TITLE: "PJ's"
AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * kirsten_xf@yahoo.com 
RATING: PG
CLASSIFICATION: Mulder Scully Romance
KEYWORDS: S R Baby-fic
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. They belong to the mighty CC, DD, GA, 
1013 and Fox and no infringement is intended.
SUMMARY: Early one Saturday morning Mulder reveals a bit more 
about his past. Alt. universe, baby-fic
SPOILERS: None worth mentioning
TIME-LINE: About end season 8, but not in the actual X-Files 
universe.

XxXxX
"PJ's"
by Kirsten Kerkhof
XxXxX

Scully looks good in pyjamas. Okay, talk about the obvious, of 
course, since she looks good in everything, but there is something 
endearing about seeing her in her pyjamas. I guess it's because she 
looks so much younger in them. Years younger.

She's absolutely gorgeous standing there in the doorway, her fiery 
hair dishevelled, her pyjamas rumpled, as she lazily rubs the sleep 
from her eyes, her other hand on her belly. All that seems missing in 
this picture now is a teddy bear.
	
I feel a flash of burning love consume me. God, I adore this woman, 
I think, and it isn't the first time I realise this either. She looks so 
different from the strong independent woman I know and love, and I 
must admit I'd have a hard time deciding which of the two I like 
better, but right now there is no decision to make. It's not important. 
All that is important now is the heady sensation of her folding 
herself into my arms, unhurriedly and unabashedly seeking the 
comfort she seems to find in me.
	
"Morning, Mulder," she says, her voice drowsy with sleep. "Mmm, 
you feel good ..."
	
It seems my face is set in an eternal smile, I just can't get rid of it. 
"Thanks ..."
	
I feel her chuckle against my chest. "No, I mean really good."
	
God, don't wake me up now. "Thanks ...!"
	
She reaches up and softly kisses me. "My pleasure."
	
I smile and softly nibble her earlobe. "I know," I answer in a low 
voice and a shudder runs through her. Mentally I chalk one up for 
me. "What are you doing out of bed so early?"
	
"Came looking for you. Do you realise how cold that bed is without 
you?"
	
I debate for a moment before I try an unconventional but honest 
reply. "Probably not, or I would've stayed."
	
This answer makes her open her eyes and go quite still.
	
"I thought I might have told you," she answers very softly.
	
"I guess I still have a lot to learn, but I'm doing my best," I reply 
equally softly. I sigh. "I'm not very used to this, you know."
	
"To what?"
	
"To being so close to someone, sharing everything, being loved so 
much. This relationship-thing is quite strange ..."
	
She's confused. Rightfully so, I guess. "But you ... I mean ... you've 
been with other women before I met you and ..." Her expression 
darkens. "You are happy, aren't you?"
	
I nod and smile. "More than you could ever possibly imagine. More 
than I thought I was capable of."
	
Her smile is careful though genuine. I can see she's not entirely 
happy with the direction our conversation has taken, so I decide to 
change the subject.
	
"So, how is our baby boy doing?"
	
This is all it takes to completely change her expression. This woman 
is going to make to the best mother in the world -- and this kid is 
going to have the best mommy he could ever have wished for. And 
I'm the luckiest guy in the universe for being the one she's chosen to 
be by her side.
	
"He's going to be perfect. The new test-results came back yesterday 
and again they showed no signs of any genetic abnormalities. As far 
as we can tell at this point our baby is perfectly healthy and ready to 
take on the world."
	
She sounds so damn proud and happy ...
	
No doubt she spots how I don't quite seem to share her feelings of 
exuberance and she frowns. "What's wrong, Mulder?"
	
"Nothing," I reply lightly, but really I ought to know better than try 
and hide my feelings from her. As far as she's concerned I'm an open 
book with no secrets to speak of.
	
"Don't lie to me, Mulder," she says, softening her words with a 
gentle touch of her hands on my cheek. I cover her belly and feel a 
soft yet firm kick from the baby under my hand. Jesus, how do I go 
about this? I decide to go for broke, I've started this, now I must 
finish.
	
I take her hands in my own and look her in the eyes. They're wide 
and wondering. I could drown in them.
	
"Scully, I have a confession to make and quite frankly I don't have a 
clue how you will react. I know I can often anticipate your reactions, 
but this is something quite different. But whatever your reaction will 
be I will respect its honesty. All I ask from you is to hear me out 
before you say anything, okay?"
	
She nods. She's gone quite pale. "You do love me, don't you?" she 
asks.
	
I smile. "More than life itself."
	
"Then start," she answers, squeezing my fingers gently.
	
"I will start by telling you that I love this little boy and that is the 
gospel truth. I love him now and I know this will only become even 
more intense when he's born. You may want to ask me again in 
sixteen years, but that's beside the point now.
	
"Scully, I never wanted to have kids. Not because I didn't like them, 
but I just couldn't picture myself as a father. It seemed wrong, 
criminal even, for me to father a child, be it boy or girl. No woman 
should have to raise a child that was partly mine."
	
