TITLE: "New Valenki" parts 4-6 AUTHOR: Kirsten Kerkhof * kirsten_xf@yahoo.com RATING: NC-17 CLASSIFICATION: Mulder-Scully Romance. William-fic KEYWORDS: S R H A SUMMARY: Mulder and Scully have some free time on their hand. Smut ensues. DISCLAIMER: Nope. Not mine. FEEDBACK: Oh, please do ... For a Mulder and a bowl of strawberries? XxXxXxXxX PART 4/6 MAGGIE SCULLY'S HOUSE Rating: NC-17 I wake up groaning. I can't remember ever having been so sore - and so well-laid. On retrospect I wonder what I'm complaining about ... Oh, maybe because it's almost four in the morning and I can hear William crying in the adjoining room and all I really want to do is snuggle up to Mulder's warm, hard body and sleep until my name changes to Rip Van Scully ... My breasts don't hurt as much as I thought they would, though I can feel the pressure of the milk. In fact, I hardly feel them at all, and they look all right, too. That's good, because William needs his feed no matter what. I enter the room that is currently converted to the baby room and pick him up from his little bed, trying to soothe him and silence his tears. "Don't cry, sweetheart, mommy's here ..." I coo, stroking his head and back as he lies against me. And sure enough, he calms down. "Are you hungry, darling?" I decide to go back to our bedroom and nurse him in bed. It's a fantastic prospect, you've got to admit, being joined and loved by the two men of my life. Carefully, I sit on the bed and put my legs under the sheets. William has already found my nipple and has latched on to it, sucking with vigour. I was too late for his feed, poor little thing, he must be starving ... Next to me I feel Mulder stir. I look at him and see him regarding us sleepily. His hand comes up to flop onto my arm. "Hey, gorgeous," I greet him in a whisper. He groans something unintelligible, yawns widely and sits up. "What time is it?" "Five past four in the morning," I reply, kissing him briefly on the lips. "Go back to sleep, I will soon, too." He shakes his head, though I fear he'll be asleep again any second now. "No, wanna look at you ..." He scoots over and pulls me against his warm body, his head coming to rest on my shoulder. "... love you ..." I smile. "Love you, too," I answer softly. Then I smile a wicked smile. "Thanks for the sex." His head snaps up and he grins, instantly awake. Men ... "You're very welcome, but you weren't half bad either!" "That, my love, was something I never really doubted," I smile knowingly, looking at our baby. He chuckles at my comment. "When will he be off his night feeds?" he asks. "Very soon," I answer. "He shouldn't really need them anymore, but I think he feels better, being nursed once a night as well as during the day. I'll be glad when he's off them, though. I can use the sleep." Mulder nods. "I guess so, yeah." He yawns again. "Mmmm ... sleepy ..." He closes his eyes and nuzzles my neck. I'm touched by the sense of comfort and trust he displays so openly. That is something one hardly ever sees in this man. "Go back to sleep," I whisper. William has finished nursing and his eyes are drooping. The amount he drinks at night has decreased over the past week or so to almost nothing. I guess he craves the touch and affection more than the actual food, though I think all he wants right now is a warm little bed and a cuddle. "I'll put William to bed, clean up a little and I'll be back, okay?" "... 'kay ..." is all the answer I get. No doubt there will be very little entertainment when I get back. Oh well ... "Keep my spot warm," I whisper in his ear, just before I rise to bring our son back to his room. And sure enough Mulder rolls over onto his stomach to where I was sitting just a second ago. He's sprawled out all over the bed and I can't help but chuckle at the sight. But first, my baby. When I return to the room, after having put William back in his little bed and myself cleaned up, I find Mulder fast asleep. Oh well, so much for the fun I was hoping for ... "Come on, love," I say softly, pushing him aside a little so I can get into bed myself. "Move over." "... mmmmm ..." I hear as he dutifully makes room for me. I slip under the sheets and curl up against him, seeking his warmth. Not that I really need his body-heat, it is summer after all, but he feels so good ... His arms come round my body and I feel cocooned by him. It's a wonderfully safe feeling. I close my eyes and then I, too, succumb to Hypnos' soft charm. XxXxX Amazingly I'm first to wake up again. A glance at the clock tells me it just after nine a.m. Next to me Mulder is still sleeping like the dead. It gives me a rare opportunity to look at him in complete rest. I softly caress his face and hair, careful not to wake him already. He mumbles something unintelligible, stirs slightly and then he's still again. His lips are just slightly apart and when I move close enough I can feel soft puffs of breath on my face like little ghost kisses. The lines that often mark his face when he's awake, have disappeared. I spend some time looking at his eyes, I'm a sucker for long eye-lashes and this man has got the most beautiful set of lashes I have ever seen with any guy. Then I follow his face and go down his neck to the strong shoulders. Oh, he really is beautiful, isn't he? Okay, so I'm biased ... He turns over onto his back. My God, has he read my intentions? I pull the sheets away from us, baring him. It's shameful, really, the way I'm using his helpless condition for my own private desires. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I snicker soundlessly with the thought. I guess the man can punish me when he wakes up. I can't help a shiver. Ooo, the prospect is killing me ... I straddle his waist and start massaging the muscles in his shoulders. He hums under me with obvious pleasure. I wonder if he's waking up. A nudge to my butt tells me at least part of him has woken up. I grin. This is going in the right direction. My hands idly wander across the hard planes of his abdomen, stroking softly, admiring his toned body. I don't think he's completely asleep, though I guess he's currently wondering whether this is a dream or reality. Why don't you open your eyes, handsome, and find out! I feel the tension building in my core at about the same speed that the tapping to my back increases. It really wouldn't be a problem at all to just lower myself on top of him and have my way with him, but I'd like him to be awake for it. "Hey, wake up, sleepy-head," I say softly in his ear. "I want to play!" And, sure enough, his eyes come open. Well, half. "Is this a dream?" he whispers. "'Cause if it is, don't wake me up. I don't think I could stand the disappointment." I smile. "Nope, this is all real. Come on, Mulder, I want to play!" I sound like a little kid that can't wait to go to the playground. I can't. Lucky for me, my favourite playground is to be found directly under me and the toy I like most of all is apparently as eager as I am. I bend over and kiss him softly on the lips, moving away just when he tries to deepen the kiss. "Hey!" I grin. "You wanna play?" I ask, leaning in to touch his lips again, but when he tries to kiss me, I move away again, laughing. "Scully! Quit fooling around!" he protests. His hard words are softened by his grin. "Why, Mulder? It's more fun this way!" "How on earth should it be more fun?" "Well, you can't have everything you wish for. At least that's what Sister Mary Clara always told Missy and myself in Sunday School," I reply with a smile, weaving my hand through his hair. "With all due respect, Dana, but I hardly believe a nun should be in any position to tell you or your dear sister anything about sex. Now, I on the other hand ..." His eyes twinkle mischievously. "Yes ...?" Completely unexpectedly, he rolls us over so he's on top of me - and in total control. This will be nice ... "I on the other hand, believe myself to be quite capable of teaching you a trick or two that will drive you utterly out of your mind with lust and pleasure!" I gasp at his words, but quickly regain my equilibrium. "Are you about to show me one of them?" He leans down and kisses me hot, his tongue snaking into my mouth and setting my whole body on fire. I'm utterly breathless when he, at last, ends the kiss - and I am more aroused than I thought possible. He winks. "Yes, my dear young lady, I am!" I giggle. "I'm not a young lady anymore, Mulder." He smiles. "No, I guess not. Come on, don't spoil the atmosphere!" Gently I tug his head down for another warm kiss. "All right, I won't spoil the atmosphere. At least, I won't if you keep your promise of driving me insane with lust and desire!" "For a nice Catholic girl you sure seem to enjoy a good orgasm, Dana Scully!" he says with a twinkle in his eye. "I live for them," I reply in a husky voice. "Now make love to me, gorgeous! His eyes go wide for just a moment at my words. I bet he never thought he'd hear those words from me, but they're true. Under those prim little Donna Karen suits resides and has always resided a woman who just loved sex and sexual experimentation. Too bad this particular hunk of a man thought he couldn't have me. Until just over a year ago, that is, when the tension between the two of us - not to mention the tension inside my ever-aroused, very treacherous body - became too much to bear and we suddenly found ourselves fucking each other's brains out virtually under Skinner's nose. Well, in the office we were assigned to work in for a day and which happened to be directly one floor below Skinner's office. I'm fairly certain that for some reason that room wasn't equipped with security cameras. I bet he wouldn't have been able to keep it to himself if he knew ... Above me I see Mulder's face split into that grin that tells me I'm in for something big. It's usually reserved for one of his 'theories', but now, at this moment, I'm pretty damn sure his intentions