin, seeing Scully smile. We're digging a pretty deep hole here, but I'm enjoying it immensely. "I never knew this. Are we getting married, baby?" That earns me a swat on the shoulder and the comment "Don't 'baby' me, Mulder!". I laugh. I wrap my arms around her, drawing her face to mine. Our eyes lock and our smiles have quite gone now. Whoa, how did this get so serious so quickly? I let go, but she doesn't move away. I know Maggie is still here, but I don't know if Scully remembers that she is, and frankly I couldn't care. Issues have popped up that need to be taken care of. "Could you ever imagine marrying me?" I whisper and I see her open her mouth just a little. Her tongue flicks out to lick her lips and something surges inside me. If we'd still been at the lake I would've pushed her down and made love right here on the spot, but of course right now we can't. Are we ready for this? And to be more precise: am I ready for this? It's commitment on a scale I've only encountered once before -- and that ended in a complete disaster, making me swear to myself that no woman would ever trap me like that again. But now ... "Are you proposing to me?" she whispers. Her eyes have never been this blue, and they effectively chip away at every resolve I ever made about marriage. I nod. "You know, I kinda think I am," I answer. I lift my hand to stroke her cheek. "Will you marry me?" From the corner of my eye I see Maggie's delighted smile, but she's smart enough to stay silent for now. As long as her daughter hasn't accepted -- or refused, although I don't think that very likely -- she knows she shouldn't interfere. "Mulder, after ... you know ..." We smile a little wryly at the memory. It was unavoidable, but let's not go there too often. "... I never thought you'd want to get married again." I shrug. "Neither did I, but you're not Diana, Scully." I move in to brush my lips over hers, not quite kissing. "And you're not like any other woman I've ever known. You're better than those. And I want you." She smiles, unexpectedly wickedly. "So what went wrong at the lake, if you didn't already have me?" I laugh, I can't help it. "Oh, I've had you," I grin. Then I let my eyes heat up. "I've had your body, gorgeous, but could you give me more?" "You mean my heart?" she asks and I nod. She leans in until our mouths nearly touch. "If you want my heart --" She nips at my lips. "It's all yours. It always has been. And you know that." "Does that mean you accept my offer?" She smiles. "How quaint," she teases and nods with a wide smile. "Yes, I accept. If you'll have me and you're sure you can handle what you're getting yourself into --" and she gives me a wink. "- I will marry you." I cut a quick look at Maggie, who is dabbing away at her eyes with a tissue. I smile and she smiles back. Four days ago I could not even imagine we'd ever cross the line and become lovers -- even though I had certainly fantasised about it, heck yeah -- and now ... My God, we're engaged! I guess I should be panicking if it weren't for the fact that I somehow can't imagine myself being anything else. And for a guy who has some serious commitment and abandonment issues, this is pretty amazing stuff. "I don't even have a ring for you," I smile. She smiles back. "Somehow I find that very reassuring." She sees my puzzled expression and raises an eyebrow. "I mean, that this was really a spur of the moment thing for you." She leans in and kisses me briefly but tenderly. No frenchies in front of mom, I guess. "After all, I'm supposed to be the sensible one in our partnership, aren't I?" I smile. "I dunno, I've experienced some very interesting, extremely instinctive moves over the past few days." She grins. "Damn right!" she whispers, giving me another kiss. "Come, let's include mom in this." XxXxX He's asleep next to me, but I'm wide awake and I can't feel that changing anytime soon. Funny how the insomniac is dead to the world and I'm clear as day. I turn onto my side and prop myself up on my elbow. If I can't sleep, I might as well look. I smile. He's on his side, facing me, his neck slightly curved and one arm is under his pillow. The flexed elbow makes his bicep bulge slightly and I smile a bit more. I love his muscles, even when he's not working them consciously. We made love after we went to bed, we couldn't stop ourselves. I know we told ourselves that we shouldn't do it while we were here at mom's, but our lust was stronger than our resolve. And really, I don't see how mom will object as long as we are considerate towards her and keep it fairly quiet. He turns his head a little, mumbles something I'm not even going to try to understand, and a lock of hair falls over his forehead, touching his eyelids. He frowns in his sleep. I'm fascinated by how his sleeping brain is still registering the mild irritation caused by the hair. I reach out and carefully push the lock back, and his face and indeed his whole body relaxes. Somehow it makes me think of how a mother would