She looks absolutely shocked and I wonder if she even realises that 
she has pulled her hands from mine and tries to cover her belly with 
them -- failing to do so since she's already nine months along and 
the baby is due next week. I sigh.
	
"Scully, I come from a family that is rotten to the core. My parents 
were awful and my grandparents weren't any better. I know it's 
considered wrong to speak thus about ones parents, but the truth will 
out. And when I realised this, and simultaneously realised that 
people generally take after their parents, I knew I couldn't have 
children. I knew with absolute certainty that this particular branch of 
the Mulder family tree had to die out.
	
"Not that this was going to be a difficult task. My grandparents on 
my father's side only had three children surviving into adulthood and 
my aunts never married and married but remained childless 
respectively. On my mother's side things were a little more 
productive, but as she'd only married into the Mulder family I never 
really cared much about her family. And with Sam missing and 
possibly dead, I knew it was all up to me to determine the future of 
the blood line. And it had to stop with me."
	
I pause for a moment and Scully decides this is the moment to 
interrupt, even though she'd promised not to.
	
"Don't tell me --..." There must be more she wants to say, but she 
seems scared to do so and quite frankly I don't know if I even want 
to hear it. It's time to continue my narrative, I need to tell her all and 
do it now.
	
"Everything seemed perfectly obvious to me for a long time. The 
women I dated, even the ones I got involved with, were never the 
type I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, let alone have babies 
with. Kids just weren't an option. Life was easy-street here. Until I 
met you, that is. For the first time in my life I was with a woman I 
felt totally at ease with, a woman I neither feared nor looked down 
upon. A woman who was in every respect my equal. And for the 
first time I began to doubt the wisdom of my decision. I mean, I 
didn't even know back then if you regarded me as more than just 
your maverick partner in the FBI, or if you even harboured any 
feelings of love towards me, but I was just wondering if I would 
want to create life with you should the right time and opportunities 
arise. And I was shocked to discover that I did. If things would work 
out that way, I did want to have a baby with you.
	
"When we found out that you couldn't have babies I grieved for you. 
I thought I would be glad as this meant that my decision was once 
more secured, but instead I was sad about chances ruined, let alone 
how your dreams would never come true. Because I knew you'd 
make a wonderful mother. And now I had made you part of what 
was essentially my refusal to have a future ..."
	
I can't go on. She's crying, her hand covering her eyes, but the tears 
are dripping from under her hand and between her fingers. It tears 
my heart to pieces. I feel my own tears stinging in my eyes as I cup 
her beautiful face in my hands. Then I gather her to me, feeling her 
sobs racking her body. It's all that's needed to make me break down. 
I don't cry easily, but this is more than even I can take.
	
"Oh, Scully, I love you so much ... I love our little boy so much and 
I'm so very very proud of you and so happy too, and I'm so sorry I 
told you all this ..."
	
She lifts her head from my shoulder and looks at me. "Mulder," she 
begins. Her voice is raw from crying but I couldn't give a damn. 
"How could you ever have made a decision like that? It's not 
criminal to want to have a child, but it is criminal to deny yourself 
such a miracle!"
	
For a nanosecond I'm confused but then I realise the enormity of her 
love and of the gift she's given me. She grants me a precious smile.
	
"You're not responsible for your parents' faults or shortcomings, 
Mulder. You are a wonderful, brilliant man, who has been hurt badly 
but who is absolutely capable to love. And this boy couldn't have a 
better daddy --..." 
	
I feel her jerk in my arms and she screws up her face. It only lasts a 
moment before she lets out a long breath and relaxes. Probably a 
hard kick from the baby.
	
I smile at her, infinitely grateful for her love and trust. "If I promise 
I'll do all I can to be a good daddy, will you be happy?"
	
She smiles widely as she nods. "There's nothing I'd want more." 
Then her smile fades. "Your family doesn't deserve to die out, 
Mulder. It produced you, what better justification for its survival 
could there be?"
	
I smile and kiss her briefly on the lips. "Don't forget I've been 
adopted into the Scully-family, Dana. It saved me from eternal 
damnation."
	
"Are you afraid of my mom?"
	
I almost burst out laughing. "No, how could I ever be? I love her like 
a mother, but she couldn't hurt me. Could she?"
	
"Well, you have experience as far as Scully-women go," she 
answers enigmatically. 
	
"So I'd better be the perfect father then?"
	
She shakes her head. "Oh, don't be perfect," she replies, "it would 
make me feel so inadequate."
	
I do laugh out now. "Don't you worry, Scully, this man is 
determined to be the best of his kind!"
	
She stiffens and makes a hissing sounds as she sucks in air. I wonder 
...
	
"I think I might just have to take you up on your words, Mulder," 
she says softly.
	
The light goes on inside my head. "You mean, the baby ...?"
	
She nods. "'Fraid so, partner."
	
"But I thought he wasn't due for another week and ..."
	
"He wasn't, but that still doesn't change anything, does it?"
	
"No, it doesn't. Oh my God ..."

XxXxX

The End

Kirsten Kerkhof