have nothing to do with UFOs at all. "My my my, aren't we eager this morning," he says with a smile in his voice, his lips nibbling the side of my neck, precisely where I'm so goddamn sensitive. "Ahh ..." I gasp before I can answer, "I'm ... I'm hornier than hell, Mul - ... der ... do something about it!" "Yes, my lady," he replies and sets to work. Jesus, Mary, mother of God ... I've unleashed a beast ... I've always known it had to be really dangerous to be the focus of Fox Mulder's undivided attention. After all, I've witnessed the consequences first-hand, but this ... my God ... this is unbelievable! His mouth is everywhere at once and right there where I need it the most. I want to touch my breasts, but I can't, they're too fucking sensitive - he's suckling my nipples. Oh Jesus, has he read my thoughts, going down ... down ... ah, yes, right there ... Oh man, forgive me if I just pass out with pleasure right here ... "Oh ... fuck ... oh oh ... Jesus, Fox ..." I cry out, I can't help it. Oh God, Mom must be walking around, she can hear us! "... Christ, oh ... aahhh ... Mulder stop ..." "You don't want me to stop," he counters, his words muffled by the place he's in right now, and really I don't, but he must! Instead I shake my head, lolling it from one side to the other on my pillow. It's about as much muscle-coordination as I can muster at the moment. "... no no no, don't-- ... ah ..." He's ruined my speech. Oh, who the fuck cares, as long as he keeps that mouth down there, and keeps sucking me into oblivion. I hiss through clenched teeth when he takes my clitoris between his lips and begins to suck in earnest. Ah man ... Oh fuck, I don't care. I pinch my nipples between my fingers. They're slippery with a mix of milk and Mulder's saliva, and faint stabs of pain manage to penetrate the fog of incredible sexual pleasure, but instead of killing the mood, they only, miraculously, feed into my arousal. I throw my head back into the pillow, letting out an unashamed cry of lust and desire. I sound like a crazed animal! Oh oh oh ... I can feel the waves crashing in. His fingers have joined in in his expert teasing ... God, where did he learn all these fabulous tricks? Never mind, I don't want to know ... And then it happens. It's that unbelievable lightshow again, suns and stars and galaxies colliding and I'm blinded ... ah man, no one has ever made me come this hard! Oh God, I can't help it, I'm howling with pleasure. I'm positively quaking with the tremors this orgasm have caused, my limbs are reduced to some kind of unidentifiable jelly, my brain is currently non-functional - and all I can think about is how fucking unfair it is that I came this hard and he wasn't even inside me. Gotta do something about that. "Je-sus, Mulder! ..." I pant, prying my eyes open. I seem to suffer from lame eyelid muscles after sex with this man ... He's lying next to me, his hand still stroking my labia and clitoris, lazily and amazingly soothing. I giggle, letting out a sigh that translates into an exclamation of true pleasure. "... I sure ... [giggle] ... have done it now ... [sigh] ... haven't I?" "So, tell me, how was it?" he smiles. I moan softly when he withdraws his hand from my centre. "You know that perfectly well," I answer, my voice strained from screaming out, but at least my IQ seems to have returned. I'd nearly accepted that this round of sex was part of a barter for my entire IQ. I wouldn't have batted an eyelid in agreeing. "Well, it seemed pretty okay to me," he says, putting up an adorable show of understating his opinion. I laugh, I can't help it, as I snuggle up to his, drawing him closer. He's sporting the hard-on of the century, but I know how to help. "You'd better warn me next time, Mulder, when I'm mad or horny enough to take you up on your words!" "Maybe I shouldn't," he says. "It sure makes for a good time." "Yes, it does. And one turn deserves another, gorgeous!" I say, pulling him on top of me, letting my thighs fall open. "Hornier than hell, huh, Dana?" he grins as he settles between my legs. He wastes no time in pushing inside me, drawing long sighs from both of us when he's fully embedded in me. Yes, this is what I was made for, no doubt about it. Hell, it was what I was made with! I smile with the thought, closing my eyes to savour the feelings his movements cause. But, ever the gentleman, he's holding back. I don't want that. "Come for me," I moan, meeting his thrusts with moves of my own. "Don't wait for me, do what you gotta do." I want to see what he looks like when he comes. I want to see it and remember it for the times I can't be with him. It's feeding time for my fantasies. "... you deserve it ..." he says with adorable difficulty. Ah, geez, I really don't deserve this man, no matter what he says, do I? "Mulder, I want to look," whisper in his ear. "I want to look and see you come inside me. I can't do that when you make me come with you. I want to memorise what you look like, so that, whenever we're on the road and we're being insulted by some dimwitted sheriff, I can look at you and picture you coming hard." I don't know what I'm saying. But the prospect of doing this in real life someday sure is damn arousing. "... Geez, Scul ... ly ... " Guess he agrees. I continue, closing my eyes as I imagine what I'm fantasising. Immediately I open my eyes again. I want to watch. His thrusts are speeding up nicely. "When we're in Skinner's office, being fried over an expense report, I can picture you come inside me and he won't even know I'm soaking my panties. When I'm doing an autopsy and you're watching, I can imagine you inside me, taking me hard on the autopsy table. When you're pissing off Kersch, I can look at you and know it doesn't fucking matter what he's saying, 'cause that night we're gonna have the best sex of the century and there's nothing he can change about that." He's racing now, out of control like a run-away freight train. He can't afford thinking about my body and the fact that it's still sensitive because I'm breast feeding and I gave birth only a few months ago. And frankly, I don't want him to care about me. He's beautiful in his state of total abandon. Incredibly beautiful. Then he's off. I nearly tear up with emotions, watching him throw himself headlong into his orgasm, howling with the sensations. I don't think he's ever come this hard with me. That's my man! I'm awed by the sight. I'm in love ... He collapses on top of me, his arms unable to support his weight. I crush him to me, welcoming the feeling of him. I lightly scratch my nails across his sweat-covered back, then soothing the faint marks with loving caresses. He's panting like a locomotive in full steam. We remain in this position for a little while, with him unable and me unwilling to change it. But, after a bit, he groans loudly and slowly rolls off me, pulling out of me. Man, I didn't want that ... He buries his face in the curve of my neck, nuzzling and kissing as he lies beside me. When I turn my head to look at him, he's smiling. "Taking you hard on the autopsy table, huh, Agent Scully?" he grins, shaking his head. "You are a sick woman!" I laugh. "Like I told you, Mulder, I live for orgasms." "Good thing I didn't know about that when we first met. We wouldn't have made it out of the office and on that plane to Oregon if I'd known ..." "I was selective in what I told the Bureau when they hired me," I reply as if that explains it all. "Just imagine what we've missed ..." I smile. "I didn't know if you even found me attractive, Mulder. I had to work with you, I needed your mind more than your body during those first difficult cases." "You could've had both. It sure wasn't me who was going to stop you." "Thinking with your big head or your little head?" I grin. "Amazingly, most of the time it was still this ..." He taps his finger to his skull "... that did the thinking. But I can assure you, Dana, it was no easy task!" I smile, a bit incredulous. After all, I've always known I'm not his type. "How's that?" He lets out a soft laugh as if to indicate they're happy but slightly embarrassing memories. "Ah, Scully, you've really never realised how beautiful you are, have you?" I'm speechless. One-nil for Fox Mulder. He strokes my face with his hand, clearly loving me. Oh, Lord, I'm so in love with him ... "Have you never noticed the men in the Bureau looking at you?" I shake my head. It never occurred to me to pay attention to that. And most of the time my mind was on our work - or on Mulder - anyway. "But I have, Scully, and it made me green with jealousy. And every time they stared at you as if you were a piece of meat, ah, Dana, I saw red!" I smile. "That's an amazing feat for someone who's red-green colour blind ..." He chuckles. "Touché!" Then he grows more serious. "You're one of the very few women I have ever seen who don't flaunt their beauty. You're gorgeous, but you don't use it. In fact I always wondered if you even knew how beautiful you are ..." "I'm not beautiful, Mulder. I'm pretty and I have an okay face, but I'm not beautiful like other women are beautiful ..." I'm touched by his compliments, but sadly, they're not true. He's biased and I must keep that in mind. He leans in for a lingering kiss. "Of course you are beautiful. And I know I'm not the most objective of judges, but do I really need to point out the men who are really seriously attracted to you? There are more than a few of them currently counting the days till you're coming back to the Hoover." He must be joking - but he's so serious. "You're kidding me, Mulder." He puts his mouth right to my ear. "Skinner," he just whispers. I gasp in response, both to the puff of air in my ear and to the name he mentions. "He's in love with you," he continues, "he'd give his right hand to be in my shoes." I shake my head, looking at him, totally baffled. "No," I breathe out. He nods. "Why do