take care of her child and my heart swells. I love him, I think. I know that's hardly a new idea, but it still manages to fill me with joy and warmth. And there's nothing mother-like about my love for him when we're awake, and yet I just want to protect him when he's asleep. Maybe because he lets himself be vulnerable, I don't know. He looks like a child now. Sometimes I wonder what he must have been like as a little boy, innocent and intelligent, welcoming the world and everything life had to offer -- before life decided to deal him the bum cards and destroy his childhood ... He wants to give me children. I frown. Damn them for having taken that choice away from us! I bite my lip, feeling a few tears stinging behind my eyes. I never knew he wanted to be a father, somehow I didn't think he'd ever feel ready for it. Still, Mother Nature doesn't let herself be fooled -- it's in her best interest to see to it that all her creatures reproduce, regardless of upbringing or convictions about suitability. Maybe it was only natural. I want to give him children. I sigh. I'm 46 ... How am I ever going to do that, even if I take some huge leaps of fantasy and imagine that I actually have some eggs left for him to fertilise? But I'm healthy, and as far as I know menopause hasn't hit yet. I sigh again. Yet ... I feel a tear run down my cheek. I carelessly wipe it away with the back of my hand. I was so cold and clinical about it when he raised the issue a few days ago, and I know I was right: lakes can't cure barrenness, no matter how quaint the legend. And my age -- damn it, we should've started pumping up little Mulders and Scullys the moment we met! God knows I was attracted to him and I know he wasn't totally repulsed by me ... I sigh once again. This hurts so bad ... We're going to be married. Mom was ecstatic about it, but I never doubted that for a moment. She's going to see her only remaining daughter marry the love of her life. I smile through my tears. At least I got that part right: I know for certain I could never find a better man to marry. I feel my smile vanish. It's going to stop there. Sure, the Scullys will live on, Bill and Charlie have more than done their part in ensuring the continuance of the Scully bloodline. But the Mulder branch will die out with him. Damn it, this hurts! This hurts so much! I lie down, my face near his, tears running down my face unchecked, soaking into the pillow. He's not aware of all this, but I feel so miserable, so angry for not being able to give him what he wants. I try to cry silently, but every now and then a sob escapes, adding to the hurt I feel inside. I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing myself to stop crying. "What's wrong?" I open my eyes and I see him looking at me. He's frowning, although I still see some drowsiness in his eyes. The arm that was under his pillow comes up and carefully wipes some tears away. I smile a little and shake my head. "It's nothing," I whisper. He shakes his head. "Uh uh, 'nothing' doesn't cause such a flood of tears, sweetheart, not in you. How long have you been watching me sleep?" "Ever since you fell asleep." He raises his eyebrows. "You haven't slept?" I shake my head. "Couldn't." "Damn, and here I thought I'd worn you out right and good!" he grins, making me smile. The smile vanishes as quickly as it came. His follows suit. "It's about children, isn't it?" I nod. "Mulder, here I am, about to marry you and I can't even give you kids!" "I'm not marrying you for kids." "I know, but-" He stops me with a gentle finger to my lips. "I'm marrying you because you're the only person in the world I love enough to want to spend the rest of my life with. Always. Forever." His arm reaches around me and he draws me into him. I feel how he presses a soft, lingering kiss on my forehead. Then he rests his forehead against mine and for long moments we don't speak. I've closed my eyes, desperately trying to keep more tears at bay. "Yes, I want to be a father, maybe almost as much as you want to be a mother-" "Almost as much?" I say with a slight smile, interrupting him. "I don't think anyone wants it more than you do," he says and I take a deep breath. "But that's not why I asked you to marry me." He strokes my face. "I'm marrying you for love, Dana, and that's the only reason." He leans in for a kiss. "And if kids happen they'll be very welcome, but that's not what it's all about. It's about you and I." "It may still happen ..." I say. I'm kidding myself of course, but it's said before I can stop it. He chuckles. "Don't tell me you've turned into a believer." "Maybe we get some credit for trying," I suggest. This earns me an actual laugh. "Well, let's go for that, then." He draws me into his arms and for a while we just cuddle. I finally feel myself slip into sleep. "I still get my ring, you know," I say, drowsy. I don't know if he's already asleep. Then I feel him nod. "You will. Go on, sleep. We have plenty of time." I smile. We do ... THE END