you think we're getting away with so much? He's incapable of reprimanding you, Scully, it would go against his deepest feelings. It's only because he respects your choice that he hasn't actually done anything about those feelings." "How ... how do you know?" He shrugs. "He told me." "He told you?" "Yeah. He made me swear to secrecy though, I couldn't tell anyone, not even you. I broke my pledge, but I'm not sorry." "Why did he make you swear you wouldn't tell me?" "He was afraid you wouldn't want to work under him again." I see him flinch at the possibility of a double-entendre. I let it slip. "He didn't want you to be uncomfortable around him. He knew you weren't interested in him that way, and he'd rather keep it silent and to himself, so things wouldn't change. He told me that you and I had narrowly escaped being split up on more than one occasion and he had to pull incredible favours to keep us together." Mulder ducks his head. "He couldn't have what he wanted, he told me, but he cared too much for you to make you lose me ..." I'm struck silent by this confession. I really truly don't know what to say. "Maybe," he continues, "we ought to remember the man's birthday this year ..." I nod and smile. "It is the least we can do, yes ..." I flop down on the bed, sated and utterly satisfied, letting out a long happy sigh and closing my eyes. I'm certain I'm the happiest woman on the planet at this very moment. I have a fabulous man and a beautiful son and incredible sex and a loving mother and a home and a job I love and ... ah man ... life doesn't get much better than this, does it? There's only one thing that could make it even better. "Sing 'New Valenki' for me, Mulder ..." I whisper, smiling in anticipation. XxXxX PART 5/6 DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT Rating: R I've always been one to favour changes, even though I suppose it didn't always seem that way. So, when Mulder proposed the option of him moving in with me, I didn't refuse him. On the contrary. We asked Mom about that night, and yes, she'd heard us. Of course she had, she would've been deaf if she hadn't. And no, she didn't mind. She was glad I'd found someone I could be so free with. I know better, though ... I may have the world's sweetest mother, but she is old-fashioned in her ideas. Well, too bad, I guess. I can't undo what's happened and I sure as hell am not changing anything about the way Mulder and I make love. I'd rather die ... I start when I hear a loud bang, a clatter, and a string of curses I will not repeat here, emerging from my kitchen. I get up from the couch where I was reading my Sherlock Holmes book, and walk to the crime-scene. I can't help a smile when I see the mess, formerly part of our dinner, scattered across the floor. "Wipe off that smile, Scully, or I'll scream," he mutters, unable, however, to hide his own smile. It only serves to make me laugh. "What happened?" I ask. He raises his right hand, holding the handle of the pan, but with the pan itself mysteriously vanished. "You might want to invest in some new cooking utensils." Poor Mulder, I think. But I can only grin. The look I receive quickly changes it into full-blown laughter until I'm hiccuping with it. "I'm pleased to see you find this situation so amusing, Agent Scully," he says, apparently unsure if he's going to laugh or scowl. "I'm ... I'm sorry [hic] ... it's really not fun - [hic] - ny, and you're such a [hic] mess ... but if you could [hic] only see yourself, Mul - [hic] Mulder ..." I'm leaning against the fridge with laughter, trying my almightiest to pull myself together, but he's just so cute as he stands there, spaghetti sauce all over his pants, the handle of the pan still in his hands and a look of annoyance mixed with pleasure on his face. I want to hug him and never let go. Then he finally lets a smile break through and he tosses the handle onto the kitchen counter. "So, that was dinner," he remarks, "what do we do now?" I'm still giggling, hiccups interrupting me as they come. I'll be suffering from those fellahs for a bit longer ... I wait till right after a hiccup before I answer. "Order out?" Safe short answer. No hiccup in there. "We could, but we still have the spaghetti," he answers. "Don't you have some more sauce, perhaps some ready-made stuff?" I smile. "Perhaps [hic]." Ah man ... these hiccups are getting annoying, especially because now it's Mulder who's grinning. "Look in that cup - [hic] - board over there." I hear him laugh as he ducks, suddenly very interested in the contents of the cupboard. He's going to be sorry tonight. He rises with a jar of Heinz pasta sauce. It's not culinary, but it's food. "I have a [hic] leek in the fridge," I say, "and [hic] maybe a red pepper [hic] ..." Jesus, my hiccups are on the increase. Mulder notices it too and he gets me a glass of water. "Here, drink this, they might go away," he says as he hands me the glass, trying very hard to conceal his laughter. "Thanks ... [hic] whoops!" My hiccup has spilt some of the water. "You put too much [hic] water in it!" He grins and pecks me on the cheek. "Sorry. Go on, drink it in little sips while I attempt heating the sauce. Possibly even without wrecking another one of your pans." He really is sweet, isn't he? I can't help a smile as I watch him go about cutting the vegetables and heating the sauce while I slowly sip the water, occasionally interrupted by a stubborn hiccup. I see him smile everytime he hears a hiccup. But, by the time he's finished I seem to have overcome them. "I'm just going to change out of these pants," he says, "put on some clean ones." I cut my eyes quickly from his crotch to his face and back. I let my eyebrows do a quick twitch and lick my lips. "No need," I answer in a low voice. His hot little smile says more than a thousand words. "Let's save that for after dinner, okay? We're gonna need the nourishment for what we have in mind ..." With a wink he turns and heads for the bedroom. Whoo boy, did someone just crank up the heat in here or what ... XxXxX I'm loading the dish washer. The spaghetti sauce was better than I thought. I'm not too keen on those ready-made sauces, I much prefer making them myself from scratch, with fresh herbs and vegetables and sun-ripened tomatoes, but, as all those fabulous ingredients so unceremoniously landed on my kitchen floor, we really didn't have much of a choice. And, the sauce wasn't too bad after all. I hear Mulder with William in the living room. We have made a silent agreement that whoever does the cooking does not need to bother with the dishes. Usually this means that I can sit and play with William after dinner, but this time it was Mulder's turn. William clearly isn't ready for any other food than milk yet. I tried a bit of baby food today, pureed carrots, but he didn't want to eat it yet. That is fine, I enjoy breast feeding him, but it would make things easier for Mulder. He is a bit young for it, too. He was hungry enough, though, clearly proven by the eagerness he showed when I nursed him. With a sigh of relief I close the dish washer and push the 'on' button. Thank God for the invention of dish washers ... I hang the towel on its hook and enter the living room. "Look who's there," Mulder says to William. "There's mommy. Yes, that's Mommy." William coos and lets out a spit bubble in excitement. Mulder quickly wipes it away as I sit next to them on the floor. We like to sit on the floor when we play with our son, it makes all our movements so much freer. "Hey, my big boy," I say softly, kissing his chubby little cheek. He giggles when I touch his tiny nose. We must have the happiest baby in the world, he laughs all day long. He clutches my left- hand index finger and middle finger in his little fist and brings them to his mouth. I'm glad he's not teething yet, because I can clearly feel the chewing motions and I have no desire to see my digits munched into a pulp by my sweet but still rather inconsiderate baby. With a gentle but determined move Mulder frees my hand from William's grasp - much to the distress of the baby in question - and puts him in my arms. Then he moves to sit behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling my back against him and thus making me feel deliciously warm and sheltered. "Were you tired of holding him?" I ask softly. I feel him shake his head. "I could never tire of holding him, but you're so much better at it." I smile. "Nonsense, Mulder, don't put yourself down like that. You're easily as good at caring for him as I am, and you know it." He kisses me softly on the side of my neck. "Thank you." He pauses for a moment. "I needed that," he then adds very softly. I crane my neck to look at him. "You're very welcome," I reply with a smile, before looking back at our son. We're silent for a little while. Then I feel him move behind me until I'm burning with curiosity. "Mulder, stop squirming," I say. He doesn't answer, but gently takes my right hand and, to my utter surprise and stupification, slips the most gorgeous ring I have ever seen onto my ring finger. I can't hold back a gasp as the gold and what I can only imagine are diamonds and rubies glitter in the soft lamp light. "Mulder!" "Perfect fit, just like I thought," he says in response. I turn around to look at him. My God, I have never even seen a ring like this one before, much less thought I would ever wear one ... He chuckles as he sees my bewildered expression. "Do you like it?" he asks. I actually need a second take before I can reply and even then I hardly know how to put my feelings into words. "Yes ... yes, I love it ... it's ... amazing," I say softly. "I've never seen a ring like it in my life ..." I panic slightly at the thought of the cost. This ring is worth an absolute fortune, because I am totally convinced these gems are the genuine article. And the thought of him having spent so much money on me, on something that is in itself almost trivial and superfluous, is ... scary ... to say the least. Not to say that we could use the money for much better things. "... this ring ..." "Yes?" I can't say it. I can't reproach him for this over- the-top expense. It would crush him, feed his insecurities. And it's done, he's bought it, he can hardly return it because I think it cost too much, can he? "It is actually my great-grandmother's wedding ring, which in turn was my grandmother's engagement ring and my mother's. And it seemed sort of logical that you should get it next. Do you like it? I can buy you a new ring if you don't like it." I'm probably visibly relieved to hear it is an heirloom and not Cartier's top-of-the-range model. "No no, it's fantastic. It's more than fantastic, it's ... I can't describe it ..." "It was made by Fabergé in St. Petersburg in 1898. My great-grandmother was from Russia in fact and when she and my great-grandfather married, they bought the jewellery in Moscow and St. Petersburg." "The jewellery?" He chuckles a bit. "Ah yes, well, this ring ain't all, though it is the only bit of Mulder-family jewellery that is passed down via the eldest son. The rest goes straight down via the eldest daughter. But, with Samantha gone, that left only me ..." "But that means that, if it goes to the daughter, it should have long since left the family, shouldn't it?" "Well, theoretically speaking you're right, but the jewels - there's lots more - never leave the family. The family jewels remain in the family, which is good because Mamie left some fantastic jewellery." "Mamie?" "My great-grandmother. Her name was Margaret, but everyone called her Mamie," he says with a smile. "I actually knew her, though she died when I was only four years old. She was 84 when she died. She was one hell of a great lady. What's in a name, huh?" I smile. I know he loves my mother as though she is his own. Meanwhile, I'm fascinated by the ring - and so is William. I doubt whether he can appreciate its artistry and craftsmanship the way one should, but at least he likes the glimmering. "This ring must be worth a fortune," I say softly. I'm amazed by the extraordinary fit. It's as if this ring was made for me. "I mean, it being made by Fabergé and over a 100 years old and ..." "I suppose so, yes," Mulder answers with a smile, hugging me closer, "but as long as you don't lose it in a cadavre I wouldn't worry about that too much if I were you." "I'm scared to wear it. I'm afraid I might lose it or ruin it or ..." "A ring is made for wearing," he says, touching his finger to the extraordinary piece of jewellery. "Not for locking in some vault or safe or something. I want you to wear it. If something breaks or gets damaged we can always have it repaired. After all, they're only stones." He talks so casually about it and yet I feel uncertain. They may be "only stones", but these are very very expensive ones nonetheless. He senses it - and senses the sore place. "It's that money-thing again, isn't it?" I dare not answer, but it is. Our families, our backgrounds are so different ... He sighs softly. "Scully, a hundred years ago, maybe even as recently as fifty years ago, we might never have met, even less become engaged. People would have uttered that totally insane idea that there might be a difference in wealth and station that should keep us apart, and this engagement would never have occurred. I thank God on my bare knees that this has changed ..." "Mulder, you don't believe in God," I giggle, relieved by a chance to lighten the mood. He chuckles. "No, I don't, but I should, which only comes to prove who really is the better person of the two of us." Then he grows serious again. "I come from a very wealthy family. I know it and you know it. I have and always have had enough money to live my life idling the days away. I realise this must sound strange to you, but this is how it is." "When I was young we barely managed to make ends meet," I say very softly, stroking William's head and face. It must have been so wonderful as a child not to have to think about every penny you spend. But then again, who had the more enviable childhood, right? My siblings and I may not have had the Ivy League and Oxford education, but at least my parents loved us and truly loved each other. What we got in love and affection more than amply made up for the limited allowances I got as a teenager. He pulls me closer and I can feel a kind of despair in his touch. "I know ..." I turn in his arms to look at him. When I'm facing him I can finally really read his eyes. I'm not happy by what I see. "At least my parents really loved us," I say softly. I panic when I understand the implications of my words. "No, no, Mulder, I don't mean to say that your parents never ..." He smiles a bit sadly. "Don't apologise when it's true. I guess cars and designer clothes only go so far in compensating for the affection my parents never had for each other or even for Sam or me ..." He sighs and I feel my heart swell. I can literally feel the hurt pouring off him as I imagine how he must have begged for love and attention when he was younger but never received it. "But, you can teach me how to be a better father for William. After all, you had the perfect example ..." I press a soft kiss on his lips. Then I smile. "So far you're doing a pretty darn good job. You must be a natural." He smiles. "I'm trying." "I know you are. Keep it up, you're doing just fine." "Thanks. So, do you like the ring?" I nod. "I love it, it's the most amazing, exquisite ring I have ever seen. Your great-grandparents had fabulous taste." "Yes, they did. Though it helped that they also had the funds to satisfy it." He kisses me softly. "Shall we drop that money-issue? It's not helping us and it could only get between us. Let's just enjoy the fact that the cash is there for us to benefit from, okay?" I nod. I'm making this into a bigger problem than I need to. I look down at William and smile at his reaction when he sees my ring. This is one kid with great taste. I feel Mulder's head resting against mine, sheltering our son. He moves to sit beside me and I scoot over until I'm touching from my hips to my shoulders. Then I sigh contented, the silence washing over us and covering us in a soft blanket of happiness. Life is great, don't let anyone tell you otherwise ... XxXxX "He did? Oh, honey, how romantic!" I smile, even though she can't see it. "It's an exquisite ring, Mom, I've never seen a ring quite like it." Mom rang me just a few minutes ago and I'm sitting on the couch, the phone wedged between my shoulder and my ear as I try to get William to stop squirming. "Oh, I already knew he'd buy the best he can get, Dana, nothing but the best would do for you as far as he's concerned." Alarmingly enough I know that's true. "He didn't buy this ring. It's an heirloom, it belonged to his great-grandmother." "Really? It must be very dear to him if he gave it to you." "I think it is. He speaks with such fondness about his great-grandmother. I feel really honoured to have been given her ring. It's made by Fabergé and he told me it was made around 1898. It's a stunning piece of Russian jewellery." "Incredible, I can't wait to see it. Anyway, is he there? I'd like to talk to him." I shake my head, though, of course, she can't see it. "No, he had to go back to the Bureau. A.D. Skinner needed him for something." "Oh, that is a pity, dear. How's William?" "Being a handful," I answer with a smile. I have to watch his every move or he's out of my sight. He's quick as water these days. "I wouldn't have minded having Mulder here to give me a hand." "When is he coming back?" "In about an hour or so. He wanted to talk to Skinner about his possible return to the Bureau. We still haven't received any verification that he might actually go back. And I can tell by his actions that he's very eager to pick up where he left off before he disappeared." Mom doesn't answer right away, but when she does, her voice is soft. "You're very lucky, you realise that, don't you, Dana?" I nod, biting my lip. My God, yes I do. "Sometimes it almost unnerves me. When I realise how fortunate I am ..." "I know ..." I take a deep breath. William has discovered that he's not going to be going anywhere and is sulking. He's definitely inherited his dad's stubborn streak. "Every now and then I'm lying in bed or walking around the house, or even when I'm working, and all of a sudden it hits me. And it invariably moves me to tears. I'm so unbelievably lucky. I mean, I have a gorgeous baby and a fantastic man to call my own and ..." "Good sex," Mom supplies rather out of the blue. I nod, grinning despite myself. Hey mom, I didn't expect that from you ... "Great sex," I reply. I'm pretty sure she can hear my grin. "Fabulous sex," she adds. She's smiling, too. I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't surprised by what I hear. I never knew my mother like this. "Mom??" I laugh. She's laughing, too. "Come on, Dana, I know what you're like. Don't you remember, I heard you! You are just like your father and myself when we were younger. I'm not as old-fashioned as I may seem." I'm struck silent. And that's a rare thing to happen. Mom continues. "When we were newly married, your father had to go to sea quite soon after our wedding. I missed him like crazy. We had hardly had a honeymoon to speak of and I knew he'd be out to sea for months. I thought I was going mad with the idea of having to go without him for so long." She takes a deep breath. I can't speak. She's never told me this before. I knew the times Dad was out on missions were hard for her, but I never spent time thinking of how it must have been when their marriage was still so young. Before Bill was born. It must have been so silent, so lonely for her ... "So when he came back after three months from his mission to the Baltic, we didn't leave the bedroom for two whole days. Suppose we had some catching up to do ..." I can't help a smile. "I felt the same when Mulder was returned to me ..." "Of course you did. And your situation had been so much worse ... You'd seen him, identified his body, buried him. When I saw you at the funeral I thought you were going to pass out." I'm crying now, the memories of that awful week, followed by those months of mourning, washing over me like a tidal wave from hell. William's totally still, looking at me with large eyes, no doubt wondering why his mommy is so sad. Oh, my baby ... I hug him close to me and I feel his little arms grasp me. Oh sweetheart ... "I'm sorry, Dana ..." I hear my mother say. I shake my head. "No, no, don't worry, Mom, it's just that it's still so fresh on my mind. I haven't really been able to process it all yet." "Would you like me to call you back later?" Again I shake my head. "No, just ... just give me a second, okay? I'll be fine ..." I hear her gentle smile. "You sure, honey?" I smile through my tears. "Yeah ..." I wipe the tears away. I don't want to cry when there is no real reason for it. After all, he's back now. I sniffle a bit and gradually begin to feel better. "I'm just a bit emotional ..." "Now that I can understand," she replies. We are silent for a little while, lost in thoughts. "I think it's about time I took care of supper," Mom says. "Will you call me back or shall I?" "I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Oh, no wait, William has his check tomorrow and Mulder and I are going into town afterwards. I'll call you day after tomorrow, all right?" I hear her smile. "That is fine, darling. Say 'hi' to Fox from me and tell him he can call me anytime." "I'm sure he'll be in touch," I smile. "Love you, Mom." "I love you too, honey. Is William there?" "He's right here." I put the receiver at his ear. "Say 'hi' to Grandma, William." "Mmmmaa ..." he says, if I understand him correctly. Well, at least he produced an appropriate sound at the right moment. "Bye bye, sweetheart," I hear Mom's voice. His little face lights up with surprise and he lets out a weird little giggle. I smile as I take the phone back. "Bye, Mom," I say. "Bye, Dana, take good care." "I will," I say. "Bye." And with that I hang up the phone. "Who was that?" I coo to William as we walk towards the kitchen. I'm thirsty and my tears have made my throat feel dry. "That was Grandma Maggie, wasn't it? Yes, that was Grandma Maggie!" My words are answered by a string of sounds and chuckles. When we're in the kitchen I balance him on my arm as I pour myself a glass of orange juice. William seems fascinated by the orange liquid. His view of the world is rapidly expanding and he's beginning to take an interest in what's happening around him. I dip my finger in the juice and let him taste it. His face screws up with disgust. It's clearly not sweet enough for him yet. I've just returned to the living room when I hear the front door opening. "You're early," I say, seeing Mulder come in. I walk up to him to give him a kiss. "Yeah, Skinner's appointment with A.D. Steiner was cancelled so mine could be advanced," he answers, shrugging off his coat and giving William a kiss on the cheek at the same time. "Hey, big boy." "I was just on the phone with Mom. She'd like you to give her a call." "Right now?" I shake my head. "No, whenever you feel like it. Maybe you can call her tonight. We'll be out all day tomorrow and she's anxious to talk to you." He chuckles. "You Scully women need to be on top of everything, don't you?" I can't resist this opportunity for some innuendo. "Especially on top of you, handsome." This grin I receive does nothing to lessen my desire. "Not in front of the kid, Dana," he says, but I know he's joking. We don't care about William hearing it in that respect. It won't hurt him, I'm pretty damn sure of that. If anything it'll help him get matters about sex and relationships into perspective when he's older. It's curiosity that leads to problems, not facts. "What's for dinner?" he asks, hanging his coat in the closet. "Thai Curry if that's all right with you," I say. He smiles. "Have I done something really nice that I am not aware of?" It's his favourite dish. "Nope, not as far as I know. But I hardly think that is a prerequisite," I reply, putting William in his play-pen. Then I walk up to Mulder. I need a hug. I rest my arms around his neck as he draws me close. "I missed you today," I say softly. He smiles. "I've only been away for three hours." I chuckle. "Still missed you." His right hand comes up to my cheek and he draws me in for a kiss. "I missed you, too," he whispers just before our lips meet. Man, I missed this, too ... From my mouth he kisses a line of fire down my neck to my collar bone. I'm smiling widely with the sensation he's bringing. "Skinner missed you," he whispers. I laugh now. "Don't wreck the atmosphere," I chuckle. He's grinning when he looks back at me. I sigh softly and rest my head under his chin, my arms coming round his chest. I'm on bare feet and this means I'm short enough to fit under his chin. It's nice this way ... "So, what's been decided?" I ask. "Nothing," he answers softly. "They don't know what to do with me - and frankly, neither do I." "How's that?" "I don't know if I could return to the X-Files, Scully. I thought that after all this, I'd know the answers, that I'd have solved every puzzle, found every clue, destroyed every obstacle they'd put in our way to keep us from exposing them, but instead I find I'm even more clueless, even more in the dark than I was before. Because I have seen so much. It's like I have too many points of perspective now and even then every single one seems to have a dead end." I don't reply. "But I don't know what I could do instead. What I'd do if I didn't return to the X-Files. I don't want to go back to profiling, even when it is the job I'd do best. I don't really want to go back into the field either." He stops for a second, then continues. "I don't want to get killed and leave you and William behind. The job ain't worth it." "There are bound to be jobs in the Bureau you could do well in that aren't that dangerous. Or Quantico, what about that? Go into teaching. You'd be excellent at it." "Yeah, I'm pretty sure the students would love being taught criminal profiling from Spooky Mulder," he answers with a lop-sided smile. I choose not to hear the hurt. "You can change that. Reputations can change. But the only one who can do that is you." He smiles. I think he's actually contemplating the option. I'd be happy to see him at Quantico, because I too was scared to see him go back on active field duty again. I wouldn't mind his partners, but I would mind the danger. And I'm convinced he'd make a great teacher. He leans in for a lingering kiss. "I'll think about it, okay? Who's cooking, you or me?" Slowly I pull away from him. "I'll do the cooking, okay? You go ahead and freshen up a little, change into something comfortable." "Yes, ma'am," he smiles. I can't help my smile as I head for the kitchen and start supper. XxXxXxXxX PART 6/6 DANA SCULLY'S APARTMENT Rating: NC-17 The music's playing softly in the background, the house is cool, I can hear a bird outside my window singing its last song of the day, and I'm feeling supremely content. I put William to bed about ten minutes ago while Mulder cleaned up a little, lit a candle and chose the music. Soft rock. Perfect. I turn my head to see him emerge from the kitchen, two glasses of chilled wine and a smile greeting me. I scoot over a bit so he can join me on the couch. He sits down beside me and hands me a glass of wine. I pull my legs under me and lean against him. I rest my head on his shoulder while his arm comes around mine, pulling me even closer. This is really nice. "So, what's the plan for tomorrow?" he says softly. "There's William's check-up with Dr. Lucina at eleven," I answer, "but that shouldn't take long. And I need a new coat, so I thought we could go into town and have a browse." "You mean a new winter coat?" I nod. "I ruined my coat on the Tannhofer- Mitchelson case last January, remember? Luckily I was unable to wear it for much longer because I was pregnant at the time, but I still need a winter coat." He chuckles. "It's hot as hell outside, Dana, and you want to go shopping for a winter coat? You just keep on surprising me." I smile. "I know, but at least they still have all the sizes now. If I wait until the temperature goes down everyone will be storming the shops, shopping for a coat and I'm going to be too late." "Don't apologise," he smiles at me. "I just didn't expect this." I close my eyes, lying down with my head in his lap. I rest my glass on my stomach. "I can imagine. So, do you need anything?" "Just you, but that's old news," he grins. I can't help but answer his grin with a smile of my own. "I'm not for sale. Though I am available to an extremely select group of customers." He raises his eyebrows. "Do explain ..." "I'm available just to you," I reply. "But at least you get me for free." 'That is certainly a relief," he smiles. "Although ... for free?" "What do you mean?" "You're hard to keep up with, Agent Scully. I feel pretty worn out every time you've had your wicked little ways with me." "Ah," I grin, "maybe so. But you wouldn't want it any other way, would you?" He laughs. "No, I guess not." His hands are caressing my face and hair, slowly but surely straying ever more down and slipping under my shirt. Closing my eyes I'm practically purring with the sensations, feeling unbelievably nice and warm and content. "Perhaps you'd like to see Dr. Marciano tomorrow while we're in town?" I say softly. His office is in the same building as Dr. Lucina's and it's an opportunity we don't get very often. "Do I have to?" I shake my head. "No, of course not. After all, you don't have to go and see him unless you feel unwell, but I just thought it was convenient." "I'd rather stay with you if you don't mind." "No, of course not," I say again. I know he's anything but keen on doctors. The idea of needles and medical equipment is unnerving to him at the moment. I can't say I blame him after all he's been through ... "Can we change the subject? I'm not overly fond of doctors, especially not on a quiet summer evening when everything is perfect." I look up at him, smiling. "Perfect?" "Isn't it? What more can I possibly wish for? The woman of my dreams in one hand, a glass of respectable wine in the other. I have no worries - well, none that really matter anyway - so, yeah, I think life is getting pretty close to perfect." I sit up, slowly so I don't get dizzy, and sit on my knees, straddling his thighs. Miraculously I didn't even spill any of my wine, which in fact is a better wine than I thought it would be when I bought it. The Fates are certainly smiling on us. "You're right," I say softly, my arms coming round his neck again, resting on his shoulders. "Life is perfect." I close the gap between our faces, softly rubbing my nose against his. An Eskimo kiss, followed by a proper kiss, soft and sweet. I see his smile in his eyes. "What are you thinking?" he whispers. His left hand tucks my bangs behind my ear. I smile. "I want you," I whisper back. His smile widens. "Really." No question, just a statement. I nod, our foreheads touching just the slightest bit. "Mm-mm." He takes my glass from my fingers and places both our glasses on the coffee table. Then he puts his hands on my hips and pulls me closer until my upper body is flush with his. It's pretty obvious that he wants me just as badly. "See what you do to me?" he says in a low voice. "Every time, always ..." I smile. "I can certainly feel it, yeah." With that I slowly gyrate my hips just once, drawing a low soft moan from him. This is good ... "Trying to get me to speed up, are you?" he says, grinning. "I wouldn't mind a little progress," I answer, cupping his dear face in my hands. He's so beautiful it's almost unreal. God, I love him so much ... He'd better not leave me ever again ... I don't think I could do without this love ... Quite unexpectedly - and equally unwelcome - the memories of those hellish months when I only knew he was dead, come back into my mind. I bite my lip, but the tears come no matter what. "What's wrong?" he asks, surprised no doubt by my sudden change. "You're not going to go away again, are you?" I whisper, my voice tight with tears. "You can't do that, Mulder, I don't want to go through that again!" I'm nearly wailing those last few words. I grab him tightly to me as if, this way, I can prevent the world from taking him away from me. Thank God he knows what I'm talking about, because I don't think I have the courage or the heart to explain it to him. "I'm not going away, Scully, never again. I was careless and reckless then, but I've learned my lesson." He strokes my back softly, kissing me gently where he can without releasing the grip. "I have too much to lose now, I know where I belong and I refuse to give that up for any reason. Shhh ... I'm not going to leave you ..." "When you ... when I thought you were dead ... I wanted it too ..." I sob. I've never told him this, the opportunity or situation was never right to tell him, but he needs to know I was ready to give up on life. "... First I thought that when my baby would have been born I could give up ... but then I thought ... 'I really need to raise my child' ... and I felt so miserable when I realised that! Because that would mean I'd have to go on all by myself for another twenty years and I missed you so much and I knew I could never do this without you!" I'm crying so hard ... Oh, please don't take him away from me ... I don't want to go on without him ... "Oh Dana, I didn't know this ... I'm so sorry ..." he says, his voice strangely soft. "Shhh ... I'm not going away ... Shhh ..." He rocks me softly, rather like the way I rock William when he's upset. I can understand why he calms down so easily when I rock him, it's so comforting, so full of love and care. It's just what I need to pull myself together again. His voice in my ear is soothing beyond comprehension as he murmurs soft words of comfort. When I've calmed down more or less, I raise up a little to look at him. "I've killed the mood now, haven't I?" I smile, a bit embarrassed by my outburst when there was absolutely no need for it. He smiles back at me. "Perhaps a little," he says. "But this was just as important." His smile disappears. "I don't want you to hide your feelings from me, Scully, you don't need to be ashamed of showing me your fears and tears ..." I take a deep breath, looking down to avoid his eyes. I'm not used to showing what I feel, even with him. It's hard to break a habit of a lifetime. His finger comes under my chin and lifts my face to make me look back at him. "There is nothing you can do that will make me think less of you. If anything I will only come to admire you more when you share your feelings with me," he whispers. He flashes me a lop-sided smile. "Though I wonder how you can possibly achieve that as I nearly worship the very ground you walk on already!" I can't help a smile, it's impossible not to smile. "I'm not worthy of such devotion, Mulder, but it is very sweet ..." He smiles widely. "I can't help it, Scully, I just have to give you all the devotion I have on offer. It's beyond me to stop myself." I'm seriously touched by his words, but how could I not be, right? I lean in and kiss him soft and slow. Kissing him is the very least I can do. Then I bury my face in his hair, trying to feel as much of him as I possibly can. "Are we ... are we going to continue what we ..." he begins. I don't know if we can. "Do you want to?" I feel his sigh. "I ... I want to, but I don't know ... are you ready for it?" I focus on my body, trying to read my physical signals instead of my emotions. I still want him, that much is clear ... The thought of making love with him is very arousing even when my feelings are still a little stressed-out. "I ... I want you," I whisper, "but I don't know how ..." He makes me look at him. "I think I do," he smiles, his thumb swiping at the last of the tears on my cheek. I hardly knew they were there ... "Will you let me show you?" I nod and smile. It's rewarded with a sparkling one of his own. "You won't be sorry," he says, "just leave the driving to me!" And with those words he lifts me up from the couch and into his arms. I'm constantly amazed by how strong he really is. I'm no heavy-weight, even though I have gained a few pounds after William was born - pounds which, or so Mulder assured me, I could very well use - but he makes me feel like I'm Kate Moss. He kicks open the door to the bedroom and, without being even the slightest bit winded, gently lies me down onto the bed. Then he sits on the bed beside me, looking down, smiling at me. I don't know what to say. His right hand reaches out for my face, stroking softly. Feeling wicked all of a sudden, I circle his wrist with both my hands, effectively taking control over it, and I take his index finger in my mouth, sucking and licking it in a very obvious suggestive manner. I close my eyes to savour the sensations and the images my imagination comes up with. I can hear and feel his reaction. His breathing speeds up and when I open my eyes again, his sweet smile is replaced by an expression that is anything but innocent. "Jesus, Dana ..." he breathes, when I finally let go. I allow a wide smile to show. "Any good, Agent Mulder?" I ask, but I guess I already know his answer. He grins. "You are thoroughly screwing up my plans to do it nice and slow and let me do the driving, Scully, so I guess I need to ask you now: how do you want it?" "You can still take the lead," I reply, "but you don't need to go all slow and considerate just because I broke down just a second ago ..." His smile vanishes, being replaced by an expression that's almost sad. "What's the matter?" I say very softly. "I always get it wrong, don't I?" he says, looking down, avoiding my eyes. "Ah shit ... I may have a pretty good track record job-wise, but when it comes to women I just royally suck, don't I?" Ah damn, his insecurities are playing up again. I really hate those guys ... "Not with this particular woman," I reply, making him look at me. He lies down beside me, taking my hand in his. I sigh softly. "We don't need plans, Mulder." He moves closer to me, our bodies touching. He doesn't answer, apparently still pretty uncertain. I put my arms around him, drawing him in. "Why don't we just start out nice and slow and see where we end, all right? We have all night, all the time in the world. There is no one else who matters, I don't care about those 'other women', all I care about is that you're here with me and there is nothing you can do that will me feel bad. Nothing at all." He smiles carefully. "Can I kiss you?" I nod. "You can do anything you like." He raises an eyebrow. "Wicked, Dana." "Wicked is my middle name, handsome, do what you like." He chuckles. "I think I'll start with a kiss. Let's see what happens after that." "Suits me." For someone who showed such uncertainty only a moment ago, his kiss is pretty close to magical. I practically live for his kisses - and nearly die when we part. Not to mention that they have never failed to turn me on yet. "Scully, you're probably not going to like it but I need to ask you one last time: do you really want this? I can stop. I'm not some hormone-driven adolescent who can't control his desires. If you'd rather just cuddle up and hug, I can do that, too ..." I'm really touched. "I know you can," I answer. "And there are times when that is all I want, but this is not one of those times. I want to make love with you. Maybe tomorrow we'll fall asleep just holding each other, but tonight I want you. Everything of you. Body and soul. Your body mostly actually." He smiles. "I was hoping you'd say that." "Of course you were," I chuckle. "Now give me another one of those unbelievable kisses, gorgeous!" Man, unbelievable is what I asked for, unbelievable is what I'm getting. This man really knows what he's doing, doesn't he? My hands have wandered and found the hem of his tee shirt and they are currently enthusiastically pulling it out of his pants, almost audibly cheering in delight. I'd laugh with the thought, but it would end the kiss and I can't afford letting that happen. Having succeeded in getting his tee shirt out of his pants, I'm stroking my hands over his abdomen and up and down his flanks. I feel his groan in our kiss. I can't get enough of it. I'm nearly cross-eyed with desire when I finally get to look at him. We're both panting and I can feel his hardness pressing into my belly. I've hooked my leg around his to get him in closer. "We're lousy planners, aren't we?" he grins, helping me to get rid of his tee shirt. He looks really good with this tee shirt. He looks even better without it though. I giggle. "We are. No matter what we want, we always end up the same." He rolls over onto his back, tossing the tee shirt over the side of the bed. I straddle him, pulling my shirt over my head with one hand and undoing my bra with the other. Good thing I can do that with one hand. Then I make the garments join Mulder's tee shirt. His hands are quick to come up my sides and up to my breasts. I lean down, claiming his mouth once more. We always end up the same, doing it fast and hard. I wouldn't want it any other way. Or do I? Because he slows down again and it doesn't even bother me. "Too fast," he whispers. "We're going too fast." Ka-dunk! I suppose it should hurt, falling so deeply in love with someone. I laugh with the thought, as I choose to take the expression so literally. "What?" "I'm so in love with you," I answer, my hands still criss-crossing his upper body. "It's hard not to laugh if you're so in love ..." He gives me a brilliant toothy smile. "You're absolutely right." "So you want to go slow?" I ask. "I'd rather, yes. I want to savour this, feel everything, experience everything instead of rushing through it all. Unless you don't want it," he adds in a soft voice. "I want that, too. Feel you, get to really know you ..." He snickers. "You know me better than I know myself, Dana!" "Yeah," I grin, "but not like this. And this is definitely the best part!" "It is, isn't it?" I nod. "Certainly is. Now make love to me, gorgeous!" "Aye aye, ma'am!" My Jemimee ... How someone can do everything so deliciously slowly and still make me feel like my sensory system is getting an overload, is beyond me. He's pulled me back down and he's currently kissing me so perfectly that my brain is threatening to turn into a non-functional but thoroughly happy mass. I feel like a child who's seeing her dearest wish come true. "You want me to undress you or do you want to do it yourself?" he suddenly asks. This is the first time anyone has ever posed this question during foreplay, and it's just more proof of the respect he has for me. Other men I've been with either expected me to be naked in the first place or ripped my clothes off me, not caring if I had rather undressed by myself. I raise up from him. "Let's do it ourselves. It's probably quicker." He grins. "I don't know, Dana. Your doctor hands may just be better at undressing people than mine could ever be." I snicker. He'd be surprised to know that they're not, but it doesn't hurt to let him think they are. It takes no time at all for us to strip off our clothes. And then I momentarily just stand back and admire him. Wow ... Correction: double wow! I giggle. I'm getting giddy with excitement here, not to mention that my arousal is increasing so fast I'm seeing stars with it. I'm wetter than a mermaid. "What are you laughing about?" he grins. "Just that I'm so damn proud and happy to be here with you like this. That other women may stare and gawk in admiration all they want, but that I have you!" I smile, gently pushing him back down onto the cool sheets covering the bed. He's more than willing enough to do what I want. "Oh, man, you are so beautiful ..." Then I lie down beside him, supporting my head with one hand, my other free hand lightly stroking his torso. I watch my hand go ever more south and only when I've reached his cock do I look up, to see his reaction. I'm not disappointed. His lips are just slightly apart and his eyes are dark and mysterious as they gaze into mine, daring me to go further it seems. They close when I begin to move my hand up and down his shaft, slowly at first, then a bit faster. I'm mesmerised as I watch his expression change, first biting his lip, then letting it go with an elongated sigh. It reminds me of sunshine after a soft summer shower. And all I'm doing is just stroke him. The effect I have on him, the power I have over him, is mind-boggling. Absolutely awe-inspiring. I speed up a little, causing a delicious groan to erupt from his lips. Then in one smooth move I let go of him and rather quickly let my hand travel up his body to his face. The motion is accompanied by a hissing sound that sounds both strangled and relieved. When my hand is on his cheek, I put my other hand on the other side of his face, effectively cupping his face gently in my hands. And, leaning in, I claim his lips for a kiss. He crushes me to him, dragging me on top of his body as he answers the kiss with almost feverish need. "My God ..." he whispers when we get to look at each other again. "... no one has ever done a thing like that ..." "Was it good?" I ask. He smile. "Yes, it was good. Actually, it was better than good!" I'm pretty smug with myself and I think I'm looking the part. I'm just so happy I can do something that is really new to him. I've always believed Mulder to be a much more experienced lover and it has made me just the slightest bit insecure every now and then, but at times like these he makes me feel I have nothing to be ashamed of. "Come here," he whispers, pulling me down again. "I want to feel you." With his knee he nudges my legs apart, which they do all too willingly, once again covering my mouth with his. When, in the future, one of us has to write a eulogy, we'll have to include the fantastic kisses we shared. They are more than worthy of being recorded and kept for posterity. I barely feel the moment he slips inside me, already feeling so high on his kiss. But that sensation, ah man, it's the icing on the cake, isn't it? I let his lips go, lifting up from him a little as I smile in delight. I've closed my eyes. I want to feel everything this time. Feel it all ... We move slowly, trying to make this last. It's more difficult than just throwing ourselves into it, but the tension is fantastic. It's almost like I'm in pursuit of the most fabulous prize in the world, but the faster I try to get to it, the more it will flee. I feel like I'm sneaking up on our climax. It's trying on my patience, but if I keep it up, the reward, ahh, the reward is going to be unbelievable ... I'm straddling him, my head thrown back as I surrender myself to the amazing sensations that making love with this man can bring. I'm feeling him all through my body, from my toes to the tips of my ears. My lips are tingling and I imagine seeing little blue and white sparks erupting from my fingertips, sizzling and crackling and feeding into the pure ecstatic electricity that has always existed between us. The sounds we make, soft and old as time, ring in my ears, buzz around in my head. It's as though I'm taking the sounds and the feelings in through my skin, as though my senses are working together in a magical bond. I feel heavenly, kissed by an angel. Angels are male, aren't they? They must be, I'm making love to one ... I can't even tell when I come, I just keep on climbing and climbing and climbing while wave after wave of warmth spreads through my entire body. I surrender willingly to the passion. People sometimes describe an orgasm as finally being able to fly, but I've been flying from the moment we started. How can this be? I can't describe how I'm feeling, but whatever the word is that I should use to define the feeling with, it probably has the word unbelievable somewhere stuck in the middle of it. Not very long after I have climaxed I feel him come. I don't think I could open my eyes even if I wanted to. I don't want to give this feeling up, it's so good. So good ... "I've never seen anything like this," I hear him say very softly. I force my eyes open. Those eyelids again. Hopeless ... "What do you mean?" I whisper, my voice husky. "You were glowing," he replies. "It was incredible ..." "Glo- ... glowing?" I'm shocked. "Yeah," he breathes. "You looked truly out of this world ..." I don't deserve the admiration I'm seeing in his eyes. Man, he looks like he's seen God or something, like a vision or ... It makes me giggle, but I think I'm nervous rather than amused. This is a bit scary. I gulp. I'm afraid all of a sudden. Afraid of myself, and maybe even a bit of him. We have to stop, this is not normal. I don't want this. "Scully, what's going on?" "I don't want that," I blurt out. I panic when I see the hurt in his eyes. Oh man, this is going wrong, so wrong. And everything was so perfect when we started and now I'm screwing it all up because I can't deal. I'm so angry that I'm crying with it. Goddamnit, why can't I have what I want?! Just for fucking once!? He's staring at me, obviously as clueless as I am, but he has the added handicap that he doesn't know what I'm feeling, or why I'm crying. And my reluctance to include him in my feelings is hurting him so. He looks like he's about to bolt out of the room and out of my life. And when I see his eyes slip shut in defeat I know I'll have to act quickly or I'm losing the only person I have ever truly needed in my life. "I'm afraid," I say in a voice strangled by my tears and my anger. "I can see that," he says softly. His hand comes up to caress my face. "Why?" "I'm scared you think too much of me," I answer, not meeting his eyes. Luckily he lets me avoid his look for the moment. "I panicked when you told me I'd been glowing." My voice is that of a child scared she's going to get reprimanded for telling something she shouldn't. "I don't want that, Mulder." And with that I do look at him. His eyes are so gentle I nearly break down all over again. "Why not?" he whispers. "You were so incredibly beautiful ..." "I want to be ..." Ah man, I don't even know what I want! I make a helpless gesture with my hand and let out an exasperated sigh. "I want to be ... normal! If anything ... I don't want to ... glow ..." And then I'm sobbing again. I sit back on my knees and cover my eyes, crying so hard I'm quaking with it. I feel how he takes me in his arms and I don't resist, rather let myself be embraced. His hugs are magical, and even though they can't calm me down just yet, they comfort me in ways I never thought was possible. "Please tell me what you're so afraid of," he whispers in my ear. "I want to help you if I can ..." I can't answer. Not because I don't want to tell him, but because I don't know what I should say. "I was ... I was scared by what you said, Mulder ..." "Why?" "You looked so ... you looked at me as if I were ... a saint or something ..." I look at him and I'm certain I look desperate. "You can't think of me like that, Mulder! I'll let you down if you think like that and you'll be disappointed in me and then you'll ..." "... leave you?" he supplies, instantly sensing the trouble. I nod just once, but it's enough to trigger the warmest expression I have ever seen on him. "Are you scared I'm going to leave you?" I don't want to say 'yes' and I can't say 'no'. He smiles. "I saw something supernatural, but I can't vouch for my state of mind at that moment," he says gently. "But, yes, for one fantastic moment in time, I was one hundred percent certain you were an angel or some other divine creature that had taken pity on me and had come down from heaven to save me. But I never wanted you to feel uncertain because of that. I just couldn't keep my wonder to myself ..." "But I'm not an angel!" I protest. Oh please, don't let him be disillusioned ... "No, you're not. But you looked like one." He smiles widely and miraculously I feel my nerves calm down. "I'm not disappointed because you turned out to be human, Scully, I'm totally incapable of being disappointed in you. And I'm equally if not more incapable of leaving you. Don't you know that by now?" I sigh, a bit embarrassed. There is nothing he can say that will solve my problem at this very moment and he knows it. "Oh, baby, come here," he says softly, drawing me close. No one has ever gotten away with calling me 'baby', but it sounds perfectly natural when he says it. I feel unbalanced, unsure which way I'm going or whether I'll fall or not. And I'm afraid it's going to take a lot more than just a hug to settle my emotions, but being in his arms certainly helps. With a sigh I relax fully against him, closing my eyes. I can trust him, he won't do anything to hurt me ... Then, slowly, I feel myself drift away on the soft arms of sleep, my limbs growing heavy, my head light. It takes nothing at all to surrender. I don't even hear the whole of 'New Valenki' ... XxXxX I wake up alone and I'm utterly convinced he's gone. I've woken up in an empty bed so many times I know what it feels like and it's sickening. "Mulder??" I panic when I receive no answer, jump out of bed and bolt for the door leading to William's room. Oh God ... if they've taken him too I'm going to ... I throw open the door - and see Mulder sitting in the wicker chair by the window, William on his arm, feeding him from a bottle. I feel my legs buckle with relief. "Good very-early morning," he smiles, and even William takes a moment from his early breakfast to greet me with a sound and a giggle. "I couldn't- ..." I've already hurled myself into his arms, not letting him finish. I don't care what he's going to say, all I care about is that he's still here. They are both safe. Safe ... "Scully?" "You're safe, oh God, you're safe," I breathe. I'm kissing him and William and meanwhile repeating my new yet age-old mantra. "You're safe, oh thank God, you're safe ..." He's wrapped his arm around me, drawing me closer. It means that William has been forced to take a break from his feed, but he's not protesting. I think he's almost finished anyway. "I'm sorry, I should've woken you up," he says when I'm reassured enough to let go slightly. "It's all right," I say softly. "I was acting irrationally." "Maybe so, but after last night I should've known better than just walk away." He gives me a kiss after which he gets up from the chair. "Come, I'll put our little guy to bed so we can have some more sleep as well." I don't want to sleep, I want to watch him, watch him breathe, move. Watch him be alive ... With his arm securely around me, we walk back into the bedroom. "I was terrified when I woke up alone," I say very softly, when we're in bed again, safely and securely in each others arms. "I thought they'd taken you away again ..." "I'm sorry," he says softly, sitting us on the bed. "I thought they'd taken you away from me again and then I thought that they might have taken William as well and ..." He shudders under me. "No wonder you were in such a panic ..." I nod, but don't reply. It's not necessary now. They're both safe and sound and that's all that matters. "I love you, Mulder. I really do." He answers me with a delicious little kiss. "Love you, too, baby." I grin. "Don't get too reckless, Mulder. No one has ever called me 'baby' and lived to tell the tale. You're lucky I was too freaked out last night to care ..." He laughs, a rare wonderful belly-laugh that I don't get to hear often enough. "You know I like to live dangerously, Dana." I grin in reply as I look at him. Oh, I could spend hours looking at him. Hours and hours. He's so gorgeous. And when I see him like this, I think he could do the same. He smiles. "I should be a real jealous bastard, I guess." I raise my eyebrows. "How's that?" "Because I've witnessed so many men checking you out, looking at you with such obvious interest. They've even flirted with you and there was nothing I could do to stop them. And still I'm not jealous. How can that be?" "Because there is no reason," I reply, resting my head on his chest, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart. "I could never love anyone else." "I'm glad of that, but what do I have that you can't find in some other man?" I chuckle. Let's put his mind to ease once and for all. "Yeah, I guess I could look out for another man. There are other men in the world who are even better-looking than you, with a job and a respectful background. Who'd make just as good a match as you could ever do. Maybe even better, who knows." "That's what I mean, Scully," he says softly. "Men who won't get you killed every second day. Who won't give you reason to think they've been taken from you." "You're right. Maybe I should indeed be trying to find another man. You know, one of those men who have a nine-to-five job. Who spend their entire lives safely behind a computer screen. Who collect stamps and model trains, who drive a Volvo. Who breed 2.54 kids with their wives. Men who flinch at the thought of not having the lawn mowed every week on Saturday at four pm sharp, and who, if they really want to live life to the full, you know, go truly wild, will take their neighbour out guppy-fishing in the local duck- pond. Yeah, maybe I should." I raise my head to see his face. I'm pleased to see he's grinning. "No one has ever made me sound so attractive," he says. "That is because no one has ever bothered to find out just how attractive you are," I smile. "And I'm pretty damn happy that I have because it got me the best man I could ever have wished for." "So I guess that's why I'm not jealous, right?" "That's why you're not jealous," I say. "So, every time you see some guy looking at me, just cut him a look that says: 'you can look all you want, buster, but she's mine! She chose me and there's nothing you can do to get her to change her mind'!" He laughs. "You can do the same, you know, when you see one of those air-head women with legs up to their armpits and boobs that reach for the sky, batting their eyes and trying to get into my pants. I may have been stupid enough to be attracted to those in the past, but you've completely cured me of them." I'm more relieved than I ought to be. "That's comforting to know," I say softly. He smiles. "Our wandering days are over, Scully. I'm terrified to have to admit it, but it seems we're about to get settled." "Yes, we're fucked," I snicker. The idea of settling down with Fox Mulder should send any sane person screaming for the hills, but it's the best idea in the world for me. "No, we fuck," he says with a twinkle. "We make love," I correct him with a smile. "You're right. So, it's almost time to get up. What's on the programme for today?" "William's check-up at eleven, shopping for a winter coat for me," I sum up. "Agreeing on a suitable date to get married." "Oh yeah, I'd forgotten about that one." I can't believe what I'm hearing - but one look at him tells me he's joking and I burst out laughing. "You, my friend, are in for a hard time," I grin, kissing him soundly. "All our marriage long? I can't wait," he smiles, rolling us over so I'm on top. Then he kisses me softly and sweetly. I smile at his words "No, neither can I." And I can't. THE END Kirsten Kerkhof The Netherlands, 21 July 2002 (c)